I feel like screaming

[Woodstock]

What about your husband? What can he do to help you? It sounds like he’s been supportive and taking the lead with helping so far. If you bake some cookies, could he lead a sing-a-bration and game night at your house?

If you have a local college or university, contact their Catholic group. If you give them free food, even just drinks and dessert or a late night coffee hour, and host something like the above, they’ll come and your house will be full of Christian fellowship. Maybe do it immediately before or after Mass so you will be able to go to the same worship service and sit close together, too.

EDIT: Saw the above post that you made while I was writing. A small place doesn’t stop college students from piling in, but you can do it elsewhere, too. Go to a coffee house like Starbucks, everyone can order for themselves and you can get water if you want, and bring the games and portable musical instruments. It is done all the time.

It won’t take much work, but your husband can take the lead.

What you want is not expecting too much. You should be able to have warm Christian fellowship. It stinks that you are having to struggle so hard to find it. It isn’t a reason to turn to a non-Catholic Church for it, but that doesn’t make the pain any less. You can overcome this, though.

Get some counseling for the depression and get your husband to take the lead for the socializing. You can do this, even in that frustrating atmosphere.

 

[YADA]

Perhaps you are being called to “become” a leader…to find something you desire and then do it - to benefit yourself and others…I am reminded of the old adage…“you get out of it what you put into it”

Why did you leave that extended family? If it was so wonderful, what was lacking in your faith life that you went searching and found the Church. And - I might add - the Church you had to suffer through months of a “snooze fest” to join?

And this

Yes, I was very specific in outlining various activity options that would be good fellowship, but low to no cost for people who would like to join in (even typed it all out with the ideas, etc.)…

just places more work upon others in your parish to do the planning, research, scheduling, heading up. This WORK requested of OTHERS for your benefit…

What IF every single person in your parish said

I’m not a leader…would probably faint before leading anything.

or said this

no, I’m not a starter

and said

I know you’re encouraging just starting something…but I would have SO much more anxiety from that than from just dropping it.

What events and activities would there be?

Because - In Truth - I can tell you that everybody wants to

just [be] a regular visitor somewhere else… Cause it’s already established and I wouldn’t have to take on more work

Amen - let the good times roll - What have you cooked up for us to do this weekend? I am tired, I earned my fun…lets …what, no activities…?

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I don’t know how old the two of you are, but Woodstock is on to something here. In fact, it might not be known to you because you are converts, but if there is a university nearby, instead of going to what appears to be St. Snoozeathon for you (smile, please smile ), you could attend Mass and participate in the Newman Center!!! They have TONS of activities, and most of them are free. Even if you are a little post-college age, I am sure they would love to have you. There are even Newman Centers at junior and community colleges.

 

[Still_Trying]

What about your husband? What can he do to help you? It sounds like he’s been supportive and taking the lead with helping so far. If you bake some cookies, could he lead a sing-a-bration and game night at your house?

If you have a local college or university, contact their Catholic group. If you give them free food, even just drinks and dessert or a late night coffee hour, and host something like the above, they’ll come and your house will be full of Christian fellowship. Maybe do it immediately before or after Mass so you will be able to go to the same worship service and sit close together, too.

It won’t take much work, but your husband can take the lead.

What you want is not expecting too much. You should be able to have warm Christian fellowship. It stinks that you are having to struggle so hard to find it. It isn’t a reason to turn to a non-Catholic Church for it, but that doesn’t make the pain any less. You can overcome this, though.

Get some counseling for the depression and get your husband to take the lead for the socializing. You can do this, even in that frustrating atmosphere.

You sound like such a kind person…thank you for your words of encouragement… Yes, just some Christian fellowship…I’d happily help out if any fellowship activities were going on…I’m just not the “leader type”…

My hubby is very loving and good to me and is a very devout Catholic…but he is very anti-social…he doesn’t like group activities, social events, etc.

 

[Still_Trying]

Go to your diocese’s Catholic Charities. They have confidential counseling from licensed psychologists and they charge on a sliding scale based on your income. If you can’t afford it, they don’t charge. They’ll be able to help you with the mental and emotional issues as well as the church issues.

Conversion is a major life change. Some people get depressed after bringing a new child into the family. They were excited and looking forward to it, then it just hits them unexpectedly afterwards. It isn’t the child’s or the parent’s fault. Depression and anxiety are something most of us will experience at one time or another. It is an illness. Regain your joy, your faith, and your life. Go see a counselor at Catholic Charities and crush this beast.

I looked at our local Catholic Social Services…there isn’t any counseling… Good idea, though!

 

[Still_Trying]

I don’t know how old the two of you are, but Woodstock is on to something here. In fact, it might not be known to you because you are converts, but if there is a university nearby, instead of going to what appears to be St. Snoozeathon for you (smile, please smile ), you could attend Mass and participate in the Newman Center!!! They have TONS of activities, and most of them are free. Even if you are a little post-college age, I am sure they would love to have you. There are even Newman Centers at junior and community colleges.

The Catholic club at our local university is just now getting the paperwork taken care of…nothing has yet been started. Looks like it’s a few months down the road. It’s being run by priest #2 (out of the 3 that have been there since I converted) who didn’t respond to anything I wrote or said when he was at the parish. Sounds like it will be mass once a week on a weekday at 11am? And ping pong…

 

[YADA]

I looked at our local Catholic Social Services…there isn’t any counseling… Good idea, though!

Did you call them? Or just look in the phone book…what diocecse do you live in…no counseling servicecs?

 

[anthony022071]

I feel like I’m going to explode…I have so much anger, frustration, resentment…all built up in me.

I’m falling deeper and deeper into depression. I go thru cycles…Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I’m fine. Thursday and Friday I go…oh, the weekend is almost here… I wake up Saturday and start into a BAD depression cycle. I just DREAD going to mass. Like more than I can say… I get really withdrawn, really negative, really upset. I try not to…but it’s just more than I can fight. We finally started going to Sat. evening mass and making me go out and do errands or something right up until it’s time to go there at 6pm just to attempt distraction from knowing I have to go there.

Before I converted I would go to Bible studies, pray all the time, do devotionals…lots of praise and worship. I had a very happy, Christian life. Now I can’t even look at any of it. I get completely upset and I freak out.

I dread Holy days of obligation just because it’s yet another day of depression and misery for me. I get frustrated when the fasting days come along because all my friends are protestant and they just don’t get it (though I try to do the “no meat” thing on the sly) so I end up feeling like an outsider.

I just feel like screaming. I don’t want to go there…don’t want to be there in the least. But, it’s the only Church with THE sacraments. So, I look upon a lifetime of depression and misery…and I just don’t know how much more I can take.

Please…no flames…tomorrow is Saturday and I’m already starting into a depression cycle (obviously).

Would appreciate any advice on how to live like this…and not spend every weekending in misery.

Why do you loathe going to mass? No one is forcing you.
I go to mass and receive the bread and wine every morning,and it has cured me of my extreme depression,frustration and anger.
That which you think is the cause of your depression and misery is actually the very cure for it. Don’t go to mass and pray because you think you are obligated to do so,but because you need and want to do so to be cured. What you think of as a loathesome burden is what can unburden you and carry you if only you would put all of your trust in God. There is no burden in attending mass where there is faith,hope,and love.

Pray incessantly and ask forgiveness of your sins. Pray for an increase of faith,hope and love. Attend mass and receive the Eucharist as often as possible. It will eventually cease to be irksome to do attend mass,and you will come to be eager to go there.

It will become a burden of love,and thus no burden at all.

 

[Still_Trying]

Perhaps you are being called to “become” a leader…to find something you desire and then do it - to benefit yourself and others…I am reminded of the old adage…“you get out of it what you put into it”

Why did you leave that extended family? If it was so wonderful, what was lacking in your faith life that you went searching and found the Church. And - I might add - the Church you had to suffer through months of a “snooze fest” to join?

And this just places more work upon others in your parish to do the planning, research, scheduling, heading up. This WORK requested of OTHERS for your benefit…

What IF every single person in your parish said

or said this

and said

What events and activities would there be?

Because - In Truth - I can tell you that everybody wants to

Amen - let the good times roll - What have you cooked up for us to do this weekend? I am tired, I earned my fun…lets …what, no activities…?

Thank you for your harsh, hurtful, unkind reply…you obviously went to some trouble just to get all those quotes lined up. To be blunt…I DO faint if put in front of a group…have since I was a small girl. Thank you for caring.

I left my very dear and loving “extended family” because my husband was raised Catholic. After studying the books that he recommended…and thru much prayer and the leading of the Holy Spirit…I learned that the Catholic Church is THE Church. (A lot of Scott Hahn, Patrick Madrid, etc.). I joined then because of the truth…not because of my husband or any one person…and certainly not to leave any group behind.

As I said earlier, I would happily help in the background or on the sidelines…just not up front…

Why do people have to go to so much effort to be hurtful? I don’t understand? I asked in the beginning for no flames… Since you’re into sayings how about, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”. Seems like good, kind advice.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Did you call them? Or just look in the phone book…what diocecse do you live in…no counseling servicecs?

if you PM me your diocese, I assure you, there are counseling services. I will also help you find a Newman Center as close as I can get it.

 

[Still_Trying]

Did you call them? Or just look in the phone book…what diocecse do you live in…no counseling servicecs?

I went to their website and reviewed all their services.

I’m not telling you where I live!! You’re attacking me!!

 

[Woodstock]

You can do it.

Socialization doesn’t come from the top down, so which priest is offering Mass doesn’t matter. If they are getting their paperwork together it means the Catholics are already there and forming. Find them and start doing things together. Quietly pray by an abortion clinic, go bowling, learn how to knit, play chess, have an Irish music session, watch movies (brought from home for free), whatever. They probably are already doing stuff you could tag along with if you asked.

Contact your Catholic Charities and ask them for a counselor recommendation. Even if they don’t do it themselves they might know someone who does. Your state, county, city, or private offices might also have services on a free or sliding schedule. You might need your husband to help. Tell him that you understand his comfort zones but you are sick and you need him to help you to get better. Charge him with finding a way to get you into some counseling while you work on things you can be doing.

For instance, every evening after dinner, you and hubby go out for a walk or bike ride after doing the dishes. If you don’t live in a good place for it, go to a park and walk the track. You need the exercise to help your emotions. When you get back, you two immediately say prayers together. Drink water and no junk that will make you feel yucky each day. Then choose one thing you are going to do each day and force yourself with all your might to do it. Take a shower, vacuum the floor, organize the pantry, call someone somewhere about social opportunities or counseling services, one thing every day that challenges you to overcome this.

It stinks to be down and out and need some nurturing and have to get up and take care of yourself. Once you battle this depression and anxiety, you’ll have the energy and strength to battle the socialization issue. Lean on your husband. Make sure he knows exactly what you need from him. You might need to tell him. I need you to hold me. I need you to pray for me. I need you to drive me an hour away once a week to get the counseling I need. I need you to help me clean the house by sweeping the floor, folding a load of laundry, and wiping down the kitchen cupboards. I need you to take me out of the house. Then you need to work on your own list, too. What is it that YOU need to do to overcome this? List them all out, even if you don’t think you can do it. Start at square one and work on them one day at a time.

You can do this.

 

[kage_ar]

Most of the things one does at Parish as a vounteer IS behind the scenes.

Last Saturday the KofC had the annual tootsie roll drive. They needed help counting the money. I sat in the Parish hall with 6 people, two of whom I knew before that day, and we visited and counted/rolled money. I was able to have good fellowship with some of those “I see you at Mass sometimes but don’t know your name” people.

Another thought (you are really on my mind) - when does your Parish do CCD. Many times there is an adult study group going on at the same time.

I would also volunteer to dig around your diocese and area Parish web sites if you wanted. You can also check www.masstimes.org to find nearby Parishes and their web sites.

Chances are that library downtown is only open a few hours is because they need volunteers for those other hours (can you tell, I have library on the brain).

Just because it says “volunteer” does not mean you have to be up in front of people or spending $$ or doing hard labor.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I went to their website and reviewed all their services.

I’m not telling you where I live!! You’re attacking me!!

Nobody is trying to attack you. Please.

We are very concerned about you.

And remember that nomenclature in the Church in America might be different from what thigns are called in protestant denominations.

Please give us a chance to help.

 

[MCGar]

Still_Trying, I honestly don’t know how to reply but I’ll do my best.

It looks like you have a legitamet problem but your focus and anger about it is waaaaayyyyy too intense and is costing you dearly.

I know you talked about not having these frustration and anxiety issues becuase this problem didn’t exist in your other church. But what would have happened if the dynamics of the other church had changed and the fellowship had changed? What if fellowship had fallen off completely? Things like that can happen especially with theology splits, etc.
In my estimation, this dread and anxiety would have surfaced if it wasn’t placated.
I would thank our Lord for showing me such a wound that needs to heal in myself.
I would do my best to find some sort of counseling or help even if the diocese didn’t provide it.

It also seems like you are in financial straights, which is probably a big contributer to your anxiety. There are many people on this board that are in the same position, maybe they could offer suggestions (ala Dave Ramsey, Frugal boards, etc…).

Also, YADA, might have been brisque and not seem empathetic, but I did not see any way that she was attacking you. She offered many cautions but they just didn’t come across in a way that was comforting to you. That happens alot on this board.

Quite frankly, I am very interested in this diocese that you live in. In no way am I trying to finnagle your address out of you. Many people on this board share their diocese name and end up getting information about it that they might not know about. (even stuff that is not on their website) I’ve even seen where concerned posters will call up diocese for another poster to try to help.

That last bit of rambing I have is this: I moved once to a place that I knew NO ONE. I had no one to go to Church with and I had to live from paycheck to paycheck to barely get by.

My diocese was different from yours (it was very vibrant and engaging). But in the beginning since I was very shy, the most fabulous thing that I participated in was Adoration. There was a little Adoration chapel across the parking lot, I would go an hour before mass, get lost in prayer and realize mass was starting by the Gregorian chant playing on the outdoor speakers of the Church (yup that was cool.)

Maybe you should go to Adoration during the week, with no expectations, just prayer. It might help alot.

Also, I find that weekday Mass attenders tend to be the ones that will have the little old ladies that will take you under their wings. Plus, try to find out when they have the Rosary.

Oh, I just came across an idea. Making Rosaries, it’s awesome first of all and if you make them before or after mass or before or after Rosary prayer, you are SURE to have people coming up to ask you about them. That is when you volunteer to give them your Rosary and a little card with info on how to make their own. Friendships can pop up through that.

rosaryarmy.com is the place to go!

 

[maria29]

Catholic Charities isn’t always listed on the archdiocese’s home pages. If yougo here you can select by state and city.

I’d also suggest doing a search on Yahoo groups to see if there are any Catholic women who already have a group in the area.

 

[YADA]

I went to their website and reviewed all their services.

I’m not telling you where I live!! You’re attacking me!!

Dear Still Trying,

I am not attacking you…your depression and paranoia are getting the best of you…

I am trying to help you…words on a screen do not always convey the compassion [or even sarcasm, anger, hope, charity etc]. It is not possible to help a person who fails to see the possibilities and is unwilling to help themselves…

I can understand being shy…but if you want a bible study, you just might have to take the lead [or as another poster said get your husbad or a friend to assist you]…

On a certain level your happiness is your responsibility…you were abe to get married - therefore you must be able to make friends, get to know people and develope relationships beyond the superficial…

Where is your sponsor? In-laws, friends ?

I agree with others that you probably need professional couseling to deal with a depression that has roots that probably are unrealted to the lack of a bible study or a speaker series…

You mentioned things costing money or being just for people with children…perhaps it is finances that are the issue?

If you do not have resources or are battling financial issues then try searching CAF - they have a gentlemand on the RADio that discusses financial issues for CAtholics for search Dave Ramsey on the radio or internet…I do not think he is catholic but he is a financial advisor that has a christian base…Clark Howard and Suze Orman are also available for assisting people with debt…

But don’t say that others must do for you what you are unwilling to do for yourself…

I throw up before taking tests - I have always hated tests and they still make me quesy - probably always will…But I survived high school, the Marine Corps [yes they make you take tests] and college, and licensure for engineering, surveying and water rights ***and ***a host of other necesssary tests that a person may be required. like the GRE to get into grad school…

I too am shy…I get nervous before speaking to groups, hate interviewing for new emplyees [why did I start my own business?]

So, if you want to make friend in a new parish, then sometimes you have to be the first to say “Hello, my name is…I am new and I need to meet people and make friends”

If you want a program or ministry, sometimes you will have to roll up your sleeves…

That may sound harsh - …do not man it to be so…it is what it is…

 

[brother_sun]

I don’t know if you’ll get this, but I’m glad you heard my reply about the Real Presence of Christ in the Holy Communion. I think you must read some good literature on the Eucharist like Pope Benedict the 16th’s God Is Near Us. I know you said that you have read some material already about the Catholic faith, but I would suggest reading more because it adds fuel to the fire especially the lives of the Saints and how they looked at our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Just try and pray on the real presence of Christ in the Mass everytime you enter the church. Try and always say to yourself you are here to receive Jesus. I am also glad to hear that the Holy Communion keeps you in the church. Keep praying and I will also pray for you. I am so sorry you felt attacked. Here are some quotes from God Is Near Us that inspire me:

“Jesus shares himself out, he shares himself as the one who has been split up and torn apart into body and blood.”

“Jesus transforms death into the spiritual act of affirmation, into the act of self sharing love.”

Your brother in Christ

“If you are what you should be, you will set the world on fire!” – Saint Catherine of Siena

 

[GraceDK]

Dear sister in Jesus.

Are you irritable? goood… means something is alive and well in you.
I too am a convert to the Catholic Church because of truth (not because of cool music (- I looong for a music revolution in the Church to fit a younger audience) or good fellowship or good preaching. (I loooove a good sermon… but what can I do… good sermon must come from the inside… personal testimony is the way forward.
My Church as it seems, have none of these… I have been doing some “double dipping” - been to many free and pentecostal congregations as well as messianic. And I was struck with sadness when I discovered in me the sense of coming home, when I was with my pentecostal brothers, whereas the Catholic Church here would often leave me so discouraged… The Mass liturgy and Eucharist was awesome but the sense of fellowship/family that really should characterize the people of God was not very visible… and the sermons were dull or even on the verge of being like the liberal protestantism I left behind.

As I said in another thread: Catholics are no different than all other people… that means they have as much potential of becoming a vibrant fellowship as any other church. I believe that the ministries mentioned in 1 Cor 12 are the ones that are missing… the Church structure has stiffened the laity in a position of lethargy and passivity… all is centred on the Priest… where I am: if the priest is truly alive and enthusiastic the community is vibrant, when he is not on-fire the young people fall into sin, the people are finding other sources of nourishment etc…
I believe we all need to be more idealistic… and this is easier (or harder) if you have seen alternaive ways of having church that really just payed off in every way.

So dont feel alone… we are many who feel like you do. As a new Catholic I am my self struggling these days with beginning a Bible group in my parish… I am not a leader-type and I have hardly any friends in my congregation at my age… but heck… I have to know that I tried.
Another thing I do is I work for unity on a very practical level… make meetings between catholics and pentecostals (these are my heart-groups) that we may eventually humbly receive and learn from each others strong points.

Leave it all in the hands of the Holy Spirit… and why not keep going to the other church as well… it might give you peace and joy so that you are refreshed and ready for Mass as well… thats what I experienced… different kinds of churches have different things that WE NEED.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

In assisting Still_Trying through PM, I realized something that we who are Catholic, cradle or converted before the rest of you, might not realize. I know parishes give the “basics”, the tenets of Faith, but we do not give parish or diocese culture- in the United States anyway. If your parish has a big book of things to do and features to use, that’s fabulous, but you seem to be a rarity.

Catholic activity is not always centered in one parish. Because we are not autonomous, as are a lot of protestant churches despite a denomination, we do things in larger clusters, most notably the deanery, but even the province.

It’s like moving into a new neighborhood. OK. The newbie knows how to do things like pay the electric bill, and order the cable or satellite. He or she can find the local public school, the bus stop, maybe the alderman’s office.

But does he or she know where to go to the little deli for a good snack? Where to get the best hot dog or a really decent pizza at a cheap price? The location of the best cleaners? The better mechanic? THE place to have one’s hair cut?

When is trash day? Is it just collected, or does it have to have a tag, or does it have to be put in a special bag? Does everybody in the neighborhood have block parties, or do they pretty much keep to themselves? Is it wrong to park at the curb overnight, and if he or she does, instead of in the driveway, will his or her car be towed by morning? What’s up with the neighbors’ grandfather who lives with them, that he goes around trash-picking every morning for aluminum cans? Why is one dog allowed to wander the neighborhood, while another brings immediate phoning of animal control?

The newbie doesn’t know the answers to any of these. Why? He or she isn’t aware of the culture. Spouses who grew up in the neighborhood may or may not help, because it just doesn’t occur to them that anybody would have these questions

In the same manner, RCIA teaches the 4 marks of the Church, but it does not teach that the K of C has a ladies’ auxillary which any Catholic lady can join to support the Knights; which is not to be confused with the Catholic Daughters of the Americas. RCIA might teach the Hail Mary, but it doesn’t teach the difference between CCW and CCD, which might also be RelEd or PSR. And RCIA teaches transubstantiation, but it doesn’t always tell a person the difference between Catholic Charities, Catholic Social Services, and the Parish Nurse Ministry- and that what is usually located under one organization for a particular service in one diocese is not in another. Cursillo is not Life in the Spirit is not Light of the World. Some dioceses web sites are very well organized with good communication. Some dioceses web sites are very pretty, but not good at giving information, and “Contact Us” is a dead link.

These are*** cultural*** issues, not doctrinal issues. What is not needed is a longer mystagogia period, or more information from sponsors. What is needed is a Catholic Welcome Wagon Lady!

The Catholic Welcome Wagon Lady could pull up in her station wagon or minvan, with a basket of coupons, free gifts and information for the newcomers to the “neighborhood”. She would know about every Catholic social activity, from Theology on Tap to which Catholic school offers tap dancing lessons. There would be free tickets to the next K of C dance at St. Chapeau, 20% off the Boy Scout spaghetti dinner at Our Lady Queen of Dutch Ovens, a coupon good for 10% off the annual Drawdown at St. Bunco, a BOGOF on the golf outing at St. Andrew’s, and of course free admission to the diocese day of reflection. A rosary wrapped around a CCW coffee cup, filled with cookies from the local monastery that supports itself through a bakery, with a Tootsie Roll or two from the K of C, would complete the basket. She would have a map with such notable locations as the regional Catholic school, Newman Centers within a 25 mile radius, the Crisis Pregnancy Center, etc., along with a printed list of Mass and confession times for all the local parishes. She would know that the big pond in the back of St. Modern is the baptistry, and the big pond in the back of Holy Splashpark is the parish swimming pool.

It is time to start yet another national organization, and get it rolling after Easter Vigil. No new Catholic should have to shuttle back to the denomination left behind for a new life in Full Truth, for want of fellowshhip and its locations.