I Feel Lost

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chiara1975

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Hi

I’ve just joined today and just feel so sad about my life.

I am a catholic and I love my faith,but recently I have done things so out of character for myself and feel like I have lost my morals.

So many times I try to turn my life around, to eat better, exercise, go to church more, make new friends. But every time I try I fail and I just feel worse and worse about myself.

I am now a 39 year old woman, alone, unhappy emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually and feel so worn out and tired by life.

I just don’t know what to do to turn my life around. I feel like I have tried and failed so many times before.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? What steps did you take to get your life back on course?

Apologies if I have posted this in the wrong section

Chiara
 
Chiara, do you have Christian friends you can talk to and share these things with? If so, let them encourage you.

It can be hard to change a lot of things at once.

Can you remember when things started to go wrong? What those first steps in the wrong direction might have been?
 
What were your parents like? Were they demanding? There’s nothing wrong with reaching for excellence as long as one maintains a glass-is-half-full outlook on life. We are supposed live in anticipation of the positives, rather than dwelling on the negatives. It takes unwavering belief in love and optimism. After heartaches, it’s easy to fall into the glass-is-half-empty trap, especially in this shallow, unromantic media culture. That’s why it’s so painful to witness the masses who have been led astray. The key is to focus on nothing but hope for the positive and true, sacrificial love. You can’t control other people’s actions. It’s becoming rarer and rarer to find Deep people who are not afraid to take a chance on a heartache in exchange for the opportunity for something deeper. Good luck, have faith, and look for the love in others!
 
Hi Chiara, I feel for you and empathise.

This happens to me a lot.

Apart from the solid advice in the previous posts, I would add, that this could be a spiritual thing and if it might not seem that way, you can acknowledge it as such.

God is always with you through everything, so, it may be a long dry phase for you to show persistence in prayer even though you’re not receiving consolation. In this situation, for whatever the reason, try and pray more and have faith the prayers you are saying are being heard.

Also, a practical thing to do can be to take up some form of volunteer work. In the U.K. there are numerous adverts everywhere for volunteer work, it’s a big thing here, I don’t know about in the U.S; this kind of thing can bring you some instant life satisfaction and also create new opportunities.

Combining the first poster’s suggestion of thinking what may have caused this onset of dryness, combined with prayer and taking up something new in which you aren’t focussing on yourself too much, could help, but be patient with God, and with yourself!
 
Hi chiara,
I must add that I too experience this. Sometimes I wonder if God allows experiences like this to happen to me so that I may draw closer to Him. But, that is useless when you feel helpless and hopeless. I often get great comfort from this forum and I hope you do too.
God Bless,
Meadhbh
 
chiara1975 said:
Hi

I’ve just joined today and just feel so sad about my life.

I am a catholic and I love my faith,but recently I have done things so out of character for myself and feel like I have lost my morals.

So many times I try to turn my life around, to eat better, exercise, go to church more, make new friends. But every time I try I fail and I just feel worse and worse about myself.

I am now a 39 year old woman, alone, unhappy emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually and feel so worn out and tired by life.

I just don’t know what to do to turn my life around. I feel like I have tried and failed so many times before.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? What steps did you take to get your life back on course?

Apologies if I have posted this in the wrong section

Chiara
Click to expand...
Welcome to CAF Chiara1975.
You are a child of God. You are not alone, God is with you always. He never leaves you. No matter what our sins; God in his infinite mercy & love always welcomes us back to him. Have you looked into any of the Catholic singles groups. Some Parishes have these groups, a good place to meet people & form friendships. Praying for your intdntions.
 
chiara1975 said:
Hi

I’ve just joined today and just feel so sad about my life.

I am a catholic and I love my faith,but recently I have done things so out of character for myself and feel like I have lost my morals.

So many times I try to turn my life around, to eat better, exercise, go to church more, make new friends. But every time I try I fail and I just feel worse and worse about myself.

I am now a 39 year old woman, alone, unhappy emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually and feel so worn out and tired by life.

I just don’t know what to do to turn my life around. I feel like I have tried and failed so many times before.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? What steps did you take to get your life back on course?

Apologies if I have posted this in the wrong section

Chiara
Click to expand...
It sounds to me like you are struggling with changing habits. This is a very common problem for all of us. I found this guy’s advice to be pretty helpful. It probably isn’t perfect or without error but it has some really helpful ideas in it. It isn’t religious in nature but I have no doubt some of these ideas could transfer to your spiritual life as well. Hope it helps! jamesclear.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/habits-v2.pdf
 
I was once lost as well, I would love to have coffee and just sit and talk with you,
Because that’s how to start and change your life around, is there a chance of changeling the environment in which you live ? Social group ? Parish ? Hobbies or things of interest ?
 
Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to my post.

All of your advice was helpful.

I think I am going to take baby steps and try and be kind to myself. Even though I feel a desperate urgency in myself that I have to change everything negative in my life now. I just feel so old and that time is ticking and that I haven’t achieved anything. I especially feel that as being the oldest child in my family and not being married or having kids.

Well I’m going to start by trying to be a better catholic, and going back to church regularly, I think if I can do this then other things may start to fall into place.

Thanks again Chiara
 
I am really sorry you are feeling this way. Yes, I have been there as well. What I think you have to do is stop beating up on yourself. God is trying to get your attention and you are hearing Him. So, try to focus on His love and let Him help guide you. If I can give you some advice (as these are the things I am doing as well) here is what it would be:
  1. Go to confession. Tell the priest your sins and ask for some advice on that empty feeling you are having. Knowing you are forgiven is the first step to creating a better life.
  2. find a church that has Adoration. I spend a lot of time there when I am feeling lost. I empty my heart out to the Lord and then quietly and peacefully listen. Sometimes I get very clear answers and sometimes I just get a renewed spirit to go back out into the real world and fight the good fight again. Time at Adoration is changing my life and I believe it can help your life as well.
  3. Go to Our lady in prayer and ask her to pray for you. I can tell you that as I look back on my life, she has guided me past some pretty huge mistakes. Padre Pio said something like Mary will always guide your little ship (soul) towards Jesus and God’s will. She sure has in my case.
  4. Start taking a few minutes every day to thank God for what you do have in life. Even if it is just that you took the time to pray that day. We all have to start small and work our way up.
  5. if you have the time volunteer somewhere. It can really radically change your life. If not that, try to just focus on doing one helpful/kind thing per day for another person. Pick one person in your life or someone you don’t even know and pray for them. It will help change your perspective on life.
I certainly don’t have all the answers. I am still struggling as well. But, these things that I have listed our getting me through the bad times. The Catholic faith has many “tools” to help you grow closer to God’s will for your life. If you let these tools into your life you might be surprised at how things can improve. I don’t mean like a miracle/happy ending on a sappy TV show kinda of improvement. I mean that you can find peace, contentment, and God’s love. It is amazing how that can make things better. God Bless you and please let us know how you are doing!!
 
chiara1975 said:
Hi

I’ve just joined today and just feel so sad about my life.

I am a catholic and I love my faith,but recently I have done things so out of character for myself and feel like I have lost my morals.

So many times I try to turn my life around, to eat better, exercise, go to church more, make new friends. But every time I try I fail and I just feel worse and worse about myself.

I am now a 39 year old woman, alone, unhappy emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually and feel so worn out and tired by life.

I just don’t know what to do to turn my life around. I feel like I have tried and failed so many times before.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? What steps did you take to get your life back on course?

Apologies if I have posted this in the wrong section

Chiara
Click to expand...
I’ve felt this way often. I now live in a really small community full of mostly married people. I’m also single. I got some really good advice from a priest that said to be thankful for the blessings in my life rather than focusing on what I don’t have. I take some time each day to examine my conscience. I look at four things 1) ways that God has blessed me personally (like I got an out of the blue phone call from a friend I haven’t talked to in ages) 2) Ways that I’ve responded to God’s love. For example, I got an inspiration to go to a social event and followed through rather than talking myself out of it. 3) Ways that I could have responded better to God’s love. 4) Resolutions for the future.

The examination helps me see how God is working in my life. It helps me trust that God is there and working to make good things happen in my life, although one step at a time. When I look back at what I wrote in my journal, I can really see that I’ve come a long way. Without regular journal writing I probably would be less aware that God is there and more likely to think that, despite my efforts, I was getting nowhere.
 
dolly_finn said:
I am really sorry you are feeling this way. Yes, I have been there as well. What I think you have to do is stop beating up on yourself. God is trying to get your attention and you are hearing Him. So, try to focus on His love and let Him help guide you. If I can give you some advice (as these are the things I am doing as well) here is what it would be:
  1. Go to confession. Tell the priest your sins and ask for some advice on that empty feeling you are having. Knowing you are forgiven is the first step to creating a better life.
  2. find a church that has Adoration. I spend a lot of time there when I am feeling lost. I empty my heart out to the Lord and then quietly and peacefully listen. Sometimes I get very clear answers and sometimes I just get a renewed spirit to go back out into the real world and fight the good fight again. Time at Adoration is changing my life and I believe it can help your life as well.
  3. Go to Our lady in prayer and ask her to pray for you. I can tell you that as I look back on my life, she has guided me past some pretty huge mistakes. Padre Pio said something like Mary will always guide your little ship (soul) towards Jesus and God’s will. She sure has in my case.
  4. Start taking a few minutes every day to thank God for what you do have in life. Even if it is just that you took the time to pray that day. We all have to start small and work our way up.
  5. if you have the time volunteer somewhere. It can really radically change your life. If not that, try to just focus on doing one helpful/kind thing per day for another person. Pick one person in your life or someone you don’t even know and pray for them. It will help change your perspective on life.
I certainly don’t have all the answers. I am still struggling as well. But, these things that I have listed our getting me through the bad times. The Catholic faith has many “tools” to help you grow closer to God’s will for your life. If you let these tools into your life you might be surprised at how things can improve. I don’t mean like a miracle/happy ending on a sappy TV show kinda of improvement. I mean that you can find peace, contentment, and God’s love. It is amazing how that can make things better. God Bless you and please let us know how you are doing!!
Click to expand...
Thank you dolly_finn for taking the time to reply.

Yes I am beating myself up about a lot of things at the moment. I have so many things that I need to do in such a short space of time but I know deep in my heart that I need to just let it go.

My priority is getting closer to God. I haven’t been to church in quite some time so I am really nervous about going back and just not feeling anything.

I have found a little church nearby that does adoration - its a little bit out of my way but I just feel the need to go to church so badly at the moment.

Anyway thanks for your kind words they really mean a lot.

🙂
 
adele78 said:
I’ve felt this way often. I now live in a really small community full of mostly married people. I’m also single. I got some really good advice from a priest that said to be thankful for the blessings in my life rather than focusing on what I don’t have. I take some time each day to examine my conscience. I look at four things 1) ways that God has blessed me personally (like I got an out of the blue phone call from a friend I haven’t talked to in ages) 2) Ways that I’ve responded to God’s love. For example, I got an inspiration to go to a social event and followed through rather than talking myself out of it. 3) Ways that I could have responded better to God’s love. 4) Resolutions for the future.

The examination helps me see how God is working in my life. It helps me trust that God is there and working to make good things happen in my life, although one step at a time. When I look back at what I wrote in my journal, I can really see that I’ve come a long way. Without regular journal writing I probably would be less aware that God is there and more likely to think that, despite my efforts, I was getting nowhere.
Click to expand...
Thankyou Adele78 - yes I think I need to start up a gratitude journal, I certainly have a lot in my life to feel grateful for e.g. a steady job, a house, 2 beautiful nephews… its just hard sometimes and I get very lonely.

Anyway thanks for taking the time to reply - its nice to know that I am not the only person feeling like this out there.

🙂
 
chiara1975,

I think I can identify with some of what you are experiencing. I will pray that the Holy Spirit guide you and that you are granted the strength to persevere.

You have mentioned numerous things that you believe you need to change. Feel like sharing a little more about what is distressing you in these areas?
 
chiara1975 said:
Hi

I’ve just joined today and just feel so sad about my life.

I am a catholic and I love my faith,but recently I have done things so out of character for myself and feel like I have lost my morals.

So many times I try to turn my life around, to eat better, exercise, go to church more, make new friends. But every time I try I fail and I just feel worse and worse about myself.

I am now a 39 year old woman, alone, unhappy emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually and feel so worn out and tired by life.

I just don’t know what to do to turn my life around. I feel like I have tried and failed so many times before.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? What steps did you take to get your life back on course?

Apologies if I have posted this in the wrong section

Chiara
Click to expand...
Please invoke the Blessed Virgin Mary frequently for her assistance, and consecrate your self to Jesus through her. Please obtain a preparation book for your consecration. An excellent one is* Consecration to Mary *by Fr. Helmuts Libietis. Also, you should read *Devotion to the Sacred Heart *by Fr. John Croiset, S.J… You will be very grateful after reading these books and after consecrating yourself. I have no doubt that you will be a changed person. Please follow my loving advise to you. God bless you.
 
I too suffer from beating myself up. What helps me is to try not to dwell too much on my shortcomings. We are all human and imperfect. You are on the right track. Patience can be hard sometimes, but God will deliver!
 
Thanks BSF for your reply.

The things that I am struggling with are an eating disorder which I feel like I have no control over and which makes me feel ashamed of myself. I am desperately lonely and have little to no real friends and the only family I have is my mother as family who is very needy.

I so desperately want to be a wife and a mother but at 39 I feel like time is running out and I don’t know if this will ever happen for me now. I feel spiritually lost and don’t feel close to God at all although I am trying to pray more and attend mass more.

I think overall I just feel tired with the stresses and strains of life.

Thank you for your prayers.

x
bsf said:
chiara1975,

I think I can identify with some of what you are experiencing. I will pray that the Holy Spirit guide you and that you are granted the strength to persevere.

You have mentioned numerous things that you believe you need to change. Feel like sharing a little more about what is distressing you in these areas?
Click to expand...
 
I am glad you maintain hope as evidenced by you posting here and indicating you are still “struggling”. On the other hand, I am sorry your burdens appear so heavy. You are not alone in any of the struggles you mentioned. Countless others carry these burdens.

You have mentioned numerous things that are distressing you. Not that I have any brilliant advice or commentary to offer, I would like to talk a little about the sense of God’s presence in our lives. Not to be trite and parrot some meaningless platitude, but Jesus is always with us. I truly understand how it is to feel far away from God. Scripture, orthodox Christian and Catholic literature, and the Church teach us that, even though God may withdraw a sense of His presence, He does not abandon us. If there is actual defect in our relationship with God, it is our doing, not His. I believe a lack of consolation in and of itself does not mean there is any defect in the relationship, though. I believe we grow stronger when we encounter difficulty, but continue to seek God’s will; choose what we believe is pleasing to God; and persevere. This is what we are called to do when consolation is lacking. Persevere until God restores consolation.

I will pray that God provide you the assistance you need to persevere.

Here is a prayer that I have found helpful when life seems very dark.

PRAYER FOR TRUST

O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.

(By St. Ignatius of Loyola, 1491-1556)
 
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