I feel like I'm abusing Confession

[scapularkid8]

I’m rather down on myself recently because I’ve gotten into this weird cycle of Confessing on Saturday, masturbating a couple days later, and then waiting till the end of the week to Confess and then receive again.

Before during and after the act I never just think “Oh, I’ll just Confess and then everything will be okay.” I make an honest effort every time I leave the Confessional, but I fall like two days later!

I keep having to just tell myself that this is a long struggle, not something that can be cured overnight, and because of that I can allow some leeway, but I have to keep making a true effort toward stopping that way I don’t just kid myself and God that everything’s under control.

I’ve just felt really sad that I’m trying hard but I always seem to fail.

 

[summasix]

If this a predictable pattern, as you indicate, then that begs a question. How has your confessor responded to this problem? I suspect he should have recognized your vice and given you ample tools to fight with it, unless there are some details missing.

 

[LilyM]

If this a predictable pattern, as you indicate, then that begs a question. How has your confessor responded to this problem? I suspect he should have recognized your vice and given you ample tools to fight with it, unless there are some details missing.

I’d say you may want to ask for some specific advice on what to do about it. And maybe mention how you feel about repeatedly confessing the same sins.

(From personal experience - as much as possible turn OFF the television, stop listening to suggestive music and avoid all internet except religious sites, email or anything you need for study, and pray).

By the way you aren’t abusing the sacrament, you’re just struggling. As one priest told me ‘there are only ten commandments after all, most of us will sometimes have sins that recur and that we struggle with, it’s no reason not to confess’.

And I read a great quote somewhere - ‘a saint isn’t someone who never falls, a saint is a person who falls 100 times and gets up 101 times.’

 

[Caesar517]

Here’s a few suggestions, but probably nothing you haven’t heard before:

Try to be alone as little as possible.

Avoid sedentary activities.

Carry a picture of your grandmother with you. Look at it as needed.

 

[Mister_De]

www.pornnomore.com - could help your addiction.

Testimonial:

*First, I think the most important piece of advice for anyone trying to break the cycle is first to acknowledge that you are in a cycle of addiction. If you do not, and pretend that you’ll get over eventually or that you have already got over it, then you’ve lost already.

Second, you have to take one day at a time. Decide for one day that you will not look at porn, or do anything that will tempt you to look at porn. -You have to pray and acknowledge that you cant make it without Grace from God.

Do not vow to God you will not sin, instead promise that with God’s grace you will not sin*. As God’s grace is always available, that means you must search for that Grace to overcome sin. A habit of regular prayer throughout the day helps and makes one aware of oneself.

You must understand that porn addiction is often the result of something else missing from your life. You must fill the space your addiction occupies with worthwhile, fulfilling past times.

Live a healthy life, exercise, pray, socialize and don’t remain on the internet longer than you need to be.

I also found that it helps to fully understand that the women and girls depicted in porn are living people. They could be your mother, sister or friend. I find it helps to concentrate not so much on the wrong you are doing to yourself by looking at porn (you can shrug it off and say that you are not hurting anyone else) but focus instead on the wrong you are doing to women.

Lastly, I find that it is spiritually dangerous to develop an attitude of “too much guilt at offending God” and this often does not help the situation. I found that I was so ashamed that I would not pray for days sometimes after I looked at pornography. Remember that God loves you and forgives your sins that you repent. He is not condemning your weak efforts to avoid temptation; he is looking out for you.

pornnomore.com/Practical%20Advice.htm

 

[DL82]

As well as all of the above, can I suggest praying more. And learn the Act of Perfect Contrition, learn to pray it and feel it. Remember:

1. That we don’t have to be in confession to repent of our sins. Repent right away and try to pray after that, don’t let yourself stay cut off from God until your next confession, else you will be tempted to sin more in the meantime. Go to Mass even if you can’t receive.
2. That the temporal consequences of our sins remain, we come out of confession justified but not perfected. Continue to do works of penance after your prescribed penance is over, continue to do so throughout the week, remembering that we are all sinners.

 

[iaskquestions]

I’m rather down on myself recently because I’ve gotten into this weird cycle of Confessing on Saturday, masturbating a couple days later, and then waiting till the end of the week to Confess and then receive again.

Even I felt earlier that I was abusing confession. But then people told me that as long as I had sorrow for my sins, I was not abusing confession. So after every fall, when you go for confession, if you have sorrow for your sin then you are not abusing confession.

Also know that God has the ability to forget! After you do your confession, he forgets your sins!

 

[scapularkid8]

If this a predictable pattern, as you indicate, then that begs a question. How has your confessor responded to this problem? I suspect he should have recognized your vice and given you ample tools to fight with it, unless there are some details missing.

The detail missing is that I haven’t Confessed to the same priest the last five times I’ve gone to Confession:
the first two were at school in New Jersey and it’s a different priest everytime (they rotate), the next was our parish priest, after that it was our new parish priest who just came in to replace him, and the most recent was the priest filling in for him because he went on vacation.

Lately it’s just been "bless me Father, I’ve sinned: I’m guilty of multiple instances of masturbation, ect. " insert advice on human dignity from priest, act of contrition, absolution, “Go in peace”. It hasn’t really been that detailed.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

The detail missing is that I haven’t Confessed to the same priest the last five times I’ve gone to Confession:
the first two were at school in New Jersey and it’s a different priest everytime (they rotate), the next was our parish priest, after that it was our new parish priest who just came in to replace him, and the most recent was the priest filling in for him because he went on vacation.

Lately it’s just been "bless me Father, I’ve sinned: I’m guilty of multiple instances of masturbation, ect. " insert advice on human dignity from priest, act of contrition, absolution, “Go in peace”. It hasn’t really been that detailed.

I would sugest trying you best to go to confession with the same priest. If you cannot seem to find the right day that one certain priest is there, find one that you are comfortable with and ask him if you can call him for confessions. Also, let him know (or any of the other priests) that you are struggling with this addiction. When you confess masturbation, they do not know that you have an addiction to this, therefore they cannot guide you in ways to over come that. Open up to them so that they can help you.

Also visit www.trueknights.org

 

[rpp]

The detail missing is that I haven’t Confessed to the same priest the last five times I’ve gone to Confession:
the first two were at school in New Jersey and it’s a different priest everytime (they rotate), the next was our parish priest, after that it was our new parish priest who just came in to replace him, and the most recent was the priest filling in for him because he went on vacation.

Lately it’s just been "bless me Father, I’ve sinned: I’m guilty of multiple instances of masturbation, ect. " insert advice on human dignity from priest, act of contrition, absolution, “Go in peace”. It hasn’t really been that detailed.

I can understand the shame you feel in this. However, this is not an uncommon habitual sin. As Mirror Mirror suggested, go to the same priest to confess. Explain to the priest that you are struggling with this and need help in achieving self mastery. Priest have heard it all before.

In addition, take a look at the resources linked to on this thread. You may fond at least some of them helpful.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=55427

Finally, I would encourage you not to wait until the end of the week to go to confession. Go as soon as possible. Yes, I understand saying “Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been three days since…” can feel humiliating, but it is only through humility can we be receptive to God’s grace and healing power which will help us to overcome these difficult temptations.

 

[Jimdandy]

Hey, Cheer up! You say you are trying and God knows what is in your heart.

Be glad that you habitual sin is not something worse and remember that each time you fall, if you rely on and beg Jesus for His Mercy, you are proclaiming His Glory. (this is not a license to sin, just a channel of grace for the fallen)

 

[ComputerGeek25]

I’m rather down on myself recently because I’ve gotten into this weird cycle of Confessing on Saturday, masturbating a couple days later, and then waiting till the end of the week to Confess and then receive again.

Before during and after the act I never just think “Oh, I’ll just Confess and then everything will be okay.” I make an honest effort every time I leave the Confessional, but I fall like two days later!

I keep having to just tell myself that this is a long struggle, not something that can be cured overnight, and because of that I can allow some leeway, but I have to keep making a true effort toward stopping that way I don’t just kid myself and God that everything’s under control.

I’ve just felt really sad that I’m trying hard but I always seem to fail.

Hi there scapularkid8,

You are not abusing the confessional. I have heard that great men and women, like the late Pope John Paul II went to confession (at least) on a weekly basis. This is not a bad thing, and I have been going on a regular basis for a little over a year. It is a good sacrament to use frequently, much like the Eucharist.

Secondly, it sounds like you may have a bit of an addiction. This may mitigate some of your culpaility for these sins. However, I am not a trained priest or spiritual director so I cannot make this determination. This leads into my third point.

My third point is you may want to find a spiritual director as well as someone that you can frequently confess too. Hopefully, they can be the same person. You may want to meet with this (these) people at least on a monthly basis, if not more frequently.

My last bit of advice is to keep fighting the good fight. You seem like you are on the right track.

 

[GraceDK]

I’m rather down on myself recently because I’ve gotten into this weird cycle of Confessing on Saturday, masturbating a couple days later, and then waiting till the end of the week to Confess and then receive again.

Before during and after the act I never just think “Oh, I’ll just Confess and then everything will be okay.” I make an honest effort every time I leave the Confessional, but I fall like two days later!

I keep having to just tell myself that this is a long struggle, not something that can be cured overnight, and because of that I can allow some leeway, but I have to keep making a true effort toward stopping that way I don’t just kid myself and God that everything’s under control.

I’ve just felt really sad that I’m trying hard but I always seem to fail.

Hey brother… first of all… what does the Arabian text say?

I would suggest something like… a total change of environment… how about that… is that possible? like… what if you went on a missionary trip or something where you were forced to share the room with a bunch of other Christian men …?

If thats not possible how about seeking out a fantastic priest for confession who will be your spiritual director that you will get to know… and who knows something about this sin… like… a mentor or what do you call them…- people that you have to answer to every time you have sinned and who “keep an eye on you”… You get the idea I am sure…

 

[scapularkid8]

Hey brother… first of all… what does the Arabian text say?

It says “Aeeuhaa Ar-rabu Iesua’ Al-Maseeh Ib’n Allah, Irhamnee ana Al-khaacte .” Which means “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have Mercy on me the one who sins.” It’s the Jesus Prayer!

And that’s a good idea about a change of scene, but I don’t think that’s possible at this point in my life. Money is tight and so is time and my parents are really bugging me about getting a job which is nearly impossible to do in my town mad: )

I honestly think my personal stress right now might be a part of this problem. I didn’t start masturbating again until a few months ago I experienced HUGE stress levels from deciding to transfer colleges. Add to the mix my parents aren’t too happy about the fact that I’m not working, and won’t listen when I try to tell them I’m desperately searching for a job, and have threatened to cut off all financial assistance aside from food.

Things just don’t seem to be going my way lately.

 

[CatholiCommit]

The true fact is that we all sin, and most if not all of us committ the same sin more then once, and we do we feel that confess it will make us better and strong and get us back to grace with God, after as a wise priest once told it is the reason we come back to confession we can have grace with God, hopefully you understand that the priest you are confessing to is not going to be judgemental he only wants to help and if you do not tell everything that could get you answers to you problems and questions then it will be hard for you.

I know when I do something I try to keep a level head that the priest has heard everything if not more then we could imagine reguardless of how long he is been in the priesthood, but they are there for us if we have concerns or questions or we need to get something off our chest.

Even though I am a new Catholic I try to remember these things I hope this helps.

 

[rwoehmke]

Lots of good advice above. It has been many years now, but I well remember the pain, the shame, the stress, and fear. A regular confessor helps, but if that is not possible and even if it is it sounds to me that you are at least partially addicted to this behavior. Like any other addiction it is not easy to overcome it.

You need to discuss with each priest you confess to that you are addicted to this behavior and are trying to overcome it. In addition I agree that stress, fear, and constantly worrying about this sin only makes it more difficult to kick.

Work hard to occupy your time and mind with good stuff. Volunteer at a local food shelf, a homeless shelter, cut grass for old folks or some such even when you find a job. They tell me that summer work for students is in particular short supply this year. Donb’t give up. Be innovative, create your own job if you can.

 

[rpp]

Sometimes to overcome habitual sin, you need outside help, in addition to your confessor. For example, and alcoholic usually cannot stop drinking on his own. Likewise, this particular vice can be a very difficult habit to break.

There is a grops called Sexaholics Anonymous. Google them and your city and you can get the peer support you may need.

 

[Dameedna]

Masturbation is not a Sin.

Why oh Why do so many people continue to teach this, that is not part of official doctrine!!

 

[CuriousInIL]

Masturbation is not a Sin.

Why oh Why do so many people continue to teach this, that is not part of official doctrine!!

Care to defend that position in view of:

**2396 **Among the sins gravely contrary to chastity are masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices.

 

[GraceDK]

Masturbation is not a Sin.

Why oh Why do so many people continue to teach this, that is not part of official doctrine!!

Of course it is a sin… a sin aginst purity and chastity and against the whole understanding of sex as an act which takes you out of your self, total self giving to another person in the marital embrace, creating life spiritually, mentally and perhaps even physically as you join together… It makes total sense that we are not supposed to use our sexuality in fragmented self gratification…
I have always known it was wrong… even when I only had tiny understanding of sin… the thought of masturbation made me feel ashamed and I never did it… even in my years as a non-christian because I found the act distorted by its very nature.

Please consider it… if you say yes to masturbation… then you also have to logically say yes to non-intercourse sexual intimacy among unmarried and … even sex among homosexuals… i mean… why not masturbate together when youre at it… why not help each other with the pleasure if there is no sin in it?

Edna …many times you have really good points in your posts.
I did not grow up a Catholic… but that masturbation is just not right seems so obvious to me.