I feel like screaming

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Dear Still_Trying,

I live in the Cleveland Diocese of Ohio. If you do as well, you are very welcome to PM me. I would love to get to know you. … That said, even if you don’t live anywhere near Ohio, you are still always welcome to send me a Private Message and we can be e-mail friends, if you like.

As a Conservative single woman and a cradle Catholic, I know exactly how you feel.

Somehow Protestants, especially Methodists, are able to accept me as a friend … one considers me her best friend, and another even considers me a part of her family. For whatever reason, Catholics tend to stay away, no matter how involved I get in the parish … and I’ve done everything from wash dishes at the Christ Renews His Parish weekend retreat to host a Christmas Party for women of the parish at my apartment.

In my current parish where I’ve been just over a year, I volunteer as a Eucharistic Adorer. This is a very quiet ministry, but this is where the Lord has called me.

The main thing to remember is that Jesus is your best friend, and the Catholic Church is where you can be closest to Him in this life.

Take care and know that you’re welcome to write me anytime! It’s nice to meet you. 🙂

~~ the phoenix
 
The posters who suggested looking into a college or university’s Catholic group really have a great idea! At least at my school we have quite a big going on, love getting new members (even if they’re not directly connected to the school), and in general don’t charge money for our events (there might be a cost associated with some of the missions trips, but that’s only if they’re to a place far from the area). It’s certainly worth looking into!
 
I’m amazed that the OPs parish is charging so much for events. Ours doesn’t. We don’t have coffee and donuts every Sunday, but when we do, a parish group donates them and they’re free for the taking. When we have guest speaker programs, those are free and open to the public (including the soup suppers on Lenten Tuesdays). It’s free to belong to the music ministry, and most of our non-liturgical performances are free or a very reasonable cost to cover sound equipment rental, etc. A lot of the social events are free or at a very low cost, such as $5 or 7 dollars for an all-you-can-eat fundraising meal, or simply bringing a dish to pass for the parish picnic.

OP- I would keep searching for a new parish. Sometimes that makes all the difference in the world. I grew up in a different parish in the same city as my current parish. It’s like a different world over there and I was happy to leave. The parish I’m in now is so much friendlier and more community-centered. Also, consider looking for a parish with an active St. Vincent de Paul conference. I’m on hiatus from our parish conference right now because my school schedule is so unpredictable, but I spent several years with them in active ministry. The people are terrific, warm and welcoming of anyone interested in helping the poor. I didn’t experience any cliquishness, got to help some people in serious need, and made some friends along the way.
 
A note on charging for events. Guess this is another cultural issue - when you go to coffee and donuts after Mass, there is a basket for donations. That basket does NOT mean you have to pay to have coffee and donuts - it is just for those who want to donate.
 
kage_ar said:
A note on charging for events. Guess this is another cultural issue - when you go to coffee and donuts after Mass, there is a basket for donations. That basket does NOT mean you have to pay to have coffee and donuts - it is just for those who want to donate.
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That is how it *should *be. I know a parish where you’re shunned if you give less than $1 per donut, and they’ll even deny your kids a second Dixie cup of fruit punch if they have the audacity to ask for one. Visitors who didn’t know to bring cash or who generously gave all of theirs in the collection are snubbed and people won’t talk to them unless it is to correct their lack of payment for next time. I can tell you, there hardly ever is a next time.

Some parishes just don’t have a Christian spirit. If you are in a parish where everything is miserable and miserly, I suggest looking for another. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case here. It sounds like they aren’t getting enough tithes so they choose to cover program costs through fees instead, including paying for national speakers, conference areas, heating and air, printing and curricula, etc. Even those big events usually have full and partial scholarships available. Around here, the biggest complaint is that there isn’t any child care. Since S_T doesn’t have that obstacle, she should start contacting them to see what she needs to do to be able to attend.

There is an expensive pro-life talk and dinner here every year that I’ve always wanted to go to and never could afford. A friend asked if I was going and I told her why I wasn’t. She was surprised I didn’t know that they have an option for helping with set-up and clean-up that they’ll let you go for free. It never hurts to ask.
 
Thank you all so much for your kinds words… I’m glad I came here and “vented”…it’s brought a lot of new options up that I simply wouldn’t have been aware of…

Unfortunately, our parish is one of the “$1 for a donut and coffee/punch EACH” places…they’re nice about refills, though. 😉

Brother Sun…thanks for sharing those quotes…definitely something to meditate on!

The Phoenix…thanks for the PM invite…would love to be e-mail pals!

Woodstock…good advice…pick one thing, get it done, and don’t stress about the rest of it… 👍 Yeah, there have been quite a few things hubby and I both would have liked to attend…just too spendy. Will have to ask if there’s another option. We don’t have a huge income, and where we live is very costly…so, we try to be thankful for what we do have and enjoy each other. I try to count my blessings (food, shelter, hubby) when I am disappointed we can’t go to the Church functions…but it doesn’t fill the loneliness… I’ll have to ask about volunteering at functions for set-up/clean-up… 🙂

GraceDK…thanks for understanding about missing places left behind…I miss the music, too…and the Christmas musicals!!

And a great big kudos to OutinChgoburbs!! An angel in disguise! :angel1: And yes!! A welcome wagon lady would be perfect!!! That is an excellent idea!! Your PMs have been SOOOOO informative!! I had no idea most of that stuff even existed!!! Am going to check out the parish you said had a K of C Axillary! I didn’t know what that was! Live and learn! 👍
 
There are lots of ideas already, but I thought I would add a few more. I have heard of this problem before. Someone goes through RCIA. There, they have a lot of community and support. After they have joined the Church, they are like a fish out of water.

You might want to try joining the church that is closest to your home. In the old days (back in the 1950’s), this is what everyone was supposed to do. I think they changed a Canon Law, and this is no longer required.

The advantages are many. If the church is really close to your house, you won’t even have to drive to church. This saves a lot of gas money, and it makes it much simpler to go if you don’t feel like it. You will notice some of your neighbors at church, and it is nice to see the people who live near you at church.

If you think the closest church is too large, that might be an advantage. They will have more small organizations doing interesting things.

Here are some other suggestions:

Get involved in the Charismatic Renewal. They have prayer teams that can pray with you. It is a really good feeling.

Find a Charismatic Healing Mass. These are really special, and they also have prayer teams available after Mass.

If you can sing at all, join the choir. This creates an automatic community of people. You don’t have to be a leader. The choir director tells you when to show up and what to sing.

Read Scott Hahn’s book The Lamb’s Supper.

There is no reason why you need to abandon your Protestant brothers and sisters. Get together with them for a Bible Study, prayer meeting, or whatever.

You could also get involved with the St. Vincent DePaul group to help the poor. Almost every parish has one.

I hope this helps.
 
It again occured to me- S_T, do you have any praise CDs or some downloaded from iTunes or WalMart lying about your computer? When you get down, it helps to play some, or some Gospel.

I am not a big fan of the King- Elvis,😉 not Jesus of course. But his Gospel albums are really good, and who knew Elvis could do Schubert’s “Ave Maria” that way?

Music helps us, even around the house, when we are feeling lonely, unhappy, or even just plain onrey. To download a song cost 88 cents @ WalMart online, and 99 to 1.99 @ iTunes. It’s cheaper than a cup of coffee or a soda pop out of a machine, and bridges those lonsome feeling a lot better than coffee or pop alone ever did.
 
The welcome lady is an awesome idea!! I think I will talk to our DRE about that. As a cradle catholic I didn’t really think about it until a friend of mine recently joined the church. She too started feeling nostalgic for the fellowship of her Baptist congregation. All it took was a few minutes of conversation, and a few helpful introductions and she is a volunteer angel!!! I think as a catholic it is my job to make converts feel loved and welcomed. S_T you can PM me, I am in the cincy archdioces, but we could alway be buddies no matter where you are, you are still a sister.
I think that the lack of fellowship in some parish’s is disturbing. We tried 4 parish’s before finding the one we are at. I love it there, the kids love it there. But have seen parishes where I just didn’t feel welcome at all, even while trying to volunteer. At one parish my son and I showed up for the festival planning committee and were told that everything was taken, even though they were practically begging for volunteers in the bulliten. It just made me feel awful, as if I was somehow not good enough to pick up their trash. I tried to volunteer as a bingo worker and was actually told they couldn’t use me because they needed people they could trust :eek: . I went home and cried, and never went back there again. At our new parish I just feel lots of love. We have potlucks and donut sunday (free donated by a local bakery), and a very active youth ministry that does all kinds of great activities.
Still_Trying, where is your sponser??? Your sponser should be the one to help you find the place you are comfortable.
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
It again occured to me- S_T, do you have any praise CDs or some downloaded from iTunes or WalMart lying about your computer? When you get down, it helps to play some, or some Gospel.

I am not a big fan of the King- Elvis,😉 not Jesus of course. But his Gospel albums are really good, and who knew Elvis could do Schubert’s “Ave Maria” that way?

Music helps us, even around the house, when we are feeling lonely, unhappy, or even just plain onrey. To download a song cost 88 cents @ WalMart online, and 99 to 1.99 @ iTunes. It’s cheaper than a cup of coffee or a soda pop out of a machine, and bridges those lonsome feeling a lot better than coffee or pop alone ever did.
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It is something like 12-15 cents a song here. Or it is free if you register for YouTube and make a playlist of music videos. You can find almost anything there and you can have different playlists for different moods or times of day. You probably could even find a video of someone praying the rosary so all you’d need to do was listen to pray if that’s all you could manage.
 
Woodstock said:
It is something like 12-15 cents a song here. Or it is free if you register for YouTube and make a playlist of music videos. You can find almost anything there and you can have different playlists for different moods or times of day. You probably could even find a video of someone praying the rosary so all you’d need to do was listen to pray if that’s all you could manage.
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I like the price! I will check it out on my computer that isn’t already loaded with everythign under the sun, so it can be labbed without interference from Real and iTunes.

I didn’t think about YouTube, because I use that for educational materials for my granddaughters (“This is the tale of Mr. Morton, Mr. Morton is ‘who’…”). But that is a good ideas as well, and much cheaper than my idea.
 
I started a thread in Spirituality for spiritually uplifting videos for Catholics on YouTube. If you find any, add to it. There are already several listed to watch, too.
 
The Welcome Lady is perfect! I’m going to see if I can start something like that. I really needed something like that when I came in to. I’m still not familier with all the groups and organizations.

kage_ar, Are you ignoring PMs?
 
Tabitha said:
The Welcome Lady is perfect! I’m going to see if I can start something like that. I really needed something like that when I came in to. I’m still not familier with all the groups and organizations.

kage_ar, Are you ignoring PMs?
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The security settings on our LAN do not allow popups.
 
Listener…yeah, that’s what we did a couple years ago…ended up finally choosing the parish that’s closest to our house… Just because it is closest… I do think it’s too big, but none of them in town are small…I miss having 100-200 people total in the church - you get to know them and vice versa. And thanks for saying, “There is no reason why you need to abandon your Protestant brothers and sisters. Get together with them for a Bible Study, prayer meeting, or whatever.” Made me feel better. 😊 I just don’t see it like an earlier poster said, “spending time with a husband on Saturday and a boyfriend on Sunday”. I’d put it more in the terms of different parts of your family…“I’ll spend Saturday with mom and dad and Sunday with Aunt and Uncle”.

No St. Vincent DePaul group up here… I guess I should just let the cat out of the bag and say that I live in Alaska. No Charismatic Catholic groups up here, either.

OutinChgoBurbs…yes, I have quite a bit of praise and worship music and I do listen to it fairly often. Most of it reminds me of my old church, so in some ways it gets me down/lonely…but I try to focus on the words. :o

My hubby checked into the Knights of Columbus up here. We’ll see what happens with that…

We checked into the parish that has the axillary… The people seem nice enough, but it’s a very wealthy parish (located in the most expensive area of town)…we were really uncomfortable. 😦

Mommamia…I’m so sorry that those people treated you like that!! How awful!! :mad: That is flat-out wrong!!!

I didn’t really know my sponsor… It was a couple that were the parent’s of my hubby’s childhood friend. We happened to see them at a mass we were visiting before we decided to join the Church…when we needed sponsors we asked them cause we knew they went there. She talked to us several times before the Easter Vigil and then once or twice after. We ended up going to different Mass times and end up running into them once every few months…

So, still searching…it’s such a blessing to have so much encouragement in this journey! 👍 Thank you! 🙂
 
kage_ar said:
The security settings on our LAN do not allow popups.
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You should still be able to click the “Messages” link in the right corner. I PMed you to tell you we can help you with the library. Let me know if you want our help.

Tabitha
 
Still_Trying, have you thought about maybe starting a ministry of your own? Ask your Pastor if you could begin something. I mean, if you liked something you did at your old church, maybe you can incorporate it at your parish and see if anyone starts to come. You can announce it on the bulletin and go from there. How about doing a couple’s group, or pot lucks at the park to discuss Catholic life, or something. How about asking if you can begin a “small community” group where you can meet, read the Bible and discuss it.

At my parish, I introduced Retrouvaille, a widely known group for troubled marriages. I had never heard about it until I came upon CAF, and when I told my parish never thought people would be interested, but they have been. I joined in June this yr at another parish since there were no Retrouvaille groups at my current parish, but with the one I’m attending, we meet once a week. My husband and I have formed great friendships with several of the couples that go there.

I also teach CCD and I’m also attending a catechetical institute. I made more friends there, and the best part about it is that 5 other people were from my parish, so I look forward to seeing them either in class or before/after Mass.

I also had joined a scripture study group, and it was nice, but there were only senior women and I was only 24. But it was nice to share something with these ladies.

Just joining something that is of interest to you will bring about friendships. It’s just a matter of putting your foot in the door.
 
Dear Still_Trying:

I fully understand your feeling. It is a fact that the fellowship atmosphere in Protestant Church is much warmer than Catholics’.

For years I was so very lonely. Our family attended Mass and went home. Nobody even said “Hi” to us. There was a period of time my husband even refused to go. I felt frustrated for years.

When my daughter was in high school, I teamed up with her to teach CCD, hoping to know some parents by volunteering. But, no, I still had no church friend at all.

Then my parish was engaging in a fundraising for building the new church.
I silently prayed in my heart that I would be called for going to people’s home to talk to them. Amazingly enough, someone from church did call and asked if I would visit homes to collect the pledge cards. I was so surprised and excited. Since nobody knew me, this invitation must be from God. He heard my silent prayers!

I gladly drove around town, talking to people, hoping to make some friends.
But no, it turned out my fundraising trip was the only time I talked to those people. I still have no friend at church. I am sure you can imagine my frustration.

I knew God had heard all my prayers. But why my lonely situation was not changed?
Then I realized two things:
First, God wants me to focus on Him and seek Him more.
Second, God wants me to reach out more.

I started to do more Bible readings and spiritual readings. I prayed in front of the tabernacle every day. I developed better communion with the Lord. I had a deeper prayer life. I understood the meaning of Mass better by reading Scott Hahn’s book - “The Lamb’s Supper, Mass as Heaven on Earth”. I became so eager to attend Mass. I literally couldn’t wait to go to Mass, regardless anyone fellowships with me or not.

Then I took the initiative to join different church groups – the small church community, the committed Eucharist Adoration group (for once a week exposed Eucharist Adoration), I taught CCD again, with another parishioner as my assistant. I took initiative to introduce myself to other parishioners. I tried to remember their names and concerns. I prayed for them. I would ask about their situation next time.

Gradually, I find I have gained quite a few friends. I can tell they like me. And I like them. Recently I was elected as a Pastoral Council member.

I want to share with you my experience, an experience from lonely desolation in the community to consolation as a result of active participation. There are many lonely Catholic souls out there who would appreciate your friendship.
Join different groups. Reach out to people first.
You can make the difference for yourself and for others.
 
Still_Trying said:
Thank you all for your replies…it’s nice to know there are people out there who care. 😊

I’ve suggested quite a few things to the priest and the committee that schedules things. Nothing has been changed…I keep hearing “we’ll work on it”… 🤷

Would it be okay to go to Mass on Saturday night and then go to protestant church on Sunday to have fellowship and activities? :confused:
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I’m in a choir union that is made up of all faiths and we practice at a Methodist church a big one and I like just practicing there just for a change.
I love being catholic and there are a couple catholics from other churches there too which I didn’t know.

Start a book club in your church through a study or about a saint or something or in your home. You will be surprised how many catholics you will meet.

Go to your local food bank and volunteer one sat a month you will meet lots of people from other faiths and th Catholic and when I saw others so hard up well it put me into a better know how what hsrdships they are going through.

If you have a talent which I’'m sure you do tell them you would like to start a class to show it like crocheting or cookie making, sahre a recipee with some one and then they may share with you.
Ask some one or two over for coffe and cards to your house, I would tell you all babout our cookie walk we are having but I’m sure you have been to one.
Hope this helps.
D.
 
Still_Trying said:
Thank you for your harsh, hurtful, unkind reply…you obviously went to some trouble just to get all those quotes lined up. To be blunt…I DO faint if put in front of a group…have since I was a small girl. Thank you for caring.

I left my very dear and loving “extended family” because my husband was raised Catholic. After studying the books that he recommended…and thru much prayer and the leading of the Holy Spirit…I learned that the Catholic Church is THE Church. (A lot of Scott Hahn, Patrick Madrid, etc.). I joined then because of the truth…not because of my husband or any one person…and certainly not to leave any group behind.

As I said earlier, I would happily help in the background or on the sidelines…just not up front…

Why do people have to go to so much effort to be hurtful? I don’t understand? 😦 I asked in the beginning for no flames… Since you’re into sayings how about, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”. Seems like good, kind advice. 😦
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Honey - I don’t think yada meant that to be hurtful, just wanted you to look at things in a different light;).

That being said, you must be very shy if you are not able to get up in front of a group:).

Now, please take what I say below in the light it is meant to be - just throwing out some ideas to help you.

You also said you have a small studio apartment - exactly how many people can you get in there comfortably? For just one night a week or month?

Could you possibly say hi to someone after Mass who looks like they might be in the same situation as you are? Do this several Sundays in a row, say Hi and eventually invite them to coffee with you and your husband at your local coffee shop (you don’t have to spend a lot of money there - a regular cup of coffee even at Starbucks is cheap, just don’t get one of those specialty lattes or whatever). Or invite them to meet you at the closest McDonald’s for a small coke or coffee and to visit, talk about the homily or whatever. Start small in your own “leadership” ways. Before you know it you might find someone else who feels the same way you do and would be willing to take the leadership role at the church to start that “games” night or “song/karaoke” night.

Also, don’t be afraid to socialize with people from work or school.

I have to say that I really, really, really like my days when I have “quick outside the home with other people activities” and then home again to be totally alone - no one at home except the animals and me. But I do have scheduled times of going out of the house with other people, Jazzercise, Weekday Mass, teaching CCD (maybe you could be an aide, this would take the spotlight off of you but still put you in contact with others at times other than Mass), delivering Avon, going to the store. I have an incredibly large number of people I know.

I will say that there is a big lack of social activities in most Parishes for singles and childless couples. My Parish is one exception. We have a young adults group that meets twice a month. We have a singles group that meets weekly - both do things from Bible studies to going to the local miniature golf course and even picnics to the mountains.

Another question, does your Parish have a permanent Deacon? He might be someone to approach to help you get a social type activity started for couples in your little families situation. You said your husband was very anti-social (sounds like something my husband would say about me), ask him what he would be comfortable doing.

Ask about having a pot-luck at your Parish after say, the last Mass on the feastday of your Parish. We have this kind of thing going on in the Mission Parish I currently attend. We do this for Christmas, for Easter and for the Feast day of our Patron Saint. This is not always possible for larger Parishes - the mother Parish is so big that even though this happens, it only happens once every other year as the “Parish Picnic” and it is divided up by first initial of last name as to what you will bring to the picnic. I don’t go to those because I don’t tolerate crowds very well.

Brenda V.
 
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