I had a true awakening...re: the marital embrace

[whatevergirl]

Sorry if this is long, but I promise, you will be happy you did, especially if you are struggling with marital sexuality.

I started a thread in the moral theology section, speaking about mortal sin, and are there grey areas? I will admit, that I was not seeing everyone’s points–nor in the procreative thread, either. (Seeing = understanding)

But something really amazing happened to me today, and in part, I owe it to some of you who helped me see ‘the light,’ as they say. (as Jesus says) Of course, I owe it to God.

I had an awakening this evening…in talking with my husband…regarding that God came up with a model for sex. In giving some moderate background about my husband and me–in the beginning of our marriage, we followed NFP to the letter…for a long time. No problems. Not sure what changed for us. I went back to work after being a stay at home for a time, and then my husband traveled more for business, and I went on the pill, not knowing the Church’s teaching. I really didn’t, sadly. But, then we discovered it, and I went off of it…then went back on it for strictly hormonal issues. My husband and I abstained, and we felt that was our “great compromise.” Then, we had intercourse at times, but it became painful for some unknown reason for me. (physically) Fast forward to recent times–we would pretty much do ‘whatever’ without knowing the CCC’s complete teachings on marital sexuality. Again, sadly we didn’t. Now, in being a member here for a while, I was shocked to read some of what the CCC teaches on ‘what is permissable within a marriage.’ Shocked. Dumbfounded. How could my husband and I be sinning WITHIN our own marriage? Was that even possible? So, I discarded it…couldn’t be right. The Church couldn’t know more than me about my sex life.

When we look through the ‘self’ lense, we say…‘why would God care if I do this or that? It’s not sinful if I do this act or that act.’ Perhaps, the acts in a marriage in and of itself are not sinful, if it leads to intercourse–but the enlightenment came over me today! Perhaps, ignoring God’s model IS sinful. And there you have it. I couldn’t get my arms around it…or my head around it…but God wants our souls around it. Ah! The power of the Holy Spirit to penetrate our stubborn hearts. And the beauty of God’s wisdom superceded my feable mindedness.

So THIS is why the CCC outlines this…because God has a model for everything, why not how we are to behave in our marriages, with one another? So…ignoring God’s model of sexuality is a sin. I get it. My husband and I followed NFP to the letter when we were first married…and then fell away. (Did anyone know that I was referring to my dh and me when talking about the hypothetical couple in that thread? Mirror Mirror? 1ke? ) Not sure why we fell away-and we did nothing to be ashamed to write home about–but truthfully…we did not know this aspect of sexuality. We knew about being open to life, but not about “completing” the marital embrace every time within one’s wife…so, that is news. And the reality is, our sex life, without giving too much detail, really lost some of the intimacy it once had. I can really see, in following God’s model for sex, that the intimacy we lacked, just might get restored.

In discussing this tonight, my husband was angry at first, shocked that I was going to change things–but I explained that I was enlightened…and that we are ‘not following God’s model of sexuality.’ He thought for a moment, silent. And he got it. Why is it that I feel a weight has been lifted off of me??? My dh said, let’s take steps each day to get there.

I get it everyone!!! Praise be to God, and to His patience. I feel like crying as I type this because I feel such joy, that I did not feel for the past few months, in knowing that what my husband and I were doing wasn’t in exact accord with God’s model for sexuality. Oh my gosh, I am so happy everyone! Now, this will take a new way of looking at things for my husband and me, in our bedroom. It’s in the striving, that we are greatly blessed. Who am I not to strive to be closer to my Lord?

I told God earlier that I was sorry for not just believing ‘right away,’ but that He had to ‘work on me a little.’ And, HE COMES DOWN TO OUR LEVEL…Isn’t that amazing?

As an aside…I asked God in my prayers this Advent, to enlighten me with anything at all that He wanted me to know that would draw me closer to Him. Gosh, I didn’t know He would choose THIS.

God bless all of you in the striving! Strive to adhere to what God wants for you–because He knows best. Let your old life crumble, and put on your new life in Christ, and let that be your saving grace, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

 

[whatevergirl]

We have a God who cares about our sexuality…that is really great!!! I didn’t realize that in my ‘spin zone.’ Like the many trees in the Garden, God told Adam and Eve to not eat from that ONE tree. It would seem we have been going against God for a long time…how does He love us so? Amazing, really it is.

I am amazed that my husband & I are excited about our new ‘discovery.’ Anger, confusion, and self pride gave way to a newfound excitement…

THANK YOU TO ALL WHO PLAYED A PART IN HELPING GOD GET THROUGH TO ME.

 

[jmcrae]

YAAAAY!!! :extrahappy:

 

[1ke]

This is wonderful!

Definitely falls in the “be careful what you wish for” category… God has an awesome sense of humor.

 

[whatevergirl]

I know, right? I really am so happy…I feel a little freaked out though. Like something today just snapped…(in a good way) I was driving home, and really felt the wisdom of the Holy Spirit upon me…telling me to discuss this with my husband, and to use these words…God’s model of marital sexuality. I was telling Kathy in a pm, that those are not my words!! They are God’s words. "God’s model for sexuality’ is not my way of thinking…seeing that I didn’t believe there was one to begin with.

Ok…I’ll dance with you now!! :extrahappy:

 

[whatevergirl]

This is wonderful!

Definitely falls in the “be careful what you wish for” category… God has an awesome sense of humor.

No doubt! I am not making any more wishes that are open ended for a while. lol:blush:

1ke–I want to personally thank you, for you really are in your face, no holds barred, this is the way it is…get over it, kind of explainer of the Word. I appreciate that. I read your words a lot…over and over, thinking…what does she know? lol My husband and I are just fine. But, you know, we have missed intimacy doing things our own way. If there was one thing I could say to anyone struggling with this…or not even struggling, but who is questioning the CCC on this–God wants us to be intimate. He wants us to be open to life…but He also wants us to have unity in our marriage. I will say that ‘other acts’ do not build unity. There, I admit it. Can be fleetingly fun, but it does not build unity. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage, out of the bedroom…I want it to be as fulfilling as it can be, in it.

Thank you 1ke…you are a blessing…stay hard core! It works!

 

[1ke]

I know, right? I really am so happy…I feel a little freaked out though. Like something today just snapped…(in a good way)

Yep, it happens that way sometimes. One day nothing about the Church’s teaching on sexuality made sense to me and then the next day, the Earth tilted on its axis and it all snapped into place-- immediately and completely.

"God’s model for sexuality’ is not my way of thinking…seeing that I didn’t believe there was one to begin with.

Yeah, but his ways are far superior to our ways!

 

[1ke]

No doubt! I am not making any more wishes that are open ended for a while. lol:blush:

1ke–I want to personally thank you, for you really are in your face, no holds barred, this is the way it is…get over it, kind of explainer of the Word. I appreciate that. I read your words a lot…over and over, thinking…what does she know? lol My husband and I are just fine. But, you know, we have missed intimacy doing things our own way. If there was one thing I could say to anyone struggling with this…or not even struggling, but who is questioning the CCC on this–God wants us to be intimate. He wants us to be open to life…but He also wants us to have unity in our marriage. I will say that ‘other acts’ do not build unity. There, I admit it. Can be fleetingly fun, but it does not build unity. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage, out of the bedroom…I want it to be as fulfilling as it can be, in it.

Thank you 1ke…you are a blessing…stay hard core! It works!

I really don’t mean to be “in your face” but apparently I am. Ok with me, I’m just following where the spirit seems to lead me.

 

[whatevergirl]

I really don’t mean to be “in your face” but apparently I am. Ok with me, I’m just following where the spirit seems to lead me.

Your words were in my face, because they stung when I saw them. Everywhere I went on here, I seemed to be drawn to these topics…God does have a sense of humor, you are right!

Truth be told, I was a little tentative to talk about it with my husband…but he balked at first. But, he is seeing the light too…

Why do I have such a sense of joy right now?

 

[kage_ar]

Kind of amazing, when you realize that God has a plan for every single part of our life - and that he is RIGHT THERE in everything we do, even behind the bedroom door

 

[rayne89]

Awesome:thumbsup:

 

[Teakafrog]

Kind of amazing, when you realize that God has a plan for every single part of our life - and that he is RIGHT THERE in everything we do, even behind the bedroom door

Yeah, isn’t it great when we finally ‘get it’, that God has a reason for the rules He gives us? I mean a good reason, as in, those rules are actually for our own good, not just to be mean?
Hits you on a parenting level too. I often have to explain to my son that yes, we have good reasons for the rules we give him to, and they are for his own good as well, not just because we are being evil tyrants. It’s because we love him, and want only the best for him, just like God loves us and doesn’t want us to get hurt either. Great, huh?

 

[kage_ar]

One suggestion - get thee a copy of “Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West, you and DH can read it together

 

[baltobetsy]

And one more suggestion (BTW, I’m really happy for you!) - take it all to confession and receive forgiveness for any part of the whole thing for which you may be culpable. You received a big infusion of grace to “see” what you had not understood before. Now you have a lot of joy - the sacramental grace from confession will sustain you when the joy fades a bit and you realize that sacrifice of your own will is not always easy. It will be a wonderful new beginning, especially during Advent.

Betsy

 

[whatevergirl]

And one more suggestion (BTW, I’m really happy for you!) - take it all to confession and receive forgiveness for any part of the whole thing for which you may be culpable. You received a big infusion of grace to “see” what you had not understood before. Now you have a lot of joy - the sacramental grace from confession will sustain you when the joy fades a bit and you realize that sacrifice of your own will is not always easy. It will be a wonderful new beginning, especially during Advent.

Betsy

Absolutely…I plan on going this weekend, actually. I might take up a lot of time with all this. Hopefully, the line won’t get too backed up. Thank you for your post!

 

[RWMorris]

Whatevergirl,
Praise God for your revelation! We had the same revelation in our marriage when we converted to Catholicism. “So THIS is what the marital embrace is all about!” I am so happy for you!

 

[whatevergirl]

Yeah, isn’t it great when we finally ‘get it’, that God has a reason for the rules He gives us? I mean a good reason, as in, those rules are actually for our own good, not just to be mean?
Hits you on a parenting level too. I often have to explain to my son that yes, we have good reasons for the rules we give him to, and they are for his own good as well, not just because we are being evil tyrants. It’s because we love him, and want only the best for him, just like God loves us and doesn’t want us to get hurt either. Great, huh?

Yes He does! In thinking it all through for the past few months…when we put our own spin on something, it is because we don’t like the truth. To steal a line from Gore…an inconvenient truth. ha! I would say that God does not inconvenience us…perhaps, in the Sex & The City type culture we live in, we look at sex from a very fragmented viewpoint. I always thought I was being selfless with my husband…and he to me. But, there was always something lacking. Something, that when we were ‘through,’ I always felt was nagging at me. Like there lacked depth of what had just happened. Don’t get me wrong…there were fireworks moments…but, there were times, when I just felt like it was a chore, dare I say that?

I wasn’t following God’s model for sex, His blueprint. Other faiths lack this type of depth …this type of self reflection. I have to laugh, in thinking of how silly Adam and Eve must have felt after eating that apple…and God probably was like…‘One tree, just one tree you have to avoid, and you two can’t do it.’ LOL

 

[whatevergirl]

Whatevergirl,
Praise God for your revelation! We had the same revelation in our marriage when we converted to Catholicism. “So THIS is what the marital embrace is all about!” I am so happy for you!

Thank you!!! I think a group hug is in order, ladies and gentleman! :grouphug:

Let your old life crumble…let this new life offer you His saving grace!

 

[TIME]

Great job WEGirl, I bet this is going to help many many folks on the Forum, I know I learned a great deal from your comments and so many of the others and their comments.

1ke - don’t be so modest, you are a great, IN YOUR FACE CATHOLIC, keep up the good work.

These are two of my favorite experts pertaining to Love and Marriage:

1 Corinthians 7: 4-5

4 A wife does not have authority over her own body, but rather her husband, and similarly a husband does not have authority over his own body, but rather his wife.

5 Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.

=========================
John Paul II also says that if the only reason a couple is having sex is to transmit life, then they may be in danger of using each other rather than loving each other (see Love & Responsibility p. 233).

Also, John Paul describes the “beatifying experience” of **conjugal union as a foretaste of the joys of heaven **(see TB, Dec 16, 1981 and Jan 13, 1982). In Love & Responsibility, by his detailed discussion of the husband’s responsibility - out of authentic love for his wife - to see that she achieves sexual climax (see Love & Responsibility pp. 270-278).

 

[whatevergirl]

Great job WEGirl, I bet this is going to help many many folks on the Forum, I know I learned a great deal from your comments and so many of the others and their comments.

1ke - don’t be so modest, you are a great, IN YOUR FACE CATHOLIC, keep up the good work.

These are two of my favorite experts pertaining to Love and Marriage:

1 Corinthians 7: 4-5

4 A wife does not have authority over her own body, but rather her husband, and similarly a husband does not have authority over his own body, but rather his wife.

5 Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.

=========================
John Paul II also says that if the only reason a couple is having sex is to transmit life, then they may be in danger of using each other rather than loving each other (see Love & Responsibility p. 233).

Also, John Paul describes the “beatifying experience” of **conjugal union as a foretaste of the joys of heaven **(see TB, Dec 16, 1981 and Jan 13, 1982). In Love & Responsibility, by his detailed discussion of the husband’s responsibility - out of authentic love for his wife - to see that she achieves sexual climax (see Love & Responsibility pp. 270-278).

Hi Time! Thank you thank you thank you! I read Love & Responsiblity a few years ago…it’s somewhere in the house. I might have to dust it off, again. Pope JP2’s words in that book are beautiful…really poignant realities as how to live ‘the best’ as husband and wife. I feel that my husband and I have been nibbling on snacks here and there–never fully satisifed. When the body is the only part of us engaged in sexual activity with our spouses, our souls lack. When our souls lack, we are left with a feeling of emptiness, despite the physical gratification. Now, when we have the completed marital embrace, we never felt this way. But, when we wanted to just have a snack (don’t know how else to put it)…we always felt lacking.

Not only do my dh and I want to strive to be like Christ…and to follow God’s sexual provisions for us…I want that, too. That is a great thing–when our will agrees with God’s.