I hate myself

[Et_Cetera]

Friends are not all that important, in fact often they are more trouble than they are worth- same goes for family.

I’m sorry, but I can’t agree with this. Friends and family make life worthwhile. I’m going out with friends later tonight, and I’ve been looking forward to it all day.

 

[bonvivantHermit]

It is good to have GOOD friends and family, but having friends and family is not necessary to happiness and I think we have an unrealistic expectation of both.

I do not have any friends- gasp. I have co-workers, and good close family. I learned from BAD
friends, that it is better to have none then that sort. And in the process I began to question the role of friends- and in the end I turned to God more than I ever had before. I don’t even desire friends anymore.

 

[Master_Blaster]

Hi everyone. I suppose I’m just venting in this post, and I will get over it eventually, but I handle so much stress and it has built up to the point where I hate myself and cannot take it anymore.

For years, I have dealt with “friend” problems. Some stole from me, one girl tried to drown me in my pool. I’m eighteen years old now, and to this day, some of the “bullies” on my street have gotten out of hand. They put a bullet hole in my family’s garage and keyed my car.

Now I’m in college. I thought I made friends, but they have turned on me because of my conservative political views and religious beliefs. I do not rub it in their faces, but if they talk inappropriately, I speak up. They treat me like I am stupid, because I am a virgin, and act that I could not possibly have any accurate views about sex, because I do not have any “experience.” You don’t have to take poison to know it will kill you.

Well now with the issue of gay marriage, I am against it, but usually keep it to myself. However, I KNOW my one friend is posting stuff on facebook to get to me, because all of her other friends are liberal. But finally, she posted this horrible image that said something along the lines of “Jesus had to fathers and he turned out okay.” This hurt me beyond belief and I wrote on it, saying how offensive that is and whoever came up with that statement clearly had no knoweledge of Church teaching.

Then I posted a status (I will not get into detail), stating my beliefs and one of my other friends had the nerve to write that I was stupid to say that.

These are minor issues, I know, but they are building up.

Finally, I was driving with my dad this evening and he was clearly in a mood. He was complaining about everything, and I remained silent, figuring it simply was not worth it to argue too much. Then I played a song that I had just downloaded onto my Ipod. It was not inappropriate, it just had an interesting beat, and I suppose some of it sounded a bit Indian. Well, he said “Do you play this music for your friends? Because if you do, I can see why you don’t have any.”

It was not a joke. I was so hurt. He said it with such a mean look on his face. I am not posting everything either. I have been through hell and back with my so-called friends over the past several years, and then to have my father say such a horrible thing topped it all off.

I hate myself. I hate that I do not have any friends. I hate that I don’t have a boyfriend (I know, it really does not have much to do with what I wrote, but it is what it is). I do not feel pretty, and all I want to do is stay at home all the time now, because it just is not worth it to socialize with people. All I basically do now is go to the gym, and come home. No one wants to do anything with me anyway. Must be the music I listen to.

Prayers are very much appreciated. And advice, if you can think of any.

Get yourself some Catholic friends, and stay away from those Protestants and Atheists, they are no good for you.

BTW, how many of your friends are Protestant or Atheist, cause that’s some mean stuff to say?

Hopefully, you are going to Church every Sunday, but they have Mass everyday, so go early and you are bound to meet some new folks.

Also, maybe you aren’t meant for the mean old world, perhaps you have a vocation and just don’t know it yet.

Pray a Vocations and see what happens!

Prayer to Know One’s Vocation

Lord Jesus, up until now you have been quietly preparing me to be your disciple. Now the time of preparation is ending. I seem to hear you say to me as once to Peter: Will you also go away?" You were saddened then by friends who failed you. But Peter did not fail. "Lord", he said, "to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

I stand with Peter. Through prayer and counsel, show me, Lord, where it is in your vineyard that you want me to serve. Then give me strength to be faithful.

Mary, Mother and Model, help me to respond in generous love to the call of your divine Son.  Amen.

 

[Et_Cetera]

I’d like to add a little and perhaps clarify some of my long post earlier in the thread. I don’t want the OP to become fake with others or feel like she has to change who she really is, but I don’t think that it’s always necessary to be the adversary when keeping quiet about personal views will allow for more peace among a group. Also, I do think it’s important to become a trusted and integrated member of a group first, but I wrote about that previously in more detail. Ideally, she should try to find people with similar views, but that isn’t always easy, especially on a college campus. It’s obvious that the OP is depressed and that some changes need to be made. I’m not trying to belittle the comments of others, but I just finished undergrad, and in a few months I’m starting a grad program. I’m pretty familiar with the current college climate and of the mindset of many college students. Also, I’m here to help or I wouldn’t bother with these long posts.

I think we should be encouraging the OP to be social; there are few things that can bring one out of a funk faster than making new friends or just hanging out with current friends. I stated before that there is a chance that the other girls at the OP’s school are genuinely catty and sour, in which case I think she would be best to move on. I’m not trying to criticize or blame the OP, but she did say that she has had trouble keeping friendships for a while now, so I’m thinking that perhaps some changes on her part could help her out in this department. I really do want her to be happy. It makes me sad to hear an 18-year-old say that she hates herself.

OP, I might also suggest professional counseling. Talking with someone can make a world of difference, and a counselor could get to know you and your situation better than some people on the Internet. Your college should have some counselors on hand.

I wish you the best of luck, OP. Please don’t hate yourself. I’m sure that you have a lot of qualities. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re worth loving. :hug3:

 

[Et_Cetera]

It is good to have GOOD friends and family, but having friends and family is not necessary to happiness and I think we have an unrealistic expectation of both.

I do not have any friends- gasp. I have co-workers, and good close family. I learned from BAD
friends, that it is better to have none then that sort. And in the process I began to question the role of friends- and in the end I turned to God more than I ever had before. I don’t even desire friends anymore.

If it works for you, then I guess…well it works for you. But I think that most people need friends. I think that friends and family are necessary for most people’s happiness. But we’re here to help the OP, so I don’t want to derail the thread with this.

In the case of the OP, I don’t think that we should encourage her to be less social. An 18-year-old girl should have some good friends. I’m not encouraging her to have bad or false friends. I’m trying to encourage her to either find some like-minded people or integrate into a group before giving some of her more alienating views. (First, she should discern whether or not the girls at her school are worth her time.) This is how society works. You have to let people get to know you for who you are, so they’re not as quick to give you a label. In the real world, I think that more fruitful and less volatile interaction with her peers will make a world of difference.

 

[Kindness]

I want to ask the OP if her parents have lots of friends and if they are good at making friends? This is because parents are strong models in friendship, she might be struggling with friendship but was it modeled successfully in her family? I don’t see her dad being a friend to her when she was struggling for a start. Friendship IS very important. Jesus said he could now call us his friends, and a strong friendship is usually the basis of most happy marriages. True friendship has some aspects, such as; respect for the other person, the ability to let that person be free to be themselves and the ability to be open and honest that are so healing and life-giving. Friends also usually have fun and help us to not take ourselves or life too seriously. Humor and laughter is a major stress reliever and source of joy. Great, loyal friendships help us to be real and truthful with ourselves and others.

 

[feed_me]

Well now with the issue of gay marriage, I am against it, but usually keep it to myself. However, I KNOW my one friend is posting stuff on facebook to get to me, because all of her other friends are liberal. But finally, she posted this horrible image that said something along the lines of “Jesus had to fathers and he turned out okay.” This hurt me beyond belief and I wrote on it, saying how offensive that is and whoever came up with that statement clearly had no knoweledge of Church teaching.

Prayers are very much appreciated. And advice, if you can think of any.

Didn’t Jesus say that you would be hated by all for his names’ sake? He also said something all the line of being blessed because you are persecuted.

 

[bonvivantHermit]

Many people are not “social” many people suffer b/c they were too social. I offered my experience, because, that’s what I have…j****ust like the rest of you. Yes, we have a friend in Jesus. That doesn’t mean we have to have friends in so and so.

I am not anti-friendship, my spouse is my friend. Sometimes we are not made to be social, we are introverted, interested in other things etc. As long as we are charitable etc. there’s nothing wrong with that. From my personal experience there are personalities that do not attract lots of people.

I am done defending my right to my experience and opinion- to the OP, do what you enjoy, meet like-minded people that way. I wouldn’t engage in Facebook debates- waste of time. Just block their streams and them from your posts -defriending can cause more problems/drama.

Volunteering can help you meet many kind people and do good while you are at it.

 

[joshvanrad]

Pick that chin up, little lady!

God loves you more than any of us could fathom, and you sound like a wonderful and resilient girl.

Ite in pace,
Joshua C.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Pick that chin up, little lady!

God loves you more than any of us could fathom, and you sound like a wonderful and resilient girl.

Ite in pace,
Joshua C.

How would Jesus like to see you declaring in public, “I hate myself?” After all, you are His creation!!! That’s like saying “I hate Jesus!”

:nope:

 

[joshvanrad]

Also! Go get yourself an ice cream cone! God made ice cream to mend the broken human heart.

I would buy you one myself, but I don’t know that is in the cards.

Ice cream in pace!

Joshua C.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Also! Go get yourself an ice cream cone! God made ice cream to mend the broken human heart.

I would buy you one myself, but I don’t know that is in the cards.

Ice cream in pace!

Joshua C.

I like the way you think, Josh!!!

 

[HailStarofSea]

I’d like to add a little and perhaps clarify some of my long post earlier in the thread. I don’t want the OP to become fake with others or feel like she has to change who she really is, but I don’t think that it’s always necessary to be the adversary when keeping quiet about personal views will allow for more peace among a group. Also, I do think it’s important to become a trusted and integrated member of a group first, but I wrote about that previously in more detail. Ideally, she should try to find people with similar views, but that isn’t always easy, especially on a college campus. It’s obvious that the OP is depressed and that some changes need to be made. I’m not trying to belittle the comments of others, but I just finished undergrad, and in a few months I’m starting a grad program. I’m pretty familiar with the current college climate and of the mindset of many college students. Also, I’m here to help or I wouldn’t bother with these long posts.

I think we should be encouraging the OP to be social; there are few things that can bring one out of a funk faster than making new friends or just hanging out with current friends. I stated before that there is a chance that the other girls at the OP’s school are genuinely catty and sour, in which case I think she would be best to move on. I’m not trying to criticize or blame the OP, but she did say that she has had trouble keeping friendships for a while now, so I’m thinking that perhaps some changes on her part could help her out in this department. I really do want her to be happy. It makes me sad to hear an 18-year-old say that she hates herself.

OP, I might also suggest professional counseling. Talking with someone can make a world of difference, and a counselor could get to know you and your situation better than some people on the Internet. Your college should have some counselors on hand.

I wish you the best of luck, OP. Please don’t hate yourself. I’m sure that you have a lot of qualities. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re worth loving. :hug3:

I can identify. There are some friends where it really is, with friends like this, who needs enemies?

There is a scientific book: Love and Survival: 8 Pathways to Intimacy and Health. The only friends that are actually helpful are GOOD friends, measured in subjective ways such as how much you like them. Objective measures such as how much they help you out, how much time you spend with them, don’t matter. If you are writing to vent on how much they make you hate yourself, you obviously don’t like them that much. They also did a study on friendships, getting people in a class to write down their views. After a year, the people in the class who were friends had the most similar views at the beginning of the year. Your views on abortion are NOT alienating at all, and one of the reason you feel bad is you live in a world where up is down. People who think that murdering innocent human beings in the womb is ok feel guilty when you speak up, and that’s why they hate you.

There must be some people in your town or a nearby one that you actually LIKE. Get to know them and make friends. Also work on your social skills, like your physical appearance (keep going to gym), hair, makeup, and sense of humor. Find people with the same outlook on life that you have. A good place to start is with groups that meet weekly to pray the Rosary and do praise songs. Or any other interest that you would do even if no one else would do it with you - look on meetup or something for other people who also want to do that same interest.

 

[littlenothing]

How would Jesus like to see you declaring in public, “I hate myself?” After all, you are His creation!!! That’s like saying “I hate Jesus!”

:nope:

I would hope He sees that she is reaching out for help…and getting it! Its not the same as saying you hate Jesus. It is words spoken through pain.