I Get Resentful

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I feel resentful, and I know thats uncatholic of me, but I do. When I see people have premarital sex, live together, and then get married, have good marriages, raise kids, and buy homes and then I see faithful catholics struggle to find someone to marry, follow the rules about sex and living together, and then have a hard time in marriage or with kids it makes me angry. I feel like all of the benefits of doing it the right way are a myth.

Can anyone help me get over these feelings?
 
jonnyboy1777 said:
I feel resentful, and I know thats uncatholic of me, but I do. When I see people have premarital sex, live together, and then get married, have good marriages, raise kids, and buy homes and then I see faithful catholics struggle to find someone to marry, follow the rules about sex and living together, and then have a hard time in marriage or with kids it makes me angry. I feel like all of the benefits of doing it the right way are a myth.

Can anyone help me get over these feelings?
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I would suggest reading secular advice columns to demonstrate to yourself that it’s tough all over.

I’m very fond of dearwendy.com–both the blog and the forums. Typical question: I like a guy and he comes over, hangs out and we have sex fairly frequently, but we never go out and he doesn’t want to introduce me to his friends or family. What’s the deal? Also, I’m pregnant.

Bear in mind that not everybody shares their problems with you. My personal rule is that if I don’t know what somebody’s problems are, it’s a sign that I don’t know them very well.

Also, these days, almost half of first babies are born out of wedlock.

cbsnews.com/news/almost-half-of-first-babies-in-us-born-to-unwed-mothers/

It isn’t true that everything is totally awesome out for non-Catholics.
 
Please don’t waste your time with resentment and anger. It will only make things worse.

I know how you feel, as I have been there. It does seem like doing the right thing can bring nothing but grief, while those openly defying every code of ethics and morality have it great. But in the long run, this will not be true. We have to remember that our salvation is at stake.

Remember the biblical stories, the parables, about how hard it is for the rich man to enter the Kingdom of God? Or what about the farmer that sits back believing he has stored enough for his future while others go hungry? They lose God in the long run because they are so focused on their own powers and the apparent success they are enjoying.

Oddly enough, poverty, difficulties and persecution may be the best signs one can have that they are on right track. It goes against the grain, but it’s very true.
 
jonnyboy1777 said:
I feel resentful, and I know thats uncatholic of me, but I do. When I see people have premarital sex, live together, and then get married, have good marriages, raise kids, and buy homes and then I see faithful catholics struggle to find someone to marry, follow the rules about sex and living together, and then have a hard time in marriage or with kids it makes me angry. I feel like all of the benefits of doing it the right way are a myth.

Can anyone help me get over these feelings?
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I don’t think it is easier for those who commit sins to have better lives than those who rarely commit them. You are looking at it with the wrong lens. Look from it as God sees it. Now God can see a lot of trouble when people are making so many mistakes. How can God fixed these mistakes? It is to my observations that many peoples who do make these mistakes are taken care of by those who pray for them and mostly by those who suffer. I really do not believe people are as smart as they think they are. God has to supply graces whenever it can be available and it is usually through the sufferings of so many people that He will give these graces especially to sinners. These sinners are receiving many graces to live better lives and they might not even know that it was because of the sufferings of others that this was possible. Nobody becomes good after living a sinful life unless there was some kind of sacrifice in the first place. If people are living as good Catholics and they have some problems in marriages it is not common only to see this in their marriages. Everyone has some problems to go through and those who had lived sinful lives before they got better are still going to have these same problems. I really do not think we can avoid problems. It is better to face them. If people are having difficulties in any marriage or in any relationship you have to believe they are not as faithful in their Catholic duties even though they follow the faith more deeply than others. The real criteria of anyone’s faith is not how much you know but can you put this faith into practice by living it. There is quite a difference in someone who knows the faith and someone living out the faith.
 
jonnyboy1777 said:
I feel resentful, and I know thats uncatholic of me, but I do. When I see people have premarital sex, live together, and then get married, have good marriages, raise kids, and buy homes and then I see faithful catholics struggle to find someone to marry, follow the rules about sex and living together, and then have a hard time in marriage or with kids it makes me angry. I feel like all of the benefits of doing it the right way are a myth.

Can anyone help me get over these feelings?
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First of all, you need to understand that your own personal observations are anecdotal evidence.

This kind of evidence has little to no scientific value at all. That means when proper studies are done with the correct sampling methodology, I might add, the idea of living together without commitment is a recipe for trouble.

You’re going to see that a lot in life. In discussions on universal health care, especially, you’ll hear “gee, I didn’t have/didn’t see any problems” or “my friend went to X country and had NO issue at all.” As though them knowing a few people makes it all great and grand.

Be wary of this!

If you watched a show like Judge Judy for a month, I suspect you’d find some sour stories evening out what you’ve seen.

Secondly, being in a Catholic marriage (or having a Catholic wedding ceremony) is no guarantee of blissfulness. Life throws us all kinds of crosses to bear. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that a lot Catholics are not faithful to Church teachings even in marriage. Also, I will note that you may not be seeing the entire situation.
 
First off, thanks for this thread, I’ve read a few posts on it
and they are GREAT! All I have to add is that following
the UPRIGHT way of doing things will give you PEACE,
what I mean is freedom from fear, anxiety &, dread of evil.
“He who obeys the Lord reveres the Lord, he who is crooked
DESPISES Him!”.Prov 14:2
 
Even if the folks who are purportedly doing all the things you suggested (pre-marital sex, etc.) won the lotto everyday for a year, it wouldn’t justify their misdeeds before God.

Material and temporal success is no measure of “rightness” with God.

Instead of focusing on others’ actions and (possibly coveting) their lives, spend your energy focusing on perfecting yourself. Remember, “what no eye has seen and no ear has heard, what the mind of man cannot visualize; all that God has prepared for those who love him.”
 
It’s an age-old problem: “The wicked flourish like a green bay tree.” A common paraphrase of Psalm 37:35. But do read verse 34.
 
I understand those feelings. Though I am not religious, I do know the feeling of working hard and watching someone else get what you felt you were working for. Before going to law school, losing out on jobs to people who didn’t go to college was always a blow. I know, I know, it wasn’t right to feel that way, but I did. I felt like I worked really hard to graduate with high honors, sunk tens of thousands of dollars into my education, and even took time off to work full time so that I could afford it, for nothing.

But you need to be careful with those feelings. They can eat up up inside, and they can ruin your personal relationships. One of my husband’s younger brothers got really into religion a while back. A few weeks before we married, he started sending my husband on a guilt trip for having a secular wedding. When my husband just calmly stated that he didn’t believe in god and didn’t want to have a wedding that would be dishonest, his brother, who has been trying for some time to find a wife, lashed out and said that he didn’t deserve “all of this”. “All of this” was marrying me, moving into our dream neighborhood, and just moving forward with our lives in a really great way. My husband wishes that he hadn’t continued the conversation, but he did. He asked why, and his brother had a list of reasons: premarital sex, living with me before marriage, using marijuana to get through chemo, spending significantly less time with his family than he used to, among other things. What really gets me is that my husband and I have always talked about what an awesome and fun life and career his younger brother has. The grass is greener, I guess.

That was over a year ago, and their relationship still isn’t the same. I’m not sure it ever will be.
 
I have a saying that might help:

Everyone has different blessings, and everyone has different crosses.

I know the type you mean, who seem to have it all despite being so lax in the faith. I also know they have health issues, battle depression, have debt/money problems, etc.

God has given YOU a different lot than everyone else. Just think - other people might look at all the good you’ve been blessed with and feel resentful toward you for your XYZ that they don’t have.
 
jonnyboy1777 said:
I feel resentful, and I know thats uncatholic of me, but I do. When I see people have premarital sex, live together, and then get married, have good marriages, raise kids, and buy homes and then I see faithful catholics struggle to find someone to marry, follow the rules about sex and living together, and then have a hard time in marriage or with kids it makes me angry. I feel like all of the benefits of doing it the right way are a myth.

Can anyone help me get over these feelings?
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The grass always looks greener on the other side. Bear in mind, that sometimes what you see is what someone else wants you to see.

Don’t waste your time feeling resentful, just thank God for all the things you have in life. You would be surprised how many people think your life is wonderful:D:D:D
 
The great Victorian poet Gerard Manley Hopkins, a Jesuit priest wrote a poem about his having the same feelings. The poem is included in the poetry section of the Liturgy of the Hours. You can read it here:

bartleby.com/122/50.html
 
I tend to look at it and think-- how would their misery contribute my happiness? It’s not like they took my happiness from me, stole it or something. How would I benefit from them being less successful, or their kids having problems etc? Their happiness doesn’t cost me anything , and their misery wouldn’t bring me anything. Christ gives us all crosses to bear- I’ll never really know what crosses they bear or have borne in their lives.

I just try to focus on my life, its’ had its ups and downs. But I’m thankful for a lot of the burdens I haven’t had to deal with.
 
I don’t know about your observation. What I have seen over the last few decades since the pill became widely available is…

a) a lot of premarital sex, and an explosion of pregnancies.

b) Pregnant girls now demanding that abortion be available, and paid for by tax payer dollars. This is not good for the girls, not good for the babies, who have been lost by the millions, and not good for a country.

c) Pregnant girls abandoned by the guys who said loved them. Broken hearts. This is not good for the guys either to have sex and run. To think that sex should be available to them without commitment.

d) An explosion of people with sexually transmitted diseases plus *the types of diseases *you can now catch has risen dramatically.

e) An explosion of young women living in poverty with babies. This is not good for the women or babies, or the country which has to use funds to support them.

f) Kids abandoned by their fathers often do not do well in school or stay in school, or get in trouble with the law.

Can you imagine how much money your country would suddenly have if we could wave a magic wand and have everyone follow God’s plan for sex and married life? Can you imagine a day when no abortions would be necessary? Or no sexually transmitted diseases? Or young women living in poverty, abandoned by boyfriends? God’s way always brings blessing on the person and the nation.

I agree that I too have seen Catholics struggle. However, living a life with God in it, living in grace, is far superior than the world can ever offer. You can’t know by looking from the outside what grief someone may be carrying in their heart. And you can never know what they may face tomorrow.

As a remedy for resentment, try to find things everyday to be grateful for. It’s a good exercise and it’s a remedy for resentment and bitterness.
 
jonnyboy1777 said:
I feel resentful, and I know thats uncatholic of me, but I do. When I see people have premarital sex, live together, and then get married, have good marriages, raise kids, and buy homes and then I see faithful catholics struggle to find someone to marry, follow the rules about sex and living together, and then have a hard time in marriage or with kids it makes me angry. I feel like all of the benefits of doing it the right way are a myth.

Can anyone help me get over these feelings?
Click to expand...
Will it make you feel better to know that those who did not follow the precepts of the natural law (or the 10 commandments) and the Church’s teachings have it worse than those who are 100% faithful? Do you want me to tell you how much my younger sister struggles every day? Would it make you feel happy that she who was faithful, fell into temptation and now that is married with two babies has to skip lunch and count the food so it can last until they receive the next help from the government? Would it make you feel better to know that my devoted parents have to struggle too? They never did unchaste acts before marriage and are devoted to the saints, Mary and God and are in the sacraments, (btw they met while dad played Jesus crucified, and mom played Mary), the struggle to pay off debts and fill three stomachs.

As I write this , I realize that I’m too blessed compared to them. I met a great hard-working man, a prince you would say, and we have been living under the Divine Providence so far. And things are just great. My husband is very faithful to me while being faithful to the One who saved him, he is a man of God. And now, we are expecting a baby while living like nomads due to his current work (he got a new job now, so hopefully we will settle for two years soon).

Earthly happiness is limited. For example, one day you would buy a car and be all happy, but then you want more. You would want a dryer machine…and the story repeats. When we will find eternal happiness, unlimited? There is only one “thing” that’s unlimited and eternal and that is God. So here on earth we thank God for the blessings and for the little we have, we suffer and try to find happiness in the midst of our suffering, and try not to covet other people’s life.
 
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