I got a BIG problem.

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rianredd1088:
SO DID I MISS UNDERSTAND AND THIS MEANS A GAY “LIFESTYLE”, AND NOT SOMEONE WHO IS, BUT LIVES A CHASTE LIFE, AND WAHTS TO SERVE THE LORD?
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The bottom line is this: it is totally up to the Holy Spirit.

If you are truly called to the priesthood, you will become a priest. If you are not truly called, you won’t. Simple as that. Our job is to do our best to cooperate with God’s plan for our salvation.

We are called to grow towards holiness in our life, regardless of what our specific vocation is. If you keep seeking to do Our Lord’s will for you, you will be led to where he intends you to go.

Often it is hard to know what God’s will is for us. There are times in our lives that it feels like we are shut out from the Light, and what we are supposed to do next is entirely unclear.

At those times in my life, it has sometimes come down simply trying to not do those things that I clearly know could not be God’s will.

God be with you.
 
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rianredd1088:
Gay men arn’t welcome to become priest, this really hurts me because I have always wanted to be one. Sometimes I cry because of the fact that I, a believer in christ, cannot become one, because i have a little problem, look, yes i look at porn, but when i started struggling with ssa, i told myself " I think having sex with another man is nasty", and to tell you the truth, i believe it is Still wrong. You wont see me on the streets in some GAY pride march because i am not Proud. Because of the churches views on homosexuallity, That in my opinion gives me a reason to give into these tempations because i feel that i cant be a christian and be gay, so im ganna do whatever i want. I often find myself crying after doing it, but i do. I do NOT support gay marriage, i believe marriage is between a man and a woman. so there ya’ll go.
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the fact that gay men cannot be priests is a cultural distinction based on the sin in implies. there is a difference in being gay and being homosexual. being gay implies sexual activity. however, a man who is homosexual but is committed to a chaste and celebate lifestyle can be a priest. and reading Pope John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body” (along with any study guide for it, but make sure you’re parents are aware of you reading this and that you seriously want to study what the Church teaches regarding the dignity of sexuality), may help you greatly appreciate what the church teaches.

and the Catechism of the Catholic Church does have a good few paragraphs on the subject, which concludes that bigotry against homosexual persons should not be tolerated, but they should be treated with compassion and dignity. those homosexual persons who are committed to a chaste and celibate lifestyle are welcome to participate in the Church’s ministry.

there is a legit group in the Catholic Church for homosexual persons: couragerc.net/

if you can find it, perhaps at google.com, a good article to read is “Always Our Children: A Pastoral Message to Parents of Homosexual Children and Suggestions for Pastoral Ministers” from the National Conference of Catholic Bishops.

now, to any of your concerns about wanting to be a priest, you have to realize 1) you will have to work out your sins, 2) you’ll have to be a confirmed Catholic, 3) you’ll need a spiritual director, 4) you’ll need to be aware and learn about the different other vocations that God may or may not be calling you to, 5) being priest is not a right or a priviledge, it is a calling from God, 6) those who are not called by God but merely “want” to be a priest may do more harm than good in their ministry, and that’s not something to take lightly.
 
I know for a fact that you can be homosexual and be a priest. My wife’s uncle is being ordained next year January as a RC priest and is homosexual.
 
Rianredd, I know this is not the focus of your post, but it jumped out at me and seemed to be a major issue.

What do you mean that going face to face in confession is your only option? If your parish priest is denying you the opportunity to confess anonymously, then your rights are being violated.

According to James J. Drummey in the book “Catholic Replies 2”:

In 1974, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops said that it is “considered desirable that small chapels or rooms of reconciliation be provided in which penitents might choose to confess their sins through an informal face-to-face exchange with the priest, with the opportunity for appropriate spiritual counsel.”

*The Bishops said that "it would also be regarded as desirable that such chapels or rooms be designed to afford the option of the penitents kneeling at the fixed confessional grille in the usual way, but in every case the freedom of the penitent is to be respected" (*Bishops’ Committee on the Liturgy NewsLetter 1965-1975 [December,1974], p. 450).

*Notice that, even in reconciliation rooms, the anonymity of the penitent is to be respected by providing the option of a fixed confessional screen between the person and the priest. This **requirement *was reiterated in canon 964.2 of the 1983 Code of Canon Law, which said that the conference of bishops was to see to it that “confessionals with a fixed grille between penitent and confessor are always located in an open area so that the faithful who wish to make use of the them may do so freely.”

If the fact that you are denied the option to confess anonymously is what is causing you a great deal of distress, then you have every right to confess without going face-to-face. I’m not going to get into which is better than the other, because quite frankly, since either option is acceptable, I don’t believe one IS better than the other. I have gone both ways, depending on whether I really felt the need to seek advice or consolation beyond the absolution of my sins.

Personally, I think if going anonymously helps you to be more honest and open about your sins and failings, then you should by all means be allowed to do so. After all, it is Jesus to Whom you are really confessing, but our human nature tends to put up “blocks” and make it difficult to confess when our eyes perceive another human being (who can be subject to faults as well!) “judging” us.

Fear not; if you truly feel a calling to the priesthood, then it makes sense that Satan is going to try to dissuade you in every way he possibly can. Stay strong and keep praying. Focus on Christ. And my prayers are with you.

BlueRose
 
Dear Rianredd,

I have to drive about thirty miles past about half a dozen other parishes to find a priest with some back bone that I can hold up in front of my sons as both a Godly and a manly example. I think this is a sad state of affairs and I don’t think this world needs even one more spineless marsmallow mouthed priest.
So please pardon me if I speak frankly son, at the risk of hurting your feelings, but if you can’t cowboy up and get yourself in to your priest and and tell him the truth, the whole truth and every last drop of the truth then I think you should concider another calling.
Additionally, the practice of a homosexual life style is itself a sin. Enjoying homosexual porn would certainly count as that. If you are not telling the priest exactly the nature of this sin, that is, you are hiding pertinant details like the true nature of your addiction, from him then you are compounding your sin and not making a good and honest confession.
I’ve travelled a lot of dark and scarry roads in my life. But without a doubt the scarriest thing I’ve ever done was to walk into the confessional after twenty years away from my faith and have to come face to face with the truth about my life.
But it is the Truth that will set you free!
Buck up son and get in there and tell that man “Father, I got a BIG problem.” And don’t stop talking until the crying is all over. You will be a new man when you’re done and then you just might be ready to start talking about the priesthood.

God bless you, my prayers are with you.
  • FranL
 
Hello all

Well, I must say, thank ya’ll for the support from all! One post that struck me was when someone said that Homosexuality is a choice, and i got to say, i believe it is after today. When i woke up today, I told myself that I no longer was ganna be living like this and guess what, NO TEMPTATION at all. I saw guys with their shirts off and all that and i felt nothing towards them. I know it sounds weird but it’s true. I got to say my SSA is a HEAVY cross to bear, but I was thinking, when i go to cnfession, and tell him, will this cross be lifted off my sholders? I really do thik so, because this really weighs heave on my concience. I won’t drop outta CCD, i believe when i get confirmed, i will get all of the gifts and fruits of the spirit, including Self-Control. Someone also said that i need to get the computer outta my room, well believe me i have though of that, but there is no room anywhere in my house. Please all, when ya’ll say ya’lls prayers, do remember me. Thank you all God bless.
 
Rianredd,

I just had a thought…
I am an Eastern Catholic and in our traditions, we are ALL called to a monastic life of sorts. We have stricter fasts and a more prayerful life. If you want you may want to check out deeping your spiritual life.

WIth my returning to my Byzantine Rite, I have recieved the graces from God to escape from ssa too.

My brother is a priest and he had a few things to correct in his life too, before entering the priesthood.
He has been truly gifted by the Holy Spirit when he gives his Homilies.

I will certainly keep you and many others on these forums who are struggling with ssa.

Go with God!
Edwin

P.S. Rianredd, keep us informed how things go with you. There are A LOT of people praying for you!
 
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rianredd1088:
Do you think i should tell the priest what kinda porn, i REALLY feel uncomfortable telling him this because in my city, i can only go face to face, and my parents wont take me anywhere besides my parish.
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Rian,

One more thought that I didn’t see mentioned elsewhere. You don’t say whether you live in a large or small town, or if other parishes are available out of walking distance. I know it’s tough being a 16 year old without “wheels”, but are there other options to go to another parish for confession, such as:

Public transportation?

A friend or family member to drive you so you don’t have to depend on your parents to take you?

Can you just ask your parents if they would take you to another parish for confession? You don’t have to say why, just that you feel the need to make a confession in a more anonymous way?

By the way, most parents are not entirely clueless about what is going on with their children. I am a mother of a 16 yo son, and I can tell he struggles with his sexuality and sexual temptations. I suspect your parents will want to help you, if you feel you can talk to them. You are in my prayers.
 
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those homosexual persons who are committed to a chaste and celibate lifestyle are welcome to participate in the Church’s ministry.
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What paragraph number from the CCC was that? :hmmm:

Sincerely,
  • FranL
 
I have to admit, I’m so DENSE that for a while I had no idea what you meant by “SSA”. Now that I figured it out, I have to say that I have no inkling what to tell you to deal with that, I’m sure there are better minds than I to help you with that. (although I can’t imagine that it’s much different than my ‘Opposite Sex Attraction’)

Having said that, I used to go through phases where I was visiting the confessional a BUNCH. I travel for work, and sometimes ‘face to face’ is the only option. In those cases, I had to do 2 things:
  1. Trust that the priest is faithful to his vows, and will not judge, only counsel and absolve.
  2. I would literally turn the chair away from the priest and face the wall. ( I know it sounds silly, but it helps.) I would bury my face in my hands and go through the confession as if I were ‘in the box’ and anonymous, so to speak.
Remember, when you confess, the priest is NOT the priest. He is CHRIST, and loves you with all of Christ’s love and forgiveness. It’s a hard concept to grasp, I guess, (at least for me it was) but it is true nevertheless.
Trust in God’s Infinite Mercy and forgiveness.

As someone said above, rid your life of temptation; get rid of the things that cause you to be tempted.(pics, video, computer access to these, etc.).

I wish you the best of luck, and you are in my prayers.
 
Well, people, I went to confession, and I told him what I did. After it was all over he asked me " Are you Gay?" And i don’t know why, i said “NO”. And i got to admit, i didn’t think at that moment I was. And I’m starting to think im not. Temptation hasn’t came to me in the past 3 days, I just hope it continues to stay away. The devil must be P***** of right now, because he just lost one of his custermers. I have turned my life back to the Catholic Church, and I guess you could say I had a “Born -Again” experiance (Speaking Like A Protestant). I dont feel any diffrent, but I know it ain’t the fellings, it’s the fact that i went to confession, the priest was real good about it. He just told me, “Don’t give up”. He told me this story about 2 frogs. The frogs were in a pail of milk, and they kept on jumping, and jumping, and one frog said, Well there is no point to this, so he gave up and drowned. The other frog never gave up and eventually, the milk turned into butter, and he got out. I would like to thank all of you guys for your prayers, but please, continue to pray for me, i know this ain’t over yet. Thank God for all he has done for me. I have started saying the Rosary at Night, and saying prayers at night, which i would never do. I just got a question, when/If temptation arises, what would ya’ll suggest i do?
 
I have a good answer for you rianredd, Make the Sign of the Cross.
I would suggest, if you have the money, to order the book ‘The Sign of the Cross’ by Bert Ghezzi. The book isn’t a long book to read, about 120 pages, BUT what it lacks in pages is made up in excellent content and steeped in pearls of wisdom.

Listen to the CA Archives to the program on April 7, 2004 about The Sign of the Cross.

Satan hates the Sign of the Cross and you will have a sense of power brought to you by making the sign. The power of the Cross defeated Satan and Death, so we are encourage to make the sign of the Cross when we are weak in temptation.

I hope this helps! Keep us informed!
Go with God!
Edwin
 
you are held in prayer by a lot of people you will never know, that’s the kind of Church you belong to. You have some good advice from people who have been down this same road. Guess what, we all have a Big Problem, some of us just aren’t honest enough to admit it, even after 35 years of confession. Don’t drop out of CCD, the Holy Spirit will get you through this, and all the other miserableness of being 16. Confirmation is NOT about being worthy. None of us is worthy. Your priest is not worthy, your parents aren’t worthy, the pope isn’t worthy, what receive from God is grace, pure gift, we didn’t earn it, we have no right to it but He loves us, with all our disorders and fears and addictions, He loves us, me and you. Like, wow. Remember to go to confession just before Confirmation, and before communion any time you feel the need (you will know when), for many of us, we need confession every week because that’s just the way life is. your priest or diocesan vocations office can arrange an appointment with you to discuss frankly your desire to be a priest, the requirements, and all the ramifications. Go back to confession, be honest, and the grace you need will be there for you. He loves you. By the way, none of this is the business of your catechist, other kids in CCD, or even your parents if you are not ready to tell them. The priest is the one you need to talk to. If you wanted to get to the mall or a concert, would you find a way? See about getting to confession at another parish if it is easier for you. I assure you, your parish priest has heard it all before, and won’t even remember what you said the minute you leave the confessional, absolved and at peace. God loves you.
 
It sounds as if you have found a good and understanding confessor. That is wonderful.

You’ll be tempted again. I hope for your sake it is not in the same way. So what do you do? Well, what do you do when you get behind the wheel of a car? You drive defensively… look down the road for dangers, so you can avoid them ahead of time; don’t drive in conditions that are beyond your ability; don’t take the task at hand for granted–pay attention to what you are doing; pay attention to stop signs, speed limits, and other traffic signals. All the things that we hate to do, especially when we’re young. But just as drivers who have had a “close call” can be the safest, so this matter may make you a better Catholic, one who loves the sacraments and has an appreciation of his limitations and the great gift that grace is.

But also, listen to the most common message of God: Be not afraid. If temptation strikes, don’t be terrified that you’ll fail. Put yourself in God’s hands and look for His guidance. When you put it in the ditch (and you will), don’t hide. You will always, always, be welcomed back. You are called to a life of joy, not a “white knuckle” ride. God loves you so much. He’s not standing there waiting to rap you on the knuckles. He is waiting to catch you–before, during, and after the times that disaster strikes.

Of all the lies that the evil one will tell you, the lie that tells you God could possibly give up on you before you give up on Him is the worst. Don’t you ever believe it. Rejoice, rejoice, because God looks at you and sees Jesus. You are loved that much, and all you have to do to receive that gift is to never stop accepting what God is offering. Spend regular time in prayer, so that when you are in the storm, you will know deeply what the truth really is.

Thank you for the update, by the way. I’m very happy for you. Keep this time in your heart. It will be like a canteen in times of trouble and dryness.
 
Rianredd,
Is the priest you went to confession your parish priest? Maybe he could be your spiritual director since he was so understanding.
(I suggest this since you are not able to get out and about that this part of your life).

Lit a candle for you today at church.

go with God!
Edwin
 
I like the suggestion to use the sign of the cross. I do this frequently throughout the day as temptations arise. I couple it with a short prayer, “Lord Jesus protect me, Holy Mother Mary pray for me.” I receive many blessings for this. I won’t go into details, if you try it you’ll see what I mean.

Go to confession frequently. There are many graces to be gotten there even if you don’t feel that you have done anything that requires it. Once or twice a month is not to often.
Get a good examination of conscience and take the time to go through it before each confession. If nothing else, it is a good excercise in the discipline of being honest with yourself.

God bless you, hang tough,
  • FranL
“Those who love you, tell you the truth, . Those who tell you what you want to here, love themselves.”
  • Mother Angelica
 
Don’t forget the sacramentals. Holy Water, Holy Oil (great for temptation), Holy Candles. Wear a Brown Scapular and get “vested” in it by your priest, if you were not at your First Communion. The Scapular will help you greatly, as the Blessed Virgin Mary our Mother will be close to you and you will think of her often. Mother Mary helped me through many addictions during my conversion. The Rosary is awesome also (Padre Pio called it his WEAPON). Also, Saint Michael the Archangel is a strong friend. God loves you more than we have the ability to comprehend. He created you and held you before you were in your Mothers womb. Your parents must be pretty great if they take you to confession often. They are responsible for your formation in the faith and their prayers can also help you greatly. Bad images have a way of burning into your head, but Jesus is the Healer and can take them away. Ask Him to heal you every day. We are the Body of Christ and we will all be praying for you and looking forward to a reunion one day!
 
Pray the Rosary… with earnest devotion. The straitest path to our Lord is through Mary.
 
takes deep breath

This is about the third re-telling of my conversion experiance and whole ordeal regarding homosexuality, etc. 🙂

Anyhow, when I was 16 years old, only a few years ago, I, too, went through a similiar ordeal. I have had same-sex attractions since I was 12 or so, as soon as I hit puberty, I think. Anyhow, during those years up until I turned 16, I masturbated twice every day and looked at pornography whenever my family was out of the house. I also never missed an opportunity to engage in impure thoughts. sigh it wasn’t good. And while I knew that pornography was definately wrong, I didn’t think that homosexuality was at all. I also believed that the catholic church thought homosexuality was OK too. But, at that time, I didn’t even know what the catechesim of the catholic church was.

But during the summer in between my freshman and sophomore year of high school I found myself questioning my role in life. I tried to figure out what it was that I wanted to do with my life. I was trying to find out who I really was. I never second guessed that I was gay, that was a given. I also decided that God didn’t exist for various logical reasons as well as the fact that most churches said homosexuality was wrong.

Through various long and complicated reasons, my parents found out that I had told a few friends I was gay. I’m still struggling with what my parents said to me in the days that followed - they were unloving, even hateful. Their bad representation of catholicism definately was a stumbling block. They didn’t know anything about the pornography, but they did ground me from every activity but Church indefinately (it lasted for 2 years or so). One good thing came out of it though: my parents forced me to go to our parish youth group. And, to my suprise, I loved it. On my first retreat, I had an extremely intense conversion experiance where I basically told God that no matter what, I would follow him. Period. I am his for he to make me me what he wants to make me. That included not acting out on the same-sex attractions that I felt - at all. No imure thoughts or anything. I was committed to holiness.

Maybe your experiance will be different than mine, but boy was it tough. I was stuck in my ways and it was very difficult from going from “I am gay and will do what I please” to “I am a child of God doing what God pleases.”

However, now, I am at a level of peace and joy that … is exhilerating, at times. Edwin can tell you that I do have “low” times, for sure, but at least it’s interesting. While I do have same sex attractions, they are significantly less than before.

My point is that there is absolutely hope. While you must take your cross, I think that you will find that “his yoke is easy and his burden light.” It’s a great paradox of life that while struggling with sin is hard, it is also extremely rewarding and joyous.

Prayer is absolutely critical. The best way to move along that path of holiness is to stay in a constant communication with Jesus at all times. It should be a constant goal to just keep talking to Jesus at all times. I have found that frequent use of confession has helped indeed. Also, keep learnign about your faith! If your parish has a youth group, get involved. If there is a parish in a nearby town with a youth group, get involved in that parish. Good, catholic friendships are critical.

I also have felt the call to become a priest. I really don’t understand why some people have said that those with homosexual inclinations are not called to the priesthood.

I hope I have helped!.
 
Dude,👋

Stay in CCD. Move Computer to the living room if not already there. If this can’t be done, sell it. Go the library and use computer. with people around you are less tempted. Satan always tempts you when you are alone. You are stronger since you have recognized your problem. Since you have thought about being a priest, you are on your way. Jesus was tempted and he was much older than you. You are an adolescent well on your way to serving the LORD, our GOD. We learn from our mistakes. We become wiser and we know right from wrong. “Know Jesus, Know Peace–No Jesus, No Peace”. Listen to EWTN every chance you get and build your skills with Christ.:clapping:
Take Care of yourself.
 
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