A
Andrea22
Guest
I know that true love is an act of the will. I know that true love is willing the good of the other, for the sake of the other, and acting on it. Knowing that I am an imperfect lover, instead of saying “I love you” I say, “I want to love you.”
Thinking of the man I want to love… I was thinking this morning that given he wants to have nothing more with me, he wants me out of his life, the loving thing to do is let him move on, for his sake, even though it kills me because I want to spend my life with him.
At that point I broke down because I felt like “the more I love you (truly) the more it hurts that you reject me” And at that moment I thought of Jesus on the Cross and his passion. How much he must have suffered that we rejected him, and continue to reject him. And then I thought, “The holier I am the more it hurts me when I sin”
I am a point in my life where I want to be holy. And I spend all day long doing the things that I am called to do, but given my human nature and my weakness to my passions I sin. I give in to the temptation to despair, I give in to the temptation to make man the center of my life and not God. I burn with envy at the thought of my man being with a new woman. My sinful pride eats me alive because he thinks I’m an evil woman and I’m not… or am I? I act impulsively and try to take matters into my own hands, forcing him to see that I’m not as bad as he thinks I am. I make myself the center of my life, and not God.
God’s light is shining brightly on all my sins, showing me where I’m going wrong, and it also shines on all my blessings, I have many. I live life thankful for all God has given me, and in pain for all my sins. They hurt me, they hurt those I love, and they hurt God, and I hurt that I hurt them all. So much pain going around, I’m nearing my limit.
Can someone please pray for me? I just called Fr. Larry to see if I can make an appt to see him soon. He’s an OMI and counsellor. I need some relief soon. Very soon. Pls pray for me. :crying:
Thinking of the man I want to love… I was thinking this morning that given he wants to have nothing more with me, he wants me out of his life, the loving thing to do is let him move on, for his sake, even though it kills me because I want to spend my life with him.
At that point I broke down because I felt like “the more I love you (truly) the more it hurts that you reject me” And at that moment I thought of Jesus on the Cross and his passion. How much he must have suffered that we rejected him, and continue to reject him. And then I thought, “The holier I am the more it hurts me when I sin”
I am a point in my life where I want to be holy. And I spend all day long doing the things that I am called to do, but given my human nature and my weakness to my passions I sin. I give in to the temptation to despair, I give in to the temptation to make man the center of my life and not God. I burn with envy at the thought of my man being with a new woman. My sinful pride eats me alive because he thinks I’m an evil woman and I’m not… or am I? I act impulsively and try to take matters into my own hands, forcing him to see that I’m not as bad as he thinks I am. I make myself the center of my life, and not God.
God’s light is shining brightly on all my sins, showing me where I’m going wrong, and it also shines on all my blessings, I have many. I live life thankful for all God has given me, and in pain for all my sins. They hurt me, they hurt those I love, and they hurt God, and I hurt that I hurt them all. So much pain going around, I’m nearing my limit.
Can someone please pray for me? I just called Fr. Larry to see if I can make an appt to see him soon. He’s an OMI and counsellor. I need some relief soon. Very soon. Pls pray for me. :crying: