I feel like good will never win

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closet_catholic_1

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I have always been very aware of and affected by all of the suffering in the world. My own, those around me, as well as people everywhere on earth. Though my friends would describe me as cheerful and funny, deep down I am far too serious and sensitive.
Over the past few months I have cried every night, regardless of how good or bad my day was. I have been diagnored with depression of PTSD. I have tried various forms of therapy, medications, and lifestyle changes in effort to mitegate the feelings of sadness, fear, and hopelessness I experience.

“You deserve to be happy!” My friends tell me. But how can this be true? When there is so much pain and suffering in the word, why am I entitled to happiness? There are thousands of people on earth who live and die knowing nothing but suffering – people in war-torn places in Africa and the middle east, people in my own city who live on the streets.

I thought I could ease my own suffering my helping others, so I started volunteering at a soup kitchen. I have always had a special connection with elderly people, and I instantly began connecting to the people I served. I grew especially attached to a man named “John” who came in every day with his dog. Last week John was beaten near to death by some teenagers, for no reason. Unconscious and unable to seek shelter, he suffered from severe frostbite along with broken bones. He was taken to the hospital, and I was his only visitor. I held his hand as he cried because his dog had been taken away by animal control. I held his hand two nights later as he died of internal bleeding. I truly feel that I, a near-stranger, am the only person grieving this man. That saddens me, and what saddens me more is that there are hundreds of others like him who have no one to care about them.
Sometimes it feels like I’m not doing any good at all. Or at least any good that really amounts to anything. Everyday I feel more certain that evil is winning in the world. Sometimes I feel like my whole purpose in life is to suffer, and that happiness is something I’ll not be able to attain until I go to Heaven…if I go to Heaven.

I don’t know how to stop feeling so miserable.
 
You are not God, so you can’t change or help everyone, but God will give you the graces necessary to help those you can. Prayer is also a powerful tool to help others, use it whenever you can so those miserable feelings will go away. Happiness here on earth is possible but it is never consistent, it is only in Heaven where we will feel true happiness and peace all the time. I suggest you see yourself as bringing some light into this world, i.e., be the light that Jesus spoke of in scripture. You can bring happiness into someone’s life (lives) through Jesus, and that alone should make you happy. God bless!

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God pray for us, sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
I fully agree with Josie L. Prayer is a powerful tool. 🙂

:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:
 
HI closet_catholic,

I am glad that you are getting help for your depression.

I think that when you are a sensitive soul like you are, you tend to notice more of what is happening around you, and you tend to feel it more deeply, too. How do I know? I am one of those sensitive souls, too.

I think that it is great that you have decided to volunteer at soup kitchen, too. When we care about others and reach out, we will feel the hurt when something happens. You are making a difference. You may not being seeing it yourself.

I agree about praying. Keep praying and don’t be afraid to pray for healing from depression, or for comfort for when you are feeling really depressed.

The world can be a depressing place when we look at it. But, it can also be a good place when we think of the good in it, too. I try and look for the good in it–good people that I know, the beauty that God created. Other good things, too.

Hang in there.
 
Its not easy to be one of God’s angels, but there you are. I am not an angel, but I have done the same thing, crying over a news story, over all the suffering. It is harder to see, but good wins wars, evil wins battles.

Here is some sage advice from those much wiser than I:

According to the Bible, Jesus counseled us to be in the world and not of it.

“A skillful traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving,” says the Tao te Ching.

Wear the world like a loose garment.

-E
 
Wow, you are an incredible person,who has Jesus’s heart. Before you get too down on your self, what you did for that man before he died is one of the greatest acts of compassion I have ever heard. That man is home now, you helped him on his way. It does seem evil wins a lot, but in the end it doesn’t. It is just left with it’s misery. God bless you and thank you for your story, it is inspirational to help others when they need it most!
 
Please remember that the good you do does matter. That man had one person to care about him and that happened to be you. It matters.

Also, many Saints, and people like Mother Theresa, suffered from severe bouts of depression and feelings of darkness. Still they kept fighting for good. Don’t let the depression you experience hinder you. I know it is hard because of my own experience with it. I also suffer from PTSD and clinical depression.

Maybe it is our “thorn in the side” that keeps us from getting to prideful. Maybe it is what keeps us aware of the suffering in the world so we will keep on fighting against it. Please don’t give up. I will pray that we can, and all those who suffer similarly, unite our pain for the benefit of others who do not know about God. How much harder must it be for them?
 
Lord, cleave the darkness in this world, and in the life of closet_catholic with rays of your divine light. Illuminate the true paths of joy for this soul that the paths of muddiness in this fallen world be avoided. Grant this soul many graces for faith, hope, love, and joy. Grant also these graces and much healing to all souls encountered by closet_catholic. Draw them all through the mystery of suffering that their tears be turned into joy, empowered by the light of faith and the heavenly garden of peace and joy that awaits beyond the trials of this murky pilgrimage. Have mercy, Lord, and spare holy angels to help all these souls. Our Lady, angels, and saints, pray with us. Amen.
 
You can not change the world single handed… But if people like yourself just do a little…
Every day… That little bit turns into a big bit…
You can’t make yourself depressed thinking about the misery that takes place in this world…
If you think people standing at a soup kitchen are bad off…
There are a couple of million North Koreans that would gladly change place…
Because no matter how bad life is in the western world.
There are others so much worse off…
 
I wanted to express my condolences on your loss. I also wanted to thank you for being there for John, being the only one who listened to him and who cared. Had it not been for you, what would have happened? He would have had nobody to talk to, right? So, I think that was very beautiful, in a bittersweet way. In your version of the story of the Good Samaritan, the man died!

Mother Teresa said:
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.

So, I think you may have done more good than you might have actually realized.

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.
Mother Teresa
Read more at brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/mother_teresa.html#gSLJFtd3tXgpDzaK.99

I’ll close with a prayer.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :gopray:
 
Sometimes in history, good has had a long and extremely painful struggle, littered with much terrible loss. To date, evil has not taken over and no logical reason (for one) to think that history will not repeat and good eventually win- aside from the fact that Jesus guaranteed that evil would never win “And the gates of Hell shall not prevail”.
 
Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
I know how you feel… But, I think that even when we FEEL a certain way, that doesn’t mean things ARE a certain way. We have to have faith that God will bring an end to suffering as the Bible teaches, even if we don’t see it. And if we can’t FEEL that it will end, we can at least persevere and continue to follow God, praying and seeking his will. Technically, we can never do enough good. We are always to keep doing good just as Jesus did. But, Jesus couldn’t help everybody either. He was confined to a small area in Palestine. We are in our small areas as well, and we must do what we can. God has other people in different places doing His work.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
josie_L said:
You are not God, so you can’t change or help everyone, but God will give you the graces necessary to help those you can. Prayer is also a powerful tool to help others, use it whenever you can so those miserable feelings will go away. Happiness here on earth is possible but it is never consistent, it is only in Heaven where we will feel true happiness and peace all the time. I suggest you see yourself as bringing some light into this world, i.e., be the light that Jesus spoke of in scripture. You can bring happiness into someone’s life (lives) through Jesus, and that alone should make you happy. God bless!

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God pray for us, sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
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oldgraymare2 said:
HI closet_catholic,

I am glad that you are getting help for your depression.

I think that when you are a sensitive soul like you are, you tend to notice more of what is happening around you, and you tend to feel it more deeply, too. How do I know? I am one of those sensitive souls, too.

I think that it is great that you have decided to volunteer at soup kitchen, too. When we care about others and reach out, we will feel the hurt when something happens. You are making a difference. You may not being seeing it yourself.

I agree about praying. Keep praying and don’t be afraid to pray for healing from depression, or for comfort for when you are feeling really depressed.

The world can be a depressing place when we look at it. But, it can also be a good place when we think of the good in it, too. I try and look for the good in it–good people that I know, the beauty that God created. Other good things, too.

Hang in there.
Click to expand...
esieffe said:
Its not easy to be one of God’s angels, but there you are. I am not an angel, but I have done the same thing, crying over a news story, over all the suffering. It is harder to see, but good wins wars, evil wins battles.

Here is some sage advice from those much wiser than I:

According to the Bible, Jesus counseled us to be in the world and not of it.

“A skillful traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving,” says the Tao te Ching.

Wear the world like a loose garment.

-E
Click to expand...
^^ This.
MarcoPolo said:
Lord, cleave the darkness in this world, and in the life of closet_catholic with rays of your divine light. Illuminate the true paths of joy for this soul that the paths of muddiness in this fallen world be avoided. Grant this soul many graces for faith, hope, love, and joy. Grant also these graces and much healing to all souls encountered by closet_catholic. Draw them all through the mystery of suffering that their tears be turned into joy, empowered by the light of faith and the heavenly garden of peace and joy that awaits beyond the trials of this murky pilgrimage. Have mercy, Lord, and spare holy angels to help all these souls. Our Lady, angels, and saints, pray with us. Amen.
Click to expand...
Amen and God Bless you
 
Praying that the Lord may strengthen you with hope and blessings. Also praying for the repose of your friend, John.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen
 
JMJ_Telcontar said:
Praying that the Lord may strengthen you with hope and blessings. Also praying for the repose of your friend, John.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen
Click to expand...
Amen
 
:gopray:

Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Your Name
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom
and the Power
and the Glory for ever and ever.
Amen
~
O my God, leaning on your great power and your promises, I hope with a firm reliance obtain forgiveness of my sins, the help of Thy grace and eternal life, through the merits of Jesus Christ my Savior.
Amen
~
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.
Amen

:signofcross:
 
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