I found out I was never Baptized

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CatholicChampion

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Hello,

I grew up Catholic and I always went to mass and had my first communion and was confirmed.

I have attended weekly mass since then and I am a young married male in my 20’s.

Recently my parents told me I was never actually baptized. I talked to my priest and he said all my other sacraments were now invalid including marriage.
This is a shock to me as I had no knowledge that I was not baptized.
He said all my confessions were invalid and my confirmation was invalid and everytime I receive communion I was unintentionally committing sacrilege.
What should I do? He says I have to go through the whole RCIA program to get baptized which at our church is a 2 year commitment.

Any advice is helpful.
 
Wow, what a tragic thing to happen…why did your parents wait so long to let you know you hadn’t actually been baptized?
I’m also very confused as to how this could have happened, because the parish should have requested / checked your baptism certificate BEFORE you receive First Communion, were confirmed, or were married… for that to be missed three times is highly suspect… there’s something off here… what are we missing OP? Was there a baptismal certificate but your parents maintain it never actually happened?

Regarding the validity of the sacraments you’ve received to date:
Confession - yes, they were invalid, but the good news is that once you’re baptized all your sins, past and present, will be completely washed away. You’ll never need to confess any of those sins again.
Communion - objectively sacrilegious to receive prior to being baptized, but of course you have no culpability here. You acted in good faith.
Confirmation: Yes, this would be invalid, but as an adult you would be confirmed immediately after baptism (as part of the same ceremony) when you’re baptized.
Marriage: I believe your marriage would still be considered a valid natural, but not sacramental, marriage. In which case, once you’re baptized, it will “automatically” become a sacramental marriage.

I’m not sure why your priest would ask you to go through a 2 year RCIA program if you’re already a practicing Catholic familiar with the faith. Could you ask him whether its possible to expedite the process due to your unusual circumstances?
 
You should be able to get through a private instruction course in far less time. Ask your pastor or call the diocese. You already know your faith.

Ted
 
twf said:
I’m also very confused as to how this could have happened, because the parish should have requested / checked your baptism certificate BEFORE you receive First Communion, were confirmed, or were married… for that to be missed three times is highly suspect… there’s something off here… what are we missing OP? Was there a baptismal certificate but your parents maintain it never actually happened?
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This also strikes me as very strange. For example, when you married you should have had to provide a copy of your baptismal certificate not only to show that you were baptized, but to show that you weren’t already married.

You might go back to the parish where you were married and ask them to check into this further.
 
I do not know, I was in 2nd grade when I was given my first communion/confirmation/confession so I don’t know how they did it.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
This also strikes me as very strange. For example, when you married you should have had to provide a copy of your baptismal certificate not only to show that you were baptized, but to show that you weren’t already married.

You might go back to the parish where you were married and ask them to check into this further.
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My parents always told me they lost my baptismal certificate until the other day when they dropped the news. They weren’t aware of how important my faith was to me and thought it was bad if i was living a lie
 
CatholicChampion said:
My parents always told me they lost my baptismal certificate
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But when you married your baptismal parish should have provided this info to the parish where you were marrying. The person doing your marriage prep would have had to ensure that you were not already married. How could that have been skipped?
 
This strikes me as pretty unbelievable. When my wife and I got married, I had to get copies of my baptism, communion and confirmation records. This is the Diocese of Brooklyn, so maybe other dioceses aren’t as careful, but most stay on top of these things because they have to. If this is true and not troll, then contact your bishop’s office as well.

Plus your parents should go to confession like
…now.
 
CatholicChampion said:
What should I do? He says I have to go through the whole RCIA program to get baptized which at our church is a 2 year commitment.
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This sounds odd to me. You’ve apparently been raised Catholic and went through formation for Communion and Confirmation already (even if those were invalid). You’ve a consistent record of going to mass all your life. Why would he require you to go through RCIA? Is he not confident in your knowledge of the faith? I imagine it’s at least as good as the average Catholic who has had the sacraments.
 
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Thrstypirate said:
This strikes me as pretty unbelievable. When my wife and I got married, I had to get copies of my baptism, communion and confirmation records. This is the Diocese of Brooklyn, so maybe other dioceses aren’t as careful, but most stay on top of these things because they have to. If this is true and not troll, then contact your bishop’s office as well.

Plus your parents should go to confession like
…now.
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This has been a very sad weekend for my faith realizing I was not Catholic and had committed so many mortal sins. I should have known better. My parents were in the military and I was born in South Korea so maybe that has something to do with it too.

My parents probably messed up, but at the end of the day my faith is my responsibility and I know I let the Catholic Church into scandal which I am very sorry for.

@Wesrock now i do know, and my wife is heartbroken that she married a non baptized catholic. She is devastated that I have to wait over 2 years until being baptized. She feels as if she was lied too as she wanted to marry a catholic and I was never one even if I had no idea
 
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CatholicChampion said:
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Thrstypirate:
This strikes me as pretty unbelievable. When my wife and I got married, I had to get copies of my baptism, communion and confirmation records. This is the Diocese of Brooklyn, so maybe other dioceses aren’t as careful, but most stay on top of these things because they have to. If this is true and not troll, then contact your bishop’s office as well.

Plus your parents should go to confession like
…now.
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This has been a very sad weekend for my faith realizing I was not Catholic and had committed so many mortal sins. I should have known better. My parents were in the military and I was born in South Korea so maybe that has something to do with it too.
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A sin is only mortal if you had knowledge of it, and I don’t see how you could have had any reasonable way to know you were never batpized given everything else.
 
Dacinom said:
Whoa wait! When you were married they had to get a copy of your original Baptismal certificate directly from the church, not your parents.

Are your parents usually decent people or are they the kind to say upsetting things on purpose?
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I never submitted my Baptismal Certificate for my other sacraments my parents always took care of it. I have never seen my baptismal certificate (I dont know what my parents used but it obviously wasn’t mine as they said they never got me baptized)
 
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CatholicChampion said:
I never submitted my Baptismal Certificate for my other sacraments my parents always took care of it. I have never seen my baptismal certificate.
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Somebody had to, for your marriage. You really need to check with the parish where you were married.
 
StRaphaelPray4Us said:
I’m at a loss of why you are not given a conditional baptism? Going thru RCIA is absurd at this point. At the very least, you should be baptized and given some private instruction before receiving the other sacraments. Contact your Bishop.
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I am new to my current church (about 6 months) should I have another talk with the priest. I felt like I explained the circumstances pretty well but its worth another shot right? Maybe he is skeptical of my situation as well.

@Dacinom I am trying to get help. If you believe that I am lying please know that I am in a lot of pain over this. My wife moved out of the house because she was so devastated and she thinks I have been lying this whole time.
 
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CatholicChampion said:
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Catechism
1249 Catechumens "are already joined to the Church, they are already of the household of Christ, and are quite frequently already living a life of faith, hope, and charity."48 "With love and solicitude mother Church already embraces them as her own."49

1259 For catechumens who die before their Baptism, their explicit desire to receive it, together with repentance for their sins, and charity, assures them the salvation that they were not able to receive through the sacrament.

1263 By Baptism all sins are forgiven, original sin and all personal sins, as well as all punishment for sin.66 In those who have been reborn nothing remains that would impede their entry into the Kingdom of God, neither Adam’s sin, nor personal sin, nor the consequences of sin, the gravest of which is separation from God.
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Absolutely ask your parents if this is a joke like @Dacinom said. May God bless you with the strength to overcome this.
 
Speak to your Diocese Office of Faith Formation.

You should not have to jump through onerous hoops.

What is strange is that this was not discovered when you were Confirmed or Married. Both of those Sacraments required a valid, official, sealed copy of your Baptismal Certificate.
 
Thing is, the Diocese does not accept “I lost the certificate” to approve you free to Marry or for Confirmation. They contacted the parish where you were Baptized and received the official records. Call the parish where you married and ask to see your “marriage packet”.
 
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