I have a boyfriend, but my parents want me to marry another man

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I’m writing this from my cousin’s account. So, I have a boyfriend. He is the most caring, sweet, loving guy you’ll ever meet. I love him so much and we plan to get married. We’re both in our 20’s and we fist met during our teens in youth group at my church. We are also strong Catholics and we want to live a good Catholic life. He’s White/Polish European and I’m Middle Eastern, parents from the United Arab Emirates. We are both studying to become neurologists. My parents, want me to get married to a man that’s the same race as me and they’re trying to look for a guy from their country for me. My parents don’t know about my relationship and it’ll not go well when i tell them. They’ll completely go against it, but I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to leave him. I don’t believe in arranged marriages and i don’t think Catholicism approves of it either. My parents got an arranged marriage just so my mom can be a U.S citizen and she ended up having an affair with another man when i was in my teens and they were miserable. I was thinking talking to a priest about my situation but i don’t know. What should i do?
 
Start with your best idea. Talk to your priest. Marriage must be a Sacrament between two people and vows must be made free of coercion.
 
I agree with PNEWTON. Going from there, I will state that the only person you should marry is your absolute best friend. Once you are married, you will find that romance quickly fades, just as does sexual attraction. Yes, if you truely love each other, you will indulge in intimate relations on a fairly regular basis. But, that attraction is a far different thing than what one experiences before marriage.
The fact is, if you are married to your best friend you can easily overcome the petty inconveniences of day to day living together. You will excuse your best friend from leaving the toilet seat up one time too often; and, if you are his best friend, he will excuse you for using his razor to shave your legs, leaving the used blade in and not telling him about it. When he cuts his face after this…
The point is, that one will automatically excuse such behavior from your best friend. Coming from anyone else causes an earth shaking battle and almost lethal resentment.
Considering the permanent nature of marriage for Catholics, you are better off with your best friend because that marriage will last.
 
I would also recommend reading the Catechism section on the 4th commandment. Parents are not to coerce their children regarding their vocation, their choice of spouse, or their choice of career.

Do talk to your pastor. Parental permission is NOT a requirement for marriage. But of course, family dynamics can certainly ruin relationships. You will have to be prepared to set boundaries and stand by your decision.
 
JCats1 said:
I’m writing this from my cousin’s account. So, I have a boyfriend. He is the most caring, sweet, loving guy you’ll ever meet. I love him so much and we plan to get married. We’re both in our 20’s and we fist met during our teens in youth group at my church. We are also strong Catholics and we want to live a good Catholic life. He’s White/Polish European and I’m Middle Eastern, parents from the United Arab Emirates. We are both studying to become neurologists. My parents, want me to get married to a man that’s the same race as me and they’re trying to look for a guy from their country for me. My parents don’t know about my relationship and it’ll not go well when i tell them. They’ll completely go against it, but I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to leave him. I don’t believe in arranged marriages and i don’t think Catholicism approves of it either. My parents got an arranged marriage just so my mom can be a U.S citizen and she ended up having an affair with another man when i was in my teens and they were miserable. I was thinking talking to a priest about my situation but i don’t know. What should i do?
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Yes talk to a Priest and go with your heart. If you love your boyfriend and you are both talking about marriage I suggest you let your parents know sooner than later. Marrying someone that you don’t love will only lead to heart-ache. Also, you need to consider your educational goals and if you want to return to the UAE. Chances are if marry someone that is arranged to marry you, he may insist you return to the UAE, and if you don’t want to do that your parents need to know.

Love is absolutely essential in a marriage.
 
My husband and I both had to sign official documents as part of our marriage prep that said we are planning to enter into the marriage on our own free will and without coercion of any kind.

In the end, you are always going to be happier married to the one that you love that is also your best friend. Marrying someone just to please parents, especially when you love someone else, will only result in misery.
 
George_Stegmeir said:
I agree with PNEWTON. Going from there, I will state that the only person you should marry is your absolute best friend. Once you are married, you will find that romance quickly fades, just as does sexual attraction. Yes, if you truely love each other, you will indulge in intimate relations on a fairly regular basis. But, that attraction is a far different thing than what one experiences before marriage.
The fact is, if you are married to your best friend you can easily overcome the petty inconveniences of day to day living together. You will excuse your best friend from leaving the toilet seat up one time too often; and, if you are his best friend, he will excuse you for using his razor to shave your legs, leaving the used blade in and not telling him about it. When he cuts his face after this…
The point is, that one will automatically excuse such behavior from your best friend. Coming from anyone else causes an earth shaking battle and almost lethal resentment.
Considering the permanent nature of marriage for Catholics, you are better off with your best friend because that marriage will last.
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This x1000.
 
I might be being unfair to them, but: if you have money of your own, I suggest you make sure your parents can’t get at it. Once the fighting starts, it’s possible they’ll try to coerce you into submission. Taking away your money is one way to do that.

You might want to make sure you have a place to go, an emergency shelter, in case of overreaction from your parents; and make sure your boyfriend is kept aware of what’s going on in your life.

May God bless and keep you both.

ETA: And yes, begin by speaking with your priest.
 
You’re only 15. You’ve still got to go through neurosurgeon school. You have time to figure this out.
 
JCats1 said:
I’m writing this from my cousin’s account. So, I have a boyfriend. He is the most caring, sweet, loving guy you’ll ever meet. I love him so much and we plan to get married. We’re both in our 20’s and we fist met during our teens in youth group at my church. We are also strong Catholics and we want to live a good Catholic life. He’s White/Polish European and I’m Middle Eastern, parents from the United Arab Emirates. We are both studying to become neurologists. My parents, want me to get married to a man that’s the same race as me and they’re trying to look for a guy from their country for me. My parents don’t know about my relationship and it’ll not go well when i tell them. They’ll completely go against it, but I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to leave him. I don’t believe in arranged marriages and i don’t think Catholicism approves of it either. My parents got an arranged marriage just so my mom can be a U.S citizen and she ended up having an affair with another man when i was in my teens and they were miserable. I was thinking talking to a priest about my situation but i don’t know. What should i do?
Click to expand...
I suggest talking to a priest at the parish your parents go to and have him explain to your parents that a coerced marriage is invalid. That should shut them up for a while.
 
Reepicheep said:
I might be being unfair to them, but: if you have money of your own, I suggest you make sure your parents can’t get (…)
ETA: And yes, begin by speaking with your priest.
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Joie_de_Vivre said:
I suggest talking to a priest at the parish your parents go to and have him explain to your parents that a coerced marriage is invalid. That should shut them up for a while.
Click to expand...
W/A.D.R 2 Reepicheep & Joie de Vivre

IMHO

The only two statments worth anything here are “Talk to a Priest”
Tell him EVERYTHING about this “relationship” and then come back and re-read the posts here… see how many of them reflect what his opinion happens to be.
 
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