I fell in love with a married woman

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goout said:
bad news. just say no
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Agree. The woman’s entire life is dysfunctional and this is a bad situation. Walk away.

And none of this “I’ll always be there if she needs me” business. Away means AWAY.

It is never “God’s plan” to be with someone unavailable. We just want to think it is because our emotions are running so strong, we can’t imagine it’s wrong, but it is.
 
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You’re in over your head, even if you don’t know it yet. But trust me, if you let this continue, you will eventually see just how “in over your head” you are. You can do her no good. Her problems are not yours to solve, and trust me, you will just make a bigger mess of her life and increase her problems the more involved you get. Without you, she will have to confront her husband and solve her own problems. Her emotional connection to you undermines the courage & strength she needs to confront her husband and try to make a go of it with him.

And you know what? You deserve better.
 
Seany said:
Edit: Thank you all for your responses. I knew it was wrong of me, and I will go to confession and repent. I’ve thought about walking away many times, but I was too weak. I know now that I must find strength to walk away. Thank you all again. God Bless!
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It seems the OP has answered. And good answered have been given. Offline help is needed. Let’s just let this thread go and pray for our friend.

-Fr ACEGC
 
Yeah, but she’s still “in a relationship”. You don’t want to go there.
 
Those 3 years spending time with a married woman are 3 years you can’t get back.
If you want a life companion, spend time with women who are available.
You’ve done her more harm than good getting emotionally attached.

May God strengthen you in your resolve to move on to a new life and new opportunities for love and commitment, a foundation that you can really build on.
 
Seany said:
Also, for the record nothing has happened sexually between us. She started getting nervous around me, or before coming to see me.
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This is what stands out to me as the hand of God in protecting you both. Any relationship built on clandestine sex will always be hard going in some way. Let it be and if God really wills this union, it will come via grace… never by secrecy or cheating. God bless.
 
OKComputer said:
Yeah, but she’s still “in a relationship”. You don’t want to go there.
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I don’t have any respect for relationships that are born out of a man leaving his wife to be with another woman. As far as I can see, the woman is happy to spin from relationship to relationship, regardless of who gets hurt. I’m not saying he should pursue her. But I am saying that as a Catholic, I don’t recognise this “marriage”.

It’s like saying you’re in love with a woman who is engaged, and her fiance treats her badly. For all intents and purposes, she’s actually still a single woman and until the ring is on her finger that is essentially the case.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Agree. The woman’s entire life is dysfunctional and this is a bad situation. Walk away.
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Agree. Don’t be a “fixer”. You know, that guy who sees a damsel in distress and swoops in to be her “strong man”. The fact is, her distress is of her own making and even if you did get together she’d probably bring all those issues with her. There’s a certain type of woman who goes for a married man, and usually they tend to be deeply insecure and have a whole pile of other baggage.
 
Seany said:
Edit: Thank you all for your responses. I knew it was wrong of me, and I will go to confession and repent. I’ve thought about walking away many times, but I was too weak. I know now that I must find strength to walk away. Thank you all again. God Bless!
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You will find the strength, ask God. No contact at all, rebuild your life.

Praise God you had doubts and asked and are back on the path to the narrow gate.
 
I agree with Adam here. She stole another woman’s husband and her children’s father. And you only know her part of the story.

This woman and her “husband” likely deserve each other more than you think.
 
Elf01 said:
And I’m sure you’d have been fine with somebody trying to convince your wife to leave you for him before you were married.
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No. But if she did it’s not necessarily a sin. More so if I was abusive and someone woke her up to this fact. In any case, this relationship isn’t even legit. It’s adultery. Maybe the OP should be convincing her to leave, not to be with him, but so that this guy can go back to his family and perhaps his soul will no longer be in danger of hell.

It always amazes me how people on a Catholic forum jump in to defend “relationships” such as this.

If you’re worried about the eternal soul of this guy rather than his current fling, then anything that breaks up this relationship is a good thing.
 
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I understand this feels complicated but it really isn’t. She is married. You need to terminate the friendship and tell her clearly that based on the feelings already shared, it is morally wrong to have this emotional relationship with her and also distressing to you to see her being mistreated. Let her know there can be no further contact and she needs to focus on her marriage.

That’s it.

What happens down the line must be that she decides to stay in her marriage, or not, based only on what that marriage is about. If she finds she must leave him, that must be a decision based exclusively on that marriage.

Will she leave him and show up at your door? Who knows. Don’t wait for her. It would be torture. See nobody, or date other people. If she comes to you free to date, you can revisit the situation based on your life at that time.

Among other issues, your relationship would never be right if you enter it wrong.
 
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