K
Karen10
Guest
I commend you for your depth of conscience, and rightly wanting to put things right. Putting things right as you can, is a courageous form of penance. I also empathize with your predicament. That aside, here’s what I gleaned from The Art of Natural Family Planning, various readings, and having a priest in the family:
There seem to me to be three options for putting things right after a sterilization.
1.) Reversal of the procedure. This is the first course that should be considered. In some cases, the operation is simply too dangerous (for example if a woman is seriously ill and surgery is imprudent). I understand that finances can also prove to be an obstacle to this. You’ll have to search your heart and ask yourself hard questions about whether “having kids in college” justifies not spending $10,000 on the reversal, and whether it’s possible to scrimp and save to get a reversal done despite having the kids in college.
2.) If you gave #1 enough serious thought that it’s due, and come to the conclusion that surgery simply isn’t an option, either for your own health reasons (unlikely when we’re talking about a vasectomy, as opposed to a more invasive operation), financial reasons, or some other grave condition that is out of your control (lack of a surgeon, for example), then a recommended penance would be to use and practice NFP as if you were still fertile. This is recommended in The Art of Natural Family Planning–you might ask your priest if that sounds like a good option. T.A.O.N.P. isn’t a book with Imprimatur as far as I know; this option is just a sincere suggestion by the couple who wrote it.
3.) With a thorough examination of conscience and under the guidance of a priest, you may choose to abstain entirely until your wife is past menopause. This would be a cross, but I mention it only for consideration. I might be wrong, but in my understanding, this special form of chastity is supposed to be approved by a bishop. I can’t find where I read that anymore, unfortunately. It would require that both husband and wife come to an agreement, similar to those married couples in Josephite marriages. You’ll need a lot of guidance on this one, because I’m not sure what would happen if your wife suddenly decided that she wanted back her “marital rights” (so to speak)–in marriage it is understood that each partner has a right to sex, and should be given it if the request is reasonable. This is a difficult and cloudy option but I believe it may be an option nonetheless, that requires a lot of spiritual guidance. I personally wouldn’t go with it because of the many cloudy areas and the seeming lack of precedents to use as a guide.
It probably goes without saying that option #1, perhaps in conjunction with practicing NFP, is the option that puts the most trust in God. I personally see a grave reason for using NFP in your situation–you have to decide for yourself with some spiritual guidance whether you agree with that. I do not think you would be “abusing” NFP, with those grave circumstances you have. To set your mind at ease, many people can attest that NFP really does work when practiced correctly, and especially when the strictest variations are followed. I have read statistics on vasectomies’ failure rates, so check that out before you possibly allow fear take over in your decision to use NFP.
As I’m not in your situation, I can’t recommend any single option. I just wanted to share some ideas that I read, and try to put them into an understandable context along with their considerations.
Good luck, and I’m sorry your cross is so heavy. You’ll be in my prayers.
