I hate feeling this way

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Sooner87

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Last year I went through a divorce, unexpectedly. My exwife woke up one day, told me she never loved me anymore than a friend and the whole thing was done. Everything went final in March 2012. As bad as that was it led me to The Church which I’m so thankful for.

In June 2012 I applied for an annulment and patiently waited and did everything that I needed to do. After working to get my life back together thing got better. I had a mutual friend who was kind, caring, full of life, and Catholic. As much as I wanted to pursue her I knew I had to wait. After the annulment went through we began a long distance relationship (she is in grad school a couple of hours away). She was everything that I had prayed for, embodied a spiritual partner that one could only hope for. I come to find out she is dealing with some mental issues that I won’t delve too far into. But regardless I have my all, I put in all I had mentally and spiritually to help her. I fasted for her, prayed for you, and gave my time to help her.

Things were going great and summer rolled around. We finally got to start hanging out again. Things seem to be getting worse with her problem and I told her if we needed to take a break then I understood, she needed to get better. And I really meant it, I was willing to sacrifice it all for her happiness. She took me up on the offer, much to my dismay.

I feel I had finally found myself, I was on a spiritual plain I’ve never experienced before, I was healthier than I’ve ever been, and have given up a lot of old vices. I was where I know God wanted me to be. Now I’m just lost. I have say with The Blessed Sacrament and talk this over, I’ve (and I feel guilty) yelled at God and just taken all my aggression out on him. This has become harder than my divorce. I feel like I’ve lost myself and am teetering on depression.

So, I hate feeling this way, but I just feel that God doesn’t want me to be happy. It’s always something. I have a lot of baggage that I finally was able to share with somebody and they with me. I just don’t get it, I feel like God just constantly is looking over me like a parent taking away any toy that I have. I can’t eat, constantly sleep, and just cannot get happy.

I need prayers, but more than anything I just needed to type this all out. I just needed to vomit it all out.
 
I guess I forgot to ask, but how normal is it to feel this way? I know the story of Job and even Christ’s suffering, but why does God make things like this happen? Why even build us up for huge falls? I’ve been a Christian my entire life and I’ve never felt this way before.
 
Sooner87 said:
I just feel that God doesn’t want me to be happy. It’s always something.
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It isn’t my intention to be mean spirited, but why would God, who offered up his only begotten Son to suffer and die such a miserable death for the salvation of each and every one of us in the world, not want you to be happy?

If you can show me one person who has every thing in life going right for them, then I will show you one very fortunate person. While you may think your problems are hard to handle, recognize the fact that there are some people who have problems and burdens that would make us shudder if we had to deal with them. If life gives you lemons, then make lemonade. If you can’t find happiness, then search for contentment. And thank God for the good things that you have.
 
That’s the problem. I know and recognize my problems are small. I know I have more than I ever deserve, it’s just hard to recognize right now.

I am coming across as selfish and I know it. Maybe I’m depressed, I don’t know. I feel so blasphemous for feeling this way.
 
Well, maybe a relationship with that woman isn’t what God wants for you in His divine will.
 
Richard_White said:
Well, maybe a relationship with that woman isn’t what God wants for you in His divine will.
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And that may be the case. I just wonder why God would lead someone into my life, someone that I was spiritually intimate with just to take them away.

Once again, I feel selfish and childish questioning this. I just feel like I’m destined for loneliness. I just can’t wrap my head around Gods reasoning. This is Christianity 101 and I’m just stumped right now. Does God make us miserable in certain situations?
 
You might want to talk to your doctor about how you’re feeling. I’d say there might be some need for concern if you’ve been like this for more than 8 weeks- for many people, an anti-depressant can help a lot, but consider bringing it up with your doc.

This life is a “valley of tears”, however, so don’t try to fool yourself into thinking you’re going to find happiness in this life. To me, it seems like this life is a series of dessert travel and respites in oases, but the journey is different for each soul, it seems to me. Some of us seem to get close to no stops at an oasis while others…hmph! 🙂

We just need to trust that God has our best interest in mind, and this life is not our final destination so don’t expect to find everything to satisfy your heart in this life but in the next.

Can you not still be friends with your mentally ill friend?? I’ll do my best to remember to pray for you and your friend at Adoration.

God Bless!
 
JamalChristophr said:
You might want to talk to your doctor about how you’re feeling. I’d say there might be some need for concern if you’ve been like this for more than 8 weeks- for many people, an anti-depressant can help a lot, but consider bring it up with your doc.

This life is a “valley of tears”, however, so don’t try to fool yourself into thinking you’re going to find happiness in this life. To me, it seems like this life is a serious of dessert travel and respites in oases, but the journey is different for each soul, it seems to me. Some of us seem to get close to no stops at an oasis while others…hmph! 🙂

We just need to trust that God has our best interest in mind, and this life is not our final destination so don’t expect to find everything to satisfy your heart in this life but in the next.

Can you not still be friends with your mentally ill friend?? I’ll do my best to remember to pray for you and your friend at Adoration.

God Bless!
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This is all very fresh, about a week. I am going to seek out a Catholic Counselor on Monday. No suicidal thoughts or anything like that, I just feel my burden is getting really heavy.

I guess it’s hard to see the forest for the trees right now. We do still talk, she’s a dear friend. It’s just hard to be open because I don’t need to heap my problems on her, she has enough to deal with. I’m going to confession in a few hours, the priest is always good with words and advice.

Thanks for your prayers!
 
Sooner, I am sorry for the way your ex-wife mislead you, that would send anyone into a tailspin. Good for you for getting the annulment and seeking God and putting your life back together. I’m sorry that the relationship you want with your friend can’t happen right now. You want to be in a close, loving relationship which seems a healthy and normal desire to me. You have been dealt some hard cards. Even Jesus on the cross asked “why?”. We are human beings with frailties and weaknesses and questions. You are taking it to God in the Blessed Sacrament, not suppressing your disappointments by getting drunk and trolling for women in bars. It sounds to me like you are trying to do all the right things.

I pray that if this woman is the soul-mate that God has for you then she would do what she needs to do to get herself healthy so that the two of you can resume what will hopefully turn into a life-long marriage. If she is not the spouse that God wants for you then I pray that He would make that clear to both of you so you can both be confident that moving on is the right decision. I pray that God makes His will for your life clear to you and that he blesses you with peace and happiness in these times of uncertainty. God has not forsaken you even if it feels like it. Stray strong in faith, walk by faith, not by feelings (I know from personal experience this is hard). Maybe next time you receive the Eucharist pray “Jesus be my faith”, “Jesus be my peace”, or “Jesus be my happiness”. When we are weak He is strong. I was given this advice on this forum and it has helped me. When I am having a particularly hard time, while in the communion line I ask Jesus to be my “_______” whatever I am too weak to be on my own.

I struggle with anxiety. I have a little prayer card with this prayer on it. Lord, I offer this prayer on Sooner’s behalf.

OUR LADY OF MENTAL PEACE PRAYER

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility and
Mother of Hope,
look upon me in this time
of disquiet and weakness.

Still my restless spirit,
teach my searching heart to know
that God’s love for me
is unchanging and that the suffering
which He may will for me now
is to draw me closer to Him.

Let thy gentle peace and His —
which the world cannot give —
be always with me, that I may
be sanctified: and then:
I beseech thee
for the grace to bring this
peace to others.

Jesus, My Savior, I give myself
entirely to Thee through Mary:

Our Lady of Mental Peace,
pray for me!
:signofcross:
 
Thanks Emerald! Your words brought me to tears. Trying to handle this all on my own isn’t the right thing to do. Honestly, I took to drinking the first night and realized that that solves nothing. Gods calling me and I’m just not mentally ready to take it yet. I am an (name removed by moderator)atient person.
 
Sooner87 said:
And that may be the case. I just wonder why God would lead someone into my life, someone that I was spiritually intimate with just to take them away.
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I don’t know, but perhaps it was more for her benefit than for yours?! And perhaps he’s asking you to offer this up as a sacrifice for her eventual recovery and salvation.
 
Matt_Collins said:
I don’t know, but perhaps it was more for her benefit than for yours?! And perhaps he’s asking you to offer this up as a sacrifice for her eventual recovery and salvation.
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I think you may be right. That’s why I feel so selfish for questioning God and being so down about it.
 
They say that divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences we can have, especially the way your ex-wife dealt it to you. I’m so sorry. You might not have realised but you could have had expectations of the new relationship that came from unresolved hurt and confusion from you marriage ending. It takes time and sometimes counselling to overcome a hit like that.

Consider some counselling to air the grief and confusion that you might be repressing. Two years since the divorce is really not all that much time.

God bless.
 
Dacinom said:
You are not selfish to wish to not bear this cross. Jesus didn’t want His cross either, remember? Longing for companionship is a normal and healthy thing. You are feeling a deep loss probably because you are a deep person with a lot of love to share. People that have shallow relationships are able to move on easier, feeling grief is a sign that you loved deeply and that is a wonderful thing.

I recommend a book called “How To Survive The Loss Of A Love” It is not a religious book but is full of small, short sayings & prayers that can help. It also stresses that losing a loving relationship can be like an illness to your body and soul. Don’t dismiss that you need healing right now. Try and sleep, try and eat right, try and take care of yourself physically as best as you can because you are trying to heal.

Why you have this cross I don’t know. Many people have to deal with sudden and unexpected losses that can’t be explained and is nearly impossible to see the good in them. Jesus loves you so very much, Jesus has known from all eternity that you would be going through this time and He is walking with you. Jesus knows the pain of being lonely. Jesus knows what it is like to have a relationship full of love and yet that person totally turns away from you. You are God’s little boy, He loves you as a Father, turn to Him for comfort. I will keep you in my prayers I have been in your shoes it is very painful. Please take care of yourself as best as you can. God bless.
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Thank you everybody for your advice and kind words. I half expected more “tough love” responses.

Monicad, you are exactly right. I love a lot, it is very deep and strong. The grief is strong right now and dang near overwhelming. I know she needs this but I just struggle with that.

As upset and angry as my original post was, I am slowly feeling some peace about me. God never promised us an easy life and it is foolish of me to expect the waters to always be calm. I just long for some consistency and some reassurance from God in my relationships. It’s just a painful pill to swallow, having to do it again and again.
 
Sooner87 said:
I have say with The Blessed Sacrament and talk this over, I’ve (and I feel guilty) yelled at God and just taken all my aggression out on him.
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From the Rule of Saint Benedict, chapter 4, “What Are the Instruments of Good Works?”:
  1. When evil thoughts come into one’s heart, to dash them against Christ immediately.
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He can take it. He’s there for you.
 
Sooner87 said:
And that may be the case. I just wonder why God would lead someone into my life, someone that I was spiritually intimate with just to take them away.

Once again, I feel selfish and childish questioning this. I just feel like I’m destined for loneliness. I just can’t wrap my head around Gods reasoning. This is Christianity 101 and I’m just stumped right now. Does God make us miserable in certain situations?
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I have come to realize that it is not what I think will make me happy that will actually make me happy. It is only what God KNOWS will make me happy that will do so in the end, for in God alone there is true fulfillment and happiness.

So just tell God that you are ready to submit entirely to His great and unfathomable will for you and listen to Him, just be silent and listen.

May God bless you abundantly! 🙂
 
Life is easy when God’s will is in line with ours. When the two wildly differ is when things get sticky.

The past 24 hours have been encouraging and I’ve had loads of advice and help. Thanks everybody for your prayers and words.
 
I want to offer just a few things simply as food for thought. When I went through a time somewhat similar to yours, they are some things the LORD brought me to ponder.
  • I read a book that posed the question, “What if God wants to make us holy more than to make us happy?” I don’t think God is opposed to us being “happy,” but making us holy requires some sacrifice and work on our part. You indicated you had come a long way spiritually; you are becoming holy! But to what end? For God … or for the girl? Your answer may be “both,” but it’s good to reflect on our motives and focus.
  • I came to a point where I had to consciously choose where I would find my “happiness” - in the person I wanted to be with, or in God? In my case I couldn’t fully follow God and remain with the other person. In your case, perhaps God wants you to fully choose before you know the outcome. And if the outcome is not what you desire now, it will be easier to trust that it’s still the outcome God wills, if you have purposely chosen to place Him first.
  • Don’t assume things that are painful are not also loving. As a parent, I took my kids to get their immunization shots and to the dentist because I knew it was good for them. I’m sure they thought I wanted them to suffer and to be unhappy, because their understanding of the experiences was limited. 🙂
I write these from painful experience and I’m not trying to minimize your pain or confusion, or to hurt you in any way. I will pray for you! :grouphug:
 
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