I feel like my religion is preventing me from being happy

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Lea101

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I feel like I’m in despair.

When I was intentionally starving and harming myself, I planned to tell my mother about it-she died before I could, leaving me with an ignorant (and probably mentally unstable) father.

I want to be a psychologist or a school counsellor in the future-I am too poor to afford the necessary education. I can try scholarships, but trying to be the top student has caused me so much distress. I won’t stop trying though. But then there is this “you are a woman, it’s wrong for you to work if you have little kids” thing. My future husband can be a millionaire, but I would still want to work

I wanted to be a better Catholic-the nicest people I have talked to are atheists, not necessarily the best people to hang out with if you want to be a better Catholic…I received more love at a pro-anorexia forum than anywhere else for goodness sake

I want to have a good relationship with a guy-God blessed me with a face that makes me look like I’m a drug addict that has been punched in the face 🙂 and you can argue all you want, but who wants to marry someone like that?

I can admit that my personality is also an issue so yes, I am working on that.

There is a bunch of more reasons but I’m not throwing myself a pity party here. It just seems like God is saying no to everything I want, like he is giving me a huge sla

I just want somebody to share their wisdom. Someone here said it’s a spiritual warfare, which is pretty scary. I can usually try to understand things like this but I’m stuck here
 
It sounds like religion isn’t the problem here, but a whole host of other issues. Have you talked with a therapist about your traumatic past?

God’s plan for our lives is often mysterious. Recall that Job is never told why God visited suffering upon him. I hope that you will be able to find loving, supportive friends who will help you through the rough patches.

On a superficial note, people with all kinds of looks successfully attract mates. I don’t know you well enough to make suggestions on increasing your attractiveness, but if you have a trusted friend or loving brother you might ask for his thoughts.
 
Perhaps you are being too hard on yourself. Being a top student is good, but the satisfaction of doing your best is a better way to look at it. Being outwardly beautiful is nice, but again just make the best of your best features. I thought I was ugly as a girl, but looking back, I wasn’t. I just wasn’t cute according to the standards of the time, which never last. I would bet good money you are prettier than you think.
The place you will be happiest is in God’s will for you, and that is found taking one step at a time. I’ve often wished he would send an angel to tell me what to do, but he doesn’t normally work that way. Just stick with Jesus and be assured of his care for you, no matter how things look right now.
The good feelings you get from places against the love of God for you may or may not be genuine. Feelings are not reliable. There is a lot of manipulation out there.What others say about your finances, looks, or how you and your future husband arrange your lives is irrelevant. It is peer pressure from people who do not have your best interests at heart and may look down on you to make themselves feel better.
 
First, you need to clearly distinguish between things that are part of the Faith, and things that are just human opinion. There have always been Catholic women with kids who have worked. Whether you were a peasant or a great lady in the Middle Ages, you worked in some way. And certainly the slave women and ordinary freewomen among the early Christians didn’t have any choice about not working. Home industries, like weaving, were the backbone of the economy of the ancient world. (Pimps even made their prostitutes weave during off-hours; Roman emperors ran slavewoman weaving factories that doubled as slave dorms; and there was a famous case of a gorgeous ancient Athenian woman who was never allowed to marry, because her brother got most of his money from the cash she brought in with her loom.)

Unless one is truly wealthy, then throughout world history a woman with kids is either working at home with the kids around, or working away from home with someone to watch the kids. There is no reason to feel guilty about that, either way.

Moving along… you obviously do not have an easy situation in life, for many reasons and in many ways. But if you focus on the things you can do something about (Like your studies! Good for you!), you may find it easier than focusing on worrying about things you can do nothing about.

As for the situation with your late mother, it is sad that you never managed to confide in her during her life on earth, but she certainly knows all about your problems now. Also, you can still talk to her. Unfortunately you probably won’t hear her responses, but she is with you and still cares for you, as part of the “cloud of witnesses.” Ask for her intercession when you pray for her. It can’t hurt and it may help!

I will pray for you. I would hug you if you were here!
 
You can have friends that are non-believers, just be certain to not let them influence your religious beliefs.

And when it comes down to it, I am not an attractive woman physically. I’m a tomboy, I have allergy shiners under my eyes, I’m overweight. I’m also engaged and quite happy with my guy. I know many people who I find to be extremely physically unattractive that have found love. Physical attractiveness is only one aspect of what draws one person to another. Personality, spirituality, morality- those things are very important. So even if you are unattractive- and we have to remember that we are always hardest on ourselves- don’t rule out a loving relationship because God likely has someone in mind for you.

As for your career aspirations, you may have to do it the hard way and work while going to school to put yourself through school. It’s doable, just harder, so follow your dreams wherever they lead you.
 
Done correctly, most people find a relationship with God, Our Lord, and Our Lady to be uplifting, bringing about a happiness that they would have never had under the heavy yoke of sin we once carried around.

St Paul once said in so many words that hanging around sinners and those who separate themselves from God would lead to the same for us. Many lives have been transformed for those seeking the intersession of our Lady, which is what I hope for you. She provides all the love, protection, and happiness that anyone who dedicates themselves to her could need.

Our Lady has said that even most hardened sinners can find salvation if they would only pray the rosary and dedicate themselves to Jesus through his mother Mary, our advocate.

Blessings.
 
Lea101 said:
I feel like I’m in despair.

When I was intentionally starving and harming myself, I planned to tell my mother about it-she died before I could, leaving me with an ignorant (and probably mentally unstable) father.

I want to be a psychologist or a school counsellor in the future-I am too poor to afford the necessary education. I can try scholarships, but trying to be the top student has caused me so much distress. I won’t stop trying though. But then there is this “you are a woman, it’s wrong for you to work if you have little kids” thing. My future husband can be a millionaire, but I would still want to work

I wanted to be a better Catholic-the nicest people I have talked to are atheists, not necessarily the best people to hang out with if you want to be a better Catholic…I received more love at a pro-anorexia forum than anywhere else for goodness sake

I want to have a good relationship with a guy-God blessed me with a face that makes me look like I’m a drug addict that has been punched in the face 🙂 and you can argue all you want, but who wants to marry someone like that?

I can admit that my personality is also an issue so yes, I am working on that.

There is a bunch of more reasons but I’m not throwing myself a pity party here. It just seems like God is saying no to everything I want, like he is giving me a huge sla

I just want somebody to share their wisdom. Someone here said it’s a spiritual warfare, which is pretty scary. I can usually try to understand things like this but I’m stuck here
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While i’m not perfect with my parents, you should not say that about your Father on here. He is your father.
 
I am sorry to hear about your mother. Pray for her as she is praying for you.

There is a lot of help out there to be a psychologist or counselor, and given the right circumstances, you can work for a school or government and part of the benefits may be a forgiveness of student loans after you work for them for a certain number of years. And I see that some practices work over the phone or Skype, so you could work at home when you have children.

The best way to proceed would be to discuss schools with your guidance counselor or the financial aid and guidance people at a nearby college, just to get an idea of how to proceed.

There are schools which have special opportunities for students because the school is trying to attract better students. Altho you might be disappointed to go to a lower-tier school, that may be an option if your finances are low. Or, go to a lower-level school and transfer up (it is also easier to get into a higher-level school as a transfer student).
 
johnnyt3000 said:
While i’m not perfect with my parents, you should not say that about your Father on here. He is your father.
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So parents can’t be ignorant or mentally unstable?

She didn’t call him names. She’s not smearing his reputation - we don’t know who he is. And having an ignorant or mentally unstable father could very well have something to do with what she is experiencing. 🤷

Lea, I have recommended before that you find a therapist. Research hotlines and other resources. Ask at church. I believe I PMed you some specific for Singapore a number of weeks ago. You can make all the excuses you want, but the excuses are not going to help you find peace. Reaching out to real people where you are and implementing changes will help. We can pray for you and offer advice, but you also have to be willing to do your part, too.
 
As to your looks, I would not worry about them a lot, given your history. As someone advised, maybe ask a friend or relative, and if you are very concerned about one thing or another, say your teeth are very crooked, contact a school, like a dental school, and see if you can get in as a patient. My experience has been good with this, and they are accustomed to eorking financially with people. But remember that you should rely more on what others think since you have a history of being too hard in yourself!
 
It probably isn’t wrong to admit your father was “mentally unstable”, and I can identify with how you feel. It is difficult to feel that God cares, but he does. He will see you through if you let Him. Many people are mentally unstable for many different reasons. Just living on this earth makes me feel crazy sometimes, but that’s the way it is. After all, if we did want to live on a different planet, there isn’t one that is hospitable to life yet.

A young girl’s father burned her dog to death as a sacrifice. (I don’t know to what or whom this sacrifice was directed.) It started when she wore a shirt to school he did not approve of; he said it was the devil on it. He made her take it off and then he burned it, along with the family poodle. He ended up with police taking him away. This happened in Arizona where it seems almost anything goes sometimes.

That girl, age 14, will always remember that. Imagine how she felt.

I tried to write before but for some reason I lost the entire message. I was logged in and then I got a message that I was not logged in, and bloop! the entire thing went the way of the great cyber trash can out there in cyber space. Somebody doesn’t want me to write.
 
Keep drawing near to God and He will keep drawing near to you.

Work to reduce the harms/wounds you experienced from the past.

Internal beauty of kindness, enthusiasm for life and finding joy in the people/things around you is more attractive than stunning external beauty. Though even most modest looking people have a good enough base that if we’ll kept and groomed, looks Don’t work against them.

(An ugly person with a bad attitude isn’t really attractive to anyone though…:().

Good luck in healing from your past.
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
It probably isn’t wrong to admit your father was “mentally unstable”, and I can identify with how you feel. It is difficult to feel that God cares, but he does. He will see you through if you let Him. Many people are mentally unstable for many different reasons. Just living on this earth makes me feel crazy sometimes, but that’s the way it is. After all, if we did want to live on a different planet, there isn’t one that is hospitable to life yet.

A young girl’s father burned her dog to death as a sacrifice. (I don’t know to what or whom this sacrifice was directed.) It started when she wore a shirt to school he did not approve of; he said it was the devil on it. He made her take it off and then he burned it, along with the family poodle. He ended up with police taking him away. This happened in Arizona where it seems almost anything goes sometimes.

That girl, age 14, will always remember that. Imagine how she felt.

I tried to write before but for some reason I lost the entire message. I was logged in and then I got a message that I was not logged in, and bloop! the entire thing went the way of the great cyber trash can out there in cyber space. Somebody doesn’t want me to write.
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I read stories like this and I always marvel at the human capacity for evil. This capacity seems to know no bounds.
 
Oh, dear, I am sorry that I did not notice you are not in the US :o I use an iPod so frequently miss the small print.
 
You are a very insightful person, aware of your own limitations. You may want to journal your feelings. Focus on the good things, expand on that. A pity party for too long will only bring you down. Also, maybe you can do something for your father, prepare him a meal, have family come over to visit, but show him unconditional love. Praying for you, for your spiritual healing.
 
Lea101 said:
I feel like I’m in despair.
I want to have a good relationship with a guy-God blessed me with a face that makes me look like I’m a drug addict that has been punched in the face 🙂 and you can argue all you want, but who wants to marry someone like that?
Click to expand...
Once a woman I was working with commented that she was shocked to learn that a co-worker of ours was married, because she thought this co-worker was really ugly. I commented that, as a guy, I had never thought that this woman was ugly. She was always bright and chipper, she was in pretty good shape physically, she dressed nicely, and while I guess her face was a bit angular and her teeth a bit big, I had just never noticed those things. She was such a positive person that, whenever I saw her, it put me in a good mood. Being able to put people in a good mood is a very attractive quality, in my opinion.

(And, as I might have pointed out to my co-worker at the time, this supposedly ugly woman didn’t go around putting other people down behind their backs.)

Guys have different views of what they consider attractive. You might be surprised.
 
johnnyt3000 said:
While i’m not perfect with my parents, you should not say that about your Father on here. He is your father.
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I said he was mentally unstable because he is. He has rage issues and turns to alcohol all of the time. And ignorant in the sense that he doesn’t take my sister’s suicidal ideation seriously (he thinks people say that for attention). So basically the last person I would ever want to talk to
 
heidi_storage said:
It sounds like religion isn’t the problem here, but a whole host of other issues. Have you talked with a therapist about your traumatic past?

God’s plan for our lives is often mysterious. Recall that Job is never told why God visited suffering upon him. I hope that you will be able to find loving, supportive friends who will help you through the rough patches.

On a superficial note, people with all kinds of looks successfully attract mates. I don’t know you well enough to make suggestions on increasing your attractiveness, but if you have a trusted friend or loving brother you might ask for his thoughts.
Click to expand...
I wouldn’t say that i have a traumatic past, and no, I don’t have a therapist. I honestly don’t need one (my despair comes and goes, and it is not putting me in any physical danger) Can’t really afford one anyway.

I do hope God lets me know his plans because I’m beginning to resent him ugh.

Besides lots and lots of makeup and not opening my eyes or smiling, there’s nothing I can do about my looks. I have one of those faces that can’t be saved (no exaggeration, I’m just really unlucky) 🤷 (and don’t get me started on brothers, it’s their job to torment their little sisters!)
 
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