I feel terrible

[Chevaleresse]

“At some point, you have to believe in something.”

Oh, I believe lots of things.

“You seem to be an eternal pessimist and I feel bad that you have such little faith in people and in the world.”

A pessimist is either right or pleasantly surprised.

“Do you really think I don’t know what’s going on in human biology and sexual statistics?”

You ignored some of my probing questions which suggests you know the answers. So, no.

“There’s really no point in debating this any futher.”

It’s your life, not mine; I just read the warning label.

“Just because you can’t measure something scientifically doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”

Who said anything about the existence of the soul?

 

[Marie1234]

Chevaleresse

Life does not come with a manual; there are no other “warning labels” aside from what God tells us in the Bible and what we can try to determine from common sense.

The bottom line from what we’ve been discussing is that I believe in the goodness of a person after there change of heart, where as your vision is clouded by their past mistakes. I am not naive and am very aware of the cruelty and dangers the world presents. I also know that I have the option of either getting sucked into the negativity, or choose a higher path of goodness and forgiveness.

If you want to wallow in the cruelty of the world and choose not to forgive others, that’s your free choice to do so. But remember what Jesus taught: forgiveness. If you don’t forgive others, you can’t assume or expect that others will forgive you.

This conversation is cyclical and pointless. I will say this once again. I know my Biology, I am aware of the facts and statistics regarding human sexuality and marriage. I am very aware of everything you said. I’m just trying to say that people make mistakes. Forgive them if they are sorry. That’s the Christian thing to do.

May God bless you and give you the graces to forgive and be an example to the world of what it is to be a Christian.

 

[Linusthe2nd]

So I’ve got a bit of a problem, and I’ll just get straight to it: all of my girlfriends have had sexual pasts. Some worse than others.

Im more sensitive/emotional for a guy my age (23) than others. I’ve tried really really hard to overlook my girlfriends’ pasts, but I just can’t do it.

I’d like to forget it, but no matter how hard I try, it won’t work.

Am I doomed to never get married? Am I immature or unChristian for this? Am I weak?

I feel terrible because of it. I feel like a lesser person.

It seems as though every one else can accept those things, except me.

This is really eating me up.

If you were a virgin who married or dated someone who wasnt, how did you get over it? could you give details?

Thanks

Well first of all, are you without sexual sin yourself? I don’t mean involving another person necessairly? Just a thought.

Also, you are very young, for a male you won’t really be out of the picture until between 40-50. After 50 it is a little late to think about having kids. Yea, you can do it, but not so good for the future of the kid.

So bide your time, there are plenty of " innocent " women out there.

 

[Marie1234]

I am very aware of everything you said. I’m just trying to say that people make mistakes. Forgive them if they are sorry. That’s the Christian thing to do.

Bytebear, if you are reading this post, I did not mean it to pertain to you. You want to forgive and forget your dates’ pasts but can’t because it pains you emotionally. That’s very different than not forgiving and forgetting purposefully.

 

[Chevaleresse]

“Cheresse”

Chevaleresse

“Life does not come with a manual; there are no other “warning labels” aside from what God tells us in the Bible and what we can try to determine from common sense.”

Yes, there you go, “aside from”.

“The bottom line from what we’ve been discussing is that I believe in the goodness of a person after there change of heart, where as your vision is clouded by their past mistakes.”

I believe you’re working against the odds. “Past mistakes”. Urggh. Euphemisms. Hitler made “past mistakes,” too. See how much that term covers?

“I am not naive and am very aware of the cruelty and dangers the world presents. I also know that I have the option of either getting sucked into the negativity, or choose a higher path of goodness and forgiveness.”

As I said, it’s your life.

“If you want to wallow in the cruelty of the world and choose not to forgive others, that’s your free choice to do so. But remember what Jesus taught: forgiveness. If you don’t forgive others, you can’t assume or expect that others will forgive you.”

What are talking about? I’m not the one with an optimism bias.

This discussion did not have anything to do with forgiveness. If you want to ignore the tendencies people have to recommitting the same sin or a general lack of self-control, that’s up to you.

“I know my Biology, I am aware of the facts and statistics rgarding human sexuality and marriage. I am very aware of everything you said. I’m just trying [to say?] that people make mistakes. Forgive them if they are sorry. That’s the Christian thing to do.”

It’s not my place to forgive if it has nothing to do with me. And I am not required to accept their mistakes if they are related to/affecting me. Simple.

PS. I’m still dying to see your answers to my questions that you’ve ignored.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

So I’ve got a bit of a problem, and I’ll just get straight to it: all of my girlfriends have had sexual pasts. Some worse than others.

Im more sensitive/emotional for a guy my age (23) than others. I’ve tried really really hard to overlook my girlfriends’ pasts, but I just can’t do it.

I’d like to forget it, but no matter how hard I try, it won’t work.

Am I doomed to never get married? Am I immature or unChristian for this? Am I weak?

I feel terrible because of it. I feel like a lesser person.

It seems as though every one else can accept those things, except me.

This is really eating me up.

If you were a virgin who married or dated someone who wasnt, how did you get over it? could you give details?

Thanks

I think these young ladies shouldn’t be telling you all the details of their sexual pasts, period. I’m not saying they should lie to you, no, never. If they are not virgins, they can state that up front within a certain amount of time (I wouldn’t say it on the first date, for example). But you should never have any details: that should be something the woman takes to her confessor. From what you say, they’ve been altogether too forthcoming with the details and now you have ugly images of them with other men. You’re probably not going to be able to overlook this with these particular women. Once the visuals are there, they are there, for men. Tell them goodbye.

So next time, go slower, and ask the young lady NOT to confess her sexual past to you. Tell her you are chaste and hope she is too, and take it from that point. When sexual pasts come up, it should be MUCH farther down the line and you will know, beyond a doubt, that you love that person enough to realize that her past is her past, and has formed who she is, to be the woman you love, pain and hurt and all. But my belief is that NO MAN should EVER be told visual details of a woman’s sexual history. NEVER. EVER. It’s not necessary and can drive the man out of his wits. Go to a therapist, and go to your confessor. Your husband is neither of those two.

 

[beehumble]

The whole thing with our faith, the whole point, is about forgiving and forgetting our pasts and becoming new persons who look forward, not back, as we walk the way of Jesus. Jesus said, “Behold I make all things new.” Our God is a God of second chances. Each of us has failed others and ourselves, each of us has a past, whether sexual or something else. None of us is pure.

Every moment we have the chance to become new, right to the end, as exemplified by the ‘good’ thief. So I would say embrace your faith, embrace Jesus and the cross and be glad, and forgive her.

And if that doesn’t work for you then remember what Jesus said about the head of servants who was forgiven his debt by his master, but refused to forgive the debt of the servant under him. Jesus said one such as that will not be forgiven by God for their transgressions. In other words, it is your duty as a true Christian to forgive your girlfriend. Forgiveness is hard. It was brutally painful for Jesus to die on that cross in atonement for *our *sins. Are you a true Christian, or a fake? Can you walk the talk? Follow Jesus, and forgive, and look to a future of happiness with the girl.

God bless you.

 

[Marie1234]

Chevaleresse

I believe you’re working against the odds. “Past mistakes”. Urggh. Euphemisms. Hitler made “past mistakes,” too

PS. I’m still dying to see your answers to my questions that you’ve ignored.

Hitler was responcible for the murder of millions of people in cold-blood. And he never felt bad about it. Never expressed regret. Not once. That makes zero sense to compare someone who had a few sexual mistakes in the past. I honestly don’t know what questions you are talking about that I apparently “refused” to answer and in any other cirumstance I would be happy to answer. But you are being very rude and borderline hostile, so I choose to have no part in your pointless accusations.

If I were less of a person, I would interrogate you and ridicule your opinions like you have done to me. But once again, I’m choosing the higher path.

Seriously, do not post anything more to me unless it is in the form of a real discussion, not accusations and criticisms. I am not amused and I will not answer.

May the Lord be with you. I’ll pray for you . I guess you would say that’s the optimist in me, so be it.

 

[Chevaleresse]

“Hitler was responcible for the murder of millions of people in cold-blood. And he never felt bad about it. Never expressed regret. Not once.”

To suggest he didn’t feel bad about it or never expressed regret is not correct. No one can actually know. The end result of what you’re saying by your above statement is that he’s in Hell, which you have no place in saying nor anyone else.

“That makes zero sense to compare someone who had a few sexual mistakes in the past.”

A few? What about thousands? Why is it that you try to always minimize that number? There are people who have thousands of sexual partners.

“I honestly don’t know what questions you are talking about that I apparently “refused” to answer”

Again: How many past partners would you accept? 1? 5? 10? 50? 300? 1000? What do you mean by “some” mistakes? What if there are more “mistakes”? “Lots”?

“But you are being very rude and borderline hostile”

You choose to interpret it that way. I don’t appreciate the insinuation. The discussion is in text form and as a result almost any emotion can be read into it. I would prefer that you would not assume malice on my part.

“If I were less of a person, I would interrogate you and ridicule your opinions like you have done to me. But once again, I’m choosing the higher path.”

Uh, paralipsis much?

 

[Chevaleresse]

"When sexual pasts come up, it should be MUCH farther down the line and you will know, beyond a doubt, that you love that person enough to realize that her past is her past, and has formed who she is, to be the woman you love, pain and hurt and all.’

The downside to this is that if he finds that he really, actually can’t handle it, the breakup is going to be that much more painful.

"The whole thing with our faith, the whole point, etc ] Follow Jesus, and forgive, and look to a future of happiness with the girl. "

I think you’ve misunderstood what forgiveness is.

"So bide your time, there are plenty of “innocent” women out there.

Why do you have quotes around the word ‘innocent’?

 

[Marie1234]

To suggest he didn’t feel bad about it or never expressed regret is not correct. No one can actually know. The end result of what you’re saying by your above statement is that he’s in Hell, which you have no place in saying nor anyone else.

A few? What about thousands? Why is it that you try to always minimize that number? There are people who have thousands of sexual partners.

Again: How many past partners would you accept? 1? 5? 10? 50? 300? 1000? What do you mean by “some” mistakes? What if there are more “mistakes”? “Lots”?

You choose to interpret it that way. I don’t appreciate the insinuation. The discussion is in text form and as a result almost any emotion can be read into it. I would prefer that you would not assume malice on my part.

Uh, paralipsis much?

How dare you say that I think Hitler is in hell. Shame on you! I never said that and I pray that he isn’t. In fact, I think he was insane which reduces his full consent of will.

And he never EXPRESSED regret. I never said that I knew what he felt inside.

And I already answered your question about the number of sexual partners, look bach.

It is never okay to say someone is in hell or going to hell. It is never okay to say someone else thinks someone is in hell.

 

[Chevaleresse]

“And he never felt bad about it. Never expressed regret. Not once.”

Save the patronizing. Again, you don’t know that. Alot of things he said in private are unknown. You were only implying in the direction of him not feeling bad about it or regretting it. Hitler was not insane, and that’s why your statement leads me to a particular conclusion.

So you’d marry someone with a 1000 partners? Or a murder record?

 

[Marie1234]

I’m done talking with you Chervaleresse. Don’t try to continue contacting me.

Have a nice day.

P.S. Hitler is characterized by the renowned psychoanalyst, Walter Langer, as a “neurotic psychopath.” Maybe he wasn’t “insane” psychologically speaking because he did not have a total break from reality, but he was most likely **severely **mentally ill, which can affect a person’s ability to function in society.