I feel so different

[Anglewannabe]

I was at break today at work. The other 3 ladies were talking about all the work stress. and joking and laughing. Perhaps they were unwinding, but I just did not get what was so funny.

For example, they would say things like ‘I was here 6 months before I knew about XYZ’ and laughing at the stupidity of it and saying ‘They should have told me my first day that is so important.’

The reason I feel different is because when I find out about something important 6 months after I should have known, my first though is ‘Why didn’t I look into this earlier, what else am I missing and where can I get the information’ And then I just try my best to pay attention to things and pray to God for the wisdom to the my best. And if I was at the point to talk about it at break, I wouldn’t be laughing but expressing anger and my temper would flare and my day get ruined so I try not to complain if it will just anger me. I just don’t comprehend how it could be a laughing matter.

And what kills me the most is each woman would talk about a different event that was mess up due to poor organization at the same time. For example

Person A: event 1 went wrong
Person B: Event 2 was a disaster
Person A: Then I called the client re event 1
Person C: My boss found out about event 3
Person B: Event 2 happens twice a week

It was like they weren’t even listening to each other. Just each talking about their own thing. There did not seem to be any relating to each other or compassion or shared dialogue. But yet, they all seemed to be enjoying the conversation

Or the other day, a girl at work did something with her hair to purposely look funny. Another girl took a picture and sent it to a guy who was on holidays. I didn’t see anything funny about it. If anything, I felt that taking the picture was taking away from the moment. And if I was the guy on holidays, the last thing I would want is a picture from the office.

But these are the times that all the co-workers bond. I say nothing because if they are having fun, I will not squash it. But it sure makes reading a book by myself on break seem like a lot more fun

Thoughts?

Angie

 

[JamalChristophr]

Your books will very likely be far more edifying.

 

[1newcatholic]

I was at break today at work. The other 3 ladies were talking about all the work stress. and joking and laughing. Perhaps they were unwinding, but I just did not get what was so funny.

For example, they would say things like ‘I was here 6 months before I knew about XYZ’ and laughing at the stupidity of it and saying ‘They should have told me my first day that is so important.’

The reason I feel different is because when I find out about something important 6 months after I should have known, my first though is ‘Why didn’t I look into this earlier, what else am I missing and where can I get the information’ And then I just try my best to pay attention to things and pray to God for the wisdom to the my best. And if I was at the point to talk about it at break, I wouldn’t be laughing but expressing anger and my temper would flare and my day get ruined so I try not to complain if it will just anger me. I just don’t comprehend how it could be a laughing matter.

And what kills me the most is each woman would talk about a different event that was mess up due to poor organization at the same time. For example

Person A: event 1 went wrong
Person B: Event 2 was a disaster
Person A: Then I called the client re event 1
Person C: My boss found out about event 3
Person B: Event 2 happens twice a week

It was like they weren’t even listening to each other. Just each talking about their own thing. There did not seem to be any relating to each other or compassion or shared dialogue. But yet, they all seemed to be enjoying the conversation

Or the other day, a girl at work did something with her hair to purposely look funny. Another girl took a picture and sent it to a guy who was on holidays. I didn’t see anything funny about it. If anything, I felt that taking the picture was taking away from the moment. And if I was the guy on holidays, the last thing I would want is a picture from the office.

But these are the times that all the co-workers bond. I say nothing because if they are having fun, I will not squash it. But it sure makes reading a book by myself on break seem like a lot more fun

Thoughts?

Angie

Do you have a group of close friends? I ask because it sounds like you are perplexed by what sounds like normal and basic social interactions. We’re all different. I’ve never been much of a socializer myself, and it sounds like you might not be either.

 

[heidi_storage]

Yep, you’re different. From all of your previous posts, you don’t enjoy gossip, you take things seriously, and you have a tendency to overanalyze social interactions. You’re a bit oversensitive.

That’s you. Is it a problem? Only if it’s making you unhappy; as 1newcatholic said, we’re all different. If there’s something you feel you should work on, do it! If not, just accept that you are who you are and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.

 

[Boccherini]

They are telling each other these things probably because they have been frustrated and embarrassed and sharing their experiences and laughing is a way of seeing that they are not alone and feeling better.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Yep, you’re different. From all of your previous posts, you don’t enjoy gossip, you take things seriously, and you have a tendency to overanalyze social interactions. You’re a bit oversensitive.

That’s you. Is it a problem? Only if it’s making you unhappy; as 1newcatholic said, we’re all different. If there’s something you feel you should work on, do it! If not, just accept that you are who you are and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.

I think the fact that I don’t enjoy gossip is a good trait that I want to take. As for taking things seriously, that can sometimes be good or bad depending on the situation. I guess the reason I was taking the work scenario seriously is because if I was to carry on like that at break, I would not perform as well at work. If these woman can shut it off once they are at their desks and do a good job, then good for them. I can’t.

As for overanalysing, yes, that is not a good quality.

And honestly, I would prefer to just accept who I am and read a book at break

Angie

 

[Anglewannabe]

They are telling each other these things probably because they have been frustrated and embarrassed and sharing their experiences and laughing is a way of seeing that they are not alone and feeling better.

I agree with what you said. However, to me, when I need to share only one aspect is so I can realize I am not alone. These women were not at the point where it is time to move to the solution. And personally, I want to move to the solution

 

[Anglewannabe]

Do you have a group of close friends? I ask because it sounds like you are perplexed by what sounds like **normal and basic social interactions. **We’re all different. I’ve never been much of a socializer myself, and it sounds like you might not be either.

It might be common social interaction, but there did not seem to be much caring for what anyone else was saying the way they all had to ‘top’ what each other said. They all seemed more interested in telling their story than listening to what the other had to say. I fail to see how that is charitable

 

[Cat]

It might be common social interaction, but there did not seem to be much caring for what anyone else was saying the way they all had to ‘top’ what each other said. They all seemed more interested in telling their story than listening to what the other had to say. I fail to see how that is charitable

Stop judging others.

Somehow, you have to find a way to be a team-player, and judging others is definitely not going to make you part of the team. Even if you don’t share your judgments out loud with them, they will pick up on your inner attitude, and you’ll be in trouble at work.

So you want to read at break. Fine. I do the same because I, too, need the “down time.”

But I make sure to tell my co-workers, 'Hey, I’m going to break now." And I go somewhere else in my hospital to read so that I don’t look stand-offish. And if there IS a department lunch (send out for Chinese, etc.), I stay in the department and eat with everyone else and enjoy my time with them. I even suggest sending out at lunch or going out together for dinner after work, and my suggestions are taken seriously and people like it.

I wish there were a way that you could learn to just enjoy other people and take them as they come, instead of judging them.

 

[CatholicRaven]

Just because they are discussing a particular problem doesn’t necessarily mean they need or want to find a solution to that problem right now. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the problem they’re discussing isn’t the problem actually being addressed by conversing in this way.

See, connecting with others is addressing the “problem” for many women–that some of us need to talk to others as a way to release stress, build relationships, and foster community. Not all women need this. But it sounds like your co-workers do, and they got exactly the “solution” they were seeking–even though it seemed to you like they had an entirely different problem!

It sounds like you just don’t understand the way these other women interact, because you don’t interact the same way. That’s okay. You don’t have to assume they are being uncharitable or trying to “top” each other, though. Though it may seem to you that they aren’t listening to each other, I’d bet they were listening to the others and talking almost at the same time (which many women have the ability to do), and I’d also bet that any one woman in the group could probably tell you later what each of the other women said. Probably in excruciating detail. But if they really weren’t hearing each other, they wouldn’t be able to do that!

Some people cannot track conversations like that and need more “one-track” focus, and that’s okay, too. It doesn’t make either way uncharitable or wrong. Just different.

Think of it this way: some people take a pile of projects and do them one project at a time, getting each one done (or maybe all of one kind of task done) before they move on to the next one. Other people can work on this one a little bit, and answer the phone, and then work on another one a little bit, and then maybe start the third one while checking email, and then come back to the first project and pick up where they left off. They may not need to do particular tasks or projects in “order” from first to last.

Neither way is necessarily right or wrong, and both people may have no problem getting all of the projects done correctly and on time. It’s just that they do things differently.

It’s the same way with socializing. Some people are great at one-on-one conversation but can’t “multi-task” conversations, or vice versa. Others do fine with both/either. And still others just prefer to be alone with a good book. And that’s okay, too. There’s room for all kinds.

 

[jlc2k2]

Stop judging others.

Somehow, you have to find a way to be a team-player, and judging others is definitely not going to make you part of the team. Even if you don’t share your judgments out loud with them, they will pick up on your inner attitude, and you’ll be in trouble at work.

So you want to read at break. Fine. I do the same because I, too, need the “down time.”

But I make sure to tell my co-workers, 'Hey, I’m going to break now." And I go somewhere else in my hospital to read so that I don’t look stand-offish. And if there IS a department lunch (send out for Chinese, etc.), I stay in the department and eat with everyone else and enjoy my time with them. I even suggest sending out at lunch or going out together for dinner after work, and my suggestions are taken seriously and people like it.

I wish there were a way that you could learn to just enjoy other people and take them as they come, instead of judging them.

I agree.

OP - you might benefit from reading up on different personality types. Just because other women enjoy conversations like that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with them or with you.

 

[amrin]

Everyone is different, some people are just naturally more casual about some things, others are more serious about everything. Sometimes I can’t find some conversations fun at all, yet others seem to be having a blast. It all comes down to you as a person and all your previous experiences.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I think I felt different in the same sense that you felt different when I was in my early 20s and a few of my friends got a Laser pointer, were pointing it at cars driving by and then busting up hysterically as if it was the funniest thing that they had ever seen. Ahh, to be entertained that easily must be great. Apparently ignorance really is bliss

Don’t drive yourself crazy dwelling on how others interact differently than you, or what others find amusing. We are all different. Im not saying that you are driving yourself crazy over that situation but I don’t get why you would care to even think about it for longer than a minuet or two. Unless that you feel different really bothers you or something.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I think I felt different in the same sense that you felt different when I was in my early 20s and a few of my friends got a Laser pointer, were pointing it at cars driving by and then busting up hysterically as if it was the funniest thing that they had ever seen. .

I would have been bored out of my mind watching that one