I hate feeling like this!

[housewife]

I don’t know how to control myself! I understand that they are only children, but some kids are such brats! I feel much anger when I see another child being mean to my kids! My kids are very friendly and other children can be so mean at times. Of course, I hate it, too, when mine act like brats! It is absolutely unacceptable behavior at my house.

I began to go to the gym and they have a little daycare for children and I take mine there, however, there are children from ages 6mos to 11 years and today I saw some little girl being a plain brat ( she must have been around 6). My oldest (3 years old) was telling them good bye and they just ignored him! I can see the differences in character and personality. These kids parents don’t teach them manners! I guess they take for granted that their children can already learn manners. For that reason they grow up into being such brats and society dislikes them!

Anyhow, as we were leaving, another little girl approached my 2 year old son and began to make remarks about his wet pants! He peed his pants, but it was totally mean of her to be saying what she was saying! “Yuck, he peed his pants…this and that…” I felt that I already disliked this little child! She must have been about 6 or 7 years old!

I guess the bottomline here is that it hurts for other people to be mean to your children. I don’t know how to take it. I know I was discreet in showing my feelings. I did not tell anything to the little girl, but I was about to tell her “I am sure you peed your pants, too, when you were 2 years old atleast once!” OR “that’s mean!”… but I held back and pretended to just ignored her remarks…maybe I should have told her, maybe I did good in not telling her anything. The girl in charge there, did notice and told her to be nice, that he was little and that is why he wet his pants.

Oh well, thanks for letting me vent…

I really hate feeling this way…

 

[sanctamaria17]

It is frustrating. Sadly, parents don’t feel that their kids can do wrong (or that school will teach them everything they need to know) and let their kids get away with anything. That and the fact that girls are encouraged to act spoiled and bratty (Bratz dolls, anyone?) makes it worse. It has some of my female friends hoping they’ll never have girls, because they’re afraid they’ll turn out just like that

Offer up prayers for these children. They especially need guidance, especially in these days. At least the girl in charge is willing to take action. Do the girl’s parents know about this? It’s hard when parents aren’t there because sometimes, kids feel bolder w/o their parents.

 

[housewife]

Well, most of them, girls, will be this way. Maybe they learn with time because once they mature it seems to go away, or maybe society straightens them up. I don’t think I know any woman who is “mean” my age (30).

I do remember there being girl bratz when I was young. They could be soooo mean. I see them now and they are relatively nice people.

 

[dulcissima]

I think it really helps to never think of children as being brats. It is really important to not identify them that way, because you are taking the bratty things that they do as if that is who they are as a whole person. That makes it too easy for you to be angry with them. You have to keep in mind that there is so much more to them than the little things they do that are mean. You also have to keep in mind that they are children. Just like the 6 or 7 year old girl should understand that your son is 2 and should be given some slack about wetting his pants, you should realize that this girl is very young. Very frequently young children aren’t as polite as they should be. As the adult it is important for you to model the correct behavior for her. If you get angry with her, chances are that she won’t learn anything, and your anger would only add to the bad feelings that your son might be having. If instead you calmly say something like “Oh, he’s just two and he’ still learning.” I think you’ll find that situation isn’t quite as terrible as it was making you feel at the moment.

I work at a continuation high school, where a lot of the kids do act very rudely and meanly. As I have gotten to know them and understand the home environment that these kids come from, I find that their rude behavior doesn’t bother me nearly as much. I always respond to them in a way that is calm and polite (but often firm.) I think they eventually see that they aren’t going to get their expected reaction from being rude, and eventually end up being relatively pleasant themselves. The teacher in the next class room gets angry at their behavior, and that seems to only encourage them to get more and more carried away, which then only makes her angrier and angrier. It’s a vicious cycle and she is miserable there. I think just being calm and matter-of-fact will help you and help the kids who are behaving rudely.

 

[housewife]

I think it really helps to never think of children as being brats. It is really important to not identify them that way, because you are taking the bratty things that they do as if that is who they are as a whole person. That makes it too easy for you to be angry with them. You have to keep in mind that there is so much more to them than the little things they do that are mean. You also have to keep in mind that they are children. Just like the 6 or 7 year old girl should understand that your son is 2 and should be given some slack about wetting his pants, you should realize that this girl is very young. Very frequently young children aren’t as polite as they should be. As the adult it is important for you to model the correct behavior for her. If you get angry with her, chances are that she won’t learn anything, and your anger would only add to the bad feelings that your son might be having. If instead you calmly say something like “Oh, he’s just two and he’ still learning.” I think you’ll find that situation isn’t quite as terrible as it was making you feel at the moment.

I work at a continuation high school, where a lot of the kids do act very rudely and meanly. As I have gotten to know them and understand the home environment that these kids come from, I find that their rude behavior doesn’t bother me nearly as much. I always respond to them in a way that is calm and polite (but often firm.) I think they eventually see that they aren’t going to get their expected reaction from being rude, and eventually end up being relatively pleasant themselves. The teacher in the next class room gets angry at their behavior, and that seems to only encourage them to get more and more carried away, which then only makes her angrier and angrier. It’s a vicious cycle and she is miserable there. I think just being calm and matter-of-fact will help you and help the kids who are behaving rudely.

dulcissima, your words open my mind and my heart. Thank you! I really see what you mean. I thaught 5th grade once and I understand why children have certain behaviors. My sons did not even notice anything wrong or mean. It was me that noticed it and did not want to make them notice it. However, my mind went 100 miles/hr and began to imagine how it would be whenever these things do start to get to them…

 

[Em_in_FL]

It’s really hard for me to get upset at kids I don’t know…
I mean, you just never know what their perspective is. You never know what sort of background they’re coming from or how their words actually sound to the listener. These aren’t adults here… they’re young kids…

Dulcissima’s comment was really great… something like “Yeah, sometimes little 2 year olds have accidents” as you shrug it off. She’s probably not intending to be mean… just pointing out the obvious…

It’s hard to watch your child picked on… but actually responding in love is a great example for them to learn how to disarm future comments! You can TEACH them in the process not to get so upset at hurtful comments.

 

[housewife]

It’s really hard for me to get upset at kids I don’t know…
I mean, you just never know what their perspective is. You never know what sort of background they’re coming from or how their words actually sound to the listener. These aren’t adults here… they’re young kids…

Dulcissima’s comment was really great… something like “Yeah, sometimes little 2 year olds have accidents” as you shrug it off. She’s probably not intending to be mean… just pointing out the obvious…

It’s hard to watch your child picked on… but actually responding in love is a great example for them to learn how to disarm future comments! You can TEACH them in the process not to get so upset at hurtful comments.

Absolutely! Thank you Em_in_FL!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Well, most of them, girls, will be this way. Maybe they learn with time because once they mature it seems to go away, or maybe society straightens them up. I don’t think I know any woman who is “mean” my age (30).

Housewife, you need to get out more!

Seriously, I think God allows us to encounter such things when we are with our 2 year olds, so that we become immune to public scrutiny. Because when your child is four and announces to the whole restaurant that “That man is REALLY FAT!” you will have a deeper understanding and a thicker skin.

Because the man won’t just be pudgy. He will be house-sized. Little kids are masters of the obvious and they will choose to comment loudly about things that people have no control over and are undeniable.

So God is letting your skin thicken little by little. Give those kids the benefit of the doubt unless they are being physically violent. You will want people to do the same thing when your child states the painfully obvious in public.

 

[dulcissima]

Housewife, you need to get out more!

Seriously, I think God allows us to encounter such things when we are with our 2 year olds, so that we become immune to public scrutiny. Because when your child is four and announces to the whole restaurant that “That man is REALLY FAT!” you will have a deeper understanding and a thicker skin.

Because the man won’t just be pudgy. He will be house-sized. Little kids are masters of the obvious and they will choose to comment loudly about things that people have no control over and are undeniable.

So God is letting your skin thicken little by little. Give those kids the benefit of the doubt unless they are being physically violent. You will want people to do the same thing when your child states the painfully obvious in public.

ROTFL! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been SO thankful that three of my four children had speech impediments and I was the only one who could understand the apalling things they just said to someone.

Heck, even I’ve been known to stick my foot in my mouth. At least I’m old enough to know to apologize if I realize I’ve offended someone.

 

[housewife]

Housewife, you need to get out more!

Seriously, I think God allows us to encounter such things when we are with our 2 year olds, so that we become immune to public scrutiny. Because when your child is four and announces to the whole restaurant that “That man is REALLY FAT!” you will have a deeper understanding and a thicker skin.

Because the man won’t just be pudgy. He will be house-sized. Little kids are masters of the obvious and they will choose to comment loudly about things that people have no control over and are undeniable.

So God is letting your skin thicken little by little. Give those kids the benefit of the doubt unless they are being physically violent. You will want people to do the same thing when your child states the painfully obvious in public.

This all makes perfect sense!

Thank you!

 

[OneAugustKnight]

I guess the bottomline here is that it hurts for other people to be mean to your children. I don’t know how to take it. I know I was discreet in showing my feelings. I did not tell anything to the little girl, but I was about to tell her “I am sure you peed your pants, too, when you were 2 years old atleast once!” OR “that’s mean!”… but I held back and pretended to just ignored her remarks…maybe I should have told her, maybe I did good in not telling her anything. The girl in charge there, did notice and told her to be nice, that he was little and that is why he wet his pants.

Oh well, thanks for letting me vent…

I really hate feeling this way…

Your children are too young to defend themselves and it’s up to you to protect them. If no one bothers to correct the other child, get down and look the other child in the eyes and firmly say, " Keep those ugly comments to yourself," or " Don’t hit my child," or whatever the situation calls for.

I’ve lost a friend or 2 this way, but it’s really not a big loss because their children were so undisciplined and out of control. Sometimes unpleasant things need to be said.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Your children are too young to defend themselves and it’s up to you to protect them. If no one bothers to correct the other child, get down and look the other child in the eyes and firmly say, " Keep those ugly comments to yourself," or " Don’t hit my child," or whatever the situation calls for.

I’ve lost a friend or 2 this way, but it’s really not a big loss because their children were so undisciplined and out of control. Sometimes unpleasant things need to be said.

Wow that sounds harsh to me! To loose a friend over “comments”? I think I’d be out of friends if I didn’t learn to ignore some of their misinterpreted comments over the years!

 

[housewife]

Your children are too young to defend themselves and it’s up to you to protect them. If no one bothers to correct the other child, get down and look the other child in the eyes and firmly say, " Keep those ugly comments to yourself," or " Don’t hit my child," or whatever the situation calls for.

I’ve lost a friend or 2 this way, but it’s really not a big loss because their children were so undisciplined and out of control. Sometimes unpleasant things need to be said.

You are right. Some children can be cruel…not all…some.

 

[OneAugustKnight]

Wow that sounds harsh to me! To loose a friend over “comments”? I think I’d be out of friends if I didn’t learn to ignore some of their misinterpreted comments over the years!

It’s not so much that their child makes a comment, it’s the repetition of hearing their child say, “You’re stupid,” and other things like that to my child with absolutely no response from the mother.

I usually say it nicely like, “A nice girl shouldn’t use such ugly words,” or “We don’t speak like that in my house,” But I look the child in the eyes and speak firmly.

The mother sees me do it and it works, some mothers start emulating me, occasionally a mother starts avoiding me.

 

[housewife]

…occasionally a mother starts avoiding me.

Sounds like there is too much pride here.

I think that if the mother is present and they don’t do something about it, then one should do something and iff the mother is not present, then one should definitely do something. I think that children should only have one mother, however, if the mother does not do anything, then the child will end up having many mothers…

I think that the only “second mother” that I allow for my children to have are their teachers. As long as they don’t touch them (physically) I do expect for them to discipline them while at school, however, I do want to be notified of it so that I can do something about it, too.

In the case of the little girl saying things to my 2 year old, the lady in charge of the daycare spoke before I even opened my mouth to tell the child something. I think it helped because I think that I might have gotten out of hand. I might have been harsh in telling the little girl something.

 

[housewife]

It hurts, it hurts bad and it will continue to hurt because the world is full of people that will be mean to your child.

I have three children and my middle child (daughter) has Down Syndrome. For a long time I was paranoid of people making fun of her and hurting her feelings. In addition, I was afraid for her brother and sister too because often siblings of disabled children really get teased, sometimes really bad. I wanted to protect my children from all of this.

With God’s help, I changed my perspective and my goals. My goal is no longer to protect my children from teasing…but to arm them against it. We practice in the car and at home on “what do you say when someone says your sister is a stupid retard?” and make a fun game out of it! I am trying to get my children to the point that they can have a quick comeback and that they are not thrown off-guard when someone treats them badly. Maybe this sounds weird but the reality is, people are going to be mean to my children. Other kids are going to say hurtful things and I want them to be empowered not just stand there like an innocent victim.

This does not mean I do not intervene when children are mean or physically violent or rude. I do, all parents should. This does not mean it does not tear me up inside when someone is mean. This does not mean my children are not going to be hurt and cry. What it does mean is that (I hope) they are a little more prepared for battle! Remember, we are fighting a battle…a Spiritual one. Hope this helps a little.

Thank you for your post! It does help! There are soooo many cruel people out there who are just plain ignorant of what they say and how they can make other people feel. I think that if one does not have something nice to say that one should keep their mouth shut. But then again, I think that if they say the things they say to other people, I sense that they themselves have or are probably getting the same from people (like, someone close to them). One thing is to say it when you really don’t mean it and another thing is to say it in a cruel manner meaning to hurt someone.