I got scolded on Instagram for not doing God’s will as a working mom

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MarthaSo said:
Tips please, if you can. This has been my struggle in fact.
thanks 😊
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You have to really want it. Then you do it. Maybe make a list of the benefits you would hope to achieve by changing this about yourself. Examples: More time and energy to invest in yourself and family, less time feeling bad about yourself, more energy to be kind to those you feel may be judging you (because you are able to discount their judgement), etc. Review your list when you are struggling. Keep your list focused on you, not on others.

It really is a discipline, and once you start practicing it, it becomes easy and just a part of who you are that doesn’t require much effort.

I think your first step needs to be awareness. Instead of getting defensive or down on yourself when you feel others are judging you, you need to be aware of what is going on and then have a mantra of some sort that you say to yourself about not caring what they think or say. Fake it till you make it. (if the idea of a mantra isn’t appealing, then maybe a prayer. The idea is to have a repetitive “go-to” that you don’t really have to think much about and that you can “pull out” at any moment.)

When someone attacks me in judgement I just remind myself they have their own issues and I can’t fix them. I focus on myself. It may sound selfish, but self-care is not selfish.

And finally, I try hard to not judge others, either. It is such an easy thing to do…jump to conclusions and assumptions which preclude me from seeing the goodness in others. Again, awareness is everything. This one is a real struggle (sometimes on an hour-to-hour basis during the day)! Somehow, it seems, if you accept yourself being judgemental, it is easier to give others a pass to judge you. It is as if the whole concept of judgement (in that way) becomes more acceptable. So I try to eradicate it from life in every area.
 
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My wife has a coffee mug with a quote from JPII “Thank you, women who work!”
 
I know many people from various social media platforms who have gotten into it with her over one issue or another. Even myself here at CAF the first time she asked for advice on her blog and she didn’t like what I had to say.

I definitely wouldn’t put a lot of stock in what she has to say. I believe I mentioned The Catholic Working Mom’s Guide to Life before. If you got that, Chapter 2 has a section that talks about the idea that some have that Catholic moms should never work outside the home and Chapter 5 talks about discerning whether working outside the home is the right thing for you (and finding peace in that decision). Those sections may be particularly relevant to you right now.
 
MarthaSo said:
I guess I’m trying to see beyond her crazy yelling to see if she had a point.
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No, she doesn’t have a point. Or a say.

She knows zero about you.

And, in case you think it’s a “traditional” Catholic position that women don’t work: that is a false narrative driven by a small group of ultra radical Catholics who like to look back on the good old days of Catholicism… but those good old days are only in their imagination because they never existed.
 
MarthaSo said:
I guess I’m trying to see beyond her crazy yelling to see if she had a point.
Thanks for listening.
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I look back every now & then & regret that I haven’t done a good job raising my kids in the faith. It’s the truth. I own it.

Then something happens & I realize how loving & generous my girls are & I realize I didn’t do all that bad.

We make the best decision we can, when we can. Actively try to do the best we can for our kids at all times. Then pray.
 
It would be interesting for me to tell her my story.

My husband knew from a young age that he was called to be a husband and father. He is also high-functioning autistic. When he was growing up, this was not something well-understood and there wasn’t a lot of support for autistic people. He graduated high school, but does not have additional training. He works nights as a security guard. His autism means that there are limited jobs he would be able to do.

I have a master’s degree in nursing and teach nursing at a college. I earn an excellent salary with three months’ paid vacation a year, and I have fantastic benefits. If I stopped working, we would have two problems: we can’t afford to live on Hubby’s salary alone, and I have to work at least one to two shifts a month to keep my license current. Working at my current job also means that I have a nice, regular, Monday to Friday job with minimal shift work - I only work shifts when I’m teaching clinical and then days and evenings only. I work two Saturdays a year by choice. I have a 14-year-old stepdaughter and we would like to have more children. If something ever happened to Hubby, it would be unlikely I’d be able to find a nursing job where I have such a high salary and not have to work shifts and weekends. If we are able to have more children, Hubby will probably go to working casual and pick up shifts on some weekends and during my vacation time.

There are many ways to fulfill God’s Will. I believe that He placed me at my current job.
 
Let me tell you if TradCatFem and others like her were suddenly to find themselves on the breadline they would suddenly pull out a piece of scripture or ‘loophole’ to justify why they were returning to/starting to work. God is pleased with your work. Do everything for His glory - God doesn’t want your family struggling and He darn sure doesn’t want you to measure your self worth against someone else
 
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I never heard of this character, tradcatfem. Are you sure it’s a she? Call me sexist, but generally online abusers are guys.
But that’s generally. This could be an exception.
 
OP I know this doesn’t quite pertain to your situation, but it may show you that working mothers gave been shall we say given a hard time fir years. My grandfather’s father died when he was young, toddler age, and his mother had to work to support herself, him, and his older brother. She was a devout, traditional Catholic and it pained her to work and not stay home and raise her children as mothers of that era did. However, she prayed for strength to accept God’s will in this situation and to not let the words of those who critcized her get her down. Sometimes God calls us to do things we don’t expect, but we can be assured He knows our fears and concerns and is with us. Don’t let this person trouble you her words say more about her than they do you.
 
In the years leading up to and after 1900, my grandfather’s parents owned a general store and both my great-grandfather and great-grandmother worked there on a daily basis. And they had 8 children. (and a nanny). After they sold the store, they bought a hotel, and she continued as a working mother.
 
There are a lot of angry, often … let’s be charitable… involuntarily single young men who hate on women as a result and use the excuse of being ‘traditional’ to do it. We’ve all met them. ‘If women weren’t so busy WORKING I’d have a wife by now …’
 
halogirl said:
There are a lot of angry, often … let’s be charitable… involuntarily single young men who hate on women as a result and use the excuse of being ‘traditional’ to do it. We’ve all met them. ‘If women weren’t so busy WORKING I’d have a wife by now …’
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I’m lucky to have only met one or two guys like this. Although I do see it a lot more online. It’s definitely a little sad to see and a very messed up view of women.
 
They’ve all been online for me too but then doesn’t that make you worry what is in people’s hearts irl when they have to ‘behave themselves ‘ face to face. These guys walk among us. Just gotta keep praying
 
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Again I thank you for this, I am reading St Zelies book now in fact since I discovered her weeks ago. And I have been so very curious to whom St Gianna Molla left her children with? I have scoured the internet to feed my curiosity and no information is available. I don’t know why I have the feeling she perhaps left them with relatives.
The thing though is that St Gianna loved her career and felt it was a calling from God. I don’t have a career but a job I have frankly posted way too much about disliking so I can more relate a bit to St Zelie who wished at one time not to have to toil with lacemaking and even she didn’t have nasty daily coworkers but she did entrust one of her babies to an evil woman to nurse and subsequently the baby died because she was never fed. I’m almost afraid to pray to her for my situation, it’s strange that my mind would go there , I’m ashamed that my faith is so puny I would fear something happening to my baby in daycare like not be fed because I prayed to a saint whose baby died in like manner. Who thinks like this!
 
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on_the_hill said:
I never heard of this character, tradcatfem. Are you sure it’s a she? Call me sexist, but generally online abusers are guys.
But that’s generally. This could be an exception.
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In my experience, a woman is very liable to snipe at the other women who made the work decision opposite of hers. That goes for whether she went back to work after having children or not. I don’t mean that it is common. but that it is a common temptation. I think it comes from insecurity over whether they made the decision they did, resentment over feeling they had little choice, or some excessive desire to make only “perfect” life decisions. Worse yet, women are the most vulnerable to getting upset when the criticism comes from other women who have made the same choice but come to the opposite conclusion.
 
No doubt. Although I was referring specifically to online abuse.
 
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