I gave in to the temptations

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chrisc82

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Please help me. Im a 26 year old married guy. I have been plagued by homosexual temptations since I was a teenager, I just cant get rid of them. They just pop into my head all the time.

I have fantasised, masturbated and looked at pornography. However over the last couple of years I have started actively seeking out sexual contact with oher men even though I know this is so sinful, disgusting and wrong. Nothing had come of this until last nght when I met with a man I met online.

I cant believe I have done this. I feel so, so ashamed. So dirty. I have never felt guilt like this. I pray and strongly believe in trying to live my faith well. God has given me so many blessings in my life and this is how I repay him?

What should I do? I am so sorry for what I have done. Im just so worried the feelings will come back. Does anyone have any suggestions how to beat this?

Please pray for me.

Chris
 
chrisc82 said:
Please help me. Im a 26 year old married guy. I have been plagued by homosexual temptations since I was a teenager, I just cant get rid of them. They just pop into my head all the time.

I have fantasised, masturbated and looked at pornography. However over the last couple of years I have started actively seeking out sexual contact with oher men even though I know this is so sinful, disgusting and wrong. Nothing had come of this until last nght when I met with a man I met online.

I cant believe I have done this. I feel so, so ashamed. So dirty. I have never felt guilt like this. I pray and strongly believe in trying to live my faith well. God has given me so many blessings in my life and this is how I repay him?

What should I do? I am so sorry for what I have done. Im just so worried the feelings will come back. Does anyone have any suggestions how to beat this?

Please pray for me.

Chris
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Wow… First things first. I assume you had sex with this guy? If you did…do not have sex with your wife until you get tested for disease. I hate to tell you this, but you are probably going to have to tell your wife what happened. Speak to a priest first and get some guidance on this. Perhaps he can give you some advice on how to save your marriage. Let go of the guilt for now… it serves no purpose and will only cloud your judgement. You can get clean with God the minute you repent and do the right thing for your wife.

Again… do not have sex with your wife until you are tested and found to be disease free. It’s possible that you are simply a gay man who shouldn’t have been married in the first place. The most important thing you can do now is face reality and get really honest… really fast with your wife. Do not run from this. God loves you and will guide you through this if you are honest!

Good luck and God Bless!
:cool:
 
As the above poster said, do not have sex with your wife until you get tested for disease. But I think that first and foremost, you should get yourself to confession and be forgiven. Remember, God loves you! 🙂
 
Chris,

You have done the first part in that you are getting it out of your head and sharing your secret. Secrets are what keep us sick so that is so good to do. I am not so sure that telling you wife about it is best since that may hurt her when the problem is you and your life. Check with your priest in confession about that prior to doing.

Now to follow it up within your faith. Temptations are tough. They also lead us to a closer relationship with God who has all power to overcome them. That is the great promise, God can and will overcome them if we are faithful to him.

I liked the other suggestion of confession. That will right your relationship with God and start it out again, new and clean. Not just confession now, that is the first step, but frequent confession (weekly or monthly at a minimum) to keep your temptations and fantasies in check. They will not just go away magically but will need to be confessed as they slowly subside. Temptations are like the waves in the ocean, they come and they go. As you practiced these, they will come less frequently and go for longer periods of time. They will come less strong and be easier to deal with as time goes on. It is like the alcoholic, the urge gets easier to deal with in time with the help of your God since the Evil One finds that it no longer has power over you. Keep at it and seek help and you will find this true.

Another help will be frequent participation in the Eucharist (daily if possible). Daily prayer (Rosary, Liturgy of the Hours, Morning and Evening prayer, etc) will help to strengthen you for the battle with temptation. Even if it something like, “God, I am agitated or doubtful right now. Help me to stop and remember that I’ve made a decision to let You be my God. Give me the right thoughts and actions. God save me from fear, anger, self-pity or foolish decisions that Your will, not mine, be done. Amen.” The Prayer of St. Francis can also be helpful.

Lastly, seek counsel from your priest or professional counselor on this matter. The difficulty is the insane thought that comes and you think you can act upon it by fantasy, masturbation, pornography or acting out with others is okay. You are going there for your power, not to God who has all power. That is the time that you need God the most, during the temptation. Prayer, Eucharist, Confession, counseling all help you prepare for that temptation, that test by the Evil One, that helps you grow closer to God.

My prayers are with you in this. I have had similar temptation (porn, masturbation). It is that thought, that insane urge that I can do it without consequence, that it will make me feel better and give me a sense of high or excitement, that had to be overcome. I don’t think of the guilt or shame that comes afterwards, just the fun and excitement. My priest and counselor have helped greatly in leading me closer to God though this temptation. It works in my life.

Your wife may question your renewed or new interest in church/confession/etc. but just tell her that you want to be the best husband that you can be and what she deserves. That will happen as you develop your spiritual life. Don’t get so spiritual that you think you are better than her, just do it to constantly do more for her - with her - because of her.

God Bless!
 
Being Gay is not a sin… I pray that you realize this. Nature selected you to be gay, you didn’t choose to be gay.

Let me tell you about the new rules on here…
  1. If you support any sort of view that is different than what the mods believe, you will be banned. Discussion is not open for different and new ideas. Even if Catholicism is making a mistake, we support tradition.
  2. Everything the Catholic Church has ever done has been infallible. Therefore, there is no need for you to question anything about Catholicism, the Church is perfect. If the Church told you to kill someone, you should do it, no questions asked.
  3. Any rude and ignorant comments to others stating “You are not a true Catholic if you voted for Obama” will be accepted and is encouraged.
  4. God didn’t give you this conscience to use for yourself. You must substitute other peoples judgment for your own, and never question them, because their judgment is better.
  5. If you child someday asks you if they should use a condom, you should tell them “No, let yourself get HIV instead.”
 
chrisc82 said:
Please help me. Im a 26 year old married guy. I have been plagued by homosexual temptations since I was a teenager, I just cant get rid of them. They just pop into my head all the time.

I have fantasised, masturbated and looked at pornography. However over the last couple of years I have started actively seeking out sexual contact with oher men even though I know this is so sinful, disgusting and wrong. Nothing had come of this until last nght when I met with a man I met online.

I cant believe I have done this. I feel so, so ashamed. So dirty. I have never felt guilt like this. I pray and strongly believe in trying to live my faith well. God has given me so many blessings in my life and this is how I repay him?

What should I do? I am so sorry for what I have done. Im just so worried the feelings will come back. Does anyone have any suggestions how to beat this?

Please pray for me.

Chris
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Dear Chris,

Please remember that you are a beloved son of God. You are not the first or only man to fall into this sin. You are not alone. The devil only wins here if you believe you aren’t forgiveable.

Call a priest TODAY! Make an appointment. Don’t hesitate on this. Seek God’s forgiveness in the sacrament of healing. You will receive much grace. As others have said, ask for guidance from the priest on how to proceed.

Unless God decides to heal you instantaneously from feelings of temptation (he doesn’t usually work that way) you will face these feelings again, like we all do in our struggles. The difference is how you move forward from here, using this devastating event to actually bring you great healing and change. You know how bad it can get, how low you can sink, and the result of your actions. That is a start.

I personally became way more honest in my prayer life and clung more desperately to Jesus because I could not overcome serious sin. I finally stopped trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and instead humbly surrendered my brokeness and weakness to Jesus. Frequent reception of the Eucharist and Reconciliation, as well as taking life one day at a time (versus thinking about battling these feelings for the rest of my life) has helped tremendously.

Please know that I am praying for you.

Peace in Christ,
Teri
 
Mattjd215 said:
Chris,

Lastly, seek counsel from your priest or professional counselor on this matter.
God Bless!
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I’d say priest then counselor; you might be able to get a recommendation for a good Catholic marriage and personal counselor. There is a difference. Many counselors who do not understand the Catholic understanding of the indissolubility of marriage don’t approach husband/wife reconciliation the same way, if they feel there is the “out” of divorce.

God Bless you, friend.
 
chrisc82 said:
Please help me. Im a 26 year old married guy. I have been plagued by homosexual temptations since I was a teenager, I just cant get rid of them. They just pop into my head all the time.

I have fantasised, masturbated and looked at pornography. However over the last couple of years I have started actively seeking out sexual contact with oher men even though I know this is so sinful, disgusting and wrong. Nothing had come of this until last nght when I met with a man I met online.

I cant believe I have done this. I feel so, so ashamed. So dirty. I have never felt guilt like this. I pray and strongly believe in trying to live my faith well. God has given me so many blessings in my life and this is how I repay him?

What should I do? I am so sorry for what I have done. Im just so worried the feelings will come back. Does anyone have any suggestions how to beat this?

Please pray for me.

Chris
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Dear friend of Christ,

You are not the first sinner!

You are not the worst sinner!

But you are a courageous sinner seeking assistance. GOD BLESS YOU!

SIns that affect ones physhe need special handling. Call your pastor or parish priest and make an apointment ASAP with him. All persoanl conversations are covered by the seal of Confession and cannot be released.

Serious problems call for serious steps.

Pray and DO THIS ASAP!

You are unser attack from Satan, and this is something to take very serious action on. Do it Now!

Love and prayers, you and God can beat this!
 
This is why we are given the sacrament of reconciliation to confess our sins. Just like the last person said, you are not the worst sinner so receive the the sacrament of confession then talk to your priest, Catholic counselor and wife.

There is no sin That Jesus will not forgive.
 
chrisc82 said:
Please help me. Im a 26 year old married guy. I have been plagued by homosexual temptations since I was a teenager, I just cant get rid of them. They just pop into my head all the time.

I have fantasised, masturbated and looked at pornography. However over the last couple of years I have started actively seeking out sexual contact with oher men even though I know this is so sinful, disgusting and wrong. Nothing had come of this until last nght when I met with a man I met online.

I cant believe I have done this. I feel so, so ashamed. So dirty. I have never felt guilt like this. I pray and strongly believe in trying to live my faith well. God has given me so many blessings in my life and this is how I repay him?

What should I do? I am so sorry for what I have done. Im just so worried the feelings will come back. Does anyone have any suggestions how to beat this?

Please pray for me.

Chris
Click to expand...
Dear Chris,

It is ok to feel ashamed and sorry, and I would be worried if you didn’t. However, you must not let this or fear paralyze your spiritual life. Remember that you are a good person who has fallen down. It was just Divine Mercy Sunday though, so remember that the Lord is waiting to heal you and lift you back up. I suggest that you not only go to confession, but schedule an appointment for confession with a priest that you feel comfortable with.

Remember, you have received the grace to remain chaste through Baptism, Confirmation , and Marriage. You may or may not be given the grace to conquer this temptation though (remember St. Paul’s thorn in the flesh).

You will be in my prayers. Peace be with you!

-Kevin
 
Thank you all for your responses, it means a lot to me.

Just an update; I didnt actually have full sex with this person, it was kissing, fondlng, oral etc, I thank God it didnt go all the way to anal sex. Nevertheless, it was disgusting. It was the first time I have done this, and even during it I was thinking “you know what, Im really not enjoying this that much”. The fantasy did not match reality.

Yesterday, I went straight to a priest. We went to a quiet room and talked for over an hour. I told him everything and he was excellent. What he said really made sense- this is a fantasy I keep allowing myself to fall in to, it is pure escapism, and very selfish behaviour. But I must learn from this experience. Believe me I have nothing, and I mean nothing, but regret for this and I never want to feel this way again. The next time the urges come (and I know they will) I must remember how I am feeling just now.

He has given me his number and I can call him whenever I need to talk, we are also going to meet every 4 weeks (or sooner if need be) to talk. I am going to beat this. I have promised God so many times I will, but this time I really am going to fight it. I think the key is not dwelling on the temptations when they arrive, as that is when they grow and snowball out of control. What I have done is so bad though, I know God will forgive me but I need to show Him I am serious about beating this and serving Him well in my life and marriage.

Again, please pray for me.
 
Chrisc82,

Might I suggest a book by Gerald G. May M.D.called Addiction and Grace. You can find it on amazon. We all have our addictions or attachments that we deal with. This is an excellent book to help shed some light on those things that can stand in the way of our relationship with God. I just finished the book and I thought it was great.

I will pray for you.
J.A.
 
chrisc82 said:
Thank you all for your responses, it means a lot to me.

Just an update; I didnt actually have full sex with this person, it was kissing, fondlng, oral etc, I thank God it didnt go all the way to anal sex. Nevertheless, it was disgusting. It was the first time I have done this, and even during it I was thinking “you know what, Im really not enjoying this that much”. The fantasy did not match reality.

Yesterday, I went straight to a priest. We went to a quiet room and talked for over an hour. I told him everything and he was excellent. What he said really made sense- this is a fantasy I keep allowing myself to fall in to, it is pure escapism, and very selfish behaviour. But I must learn from this experience. Believe me I have nothing, and I mean nothing, but regret for this and I never want to feel this way again. The next time the urges come (and I know they will) I must remember how I am feeling just now.

He has given me his number and I can call him whenever I need to talk, we are also going to meet every 4 weeks (or sooner if need be) to talk. I am going to beat this. I have promised God so many times I will, but this time I really am going to fight it. I think the key is not dwelling on the temptations when they arrive, as that is when they grow and snowball out of control. What I have done is so bad though, I know God will forgive me but I need to show Him I am serious about beating this and serving Him well in my life and marriage.

Again, please pray for me.
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EXCELLENT!:clapping:

Now friend you need to avoid the near temptation to sin. Avoid PORN, pray the rosary when you are tempted,

You continue in our prayers,
 
Other_Eric said:
Get and annulment and a therapist.
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This is not one bit helpful. I’m sorry to see you are a “lapsed” Catholic. There’s no need to drag everyone else down with you.

Chrisc82- good for you - keep fighting! It is so worth it!

Betsy
 
baltobetsy said:
This is not one bit helpful. I’m sorry to see you are a “lapsed” Catholic. There’s no need to drag everyone else down with you.

Chrisc82- good for you - keep fighting! It is so worth it!

Betsy
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Code: 
Why is this not helpful? The OP has already demonstrated a propensity to act on sexual desires that put his wife in grave danger of contracting some dread illness. Moreover, since he has experienced these temptations since adolescence, there is a salient question as to the quality of his affirmation in entering into the marriage relationship. There is also an issue of urgency involved since the problems are likely to be compounded should the OP have any children (or any more) with his wife. It is therefore appropriate for a Tribunal to answer the question of the marriage's validity. It is further appropriate for the OP's own health, both spiritual and physical, for a psychologist to address this pathological appetite of his.
 
I also keep a purity prayer in my wallet and pull it out whenever I am tempted. It has been surprisingly helpful!
 
chrisc82 said:
Yesterday, I went straight to a priest. We went to a quiet room and talked for over an hour. I told him everything and he was excellent.

Again, please pray for me.
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Good work.

I have started this a few times. Cross carrying, HIV and divorce. I decided you can figure this out. Good luck to you and God bless you
 
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