I feel so far away from God

  • Thread starter Thread starter nana3
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
N

nana3

Guest
First let me tell you of some of my background. During my teenage years, I was given a Bible by my dad that I started to read and found interesting. At around the same time, I picked up daily recitation of the Rosary and enjoyed it and taught it to my sisters. After college and while I was working in my profession, a Baptist Deacon challenged me and to make a long story short, I came to know more about the Church and fell in love it her and Jesus Christ. I hurt my back while in the military, the first job after college, and had to be medically discharged. I took that time afterward to strengthen my back, but ended up going to daily Mass and Eucharistic Adoration every day for hours at a time, separated times of course. I prayed so much that many of my family members and myself thought I would be a nun, but could not enter any convent due to my back problems. I had more to suffer and all I accepted and offered it up. I love Jesus so much that it hurts me to offend him or when I see others not appreciate all he did for us. It bothers me when I see abuses in the Faith or a lack of faith. Anyway, I am married, and at first it was very rocky and I wanted a divorce many times. DH has a temper, but is much better now. I did pray less as a result of having our daughter and getting busy with her, but as she entered school age, it was back to daily Mass and praying, but less still then when I was single.

My problem now is that I feel so far away from God. I don’t feel like praying and when I do, I don’t want to. There are times when I go to bed at time without praying the daily Rosary which I never use to eliminate out of my day. I still go to daily Mass, but only because I drive my daughter to school and the church is right there and offers daily Mass. I still enjoy Mass, but again feel so far from God. I can still help others, like my sisters, come closer to our Lord by words and example, but inside of me I feel that I am going far away from our Lord.

Has anyone experienced this? I also am finding myself getting angrier more than normal and for silly things. I do have other things going on, but don’t know if I am mad at God intentially or unintentially. I don’t know what is going on. I just know that it is not like me to miss praying the Rosary and meditating every day. I still say “mini prayers” but those were never enough for me. What is wrong? :confused: Is there anything wrong? I do not want to offend God anymore by being neglectful in prayers. I have not talked to a priest yet about this, but I am thinking about it.
 
You are doing a right thing of continuing to attend Mass.
I don’t know if this is the dark night, an experienced priest would be able to help you.
Set an appointment with a priest soon.

God bless!
 
I used to pray the rosary daily but now I only do it occassionally. Currently (actually for quite a while now) I do not recite set prayers like the Our Father and Hail Mary that often. I believe set prayer can only lead you so far. In fact St John of the Cross one of the CCs greatest mystic would agree. I invite you to read “the interior castle” by St Teresa of Avila and St John’s of the Cross’ works too. Prayers do not have to be long or colourful or emotional just sincere. If all you can offer God now is anger and frustration give them to him, he will somehow bring good from such prayers.

My journey has been like this
I used to pray set prayers every day till I found they no longer sufficed as they were too mechanised. Then I moved to the other spectrum of highly emotional and colourful but as time went by they too lacked I found them too overdone as though I wanted to prove something to myself, I guess I wanted to prove that I had a relationship with God. Now days I merely speak to him as a person I trust he is listening and has my best intentions at heart. And have come to understand that the answer to every prayer is GOD and the main purpose of prayer is not to present a wish list but to realise that GOD is the fulfilment of every thing I need. I want health seek God, I want well being seek God I want…the answer is God.

If all you can at the moment is offer is a short forceful, obliged dry prayer to GOd give it to him. Already you are in the right path by acknowledging even if just intellectually that the answer is God.

Hope it helps

Alex
 
It sounds like you are going through the “Dark Night of the Soul”. St. John of the Cross wrote a book about it, it fact, it was he who coined the phrase and described it in detail. It is a time that requires great faith because one does feel far away from God, sometimes not feeling His presence at all. You just have to keep believing that He is near and not rely on what you feel. ‘Feelings’ can lead us astray or deceive us at times. Know that He is with you whether you feel His presence or not.
 
Oh my GOsh!! I read the OPs post and that is myself at this very moment. I’m only 17 and haven’t gone through all the trials the OP has, but I can totally relate to the prayer life that barely exists, less Rosary meditation, not ‘feeling right’ at Mass, ect. Am I in the Dark Night? What is it?
 
Dear Nana,

I once read that God is closer to us than was our own mother when she carried us in her womb.

Perhaps God is leading you into a deeper spiritual life by allowing you these feelings. You may not have time to pray “formal prayers”, but you surely can practice keeping God’s presence continually before you and a part of your life.

My poor advice would be to tell God about these feelings. (Sometimes I think He enjoys hearing us talk from our heart, rather than reciting prayers written by another.) Try and stay as close to Him as you can. Even if you have only a few minutes here and there during your day, offer everything you do to Him, even your breath and beating of your heart.

I’ve found that if I change my focus from what I’m doing or not doing, i.e. prayers, and look instead to God, to put Him foremost, He will lead me.

Someone told me that God is closer to us the further away we feel He is.
 
Thank you to all for your advice. I will try to read St. John’s of the Cross book when I buy it. I have read, Interior Castle, but that was so long ago. I do not do only formal prayers. I do quite of bit of “just talking” to Jesus. I know I need practice in being silent and listening to the Lord. I have struggled with that one for years. I guess, the way I am feeling is what someone said alread and that is “feelings.” I know the Lord is with me even though I do not feel him but this is a first for me. With all my sufferings and crosses, He has blessed me in feeling his presence and feeling so confidence in all he had planned in my life. I guess I am in the Dark night part of my life.

I know that things are happening now that I do not understand and get frustrated and angry to God for allowing it. I know it is not totally His will, but he allows it to happen and, therefore, it is his will. I will keep on praying. I just came from Mass and I usually stay afterward and pray for an hour, but just didn’t feel like it, but also my back has been real bad these last two weeks. I guess, I just don’t understand totally why I have suffered with this back pain since I was 24 years old and I am now 41 years old. I use to handle it much better. I know I am sharing in the cross of Christ and I use to feel honored. I always thanked God for all my pain and sufferings for I know they all will help me become holy and this is one of my heartfelt prayers since I was in my twenties; to be holy. I guess I just need to continue what I am doing, but hang in there. I have kept a diary which I call, “My Dear Jesus diary” since I was 13 years old. I always write to Jesus in this diary and it helps. I still do this but not as often as daily as I use to do, but that doesn’t matter.

Maybe, I need to see what it is that God is calling me to now. I need to accept things that are going on as His will whether I like it or not. I do tell him that I am angry at him for this or that, but that I know he has my best interest and the parties best interest in mind and I need to accept.

Pray for me for I need help. I wish I could understand all this and my feelings. I go from depression to anger to crying at times. It could be hormones also, but I will had those checked out in the past and they were low, maybe it is time to check them again. But the feelings of God being far away is not hormonal, that I am sure of.
 
scapularkid8 said:
Oh my GOsh!! I read the OPs post and that is myself at this very moment. I’m only 17 and haven’t gone through all the trials the OP has, but I can totally relate to the prayer life that barely exists, less Rosary meditation, not ‘feeling right’ at Mass, ect. Am I in the Dark Night? What is it?
Click to expand...
Did you always feel this way at Mass or is this new?
 
These feelings are very common.

Faith is dynamic.
You don’t simply choose one day to fall in love with God and have your heart on fire for the rest of your life. It changes… and it grows.

I know so many who have been through these “waves” in their faith, including myself. You can go from feeling God in everything you do, to feeling nothing at all.
The important thing is to never loose faith. Although you may not “feel” God in your life in the same way you once did… continue in the ways of faith and He will continue to be with you always.

Your waves of faith will return… but it may be different than before… enjoy the new opportunities of spirituality as God moves with you throughout your life…

I have SO been there! God bless!
 
Nana, this is a normal thing. As you mature in your faith, God withdraws the feelings and the ease with which you prayed in the early days and years.

This is the time when your faith is tested and proved. This is the time when you find out if you loved God himself or the feelings you had when you prayed.

You are firmly on the right track as you continue to attend daily Mass. It doesn’t matter how or why you get there. Perhaps you could spend a few minutes in thanksgiving after Mass to re-establish your personal relationship with God.

On the other hand, it is good to submit yourself entirely to God’s will in the matter of whether or not you receive any consolations or encouragement in your life of prayer. St. Therese (the Little Flower) wrote of her abandonment to His will by describing herself as the plaything of the Baby Jesus. She was a little ball that he could play with or abuse or abandon. Whatever it pleased him to do with her was fine with her. She was totally detached from her feelings. There is much to be learned from this.

I think it is a bit extreme to attribute your difficulties to the Dark Night of the Soul. This is a trial that God permits to very advanced souls - mostly contemplative religious. People who have read about it are quick to diagnose it, but in my opinion, that is a bit hasty.

Here is the course of action I would recommend for you:

Keep going to daily Mass. Stay afterward and converse with Jesus for a little while. Ask for the grace to persevere, even when you have no feelings.

Try to say your Rosary, but don’t freak out if you don’t.

Read *The Story of a Soul *(autobiography of St. Therese).

Mention your difficulties in confession. You do not need a special appointment with a priest.

God bless you. I will pray for you.

Betsy
 
nana3 said:
Did you always feel this way at Mass or is this new?
Click to expand...
It’s relatively new. I could always feel natural and ‘connected’ at Mass when I was younger, but now it’s almost as if it’s forced and I have to convince myself “You are close to God here”. Sometimes it’s like this, sometimes it’s not. Weird.
 
scapularkid8 said:
It’s relatively new. I could always feel natural and ‘connected’ at Mass when I was younger, but now it’s almost as if it’s forced and I have to convince myself “You are close to God here”. Sometimes it’s like this, sometimes it’s not. Weird.
Click to expand...
I have been feeling this way also at Mass lately and I never use to. I love the Mass and still do, what like you say it is weird. Maybe, we both are going through this darkness.

I won’t give up and you should not either. It is nice to know that others have gone through this, not to mention many saints. You know, ever since I could remember, I use to tell Jesus all the time and still do that I want to be a saint and a holy person. These are still very strong desires. I guess I am being tested and now He will know what I am made up. I won’t give up praying and will do so even if I don’t feel like it. It is hard to do sometimes.
 
HI ! I understand exactly what you are saying. I had a conversion about 3 years ago. I went on a pilgrimage with my heart broken for Spiritual and family reasons. I came home and thought I would be a Saint over night !! Instead my Rosary became very disturbed and I was shocked, nearly ill. I could not understand what was happening to me. I asked a priest and he said I may have"unresolved issues".I then sat down and thought about my whole life, and discovered a lot of things about myself - and they were not pretty. I discribe my pilgrimage as one were Our Blessed Mother took me by the shoulders and shook me to the foundations of soul.I set about rebuilding my relationship with God and doing what I could with my family.I went to regular confessions and went through all the scruples thinking God would never forgive me. Ect. I cryed through my prayers and my mind raced on and on!. I never gave up on my Prayers or Rosary, or Mass. I felt I was praying and not getting close to God as I wanted to so desperately. I then went to a Spiritual Director and explained my situation. He told me that God loves us so much that sometimes he brings us to the very bottom to clense us and bring us back to Him, and that this is a very special Grace. I made a private General Confession and now feel very close and loved by God. The Spiritual Director said that God hears Every prayer we say, Knows all in our hearts and soul and it is a special grace that we do not feel what we want at the moment.( Closness) He also suggested that we take 5 minutes each day just to sit silent and say nothing. Just listen.Somes we chatter away so much ourselves we do do give God a “Chance” to hear Him.! You will hear God in little ways - perhaps very unexpected and that will encourage you and lift your heart. I hope this helps a little bit. I am not from America and I do not know if you have Spiritual Directors, but they talk to you on a one to one and guide you and keep in touch with you, Sometimes our Priests are very busy and it is great to have a Spiritual friend. I will pray for the day when you KNOW your are on fire for love of God, but it will only come in His time God Bless:) 👍
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top