I feel like I'm being vane

[JCats1]

Hello everyone.
I feel like in the past couple of weeks, I feel like I’ve been committing the sin of vanity. I love fashion. I want clothes that are from nice brands because the clothes represent me and what my style is. I also am self-conscious when it comes to my looks. When I don’t feel like I look good or if a piece of clothing doesn’t look like it fits right, then I will do everything I can to fix it until I am satisfied. Over these weeks I have come to the realization that I only WANT to do this and that I don’t NEED to. I can’t help it, but high fashion and cosmetics is something I’m interested in and I don’t do this because of trends. But I feel like I should tone it down a bit and kinda just focus on what matters in life (living for the glory of God). I can’t really put to words what I’m going through… but I don’t know…Am I sinning by doing all this?

 

[cena]

Hello everyone.
I feel like in the past couple of weeks, I feel like I’ve been committing the sin of vanity. I love fashion. I want clothes that are from nice brands because the clothes represent me and what my style is. I also am self-conscious when it comes to my looks. When I don’t feel like I look good or if a piece of clothing doesn’t look like it fits right, then I will do everything I can to fix it until I am satisfied. Over these weeks I have come to the realization that I only WANT to do this and that I don’t NEED to. I can’t help it, but high fashion and cosmetics is something I’m interested in and I don’t do this because of trends. But I feel like I should tone it down a bit and kinda just focus on what matters in life (living for the glory of God). I can’t really put to words what I’m going through… but I don’t know…Am I sinning by doing all this?

No I don’t think so.

Vanity-Or vainglory, an inordinate desire to manifest one’s own excellence. It differs from pride, which is the uncontrolled esrie for self-esteem, in that vanity primarily seeks to shw others what a person has or has achieved.

catholicculture.org/culture/library/dictionary/index.cfm?id=37036

 

[Mystical_Seeker]

You say you don’t do it because of trends.

Do you know why you do it?

My daughter got into it a bit and we even got her some lessons on modeling. She had the “excuse” that looking good was part of her business. But then I realized that looking good, and being educated and articulate, is just one more way of trying to be socially compatible.

Plus you have no doubt seen photos of the most beautiful stars and models without makeup, where you wouldn’t distinguish them from any other Wal-Mart people. Some times they look just as radiant; others look like “get that camera away from me.”

That said, the way we look does influence others and how they receive us, so if our looks show our light and our happiness, then even if through a few tweaks here and there let it shine, right? So in a way it may help relate. It enables some people to talk to you who might not otherwise, but hopefully you remain accessible and approachable to those who don’t look like you or basically you’re being a stuck up snob and trying to impress the elite.

But if you are doing this because you are insecure about how people perceive you and blah blah blah and of course there is an element of that for most of us and it isn’t about whether it’s right or wrong IMO. It’s a matter of how much, and for what reasons. Sure “why shouldn’t I put on a little lipstick, blush, and eye liner,” if that makes me feel less like I’m wearing sack cloth and ashes? But if it’s “wait until everybody sees what brand of new boots I bought,” then maybe that’s a little too far.

One old man I used to work with would say, “a woman is like an old barn. A new coat of paint can work wonders.”

But if a friend stops by and needs me to go somewhere right now – especially where we might see people I know, do I feel somehow damaged or less capable of going with them, if I don’t have an hour to get ready? That’s when I’d find out whether my pride is getting in the way of my ability to help my friend in need.

MS

 

[JCats1]

You say you don’t do it because of trends.

Do you know why you do it?

My daughter got into it a bit and we even got her some lessons on modeling. She had the “excuse” that looking good was part of her business. But then I realized that looking good, and being educated and articulate, is just one more way of trying to be socially compatible.

That said, the way we look does influence others and how they receive us, so if our looks show our light and our happiness, then even if through a few tweaks here and there let it shine, right? So in a way it may help relate. It enables some people to talk to you who might not otherwise, but hopefully you remain accessible and approachable to those who don’t look like you or basically you’re being a stuck up snob and trying to impress the elite.

But if you are doing this because you are insecure about how people perceive you and blah blah blah and of course there is an element of that for most of us and it isn’t about whether it’s right or wrong IMO. It’s a matter of how much, and for what reasons. Sure “why shouldn’t I put on a little lipstick, blush, and eye liner,” if that makes me feel less like I’m wearing sack cloth and ashes? But if it’s “wait until everybody sees what brand of new boots I bought,” then maybe that’s a little too far.

One old man I used to work with would say, “a woman is like an old barn. A new coat of paint can work wonders.”

But if a friend stops by and needs me to go somewhere right now – especially where we might see people I know, do I feel somehow damaged or less capable of going with them, if I don’t have an hour to get ready? That’s when I’d find out whether my pride is getting in the way of my ability to help my friend in need.

MS

Well, I like fashion in general, it’s an interest to me. However, I do feel like I get “respected” more when I dress nice (I have done a social experiment observing how people treat me when I wear normal clothes vs nice clothes). But I guess i mainly do this to make me feel better about myself, you know what I mean?

 

[Mystical_Seeker]

Well, I like fashion in general, it’s an interest to me. However, I do feel like I get “respected” more when I dress nice (I have done a social experiment observing how people treat me when I wear normal clothes vs nice clothes). But I guess i mainly do this to make me feel better about myself, you know what I mean?

Yes, I do. It sounds like a healthy attitude, in that I haven’t felt any caution flags based on what you’ve written so far. If it takes up so much time or money that it interferes with other things then I’d say you might want to step back and look at it, but to me it doesn’t sound like you’re trying to compensate for some kind of basic insecurity. At least not to this arbitrary person on the Internet, diagnosed from two paragraphs of your writing.

I think it’s fun, as long as my ego can handle it, to see how people react to me in different situations. But then again, I’d rather at least not go around making people wish I weren’t there, or that I would straighten up a bit or something.

Have you seen the commercials about the body image of women, as described by themselves v. others, and depicted by police sketch artists?

Dove Real Beauty Sketches

 

[JRKH]

JCats,
Really don’t have all the info one would need to give a good comprehensive answer (like how old are you) but…

Have you been sinning? Probably not - at least not seriously. So don’t get hung up on this.
What I do think is happening is that the Holy Spirit is calling you to a higher level of spiritual maturity. He is bringing to your mind and heart the notion that there is more important things than fashion. He may be seeing things in your heart - dangerous things - that you are not yet aware of and is calling your attention away from them.

The thing to do here might be to look at your “attachment” to fashion. There are a couple of ways that you might go about it…

An esthetic would say that you should toss or give away all the make-up and fashionable clothes and just wear plain things and no make-up.
But I suspect that you are not of the esthetic type……So I would offer another path.
Cutting back…
Carefully examine what is truly needed to “look nice”.
Yes people treat us differently when we are nicely dressed - and I think we act differently when we are “dressed up”. So consider carefully what fosters the good and what is just “trimmings”.

Just some thoughts.

Peace
James

 

[PaulfromIowa]

(The word is vain.) Clothes and cosmetics, and other material things, have their place but don’t let them become an obsession. I know that may be easier said than done.

 

[JCats1]

JCats,
Really don’t have all the info one would need to give a good comprehensive answer (like how old are you) but…

Have you been sinning? Probably not - at least not seriously. So don’t get hung up on this.
What I do think is happening is that the Holy Spirit is calling you to a higher level of spiritual maturity. He is bringing to your mind and heart the notion that there is more important things than fashion. He may be seeing things in your heart - dangerous things - that you are not yet aware of and is calling your attention away from them.

The thing to do here might be to look at your “attachment” to fashion. There are a couple of ways that you might go about it…

An esthetic would say that you should toss or give away all the make-up and fashionable clothes and just wear plain things and no make-up.
But I suspect that you are not of the esthetic type……So I would offer another path.
Cutting back…
Carefully examine what is truly needed to “look nice”.
Yes people treat us differently when we are nicely dressed - and I think we act differently when we are “dressed up”. So consider carefully what fosters the good and what is just “trimmings”.

Just some thoughts.

Peace
James

I’m 16 years old and I think that you are right…I’ve been spiritually growing since july of 2013 and there have been periods of time where I don’t know what God is doing in my life until he reveals it later…Maybe I should kinda cut back though…

 

[Crown_of_Stars]

Unfortunately, my physical appearance, I will admit, is a weakness for me. I’m not vain, but I don’t feel comfortable going out in public without makeup, and I do like pretty clothes. But all of this is in moderation. I never feel I’m better than anyone, I just like to look pretty, as most girls do, I suppose. I don’t care about high fashion… I just like to wear moderate makeup, have longish, decent looking hair, and wear sundresses or skirts and tops in the summer, with a cute little pair of shoes. All inexpensive, of course. We all have our weaknesses, and I’ve never felt that liking to look good was sinful, unless it turns into vanity where we think we are better than others…and this isn’t always just limited to physical looks. I also know and believe that what is inside is more important.

 

[JRKH]

How we present ourselves in life is, in the end, a reflection of our heart.
It can also be a beacon that attracts one sort of person over another.
It is the “first impression” that people have of us.

So when one considers what to wear, one needs to consider…
What impression do I wish to make?
What do I want others to see when then look at me?
What does this say about my heart - my love for God, myself and my neighbor?

If one looks slovenly - - what sort of people are attracted to that?
If one wears “immodest” clothes and heavy makeup - - what sort of people does that attract?
If one dresses “nicely” and others deride it because it’s not “fashionable”…what does that say about them?

As you consider this matter I think that other such questions will come to you from the Holy Spirit. It is a great opportunity for growth.

Peace and Merry Christmas
James