Dear AJ,
I am new to this forum, came across your post and thought I would respond. In 2001 my 49 year old husband died suddenly from a heart attack, and through the compassionate grief counseling provided by my parish priest and the uncountable prayers offered in my behalf by the Grace of God I was able to start to heal from my grief. About a year following the death of my husband I began to subtly feel not physically well and had an inner prompting that something was seriously wrong with me. I eventually made my way to the doctor, who initially did not think anything was seriously wrong, but I demanded further testing and a week following this appointment I was informed that I had an early staged female cancer. The only treatment I required was surgery, and I still can hear my doctor say I must have had an angel on my shoulder because my cancer was caught in the earliest stage possible and the chance of recurrence was near zero. After hearing this news I was elated and considered myself so blessed that my life was spared. About 6 months following my surgery, and what seemed like this all happened over night I developed severe depression coupled by the most intense panic attacks which affected my ability to swallow even my own saliva. I literally could not function, and this was all brought upon by an abrupt change in my hormones caused by the surgery I required to treat my cancer. I was in so much mental distress I began to think that only death would bring me relief from this suffering. I went to bed one night and although I was quite angry with God at the time because I felt so totally abandoned by Him, I prayed He either take me home or send some help real soon. The next morning when I woke up, I had another internal prompting that it was time to seek professional mental health help. I asked my friend to bring me to the local psychiatric hospital, and I was immediately prescribed medication and began therapy that was aimed at ongoing assessment of the effectiveness of my medications which were adjusted a number of times. By years end, I began to slowly wean off the medication, and by the Grace of God my depression and panic attacks did not return once I stopped the medication. I share my story because often times there can be a physical problem that can be the root cause of many depressive disorders like mine such as thyroid problems, etc, and I have seen this happen countless times with many of my patients during my 30 year career in nursing. I have no doubt that my grief over the death of my husband, and the shock of learning I had cancer probably contributed to the severity of my depression and panic attacks. But the medication and therapy greatly lessened the intensity of my mental suffering, and without it I would not have been able to function in daily life, and most impotantly continue to work and support myself until this physiologic normalization came about. I will keep you in my prayers that the Good Lord will bring you to the place, person, etc. that will help deliver you from this suffering as he did for me.
