I feel like such a fraud

[kristina40]

For those of you that have read some of my previous posts, I need some advice. With the myriad of obstacles and struggles in my life recently, I have another couple…now that my family is in the grieving process after the loss of my dad, my sister has been admitted into the hospital with extremely high blood pressure - they are trying to determine what is causing it. I have been attempting to build my faith, but with all the chaos in my life, I feel like I am just going through the motions. During the Tuesday mass I attended, the Homily focused on not having a “Woe is me attitude” and instead finding the things in our lives to be thankful and praise God for. This brought tears to my eyes, and I realized the priest was talking to ME! However, although I am making a concerted effort to attend mass more frequently, and I have gone to the church to pray on my own, on days we don’t have a mass here, I feel like I am just paying “lip service”. How do I get past the attitude of ingratitude? Just seems like for a very long time, I have not had much to be grateful for…yes I’m thankful for the continued rain, the sun shine, the health of my immediate family…

 

[Eucharisted]

You can show your gratitude to God by three means: Prayer, charity, and sacrifice. Pray with trust in God, ask Him to give you more love of Him and of your neighbor. Do charity by loving others as another I, as a husband loves his wife (“No longer two but one flesh”). Make sacrifice by bearing everything in patience, with prayer and charity.

Offer everything to Jesus, in union with His sufferings on the Cross, for whatever good intentions you have.

 

[Lipari91]

Hi Kristina! Your post could have been my post two years ago. I lost my dad as well, and other stressful life events cropped up just after. All those events sent me into an emotional tailspin and I found myself desperately clutching at what little faith I had left. Please know you are not alone in your feelings. I too, felt I was “just going through the motions”. There are many days that I look at the situation I am in and think I have nothing to be thankful or grateful for. That is your grief and stress talking. At this time in your life, that’s ok- just keep going to mass and moving forward even if you feel numb right now. You will emerge from your immediate stresses eventually, these things take time. You are on the right track. Eventually the numbness will subside and you will begin to feel lighter and more thankful again. God bless you- I will keep you in my prayers!

 

[Lief_Erikson]

If I were you, I would pray that in these sufferings I would find union with Christ and His Cross, and would come to know and love more intimately our God. All of us are called to pick up our crosses and follow Him. You now have a cross to bear, and in that cross you can come far closer to Him in His Passion. If I were you, I’d pray to be close to Christ in His Passion right now.

 

[Liraco]

Hi Kristina. I haven’t read your other posts, but what do you mean by “lip service”? Do you feel obligated to go or is it just because you don’t feel much right now?

Remember that our faith is not based on feelings. Those things will always pass, good or bad. Sometimes a dry period where one feels nothing or actually feels bad isn’t a time to despair but to really make the effort to put your trust in Him.

I’d recommend that you also go to Eucharistic adoration. Just Jesus and you alone. You can also just go sometime when there’s no mass, as long as you see a red light/candle lit on or near the tabernacle, it means He’s present. Either works just as well. So just talk to Him about anything and everything or simply sit in silence and let Him talk to you.

I’d also recommend you read this reflection on the Passion of Jesus by Fr. Serpa: click here

I’m sorry for your loss and will pray for your dad, your family, and you.

 

[MarieVeronica]

“kristina” I know how it feels to lose your dad. My dad will be gone 21 years, this November. And I still miss him, every single day. It will take some time, to get through the grieving process. :console: Try not to be too hard on yourself.

In the meantime, you can simply make an offering of your grief to Our Lord. Ask Him to join your grief to the grief He suffered, during His Agony in the Garden.

I will keep you in my prayers. God bless.

 

[kristina40]

Hi Kristina. I haven’t read your other posts, but what do you mean by “lip service”? Do you feel obligated to go or is it just because you don’t feel much right now?

I feel drawn to go, but when I get there it’s like I’m at a foreign language film (with no subtitles). I don’t seem to be able to concentrate or absorb much of what is going on…It’s like I’m “walled off” from the time I enter the chapel until I leave. It is a very lonely, desolate feeling…Before I leave I am almost chanting “Jesus, I trust in you” over and over - almost like a positive affirmation statement, if I say it often enough, it will believable. Does that make sense?

Unfortunately, in my life, like in the Fr. Serpa reflection I have felt the rejection from my peers so often that I have a hard time trusting…I keep asking myself: why if Jesus went through the Passion, would he want to stand with me through some of the same emotions, feelings, sufferings? I know my situation isn’t even near the suffering he endured but right now, I am so overwhelmed I can barely function…

 

[Elrandir]

Hey Kristina,

I guess we all have times when we feel disconnected with God a bit and that when we go to pray we feel alone and can’t concentrate.
I have been going through this for the last 6 month straight, but what has kept all my life together was indeed my faith. My Priest told me, that as long as we are connected to people who are connected to God, We are connected to God. I never really believed him on that, but only now that I am slowly getting better I see how much the faith community has carried me through my times of troubles. You are not alone and there are wonderfull people out there, who are there for you in your times of grief.

What I did two days ago is, I went to a church quite far away and spend the whole day in prayer and reminded God of his promises that he has given to us through Christ our Lord and I have told him EVERYTHING that was happening (and at the beginning of the prayer I felt confused, could not concentrate and felt quite empty), but after an hour or so, when I actually told him that I am not going to leave until he talks to me again, my vision cleared a bit and for the first time in a long long time I finally had a conversation with God again.

The pint that I am trying to make is, that although you feel numb while praying and it seems that no one is listening, just keep praying, and God will reward your perseverece and your trust, even if it does not feel like this right now.

May God bless and protect you always

Elrandir

 

[Liraco]

Unfortunately, in my life, like in the Fr. Serpa reflection I have felt the rejection from my peers so often that I have a hard time trusting…I keep asking myself: why if Jesus went through the Passion, would he want to stand with me through some of the same emotions, feelings, sufferings? I know my situation isn’t even near the suffering he endured but right now, I am so overwhelmed I can barely function…

Because He loves you. Remember that He didn’t die for everyone “in general”, He died for YOU. Every time we sin we put Him up on the cross again and yet every single time we ask He’ll forgive us. It’s funny that you say that He suffered a lot more than you, when generally I hear people complaining about “what does God know about my suffering?”. Approach Him with that same humility and go to be before Him on the tabernacle someday. Just talk, or sit there. Don’t worry about repetitious prayer, it’s quality an not quantity He wants. If you’re heart’s not into the prayer then just talk, He always listens.

He knows and loves every single person, dying for each and every one. So never forget He wants you to be with Him, you just need to open that door in your heart. He’ll be out there knocking every single day, waiting patiently for you to answer. So if you feel that you can’t open up that door right now, then go to Him and ask for the help to do so.

Just be patient and don’t fall into despair. Offer this suffering and numbness for the sake of your father. Suffering is only wasted when you don’t offer it up!

I’ll keep praying for you.