I fell in love with a married woman

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Seany

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First off, I know that it is wrong of me, but I didn’t just choose to fall in love with her it just happened. It all started just short of 3 years ago. We ended up going to a concert together. As I look back there were several factors that transpired in order for us to go together. I now pray it was all part of God’s plan. Through the last few years we’ve gotten to know each other by talking and hanging out. I truly came to care for this woman before ever having feelings for her. I truly want her to be happy even if it can’t be with me.

Her husband doesn’t treat her right at all. He commits adultery, treats her poorly, calls her crazy (she deals with anxiety all the time), and really he’s Just not a good person. But, she loves him. I believe she has her blinders up when it comes to him. She’s told me she has to let him be with other woman or he won’t stay with her. That’s actually how they came to be in the first place. He left his wife and two kids for her. He barely ever sees his kids. He’s just not a good man, good husband, or good father. By saying all this I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to justify my love for her.

I’ve told her my true feelings about her, and what I think of him. I know I shouldn’t, but I just get so frustrated. I pray for her constantly as she is on my mind day, evening, and night. When we are together it just feels right, like it’s God’s plan for us to be together. She’s told me that when we are together she feels so comfortable emotionally and physically. And to me this means something, because of the constant anxiety she feels all day long. Also, for the record nothing has happened sexually between us. She started getting nervous around me, or before coming to see me. I think she’s just afraid to actually open up completely, because she knows that once that happens her feelings will start being true.

I truly don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt her or complicate things for her, but I also don’t want her to be hurt by her husband. And I believe it’s only a matter of time before he does to her what he’s done in his past. I know she is capable of my a change, but he never will. I know I’m a terrible person for this, but I truly care for, and love her. I just want her to be happy. I’ll always be there for her if she needs me, but I’m not sure what I should do. I don’t know if I should walk away even if it means I’ll be hurting. If anyone can offer advice, good or bad, I will welcome it. All I know is that I will continue to pray for her, so that one day she can finally be happy.

Edit: Thank you all for your responses. I knew it was wrong of me, and I will go to confession and repent. I’ve thought about walking away many times, but I was too weak. I know now that I must find strength to walk away. Thank you all again. God Bless!
 
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Seany said:
First off, I know that it is wrong of me, but I didn’t just choose to fall in love with her it just happened. It all started just short of 3 years ago. We ended up going to a concert together. As I look back there were several factors that transpired in order for us to go together. I now pray it was all part of God’s plan. Through the last few years we’ve gotten to know each other by talking and hanging out. I truly came to care for this woman before ever having feelings for her. I truly want her to be happy even if it can’t be with me.

Her husband doesn’t treat her right at all. He commits adultery, treats her poorly, calls her crazy (she deals with anxiety all the time), and really he’s Just not a good person. But, she loves him. I believe she has her blinders up when it comes to him. She’s told me she has to let him be with other woman or he won’t stay with her. That’s actually how they came to be in the first place. He left his wife and two kids for her. He barely ever sees his kids. He’s just not a good man, good husband, or good father. By saying all this I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to justify my love for her.

I’ve told her my true feelings about her, and what I think of him. I know I shouldn’t, but I just get so frustrated. I pray for her constantly as she is on my mind day, evening, and night. When we are together it just feels right, like it’s God’s plan for us to be together. She’s told me that when we are together she feels so comfortable emotionally and physically. And to me this means something, because of the constant anxiety she feels all day long. Also, for the record nothing has happened sexually between us. She started getting nervous around me, or before coming to see me. I think she’s just afraid to actually open up completely, because she knows that once that happens her feelings will start being true.

I truly don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt her or complicate things for her, but I also don’t want her to be hurt by her husband. And I believe it’s only a matter of time before he does to her what he’s done in his past. I know she is capable of my a change, but he never will. I know I’m a terrible person for this, but I truly care for, and love her. I just want her to be happy. I’ll always be there for her if she needs me, but I’m not sure what I should do. I don’t know if I should walk away even if it means I’ll be hurting. If anyone can offer advice, good or bad, I will welcome it. All I know is that I will continue to pray for her, so that one day she can finally be happy.
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Man to man.

Knock it off.

What you are describing is called an emotional affair, and that’s just as damaging, maybe even more so, than a plain old sexual affair.

And to be brutally frank, her marriage problems are not your problems to solve and she is not yours to love. The ones responsible for their marriage are they themselves. They should work towards fixing and, and stay out of it.
 
Gods plan will never be for you to be with someone else’s wife. Ever.
 
porthos11 said:
Man to man.

Knock it off.
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This. She’s a married woman. Even if her husband isn’t the best, that’s under no circumstances an excuse to start an emotional affair. Don’t get involved, period.

It may “feel right,” but that doesn’t mean it’s God’s plan. If you can’t see her simply as a friend and be content with that, then you should probably distance yourself from her.
 
Stop all contact with this woman immediately. She should go for counseling with her husband, but it is of not your concern. What you are doing now is not loving her, but bringing her to hell. You are already starting the process to destroy her family. Stop immediately. There are many women out there who are available and not married.
 
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Agreed with Porthos11

She obviously is in an abusive relationship. No one can do anything for her, unless she does something about it first.

Being her lover is not a solution, firstly because it would be morally wrong and secondly because it wouldn’t help her anyways! On the contrary, she would be leading a double life and escaping the reality of her messy marriage.

You have to disappear or it will end up very badly if she starts developing feelings for you as well. It was unwise to tell her your feelings in the first place…
 
Falling in love happens all the time but she is married and with kids. Maybe not with the best husband but still married, still with a family. Two wrongs don’t make it right, leave this situation before you both reach the point of no return.
 
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You don’t want to go there man. Being in love with a married person ends in heartbreak for you 99% of the time.
 
Seany said:
I didn’t just choose to fall in love with her it just happened.
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You and I both know this isn’t true. It has been your choice to continue a sinfully liaison with someone who is not free to love another. Every transgression has been a choice you have made. Even now.
Seany said:
I now pray it was all part of God’s plan.
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God doesn’t desire that married people commit adultery. Is not one of the 10 commandments that we shall not commit adultery?

God wills the best for us not the worst. God would want her husband to repent and he would want this woman and her husband to reconcile.

Your covetous feeling for this woman come from the evil one who is always seeking to separate us from God.
Seany said:
By saying all this I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to justify my love for her.
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It does because that is exactly what you are doing.
Seany said:
I truly don’t know what to do.
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Repent, sin no more, and be saved. Cut ties with her. You must. She is not free to love another no matter how you feel about it or how you justify it. You are creating an occasion of sin for her and yourself.

AND GO TO CONFESSION!

If at some point she becomes free to marry (because her marriage was found invalid) then AND ONLY THEN could you try to form a bond with her. Then AND ONLY THEN would this kind of liaison be honorable.
 
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Deluding oneself that what one does is right and good, and what God wants, is so easy when one is in love. I feel for you.

But emotional affairs and adultery are never right.
Seany said:
I think she’s just afraid to actually open up completely, because she knows that once that happens her feelings will start being true.
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She sounds as if she is struggling enough as it is. Do not add to this the struggle of cheating on her husband and feeling more torn apart than she already does.
 
@Seany

To love is to will the good of the other. Pray for their marriage to be healed and restored, and remove yourself from the situation as best as possible so that you are not an obstacle for them, or cause harm and temptation for yourself.

Peace.
 
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Consider this:
She was willing to have an affair with him in the first place and was happy for him to leave his wife and kids. There’s two of them in it. Chances are she’d probably leave with you if you convinced her to.

She can’t be all that great. And it’s possible there are two sides to this as I doubt you’ve spoken to her current partner about these issues.
 
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TK421 said:
To love is to will the good of the other. Pray for their marriage to be healed and restored, and remove yourself from the situation as best as possible so that you are not an obstacle for them, or cause harm and temptation for yourself.
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Rather pray that this man goes back to his original wife and kids. This woman is not his wife.
 
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