I feel very very frustrated

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ImmaCatholic

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Hi everyone!

I am a young Catholic in my early 20’s and am feeling very frustrated. To preface, no one in my family practices the Catholic faith (it’s “too strict” and “we are living in a modern world now, so the Church needs to change the stance on birth control and premarital sex”).

I’ve never been out with anyone before nor had my first kiss and it’s been by choice because I always felt like it just wasn’t for me. I’ve been noticing the people around me though and it seems as if everyone is having a great time dating and going out. This includes most of my friends and my family.

Warning this next part is probably going to sound a bit bitter but I’ll just say it. I can’t stand seeing people I know breaking some of the most fundamental rules of our religion and yet sitting there condemning others for other sins. Now I realise that I too am a sinner, as we all are, so I am not saying that if you’re a sinner you’re a bad person, but some of this stuff is absolutely ridiculous and downright disrespectful. For example I know someone was recently married was telling me about the artificial contraception they use to avoid children because they claimed the Catholic Church apparently got everything else right except for artificial contraception (?!?) and because we’re young and have an excuse yet show up to church on Sunday like it’s no big deal. And others who think premarital sex is “required” for a good relationship (just because THEY want it) yet condemn other sins that other people commit. I just feel like it’s cherry picking at its worst.

Thinking about this is frustrating me. As I said before I’m in my early 20s and have always been a popular girl and seeing almost everyone I know live their 20s like this and I guess seeing no real consequences, as terrible as this sounds, makes me kind of peeved. Why should they get to live their youth doing whatever they want and they get to make up for it all later and everything is A-OK and yet sometimes I feel like I am “wasting away” my young years??? I guess I could very well do what they do too but I just can’t bring myself to it for some reason. I feel like I would be betraying my Creator. Why should cherry pickers get to sit there and take Communion too (again I’m sorry I hope I don’t sound like a horrible person saying that) while in a very severe state of sin from some of the stuff they’ve told me and yet there is no real consequences for stuff like this?

Is there anyone else who has ever felt the same way as I do, and what did you do to fix this feeling?? Thank you so much for reading everyone and again I hope this post didn’t sound mean, it’s not supposed to be, I just feel a bit sad and frustrated. God bless you all!
 
Elf01, thank you so much for Psalm! It’s so close to what I am feeling and I’m glad there is something written about this feeling!

(name removed by moderator), you wrote a very very beautiful post. Thank you so much. I did not think about how God would look at this situation, or whether He would even distinguish those who follow Him through and through and those that just pick and choose. you brought a smile to my face.
 
Hi there elder sister,

Have you ever read the parable of the prodigal daughter? This man had two daughters. One of them left home and partied and had the greatest time. Then one day, she realized that she wanted to come home and be with her dad again.

When she was coming back, the dad ran to her and hugged her and threw a great party because she had returned. But the other daughter was upset, she said, "Look, all this time I did all you said and not once did I disobey; and you never celebrated anything with me. But now your daughter returns after breaking every sin and you act like she’s the greatest thing since popcorn!

And He said:

‘My daughter, you are here with me always; everything I have is yours. Don’t be too angry at your sister. Now she’s back. But she’ll never replace you.

God in heaven loves you like no other. God is not unjust that He should forget the love you have always had for Him. Continue putting Him above everything else. You are blessed.
 
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Might be best to stay so focused on your own spiritual life that you have no time to focus on those of other people.
 
don’t worry about them, pray for them. cajunjoy has it right when she says she and her husband were virgins when they married, and that is a wonderful thing. it is so much better than having nothing that is only between you and your husband, than having memories and comparisons with others. Additionally, the purity of freedom from abc is so much better than the demotion of the marital to something that is only “for fun.”

and when you feel bitter, pray for yourself: you are being tempted! and pray for the others, that they may come to know God better.
 
Im sorry for your troubles…while i didnt have a life u have at your age i can share some things i learned from watching others u describe…ppl who were considered successes and cool etc.

Sin has an effect on the soul whether a person believes in God or doesnt. Think of a road your car is travelling on and the lines keep narrowing milimeter by milimeter…the years go by…u think youre ok…then maybe something happens and all the coping mechanisms and things ppl do for false self esteem such as their looks/their youth/their bf or gf/their husband or wife/ most especially their money and career…these things most ppl live their lives by are balanced on a thin precipice of false peace and security.

One day they will realize the road keeps getting narrower…eventually theyre goin over pot holes with shrubs encroaching in…yet still they trudge on hoping eventually theyll be back to better times and a wider road.

One day they realize theyre at a dead end and wonder how they got there. Theyre old/traded up for a younger better looking partner/usually broke or struggling/and all the things they built their self esteem from could not alleviate the suffering from the consequences of the life they find themselves in.

If u put your life upon a solid foundation that will never change as u have been…and continue that path…no matter what trials and suffering comes your way u will have solid ground to stand on and a sense of being loved and cared for because your worth comes from God.

God Bless u…youre in the world but not of the world. Keep the faith♡
 
When you’re young, the world seems so small and easy to make giant assumptions.

I have a friend who is exactly a week younger than me.

I went to college. She went into the military.

She had a blast, did whatever, got drunk had fun. After two years she found herself pregnant.

I was a junior in college. By my senior year, she had moved in with the guy. I graduated was out on my own miles from home. She was living a life with a cute toddler and I was struggling to pay my bills.

Two years later… (three after her first kid)
She had another kid with the man–still not married.
I was on my own, struggling to pay bills.

Three more years…
She had a THIRD kid…got married civilly.
I was on my own, struggling to pay bills. I finally met a man that I liked and we were dating…by this time I was nearly 30.

Two years later…
I was married for a year.
We both had children that year–her 4th, my 1st.

And you know what? With some freelance work, I can be a SAHM. About 20 hours a week…that I can work from home.

Her husband’s job and maturity is often a source of frustration. She’s struggling to balance 4 kids and work. She doesn’t have an education so she also has to attend college. Her husband and she still struggle with many issues due to their early rough years. She can’t get out and have fun and it really weighs on her because it’s such a lifestyle change.

It’s really not easy for her. My life is not perfect–but it’s SO much easier because of my choices. I hope to have 4 kids. This may or may not happen. But I have so much. I can freelance because of my education. I can run a co-op. I can help my niece. I have so much to give. She is treading water every day.

But our lives are so different.

You can’t have it all. It doesn’t work that way. There will always be consequences for sin…we just pay for them in different ways that others.

And please, do not think I and simply laying judgment upon her. I’m not. She’s a wonderful person. But I can see how our choices have shaped our paths. And it’s a good example of why morality matters.
 
The following I believe may help -
Extract from the book ‘Imitation of Christ’ by Thomas A Kempis:

The Voice of Christ -

Do you think that men of the world have no suffering, or perhaps but little? Ask even those who enjoy the most delights and you will learn otherwise. “But,” you will say, "they enjoy many pleasures and follow their own wishes; therefore they do not feel their troubles very much."

Granted that they do have whatever they wish, how long do you think it will last? Behold, they who prosper in the world shall perish as smoke, and their shall be no memory of their past joys. Even in this life they do not find rest in these pleasures without bitterness, weariness, and fear. For they often receive the penalty of sorrow from the very thing whence they believed their happiness comes. And it is just. Since they seek and follow after pleasures without reason, they should not enjoy them without shame and bitterness.

How brief, how false, how unreasonable and shameful all these pleasures are! Yet in their drunken blindness men do not understand this, but like brute beasts incur death of soul for the miserly enjoyment of a corruptible life.

Therefore, My child, do not pursue your lusts, but turn away from your own will. “Seek thy pleasure in the Lord and He will give thee thy heart’s desires.” If you wish to be truly delighted and more abundantly comforted by Me, behold, in contempt of all worldly things and in the cutting off of all base pleasures shall your blessing be, and great consolation shall be given you. Further, the more you withdraw yourself from any solace of creatures, the sweeter and stronger comfort will you find in Me.

At first you will not gain these blessings without sadness and toil and conflict. Habit already formed will resist you, but it shall be overcome by a better habit. The flesh will murmur against you, but it will be bridled by fervor of spirit. The old serpent will sting and trouble you, but prayer will put him to flight and by steadfast, useful toil the way will be closed to him.
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God Bless You

Thank you for reading.
 
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You speak the truth and I am glad you do. The fact is we have a bunch of little cowards (some heretics) as clergy who will not stand up for Church teaching and kiss the feet of gays and abortion activists. The feeling of anger is completely normal and justified because it is for the common good, let no one tell you otherwise. We need more people who will be radically honest that our Church is in ruin, with mass attendance dropping like a rock, and more and more baptized Catholics are leaving the faith. As for the 1 in 5 Catholics that go to mass weekly (actual statistic), at least two of them do not agree with Church teaching. I would use your popularity as something you can use to influence others in a good way by showing an effort to live by Christian virtue and follow Church teachings. I’m one of the “popular” ones at my school and use it to my advantage. I know it sounds silly, but some people are too scared of looking like “squares” in front of their friends for praying before lunch or expressing views on abortion and gay marriage. I find that people think "Oh hey the popular dude is expressing his views on homosexual marriage and not getting made fun of, I should do that too! Ok maybe that’s a little cliche but I think you get the picture lol. I get irritated when I see someone support heresy and sinful activities but remember Jesus said to hate the sin and love the sinner. Look up Church Militant on youtube, it’s one of the best Catholic channels ever.
 
ImmaCatholic said:
I’ve never been out with anyone before nor had my first kiss and it’s been by choice because I always felt like it just wasn’t for me.
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Have you considered joining a religious order?? We are always in need of good nuns and sisters 🤔
ImmaCatholic said:
seeing almost everyone I know live their 20s like this and I guess seeing no real consequences
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I’m in my twenties (22) so I may be able to sympathize with you more than some of the older folks. I understand what you’re frustrated about but it’s important to not let others control your life. Live your life and don’t let your others occupy your thoughts.
ImmaCatholic said:
Is there anyone else who has ever felt the same way as I do, and what did you do to fix this feeling??
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None of my friends are practicing Catholic, or even religious. Many of them live lives full of debauchery and impurity. I used to be so jealous and angry looking at their lifestyles. They seem so happy and fulfilled and always getting breaks.

Now, I’m completely at peace with my own life of prayer and discernment. I realize life is more than sex, drugs, and beer.

I still pray for my friends’ conversions; however, I do not let their lives fill all my attention and time.

Just pray, hope, and don’t worry. Find peace and comfort in God and that He has a special place for you.

But seriously, look into a religious order. We could always use more good Dominicans 😉
 
I found this article on envy that might be interesting to you.


I doubt you’re envious of your friends for the choices they’re making. You’ve chosen the better path. But you may be a little envious of the light consequences they seem to receive for those choices.
 
Your line about being 22 and therefore more able to empathize with the OP than some of the older folks gave me a real chuckle. I think every older person has experienced the OP’s feelings many times. Human nature hasn’t changed much throughout the ages. But I enjoyed the advice you wrote down, as I did the others’ advice. 😉
 
I am a 15 year old boy and I understand your struggle, just take your faith as your own, not anyone else’s. I date but I would never dream of sex before marriage.
 
I felt and still feel this way at times.
When I do, I remind myself that I do things that are contrary to the sinful ways of the culture around me because I follow Christ and I serve Him. What He did at Calvary was at a great cost and it should be taken seriously. Like you wrote, to follow the world is to betray Him. I’ll add that to follow the world’s pattern is to cheapen the great cost at Calvary and practically saying to Christ that He’s been scammed and laughing and bragging about it to His face.
ImmaCatholic said:
seeing almost everyone I know live their 20s like this and I guess seeing no real consequences
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The consequences aren’t always immediate. Unfortunately, humans are myopic.
 
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You’re totally on the right path Imma, the devil is just ticked off at you and trying to make you waver by making you feel frustrated and discouraged. You are way way way more likely to be truly happy if and when you do decide to enter into a relationship.

There’s a place in proverbs that says, don’t envy the sinner…you don’t know where his/her final end lies. I think that’s in Proverbs. I tend to paraphrase to a very high degree. 🙂

You are a treasure, and you’ll have the virtuous men captivated by your holiness. Want a truly great guy? Be virtuous. There are few things more desirable to a holy guy who fears the Lord.
 
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You look much older in your picture. 🙂

(Sorry for the small digression)…👻
 
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Some of those people who frustrate you with their behavior may possibly change and become better Catholics one day. It’s important that you not judge others because you don’t have the full picture of what’s going on in their head and heart. When we start fretting a lot over the behavior of others (except possibly for people like our children for whom we are responsible and worry about naturally), it’s usually a sign that something is lacking in our own life, like social times or fun. You might try to associate more with others who share your view of what is appropriate, so you can have fun together while still living in the way you are comfortable.

One of the big lessons of my life has been that there are often no immediate bad consequences for sin. You are seeing this with your friends now. Unfortunately the media, our parents etc always make it sound like if you do sin X then bad consequence Y will follow very quickly. In real life, if you are careful and/or lucky with your behavior, there may be no bad consequence Y in this earthly life. You need to stop focusing on others’ sins (and I know that’s difficult in this oversharing culture where everybody feels free to announce to all their friends everything they do in the bedroom) because it’s becoming a near occasion of sin for you yourself with envy, pride and maybe even being tempted on some level to do what they do. Find yourself some new associates.
 
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