I hate women so I won't become lustful.

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realtiger

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I have been starting to be resentful and have a growing aversion of women if I am not hating them and It has helped me be not lustful. I feel lust is worse than lack of love. I don’t love them because I don’t want to get hurt. But it’s all good because if I love them I will have strong arousals for them and I don’t like that. I haven’t been aroused today except for once when I looked at a picture and it was not a long arousal. I would rather be a bitter and apathetic person than love women and struggle with lust. I just hope God punish me for having these feelings. Will God punish me for being bitter and not even trying to love women or people in general? When I see a girl I might feel aroused to I just start to hate them and criticize them so I won’t even feel aroused.
 
This is not psychologically or spiritually healthy. I would consult a priest and therapist to address your difficulties relating to others.
 
You need to realize lust and hate Are comparable. One isn’t better than the other as feelings. Love is on the other side of the spectrum. You can’t hate someone to prevent lust. Love does not cause lust. Love is the cure for sin, not the cause.
 
pensmama87 said:
This is not psychologically or spiritually healthy. I would consult a priest and therapist to address your difficulties relating to others.
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+2
bitterhope said:
You need to realize lust and hate Are comparable. One isn’t better than the other as feelings. Love is on the other side of the spectrum. You can’t hate someone to prevent lust. Love does not cause lust. Love is the cure for sin, not the cause.
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👍 I think any apparent gains in dealing with lust are going to be short-lived. It seems to me it would be easier to view someone as an object for you to use as you see fit if you hate them rather than if you genuinely love them.
 
Joe_5859 said:
+2

👍 I think any apparent gains in dealing with lust are going to be short-lived. It seems to me it would be easier to view someone as an object for you to use as you see fit if you hate them rather than if you genuinely love them.
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Exactly. Lust and hate are very closely related. Truly loving is the cure for lust. Lust is the result of objectifying people as a means to pleasure. Love is freely giving of yourself for the benefit of others. Love doesn’t ask for anything in return. It is giving for the joy of giving. Love and sacrifice are as closely related as lust and hate are.
 
bitterhope said:
You need to realize lust and hate Are comparable. One isn’t better than the other as feelings. Love is on the other side of the spectrum. You can’t hate someone to prevent lust. Love does not cause lust. Love is the cure for sin, not the cause.
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If I hate women I wont feel hurt. If I don’t feel hurt I will be less likely to commit even graver sins like suicide. Resenting women might not be perfect but it could help me eventually grow in holiness. It will probably just be temporary anyway.
 
Hate sin…hate lust…calmly…but not women…they one is to love in a right good way.
 
bitterhope said:
Exactly. Lust and hate are very closely related. Truly loving is the cure for lust. Lust is the result of objectifying people as a means to pleasure. Love is freely giving of yourself for the benefit of others. Love doesn’t ask for anything in return. It is giving for the joy of giving. Love and sacrifice are as closely related as lust and hate are.
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I feel aroused when I love a woman for her positive traits I don’t feel aroused when I hate them.
 
Bookcat said:
Hate sin…hate lust…calmly…but not women…they one is to love in a right good way.
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Although I do not want to completely hate women I feel I am entitled to have some resentment towards them because of the pain I have suffered.
 
realtiger said:
Although I do not want to completely hate women I feel I am entitled to have some resentment towards them because of the pain I have suffered.
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Resenting over half the world’s population because of pain you have endured—whether real or imagined—is a recipe for disaster.

I think it’s admirable that you’re trying to overcome lust and grow in holiness, but this is not the way to go about it. We cannot achieve holiness through immoral means. Hate and resentment will not lead to growth in holiness. It may make certain things appear easier or better for a time. But that would only be superficial. It will not last.

I will say a prayer for you. Please pray for me, too.
 
Hate won’t help you spiritually at all, it’ll eat you from the inside out. Hating half of the world’s population is going to make you angry. How will hating women help you grow in holiness? What happened to our call to love everyone? If you really feel this way you need to talk to someone besides us about these feelings.
 
realtiger said:
Although I do not want to completely hate women I feel I am entitled to have some resentment towards them because of the pain I have suffered.
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You had some bad experiences in relationships so now you want to hate all women? That sounds like the beginnings of a sociopath. For the love of God, get some help!!
 
I’m sorry you feel this way. It isn’t healthy to harbor resentment against others, particularly when the cause of your resentment is beyond their control. You need to find heathy ways to cope with your problem. Pray and talk to your priest for starters. No one here can help you with that sort if problem.
 
realtiger said:
Although I do not want to completely hate women I feel I am entitled to have some resentment towards them because of the pain I have suffered.
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To carry resentment toward women because some have hurt you is an injustice to the others who you’ve never met, and toward those that you should be kind to today, generous to today.

Do not allow bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness to be nurtured in your heart. Go to confession and do your best to guard your heart from these vices. They wound you and your ability to love, support, and be generous with people. They wound your relationship with God.

I think that you might benefit from doing a morning offering, and unite yourself with our Blessed Mother. All of your joys, sorrows and sufferings can be used, in union with Christ on the cross, for the conversion of sinners and peace in this world. Even your struggles can gain great merit for yourself and others. Focus on this.
 
We’re all in the time and place that God wants us to be, and we’re all created to accomplish our own tasks. So focus on that, rather than whatever’s causing you problems, and then keep your thoughts moving onwards. We can appreciate flowers, or rivers, or a nice sunset, but we acknowledge their existence, then move on to thinking about something else.

“Look at those little birds. They’ve got a hard life, but they don’t know it. But God gives them what they need. I have so many things that make my life easy, but I don’t trust God.”

“That’s someone’s daughter. I wonder what her family life was, growing up. I wonder what I can do to make my family life better.”

“God was very generous with his gifts to so-and-so. I bet he has a good future planned for her. I’ve been put in this time, in this place— what does God want from me?”
 
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