I feel so lost. Don't know what to do

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I’ve shown the DVD of Father Calloway’s testimony to many people over the years, and they were very inspired and impressed.

He contnues to write books that inspire.
 
A part of me wishes you hadn’t asked that question, but another part of me sees this as an opportunity to be completely honest. So, the answer to the question you asked is…I would take the £10,000. I’m not proud of this answer, but at the same time I feel liberated. I do think it’s important to explain my reasoning, because it does sound horrible to take that amount of money from an old lady. I don’t expect people to agree, but here’s my opinion.

In my life, up until very recently, I only truly cared about myself, my family and God. I would die for both my faith and my family. But everything I do is for self preservation. Not just for myself, but also for my family. But when it comes to outsiders…I have being selfish. That is the truth. It may seem like a paradox to care so much about Jesus Christ, my Lord and saviour, and yet completely disregard what I feel is His most important message. “Love thy neighbour as thyself”.

My whole outlook is often warped. For instance, I will happily eat meat, but at the same time, I can’t bring myself to kill even an insect, because I empathise with it. You see, when it comes to animals, I have always had empathy. But yet I don’t think about the suffering of animals who die to get onto my plate. Also, I view Christ’s teachings in a different way to most Catholics. I often have being shunned for my beliefs on this matter, and not considered to be a proper Catholic. But I think belief is one of the lesser things needed to get to Heaven. I think our way of life is the most important thing. But I think the Church would collapse if it ever said this. But I think to believe in Christ is to believe in His teachings. I don’t think a person has to literally believe that Jesus was the Son of God to make it to Paradise. I don’t expect a single person on here to agree with me.

And finally, when it comes to money, I have also being selfish. I have squandered the inheritance that was left to me on gambling and other things. I’ve never given a penny to charity. And yet, even in my most desperate hour, I would never hurt someone to get money, or take it from someone who needed it more than me. And that’s why I wouldn’t feel bad taking that £10,000. Because let’s be honest, if an old woman can afford to do that then she must be a millionaire. And yes, it would be stealing from the Church. But when it comes to my family, I would put them above the Church. And yes, to steal from the Church could be looked at as stealing from God. Unfortunately, I don’t see it that way.

So there you have it. The truth about me, and why I don’t feel sorry for myself, as I know I’m probably to blame for all my troubles. I feel as though I have an angel and a demon sitting on my shoulder.

The one woman who I loved and spent money on…was a prostitute. And now I feel as though I can never love again, or trust a woman again. I’m working with a beautiful Canadian woman at Royal Mail. She’s a Catholic, more religious than myself. But I can’t bring myself to ask her out because I feel as though it would end the same way as before.

Sorry for rambling. But you asked a very important question, and I thought you deserved an honest answer.
 
I have nothing to offer in the way of advice, except to keep close to God and continue to pray … I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Your shame and loss of hope is understandable, in light of your circumstances. But the name Jesus means “God saves” his people. And that can be your focus. The fact that you are struggling with this indicates you know there is a better day to be had.
And so your life can be renewed. Your light will come, you can be made new in Christ. It takes time and patience to overcome vice.

And the practical steps that people are giving you are important. These are difficult and humiliating, in a good way. Find support and/or medical help for your gambling and lust problems. We need other people, point blank. We need others to help us along the way. That’s the way Christ has given us.
 
Please do consider going to some Catholic Charities.
By presuming they won’t help until your family has become homeless is almost like shutting a door already.
It’s better to at least go to them first and explain your situation and see what they say:)
 
I appreciate your honesty. Now it’s time to reflect on that answer and try to figure out how to be a better version of yourself. You have seen an evil side of the world and evil has found its way into your heart. My best recommendation is to use those experiences to pray for others until you cannot.

I found a better version of myself by using the evil places I have been in this life to be descriptive of the situations and pray for the intercession of the patron saints who handle those particular matters to help those in those situations.

Getting in the habit of converting evil to good can start you up as a better version of yourself. This technique helps one get better organized and Grace comes to you for every person that receives Devine aid that you pray for. Things can get better in this practice and I want to know if you can empty it all out.

If you succeed you will find a free $10,000 from god because it happened for me. After my period of months emptying it all out I found a brand new car left for me. Be complete as possible and merry christmas.
 
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CatholicSpirit said:
If you succeed you will find a free $10,000 from god because it happened for me.
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We ought not get someone’s hopes up like this. Your good fortune, your blessings, does not mean that the OP will receive the same. We are not “prosperity gospel” adherents.

God promises us peace beyond understanding in the midst of not only joy and plenty but also in times of loss and empty.
 
Well, you are right. I merely wanted to give my own personal testimony as to the truth that prayer works in our practical lives. There are few Catholics who I’ve met that can speak such things so I took the opportunity. It does work, the system of intercession of patron saints, combined with prayer for others, and grace and success for the one who prays.
 
Not much of us here will know what to say or have much good advice to offer.

But I encourage everyone who reads this to offer an Our Father for you and dedicate whatever time they now can in intentional prayer for you:

Our Father in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come. They will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.

Please give Christopher the graces necessary to follow you, even through all the struggles.
Let him carry his cross, but never alone. Give him people to trust and to help him.
And even when he is alone, remind him of your faithful presence.

Please give Christopher the material needs that are oh so essential for his well-being. Help him find a sustaining job.

Please inspire people to assist Christopher, in whatever ways they can.

May he never give up on you, on others, nor on his own life, which has so much potential, even if he cannot see it now.

Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Help Christopher to start a new life, and to get up each time he falls.
And grant Christopher the grace to forgive the ones who have hurt him, even the ones who have led him to his situation.

Lead us not into temptation.
Deliver us from evil.
Amen.
 
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Has anyone read the OPs other thread?

It, along with this one, raises some questions…the other progressed…at first, the girl was a former prostitute, then she just worked for a site that didn’t allow pimping, then her ‘pimp’ threatened him, later hurting a friend of his,

There are some serious issues here…whether he’s for real, or not, It’s unlikely he will get the help he needs, here.

He should see a priest, counselor, financial advisor, etc. but he turns to some unknowns on an anonymous forum site.

I don’t want to be uncharitable,but I’m not buying it. Unless, as his first, and only other thread, was just about a year ago, he has some form of holiday blues. But even that should be dealt with by professionals!

Please, don’t send the OP any cash, if he asks for it by email or PM. Let him go to his own church, or local charities.
 
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You know, in my many unpleasant encounters with atheists (both online and in real life), I have reached a conclusion… You can’t make people believe in something (or someone) if they don’t want to. Because belief is a choice. And here, after just finishing another 12 hour shift, I return home and read two replies on this forum. Both have compelled me to stay awake for just another few minutes. While the comment above yours is filled with love and hope, and I can honestly say made me cry…I read yours. A comment of negativity. A comment in which you insult me. Yes, I may deserve it, but what you accuse me of is not true.

What is true, is that all that I have described on here has been the honest truth. I would swear on a stack of bibles right now, I would testify in a court of law if I had to. And that’s why I invite you all to read the thread I created last year. It is a thread of tragedy, really, as you’re witnessing the first stages of a sort of breakdown, really. It’s almost too painful to look at, but I did manage it. You can see post by post how denial consumes me. It even ends on a pathetic note. Was I so foolish as to believe things could ever go back to the way they were?

And yes, go even further than that. Search for me online. I’m on various forums, going by the username pvhc47. You’ll notice I do lie. I say things about myself which are not true, and make wild claims. I even claim to be a qualified psychotherapist. Why? Because I don’t like my life! In a way, I suppose I never did. I am ashamed of myself now, but I don’t want others to know. And that’s why I can’t imagine speaking face to face with anyone about my problems. The mask I wear every day just won’t crumble. It doesn’t even go away when I’m speaking to my family. They need me to be the way I’ve always being. They need to see the strong individual within, in this moment above all.

And, just for the record, I have never, EVER asked anyone for cash on here or on any other online forum. And I would NEVER, EVER DO SO!

It doesn’t really matter whether you or anyone believes this or not, because I know that for the first time in my life that I have just being completely 100% honest. I suppose that’s all what really matters. Because the truth is, I already know the answers laid out before me. I just don’t like them. I want to go back to the way I once was, but I can’t. My steadfast belief in my faith, in my personal beliefs and our Lord Jesus Christ is probably the only reason my heart is still beating right now…

I have nothing further to say.
 
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Thank you. From the bottom of my heart that’s all I can muster right now. It may not look like much, just two words. But I mean them right now more than I ever have done before in my life… Thank you. Thank you.
 
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