I had to rush him to the ER -- now I don't know what to do?

  • Thread starter Thread starter feelinglost1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
feelinglost1 said:
EVERY DAY he has to find a way to remind me of the mistakes I’ve made – even 2 years ago.
Click to expand...
Not only is this emotional abuse, as sugabee43 says, it’s also – going by your earlier posts – not true! This man has done everything he could to ruin your life. Your “mistakes” were in having anything to do with him. I hope someday you’ll be able to tell him so.
 
Yes, get out now.

If his mother is so convinced only she can heal him, let her.

Take your child and go.
 
I do feel like I need some objective help here. I feel very guilty many times over this part. I’m not perfect, of course. He is volatile. He has a temper. He’s latin…and I’m not used to that level of negative energy/screaming at me.

It scared me at times. Well over a year ago, we were having an argument. I was trying to pack up and Leave him. He felt it was a misunderstanding as to what i was upset about. So he tried to block my exit. Then he rippedy purse out of my hand. That strap was tangled around my finger and it turned my finger upside down.

I screamed and he told me i was being dramatic until he saw my hand. He raced me to the hospital. I had to have surgery and screws in my hand.

I didn’t report him but the doctor called police. They interviewed me and him and said they would just investigate. Did not charge or arrest him.

As weeks went by the emotional abuse continued. I would get angry and resentful and i started to email the police and ask for updates. I offeeed to cooperate with the DA. All the while, i was still living with him and keeping up appearances.

Eventually i backed out and told the DA i couldn’t go through with it. But the ball was already in motion. So they charged him with a felony. It made the local newspaper and he was suspended from work and eventually lost his contract.

When he was arrested i left town, i called his lawyer and his family and went with my girlfriends. They took me out that night to try to keep me together.

We got back together but he blames his Job loss and Demise.

Almost everyday he blames me. He says i should feel guilt and be reminded everyday. He says it was an accident and i framed him and ruined his life. And he says all of that and the fact that it can stlll be found online (he was not indicted and has had it expunged from his record) is evidence that “i am killing him”.

I feel guilt. I feel bad. I should have just left him. Should i?
 
There’s no “should” about feelings in a situation like this. Your feelings are likely to be very complicated. He’s been part of your life for too long for them to be otherwise.

But that doesn’t change what you should do.
 
You feel guilt because you’ve been manipulated and gaslighted for years. You’ve done nothing to feel guilty for, but this is how he thrives, how he keeps you in the relationship - he forces you to take the blame and uses that to make you stay.

What you shouldn’t do is stay. Can you call a friend and tell them what’s happening? Contact a refuge? He is dangerous and you and your child are not safe around him. Please, leave him.
 
Don’t worry about feeling guilty about anything, that can be sorted out later. Do not let your “feelings” come into play during this. This man is a manipulative narcissist and there nothing, not one thing, you can do to change him. You just need to leave and reclaim your life. You don’t give his family or his lawyer any explanation or to let them know where you are. That information is not essential to anyone.

You can deal with your feelings of guilt later, now is the time for action. Call your Catholic parish for a list of resources on how to get out. Contact the local domestic violence center, call the police, contact the DA you cooperated with before. There are a hundred ways you can get help getting out, you just need to figure out that getting out is better than staying in.
 
Last edited:
Please do not stop taking the medicine. That’s the only treatment for his high BP. I don’t know how you will get the money for it, but the medicine is a priority. He should never give up because high BP is not the end yet.

God bless.
 
feelinglost1 said:
I wish I could tell what’s going on. He seems fine at one time… and then becomes very angry at me…not long after.
Click to expand...
@feelinglost1

“Also he holds a lot of resentment over me. Past issues…he just can’t seem to let go of. EVERY DAY he has to find a way to remind me of the mistakes I’ve made – even 2 years ago.”

These are signs of abuse. Get out while you can for your own peace of mind and for the safety and emotional well being of your child.
 
.

Stop making excuses for this situation. Get out of it.

You are in a situation of domestic violence. Yes you are scared, it’s natural. He wants you to be scared. Are you going to let him win, let him murder you one day, and quite possibly your children, or are you going to find the courage to leave.

You have said your ex husband helps you out. Let him help get you out of this situation.

He has helped you before.

Sorry if I come off as harsh… I will pray you find the courage to protect your child
 
Last edited:
You have nothing to feel guilty about. HE is the abuser. HE is the manipulator.

YOU need to do what is best for yourself and your child. And what is best for you both is to GET OUT! LEAVE!! NOW!!!
 
What in the world are you doing?

He has told you over and over and over again by his actions, that he does NOT love you, care about you, hold you dear or see you as a child of God. You are his useful doormat who he has nothing but contempt for. You are showing your daughter every day that this is how people who “love” each other should treat each other, and your daughter is going to marry a guy who will treat her just as horribly because she will think that’s what love is. Who knows, the guy she ends up with may be even more violent and maybe even kill her. Wake up!

To be blunt, you seem to want this drama in your life in some sick way, so I am pleading for you to unselfishly leave this whole thing for the mental and physical health of your daughter. This guy is sick in more ways than one, and by your actions, you seem to be close behind him.

You said you are really scared. What are you scared of? What kind of a life do you really have now? We all know that when someone loves another, they do what is best for them, they put the loved one and their needs above their own. So we know that he doesn’t love you. He has physically harmed you, stolen all your money from you, kicked you out with nothing, lied about you… what exactly is it that you’re going to be scared of missing?

He treats you so badly because you let him. And because you let him, he has nothing but contempt for you. People treat you the way you let them. He is an adult and can fend for himself. Have some pride and dignity woman, put your daughter first, and leave this SOB with your head up high. YOU are a human being made and loved by God, and it’s time you started acting like it. Put your daughter first, SHE is your priority, she is a child, the helpless one here and she’s the one that needs all your love and care. Love your daughter more than your twisted drama for this guy.
 
OP, 23 days ago, you wrote your first thread and everyone told you this guy is abusive and to leave. You poured on more and more details of the drama. But obviously you stayed. 8 days ago, more of the same drama, more excuses why you can’t go. More fear, though what could be worse in leaving than what he is already doing, I don’t know.

And now this. I agree with tuscany that you must want the drama. And it’s all drama. If you want it, fine. But why keep coming here, complaining about him, and not take anyone’s advice? Why are you insisting on being a victim? You, and only you are the one that can change your situation. He is not going to, you have to leave and cut all contact. If any of what you say is true, you are a woman capable of living on your own. (Thread 1) So do it. He is not free to marry, (thread 2) so get out and end this toxic existence. (Thread 3)

Why are you still there??
 
Last edited:
I think it’s fear. And it’s based on the fact that I’m afraid I will fall apart without him. I was a MESS the last time he left me. I couldn’t sleep or function very well. We were apart for 6 weeks and I was STARTING to get better…but I really fear that I will lose my mind.

But you ask “why are you still there?”. Good question. Because I need a little cushion of money to get me prepared. And I feel like I’m symbolically staring at the band-aid and not fully prepared to rip it off.

I don’t want the drama. But I do think I have been hiding out in this relationship. It is probably my excuse for avoiding taking action. I can say he is the problem – he is the issue and avoid deeply looking at my own problems.

The whole dynamic of the relationship is screwed up. And I feel and look like a mess. I am depressed. I am down and I need God to pull me up and give me a shot of courage.

Thank you for giving me this tough advice and insight. What you all have written is true. He doesn’t love me. He clearly just resents me and wants to treat me like crap. I’m sure having me around is an excuse for him, too.

Not healthy at all.
 
No, it’s not healthy- for you or your child.

The next time you post on CAF, I want to see an update of what you have accomplished in leaving this crappy relationship and how you are faring.

Stop making excuses and start making progress. It takes one step at a time, and you ARE capable!!
 
Gotta say, this part of your story, OP, sounds a little bogus:

“We get to the hospital. His BP is 235/130. I told the ER I felt he was having a heart attack or stroke. they test him. No heart attack. But high blood pressure…”
Then you spoke about driving him home.

No way the hospital would have let him go. They would have admitted him or kept him for observation.
So, that part of your story really troubles me.

As does your fear of leaving him, because
he is not free to marry. He has no money but yours.
He is abusive. So again, why are you afraid of leaving him?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top