I hate this popular saying!

[deb1]

The saying that I hate is ‘follow your heart’.

First of all, I don’t think that it has a logical meaning despite the fact that it is constantly being invoked as a cure all for every one’s problems. Does it mean follow your emotions? Our emotions change and shift constantly.

Does it mean follow your own inclinations? That is how I see this used most. So, if a man feels less love for his current wife, he can leave her for a younger woman who makes him feel good because his heart told him to. I’ve actually seen adultery justified because the person was 'following their heart."

Does it mean do what is best for you regardless of the pain that it causes others? This is the view that I see most on tv and the movies. Someone breaks all tradition to do or be with who they want. Of course they end up happy and their family ends up learning a valuable lesson. Of course that is make believe. In real life, what you do impacts your friends and family. I know someone in my family who is very stubbornly going back into an abusive marriage with a cheating spouse. Their excuse is that 'they can’t help who they love and its their life anyway." Um…no it isn’t just your life. Sorry to break that myth. But we don’t live in a vacuum. My relations choice will cause considerable pain, worry and stress as we wait for this family member to be killed by their spouse.:banghead:

I am not saying to never take your emotions into account but the current way this saying is used makes it sound like it is some magic charm. If you just follow your heart you will find true happiness. That isn’t true. It also seems selfish because basically the individual’s happiness matters more then anyone else’s.

 

[deb1]

Check out this site for what can happen when you follow your heart. Please understand that these women are getting an abortion because they are using their emotions as gauges to decide what is right.

abortionclinicdays.blogs.com/abortionclinicdays/2007/11/does-god-know-w.html

Overwhelmingly, what I found, instead was that most women had already gone to God, prayed upon their decision and felt a sense of resolution and right action. Despite whatever their religious leadership preach about abortion or sex, most of the women I counsel have found a very personal connection to God in their journey through thier pregnancy. They have gone to Him for counsel and find His love to be a sense of comfort. It’s not “what does your church teach you about abortion,” that I ask women now, it’s “does He know what’s in your heart?”

**Marnie had chosen to have a medical abortion and we discussed what that would feel like for her. “It is very important for me to take responsibility for this,” she said, “and do it myself.” She had had a prior miscarriage and felt confident that she could work through the cramping and bleeding as the pregnancy passed. This was going to be private, sacred time, she explained. She had prepared her bedroom at home, bought a new bible and had selected some scripture that she felt spoke to her situation. “I need this to be respectful,” she said, “Me and the baby are going to work through this together.” **

Let’s come up with a new pop slogan. Instead of 'follow your heart," it can be “Do whatever is noble and good no matter how you feel inside.”

 

[Lucania]

“At the end of the day…” I have heard that phrase used over & over lately. A recent example, DH & I were watching tv last night & I heard it said 3 times in the course of a conversation having to do with the Presidential election .

 

[deb1]

“At the end of the day…” I have heard that phrase used over & over lately. A recent example, DH & I were watching tv last night & I heard it said 3 times in the course of a conversation having to do with the Presidential election .

Yes, that would drive me nuts also. And I know that I have said it many times.

back to the follow your heart mindset, I know many, many Christians who use this mantra as the bases for all their decisions. I think that is why it bothers me so much. Plus its become accepted as wise advice to tell someone just to follow thier heart and everything else will be fine.

The problem is that doing what is good and right doesn’t always feel good. WE don’t always get rewarded for being good people or standing against injustices. But if I only do what makes me feel good emotionally, how am I-or anyone- going to take stances that are socially unacceptable(like being against abortion).

 

[jman507]

It seems like saying “follow your compass” without trying to make sure it is true to a map, much less actually that it’s directions are accurate. Chanes are your not going to get anywhere but lost. Now if you use your map, compass, and your eyes, chances are you can really get somewhere.

Then again if you have no clue where you want to go, might as well pick any odd direction and follow your compass. Maybe to say follow your heart just means you have no idea what your aim is, so forget any added complications like using your mind.

 

[deb1]

It seems like saying “follow your compass” without trying to make sure it is true to a map, much less actually that it’s directions are accurate. Chanes are your not going to get anywhere but lost. Now if you use your map, compass, and your eyes, chances are you can really get somewhere.

Then again if you have no clue where you want to go, might as well pick any odd direction and follow your compass. Maybe to say follow your heart just means you have no idea what your aim is, so forget any added complications like using your mind.

I agree.

When I was younger, I really fell for this type of thinking. Sadly , I hurt people that I loved and didn’t do myself much good.

Now I find that a lot of my children’s tv shows have this message subtly woven through. Sometimes I think that it is the Disney motto. So, I am fighting this message constantly.

It isn’t that I think that emotions are bad, but to use only your emotions to make decisions or to decide if you should do something is foolish. Yet, I am hearing a lot of my Christian friends make statements about following their hearts. (as in, I divorced my husband because I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him and you have to follow your heart)

 

[strngrnrth]

Check out this site for what can happen when you follow your heart. Please understand that these women are getting an abortion because they are using their emotions as gauges to decide what is right.

abortionclinicdays.blogs.com/abortionclinicdays/2007/11/does-god-know-w.html …
** This was going to be private, sacred time, she explained. She had prepared her bedroom at home, bought a new bible and had selected some scripture that she felt spoke to her situation. “I need this to be respectful,” she said, “Me and the baby are going to work through this together.” **

Respectful? Work through this together? So the baby chose this fate as freely as the mother did, then? I can’t believe she said that. Following your heart doesn’t have to mean abandoning reason, common sense and conscience. I think of following your heart as following what you truly believe you need to do or what will serve the cause of love and dignity and honor when you have thoroughly looked over the situation morally. I’ve never heard it seriously used to excuse abandoning one’s family or aborting a child, till I read that.

 

[whatevergirl]

“At the end of the day…” I have heard that phrase used over & over lately. A recent example, DH & I were watching tv last night & I heard it said 3 times in the course of a conversation having to do with the Presidential election .

oh my gosh–that phrase is overkilled here where I work…hahaha

Here’s one of the conference calls I was on recently…

“…at the end of the day, when the rubber meets the road…the bottom line becomes…that we shouldn’t be expected to swim the ocean.”

WHAT DID THAT GUY JUST SAY?

 

[deb1]

Respectful? Work through this together? So the baby chose this fate as freely as the mother did, then? I can’t believe she said that. Following your heart doesn’t have to mean abandoning reason, common sense and conscience. I think of following your heart as following what you truly believe you need to do or what will serve the cause of love and dignity and honor when you have thoroughly looked over the situation morally. I’ve never heard it seriously used to excuse abandoning one’s family or aborting a child, till I read that.

Things like the abortion story that I quoted makes my head hurt from the sheer illogicalness of it all.

Your definition of following your heart sounds as though you are taking everything into consideration and using your mind along with your emotions to reach a decision that is based on your morals and beliefs. I would have no problem with the saying if most people used your definition. But most people, and the media, seem to have a more selfish. less mature definition for this saying.

 

[deb1]

oh my gosh–that phrase is overkilled here where I work…hahaha

Here’s one of the conference calls I was on recently…

“…at the end of the day, when the rubber meets the road…the bottom line becomes…that we shouldn’t be expected to swim the ocean.”

WHAT DID THAT GUY JUST SAY?

I’ve never even heard the phrase, when the rubber meets the road. that is a new one.

 

[b_justb]

http://www.metrohealth.org/images/Patient Services/Heart and Vascular/heart valves.jpg

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Check out this site for what can happen when you follow your heart. Please understand that these women are getting an abortion because they are using their emotions as gauges to decide what is right.

Let’s come up with a new pop slogan. Instead of 'follow your heart," it can be “Do whatever is noble and good no matter how you feel inside.”

Wouldn’t sell.

Another one I can’t STAND is the ‘you-deserve’ exhortations that we are hammered with, day and night.

 

[didymus]

The saying that I hate is ‘follow your heart’.

First of all, I don’t think that it has a logical meaning despite the fact that it is constantly being invoked as a cure all for every one’s problems. Does it mean follow your emotions? Our emotions change and shift constantly.

Does it mean follow your own inclinations? That is how I see this used most. So, if a man feels less love for his current wife, he can leave her for a younger woman who makes him feel good because his heart told him to. I’ve actually seen adultery justified because the person was 'following their heart."

Adultery? What are you, some kind of professional wet blanket? When you find your one true love you just have to follow your heart – isn’t that romantic? To hell with your spouse & children.
What kills me is that women seem to be the ones who fall for movies/TV shows with plots like this though in real life they are the ones who get hurt.

The other saying that goes along with this one is “I have a right to be happy”.

 

[puzzleannie]

I agree with OP, it is about as useful as saying “if it feels good, do it” and I think most of the people who are in a dilemma, where there are asking for advice, got into trouble in the first place by following their heart instead of their brain

 

[strngrnrth]

Adultery? What are you, some kind of professional wet blanket? When you find your one true love you just have to follow your heart – isn’t that romantic? To hell with your spouse & children.
What kills me is that women seem to be the ones who fall for movies/TV shows with plots like this though in real life they are the ones who get hurt.

The other saying that goes along with this one is “I have a right to be happy”.

In the olden days, I had a boyfriend who once stormed into a public place yelling at me about how he had a right to a satisfying sex life and it was my oligaion to provide it. He stood there stunned and disbelieving when I said that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. i guess he came form the right-to-whatever-one-wants school of thought. Glad to be away from him and people who think like that.

 

[deb1]

Wouldn’t sell.

Another one I can’t STAND is the ‘you-deserve’ exhortations that we are hammered with, day and night.

Many, many. many years ago I was watching a episode of Oprah in which she was showing very expensive products. She kept saying something along the lines of, “Yes, this is expensive. But don’t you think that you deserve this?” Um…not if it means taking food out of my children’s mouth.

 

[jmcrae]

oh my gosh–that phrase is overkilled here where I work…hahaha

Here’s one of the conference calls I was on recently…

“…at the end of the day, when the rubber meets the road…the bottom line becomes…that we shouldn’t be expected to swim the ocean.”

WHAT DID THAT GUY JUST SAY?

I think he just told you to bugger off - your project is too much work for too little return.

 

[bluerose]

What bugs me is how this saying seems to be linked to “be true to yourself”.

Of course one doesn’t want one’s children to follow the crowd that leads them to promiscuous behavior, drug abuse, rotten attitude, materialism. One wants their children to stand firm against all the pressure to conform to society’s standards. One doesn’t want one’s children to abandon their dreams just because they’re unpopular with the rest of society. But then you get those people who will twist it to mean all that you should do what you want and to hell with the rest of the world (including your parents and God ).

Maybe we should revamp these sayings:newidea: : “Follow the Sacred Heart” and “Be true to God”.

 

[deb1]

Adultery? What are you, some kind of professional wet blanket? When you find your one true love you just have to follow your heart – isn’t that romantic? To hell with your spouse & children.
What kills me is that women seem to be the ones who fall for movies/TV shows with plots like this though in real life they are the ones who get hurt.

The other saying that goes along with this one is “I have a right to be happy”.

I know, I am no fun whatsoever. Who am I to tell people not to follow their hearts. Do I want everyone miserable?

Interesting about it being women who mainly get hurt by these types of sayings. I had never thought about it before but I think that might be true.

 

[deb1]

In the olden days, I had a boyfriend who once stormed into a public place yelling at me about how he had a right to a satisfying sex life and it was my oligaion to provide it. He stood there stunned and disbelieving when I said that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. i guess he came form the right-to-whatever-one-wants school of thought. Glad to be away from him and people who think like that.

That is crazy! Aren’t you thankful to not be married to a selfish person like that.