I got fussed at

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By a Deacons wife :o. She doesn’t like my piercings. I dont wear a lot, and nothing too outlandish, but my parish has a lot of older people, and kind of conservative. I got angry, but I held my peace and changed the subject. Just shocked it was brought up in public. Father has not said anything to me, nor any other ladies.
 
May you and she be filled with loving kindness. May you and she be well. May you and she be peaceful and at ease. May you and she be happy.
 
RedBasket said:
By a Deacons wife :o. She doesn’t like my piercings. I dont wear a lot, and nothing too outlandish, but my parish has a lot of older people, and kind of conservative. I got angry, but I held my peace and changed the subject. Just shocked it was brought up in public. Father has not said anything to me, nor any other ladies.
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She was probably having a bad day or something. I’d forget about it. 😃
 
RedBasket said:
By a Deacons wife :o. She doesn’t like my piercings. I dont wear a lot, and nothing too outlandish, but my parish has a lot of older people, and kind of conservative. I got angry, but I held my peace and changed the subject. Just shocked it was brought up in public. Father has not said anything to me, nor any other ladies.
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Pray for her. You never know what’s going on behind her comments. I look back on my life and realize that often the times when I’ve made the dumbest, most insensitive comments are when I was at my lowest and most insecure. That said, I’m sorry it happened to you.

When I hear stuff like that I always wonder at what it must have been like to be in a Church when it was just getting established in Rome, or maybe in Ireland. I have this imaged of a tattooed Celt recieving the sacraments. 😉
 
Hi RedBasket,

Yes, words do hurt and she was way out of line to say what she did.
Here is where we need to go back to the words in the Lord’s Prayer
and forgive those who have trespassed against us. Just let it go. WE
know she was wrong, so be the bigger person, move on and let it go.

How sad our world would be if we all looked the same way, so keep doing
your thing. Diversity is what the world is all about, and if those in your church
have the weird idea that THEY should be judging others, guess they will get a
big surprise some day. You have EVERY right to be there at Mass just the same
way she has, she is not better than you. There is a guy that attends Sat. afternoon
Mass wearing his motorcycle club leather jacket and boots. He totally looks out of
place, but I really like seeing him there. I like seeing WAY different ( like purple hair,
kid’s in their soccer or baseball uniforms ) and knowing that they ALL stopped the other
things they were doing to come to Mass. To see how totally different all come together
for our Lord. So I would love to see you at any Mass I was attending. 👍
Be at peace friend. :hug1:
 
Smile at her kindly and say, I’ll pray for you. Then go about your business. She has no authority and really should be more welcoming…IMHO of course…
 
RedBasket said:
By a Deacons wife :o. She doesn’t like my piercings. I dont wear a lot, and nothing too outlandish, but my parish has a lot of older people, and kind of conservative. I got angry, but I held my peace and changed the subject. Just shocked it was brought up in public. Father has not said anything to me, nor any other ladies.
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I know this is annoying. 30 years ago I was a punk rocker. You can guess how we looked (except I didn’t have a Mohawk). When my boyfriend and I showed up in the parking lot of the local Italian parish for Mass, some old lady thought we were using the lot to park and go someplace else and the priest came rushing over to tell us we couldn’t park there. The minute he heard we were going to Mass he said “Oh okay then” and we proceeded to attend the Mass without further incident. I was still upset about being judged on my clothes. I also had some other old Catholic lady cluck cluck over my being a punk to my mom, who took my side and later told me not to bother about what that busybody said.

It’s kind of humorous now but was hurtful at the time. Just try to let it go and offer it up. In 30 years hopefully you can tell this story to some other young person. I doubt very much Father will say anything to you, but it’s obvious just reading posts on CAF that there’s a certain subset of busy bodies who just love to pick at other people instead of receiving them in the love of Christ.
 
Whalljim said:
Pray for her. You never know what’s going on behind her comments. I look back on my life and realize that often the times when I’ve made the dumbest, most insensitive comments are when I was at my lowest and most insecure. That said, I’m sorry it happened to you.

…
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I can relate /.
Just this week I was behind a guy at a warehouse club. He had burgers, salads, hot dogs, sodas, disposable table ware. I said, “Hey I’d love to go to that party!”

It was a wake. Open mouth, insert foot happens to many of us who wouldn’t normally want to cause distress to anyone.

I used to be teased, many years ago when I was single, by coworkers about marrying a Protestant seminarian. One of them got me a great part time job at a Particular denomination’s publishing house and that was all I heard for about a year. I observed enough pastors wives and their families to know that was not for me. Too many holidays interrupted by any number of ‘crazy family emergencies’ of one of the flock. No thanks.

I bet the Deacon and his wife have their share of it too!

Consider having a mass said for this lady, she’s probably in real need of it.

Sorry you had some fussing thrown your way.
 
You know what the technical term is for a deacon’s wife?

Lay person.

I wouldn’t stress about it. If she persists, tell her to show you justification for her concerns in the catechism.
 
I personally don’t care for piercing, because it is distracting. I would rather look someone in the eye than look at their personal embellishments. It is your skin, put holes in if you want to!

The Deacon’s wife is probably from the “old school” and is adhering to the OT whereas the OT proclaims that your body is your temple. I guess she doesn’t want your soul to “leak” out. LOA!

If getting fussed at is the worst thing that happens to you in life-count your many blessings!
Members of my family have piercings and tattoos and I wouldn’t dare open my mouth about them!😃 Distracting, but not sinful in most cases. Peace.

P. S. My sister-who still thinks she is a hippie- has a tattoo where the sun doesn’t shine. At least I don’t have to look at it.:D:D:D
 
Brassring said:
You know what the technical term is for a deacon’s wife?

Lay person.

I wouldn’t stress about it. If she persists, tell her to show you justification for her concerns in the catechism.
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👍 I find it difficult to believe that people are still freaked out by these things. I was a pioneer - '60s protestant hippie - and I didn’t change my style much when I became a Catholic. 😃
 
She is lucky she ran into you, sometimes I wish people would pull this stuff with me. Not to Catholic of me, but I can’t stand it when people get all “holier than thou” on others.

Trust me, she is wrong, I wish I went to your parish.
 
RedBasket said:
By a Deacons wife :o. She doesn’t like my piercings. I dont wear a lot, and nothing too outlandish, but my parish has a lot of older people, and kind of conservative. I got angry, but I held my peace and changed the subject. Just shocked it was brought up in public. Father has not said anything to me, nor any other ladies.
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WTG! So awesome you were able to stay calm. I’d have probably lost it.

One thing that occurred to me is that people often react this way based on their upbringing and it’s so ingrained that they don’t think to question it until someone points it out (nicely) to them. She may have been raised / been told repeatedly that only “those” (insert type) of people have piercings and since you’re obviously not (no longer /shouldn’t want to be) one of “those” people you shouldn’t have them.

FWIW - I’ve endured quite a bit of fussing from ladies just like her for the exact opposite reason 😃 I have no piercings at all. They cannot fathom someone not getting their ears pierced. They remind me it’s not that painful, that my husband could then buy me earrings, that earrings would look so good on me, even had friends willing to cover the cost…sigh But the complete lack is in fact my own personal statement of rebellion 😃

Anyway - point is that the pressure to conform and the audacity of others to comment on what one does with one’s own body is universal. As other’s said - pray for her and accept our admiration for your restraint!
 
I just cannot imagine ever having the gall to go up to a person and make negative remarks about their clothes, hair, makeup, piercings, tattoos, etc. That is so rude. It is just poor manners, About the only time I would say something is if I knew they might be banished from a place or not permitted to enter, then it would be as a courtesy to make them aware of the possibility, not to criticize. But that is very rare.

Or, if it were my minor children and they were dressing inappropriately or hadn’t bathed or something.
 
I think the worst case I’ve ever witnessed personally was when we had a priest staying with us in the parish (in residence) from another country some 20 years ago who was shouldering half of the pastoral duties. He celebrated the liturgy piously and was a great confessor. He had a beard in the style of a fu man chu - almost identical to this guy’s - (don’t worry - that’s not him ;))

i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa74/dangy25/P5180602.jpg

If you can believe it, after about two months some of the parishoners got together and asked him to shave it off . . . and he did.

🤷

What are people thinking ? Or are they thinking ?
 
CradleJourney said:
FWIW - I’ve endured quite a bit of fussing from ladies just like her for the exact opposite reason 😃 I have no piercings at all. They cannot fathom someone not getting their ears pierced. They remind me it’s not that painful, that my husband could then buy me earrings, that earrings would look so good on me, even had friends willing to cover the cost…sigh But the complete lack is in fact my own personal statement of rebellion 😃
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I’m with you! I used to have one ear pierced - & I did wear 1 earring. People would ask what it stood for - I told them it meant that it hurt like heck & I didn’t want to get the other ear pierced. 😉

Of course, that was over 45 years ago - a friend did it with a sewing needle & an ice cube. :eek:

I don’t wear any jewelry except my tau; I also don’t wear makeup. What you see is what you get. 😃
 
RedBasket said:
By a Deacons wife :o. She doesn’t like my piercings. I dont wear a lot, and nothing too outlandish, but my parish has a lot of older people, and kind of conservative. I got angry, but I held my peace and changed the subject. Just shocked it was brought up in public. Father has not said anything to me, nor any other ladies.
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We had a pastor who would frequently roll his eyes, look up to heaven and exclaim “Heaven protect us from good church women!” Be polite but ignore her.
 
Boy_Wonder said:
We had a pastor who would frequently roll his eyes, look up to heaven and exclaim “Heaven protect us from good church women!” Be polite but ignore her.
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Pastor’s wives are reason 113,209 why I’m no longer Protestant.
 
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