I have a disordered view of love, need help making a decision about boyfriend

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Takes a deep breath I am going to try and keep this as short as possible, I know that I need to save the in-depth stuff for a priest. :eek: But basically I have never had a healthy relationship with anyone. This includes my family, friends, and ex-boyfriends. As I was growing up I never learned how to have a normal relationship. I have dealt with social anxiety for as long as I can remember so being close to people certainly is not something I am readily willing to do. Sadly enough, I have been exposed to the hypersexualized Hollywood culture (that teaches sex=love) at a very young age (we are talking about 5 years old). Everything I ever knew about love was always connected to sex. To disordered pleasure. I committed so many sexual sins even before I lost my virginity at age 16, to man a barely knew (who continues to haunt my thoughts to this day). Fortunately the Holy Spirit had been pulling at my soul and led me to the Father, who in turn led me to Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

God has been working on me and I am so grateful to say that I have come a long way. But of course I still have a long way to go.

Now here’s the part I am seeking help for: I have been in a relationship for the past 9 months. It got off on the wrong foot and even though we have grown somewhat, I know that what we have is still unhealthy.
The main thing I need help with right now is to figure whether or not I am staying with my boyfriend for the right reasons. And on a more general scale, I need help determining whether or not I am meant for marriage. I have tried several times to start being more chaste with my boyfriend. I feel like I am getting zero respect on this aspect. We fall into this same pattern everytime:
  1. We fornicate. Afterwards I feel absolutely horrible.
  2. I tell him that I do not want to do it anymore as it is inappropriate and sinful.
  3. He gets mad and tells me that i just want everything in the relationship to “go my way.” He says I just want to control everything.
  4. He finally calms down, apologizes, and says he will try.
  5. I try to lay down the ground rules (No making out, no touching in inappropriate places, etc)
  6. For a day he behaves somewhat appropriately but little by little he starts breaking the rules.
  7. He gets me in a position where he knows it is hard for me to resist and even if I say no he doesn’t stop.
  8. Because of my weak personality I give in and even though it increases my guilt and depression, my boyfriend always seems to show zero remorse.
This cycle has occurred at least five times. I don’t want you to think that I am blaming this completely on my boyfriend. I am just as much as responsible for the sin as he is. He just doesn’t understand how important my faith is to me nor does he understand how dangerous it is for us to be indulging in that kind of behavior. He is a Catholic but it seems like he couldn’t care less about some of the teachings Catholics are supposed to adhere to.

Don’t get me wrong, my boyfriend has the potential to be a wonderful man. He does a lot of nice things for me and helps me with some of the mental problems that I have. However he doesn’t seem to try that hard in improving anything in his life. We are college students and he has taken the same classes at least 3 times. He fails them every time. He also says he wants to try to be a better Catholic but honestly I think he only says that because I tell him that I can not marry someone who isn’t serious about the faith. I feel bad for him though because his father left him and his family when he was a baby so he never really had a father figure to help guide and direct him. He loves breaking rules in all aspects of his life. His mother is not exactly a great role model for him either. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for her because she has lived a very hard life but I think she at some point just gave in and let it get to her.

A part of me does not want to break up with my boyfriend because I feel that I may be giving up when I should be trying harder. I have prayed to God about this but He has not yet given me an answer. However the other part of me feels restless and I do not feel like I am myself when I am with him. I sometimes feel like I need to lie to myself to keep this relationship going. I know real love isn’t based on feelings but perhaps I should add that I do not think I am even in love with him. Maybe I never was. Then again, apathy has been a long time friend (or enemy?) of mine so I do not know what to feel. In the beginning it seemed like God put us in each others’ paths so that we could grow together. I even thought I saw signs. But now things just aren’t clear at all. If you could help me I would greatly appreciate it. Even just a simple smiley would comfort me right now as I am so confused.😦

God bless you all 🙂
 
I’m sorry, Love, but your boyfriend is an occasion of mortal sin for you. If you continue to go with him, since he only pays lip-service to change in order to keep you hooked, then you are agreeing to mortal sin by continuing to go with him.

He does not genuinely love you with concern for your immortal soul, your emotional and mental and spiritual well-being.

You aren’t responsible for his difficult past, and ‘rescuing’ people by being in relationship with and by marrying them them often ends in misery. He has to find strength and healing. You can’t give it to him by staying with him.

You want this man to be your husband? He doesn’t respect and value your peace of mind and soul now. He will even less after marriage.
Do you want him as father of your children? What example would he be to them, someone who is Catholic in name only, no respect for God, and treats their mother’s wishes with disrespect.

God has given you the answer, in the bible and in the teachings of the Church.

From the Catholic Catechism, Number 2353 Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children.

I realise that if you break up with him he will play on your indecision and emotions, and uless you put God first, you’ll go right back to him. I’m sure he will try everything to achieve this, and I just hope you have the honesty and courage to save yourself. I pray you will have the courage, strength and faith to break up with this man, who if you die before Confession, allows you to put your soul in grave danger. In order to receive absolution you have to have a firm desire of amendment. You have to avoid this occasion of sin. If you don’t the Confession is a sham.

You are not helping him. You are destroying yourself in this relationship. Please take care of yourself,
Love, Trishie
 
Whew, you have a lot on your mind and on your heart. The fact that you are asking all of the right questions is a good sign that the Lord is moving you in the right direction. There are so many things to talk about to you. Here are a few ideas that pop into my mind that you might try.
  1. You say that you have good intentions not to be intimate with your boyfriend but you both keep slipping into sin. Perhaps it is not enough to say you will not have sex. Don’t be in situations where sex is possible. To avoid the occasion of sin is to know your own limitations and act accordingly. Do not put yourself in private situations. If you and your boyfriend are alone you will likely have sex. IF you date in a group or insist on being in public you won’t. Don’t go to his apartment and don’t let him over to yours. This sounds difficult but this is easier than trying to say no to someone you obviously feel attracted or obligated to.
  2. Join a college group for Christian/Catholic students. If your university or parish does not have one, start one yourself. You will change your life as you change your peers. If we hang out in bars we drink. If we hang out in churches we pray. If we go to the beach we swim. It’s that simple.
  3. You will know if he loves you or if you love him if it works. If he does not follow you where God is leading you then you shouldn’t be together. If he is keeping you from God, then you shouldn’t be together.
  4. Look for a weekend retreat for you to attend. These “get away” spiritual weekends can be life altering. If you go together great. If he won’t go, you go anyway. This is about your immortal soul.
  5. Go to confession. Talk to a priest. The Holy Spirit needs to be invoked through the sacrament. You cannot do this alone. You need the sacraments.
  6. Read The Theology of the Body for Beginners. You need to learn the real meaning of love and sexual intimacy. God has made you for greater things than you are currently experiencing.
  7. Love yourself as you are and be humble. God knows we are all sinners. God Bless you and I will pray that you find wonderful advice on this thread. You have reached out to an awesome avenue for advice, fellow Catholics and sinners on the Way.
Love in Christ,

Belinda
 
** I’m sad for your predicament, and hope you will find strength and comfort on God and in the Sacraments, and that you will come to find a good name who genuinely loves you, Jen**

God has spoken to you and these are some of the thing’s He’s said.

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators…”[1Corinthians 6:9]
“Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body…”[1Corinthians 6:18]

"I am afraid that when I come again my God may humiliate me before you, and I may mourn over many of those who have sinned in the past and not repented of the impurity, immorality and sensuality which they have practiced. [2 Corinthians 12:21] .

"But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. [Ephesians 5:3]
"Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. [Colossians 3:5 ]

"Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. [Hebrews 13:4]
 
I wonder, considering your past experiences, that you might consider getting professional help. One of the Priests in the parish, about the leprosy reading in the OT, immediately talked about sex before marriage. He said that it hurts other people, beside just you. He said that it was a mortal sin. Your family, friends, and fellow Catholics who are trusting you to be in Communion, are being hurt by the example that you set, by your emotional state, by the lies you may have to tell, by the amount of time that this relationship takes because it is unhealthy, and, because sex is gift to married couples who want children and want to solidify their relationship in love. I am concerned that after you break it off with this fellow, that you might just find yourself in another similar or worse relationship. Do you have a prayer life? Are you wanting to go to Holy Communion? Can you ask your boyfriend to go into counseling with you, and maybe it might be at the Catholic Parish on campus. You or he are probably preventing children being born to this relationship. That is something to think about. If you get pregnant, what will you do?
 
Trishie said:
I’m sorry, Love, but your boyfriend is an occasion of mortal sin for you. If you continue to go with him, since he only pays lip-service to change in order to keep you hooked, then you are agreeing to mortal sin by continuing to go with him.

He does not genuinely love you with concern for your immortal soul, your emotional and mental and spiritual well-being.

You aren’t responsible for his difficult past, and ‘rescuing’ people by being in relationship with and by marrying them them often ends in misery. He has to find strength and healing. You can’t give it to him by staying with him.

You want this man to be your husband? He doesn’t respect and value your peace of mind and soul now. He will even less after marriage.
Do you want him as father of your children? What example would he be to them, someone who is Catholic in name only, no respect for God, and treats their mother’s wishes with disrespect.

God has given you the answer, in the bible and in the teachings of the Church.

From the Catholic Catechism, Number 2353 Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children.

I realise that if you break up with him he will play on your indecision and emotions, and unless you put God first, you’ll go right back to him. I’m sure he will try everything to achieve this, and I just hope you have the honesty and courage to save yourself. I pray you will have the courage, strength and faith to break up with this man, who if you die before Confession, allows you to put your soul in grave danger. In order to receive absolution you have to have a firm desire of amendment. You have to avoid this occasion of sin. If you don’t the Confession is a sham.

You are not helping him. You are destroying yourself in this relationship. Please take care of yourself,
Love, Trishie
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jenlovesyu said:
Takes a deep breath I am going to try and keep this as short as possible, I know that I need to save the in-depth stuff for a priest. :eek: But basically I have never had a healthy relationship with anyone. This includes my family, friends, and ex-boyfriends. As I was growing up I never learned how to have a normal relationship. I have dealt with social anxiety for as long as I can remember so being close to people certainly is not something I am readily willing to do. Sadly enough, I have been exposed to the hypersexualized Hollywood culture (that teaches sex=love) at a very young age (we are talking about 5 years old). Everything I ever knew about love was always connected to sex. To disordered pleasure. I committed so many sexual sins even before I lost my virginity at age 16, to man a barely knew (who continues to haunt my thoughts to this day). Fortunately the Holy Spirit had been pulling at my soul and led me to the Father, who in turn led me to Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

God has been working on me and I am so grateful to say that I have come a long way. But of course I still have a long way to go.

Now here’s the part I am seeking help for: I have been in a relationship for the past 9 months. It got off on the wrong foot and even though we have grown somewhat, I know that what we have is still unhealthy.
The main thing I need help with right now is to figure whether or not I am staying with my boyfriend for the right reasons. And on a more general scale, I need help determining whether or not I am meant for marriage. I have tried several times to start being more chaste with my boyfriend. I feel like I am getting zero respect on this aspect. We fall into this same pattern everytime:
  1. We fornicate. Afterwards I feel absolutely horrible.
  2. I tell him that I do not want to do it anymore as it is inappropriate and sinful.
  3. He gets mad and tells me that i just want everything in the relationship to “go my way.” He says I just want to control everything.
  4. He finally calms down, apologizes, and says he will try.
  5. I try to lay down the ground rules (No making out, no touching in inappropriate places, etc)
  6. For a day he behaves somewhat appropriately but little by little he starts breaking the rules.
  7. He gets me in a position where he knows it is hard for me to resist and even if I say no he doesn’t stop.
  8. Because of my weak personality I give in and even though it increases my guilt and depression, my boyfriend always seems to show zero remorse.
This cycle has occurred at least five times. I don’t want you to think that I am blaming this completely on my boyfriend. I am just as much as responsible for the sin as he is. He just doesn’t understand how important my faith is to me nor does he understand how dangerous it is for us to be indulging in that kind of behavior. He is a Catholic but it seems like he couldn’t care less about some of the teachings Catholics are supposed to adhere to.

Don’t get me wrong, my boyfriend has the potential to be a wonderful man. He does a lot of nice things for me and helps me with some of the mental problems that I have. However he doesn’t seem to try that hard in improving anything in his life. We are college students and he has taken the same classes at least 3 times. He fails them every time. He also says he wants to try to be a better Catholic but honestly I think he only says that because I tell him that I can not marry someone who isn’t serious about the faith. I feel bad for him though because his father left him and his family when he was a baby so he never really had a father figure to help guide and direct him. He loves breaking rules in all aspects of his life. His mother is not exactly a great role model for him either. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for her because she has lived a very hard life but I think she at some point just gave in and let it get to her.

A part of me does not want to break up with my boyfriend because I feel that I may be giving up when I should be trying harder. I have prayed to God about this but He has not yet given me an answer. However the other part of me feels restless and I do not feel like I am myself when I am with him. I sometimes feel like I need to lie to myself to keep this relationship going. I know real love isn’t based on feelings but perhaps I should add that I do not think I am even in love with him. Maybe I never was. Then again, apathy has been a long time friend (or enemy?) of mine so I do not know what to feel. In the beginning it seemed like God put us in each others’ paths so that we could grow together. I even thought I saw signs. But now things just aren’t clear at all. If you could help me I would greatly appreciate it. Even just a simple smiley would comfort me right now as I am so confused.😦

God bless you all 🙂
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I think God has answered you…re-read your own post…:hug1:

You BF does not respect you.
You aren’t in love with him.
He likes to break all the rules.

This does not sound like a healthy relationship.
:console:
 
I realise that if you break up with him he will play on your indecision and emotions, and uless you put God first, you’ll go right back to him. I’m sure he will try everything to achieve this, and I just hope you have the honesty and courage to save yourself. I pray you will have the courage, strength and faith to break up with this man, who if you die before Confession, allows you to put your soul in grave danger. In order to receive absolution you have to have a firm desire of amendment. You have to avoid this occasion of sin. If you don’t the Confession is a sham.
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You are not helping him. You are destroying yourself in this relationship. Please take care of yourself,
Love, Trishie
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I am heavily grateful for your advice, Trishie. I am full aware that what I have been doing is wrong. In fact I have already come close to dying in a car accident back in September so I owe tons more to God for sparing my life and giving me another chance. I can’t go to confession because I am actually in RCIA so I still need to be baptized and everything. But I am hearing what you are saying. Believe me, I feel my soul die each time I commit a major sin against God. I do not want to put myself first, I want God first in my life at all times. He has done so much for me it is so so wrong for me to disrespect Him and His Church.

But thank you Trishie you have told me exactly what I needed to hear.
Whew, you have a lot on your mind and on your heart. The fact that you are asking all of the right questions is a good sign that the Lord is moving you in the right direction. There are so many things to talk about to you. Here are a few ideas that pop into my mind that you might try…
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Love in Christ,
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Belinda
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I have already begun to look for a retreat of some sort except today my diocese website wasn’t working but I will be sure to check out what kind of services my parish has to offer. Thank you for your advice though I will try to pick of one of Christopher West’s books this week too. I know I need the sacraments but being that I am unbaptized I can’t really have them yet:o
God bless you Belinda, thank you
I wonder, considering your past experiences, that you might consider getting professional help. One of the Priests in the parish, about the leprosy reading in the OT, immediately talked about sex before marriage. He said that it hurts other people, beside just you. He said that it was a mortal sin. Your family, friends, and fellow Catholics who are trusting you to be in Communion, are being hurt by the example that you set, by your emotional state, by the lies you may have to tell, by the amount of time that this relationship takes because it is unhealthy, and, because sex is gift to married couples who want children and want to solidify their relationship in love. I am concerned that after you break it off with this fellow, that you might just find yourself in another similar or worse relationship. Do you have a prayer life? Are you wanting to go to Holy Communion? Can you ask your boyfriend to go into counseling with you, and maybe it might be at the Catholic Parish on campus. You or he are probably preventing children being born to this relationship. That is something to think about. If you get pregnant, what will you do?
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I watched a Mass last night on EWTN and the Priest said something a bit similar to what your Priest said although what your Priest said applies to my situation a bit more. I don’t know why that concept hasn’t always stuck with me because I have thought about it in the past. But it definitely is a good thing to remember the next time I think about making a bad decision like the ones I have recently made.

I can’t be in this relationship anymore. I know now, especially since you and the other posters have confirmed this, that I need to distance myself and try and find some healing. I don’t think I can date anyone for a long time. I looked for love in all the wrong places but now that I have found genuine love in the Lord I don’t want to look anywhere else. Right now I am too restless. I am going to try and strike up the courage to talk to a Priest as soon as I can I know I have needed to talk to someone for a long time. My pride and my petty fears have been holding me back.

But with God, I know I have nothing to fear except Him. Fear Him in Love 🙂

Thank you for responding I was very much in need of advice from you wonderful people. May God bless you and your families
 
everyone has written important stuff to you:

about rejecting sin
about considering professional help
etc

i’m going to reiterate what catholic90 undelined:
even if I say no he doesn’t stop.
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then you wrote:
my boyfriend has the potential to be a wonderful man.
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later you admitted:
I do not feel like I am myself when I am with him. I sometimes feel like I need to lie to myself to keep this relationship going.
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but God is talking to you. He’s telling the truth.

this is not marriage time for you. it’s health/ prayer/ healing/ rebuilding time for you.

when you have found mental and spiritual health, when you have built a prayer relationship with God, when you have healed and rebuilt, you will see he is not the man for you.

walk away now. make room for God to do miracles in your life.
 
jenlovesyu;4820647even if I say no he doesn’t stop. said:
That makes it rape.

I’m glad you are choosing for God and for salvation. God bless you, Jen
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Hello,

Reading your post, I think you have a better grasp of the situation than you give yourself credit for. If you love God with all your heart and all your soul, you will know exactly what to do (and I think you both love the Lord and know what to do here). The right thing is usually the most difficult and can lead to rejection and other persecutions for staying true to your faith. The right thing is nearly always the most difficult, but it is also the most rewarding in this world (character development) and in the next (salvation).

If this man really loves you (and the Lord), he will respect your boundaries and relationship ground rules. He might not be mature enough to get that just yet. Hang in there, continue to persevere in prayer, God hears you and it sounds to me like he has placed the answers in your heart. I’m praying for you.
 
We fornicate. Afterwards I feel absolutely horrible.
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What you feel is your conscience, telling you you have sinned. The conscience is the voice of God. Listen to Him.

Break off the relationship as gently as you can, but know your boyfriend will say mean things, blame you for everything, and say it’s your loss, not his (he might even admit to cheating and say he has other girlfriends who are ‘better than you’). Now, what he is doing is trying to get control over you: He is trying to make you feel horrible, trying to make you think God wants you in this relationship, and, like Satan, he is trying to accuse you of sin.

Do not answer one accusation, do not speak up for yourself. Be as silent as a lamb before the slaughter, for then you will be imitating Jesus before His accusors. And imitating Jesus is what we as human beings and as Catholic Christians are called to do: it is our life and our vocation, and, moreover, it is the Will of God.

If he says nasty things about God, the Church, the faith, the Bible, or your soul, keep on being as silent as a lamb, and do your best to pray. It can be a simple repeating of “Jesus, I trust in You!”, telling Jesus throughout the ordeal that, while you do not understand His ways, you nonetheless trust in Him, for He will never decieve you, and He dose not wish you to continue to sin: you were made for Him, not for sin.

Now, Satan, having lost a great battle (of carnal love) against, will try to attack you spiritually. He will accuse you of many things, and this in the form of thoughts: ‘Why did you not pray for him?’ ‘Don’t you love him?’ ‘How do you know this is God’s Will?’ ‘You will never be happy’ ‘You made a big mistake’ ‘You may never find someone else’ ‘Sex is love and God is sex’. Ignore these thoughts. Push them aside. If you must, think about Jesus, or open up the Bible and read a chapter of one of the four gospels. You may also read the encyclical ‘Deus Caritas Est’ (link) to relieve your consecience and enlighten your soul.

After the ordeal, offer it up to Jesus, like this: “O my Jesus, I offer You this cross, in union with Your sufferings on the Cross, for love of You, for the conversion of sinners, and for the sanctification of God’s Name.” You may also pray thus: “Lord, make me a saint!” By uniting crosses and sufferings to Jesus’ sufferings on the Cross when we offer them to the Lord, our offerings become powerful and we glory in the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.
 
Eucharisted said:
What you feel is your conscience, telling you you have sinned. The conscience is the voice of God. Listen to Him.

Break off the relationship as gently as you can, but know your boyfriend will say mean things, blame you for everything, and say it’s your loss, not his (he might even admit to cheating and say he has other girlfriends who are ‘better than you’). Now, what he is doing is trying to get control over you: He is trying to make you feel horrible, trying to make you think God wants you in this relationship, and, like Satan, he is trying to accuse you of sin.

Do not answer one accusation, do not speak up for yourself. Be as silent as a lamb before the slaughter, for then you will be imitating Jesus before His accusors. And imitating Jesus is what we as human beings and as Catholic Christians are called to do: it is our life and our vocation, and, moreover, it is the Will of God.

If he says nasty things about God, the Church, the faith, the Bible, or your soul, keep on being as silent as a lamb, and do your best to pray. It can be a simple repeating of “Jesus, I trust in You!”, telling Jesus throughout the ordeal that, while you do not understand His ways, you nonetheless trust in Him, for He will never decieve you, and He dose not wish you to continue to sin: you were made for Him, not for sin.

Now, Satan, having lost a great battle (of carnal love) against, will try to attack you spiritually. He will accuse you of many things, and this in the form of thoughts: ‘Why did you not pray for him?’ ‘Don’t you love him?’ ‘How do you know this is God’s Will?’ ‘You will never be happy’ ‘You made a big mistake’ ‘You may never find someone else’ ‘Sex is love and God is sex’. Ignore these thoughts. Push them aside. If you must, think about Jesus, or open up the Bible and read a chapter of one of the four gospels. You may also read the encyclical ‘Deus Caritas Est’ (link) to relieve your consecience and enlighten your soul.

After the ordeal, offer it up to Jesus, like this: “O my Jesus, I offer You this cross, in union with Your sufferings on the Cross, for love of You, for the conversion of sinners, and for the sanctification of God’s Name.” You may also pray thus: “Lord, make me a saint!” By uniting crosses and sufferings to Jesus’ sufferings on the Cross when we offer them to the Lord, our offerings become powerful and we glory in the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.
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That is good stuff and great advice for this situation and for all of the other battles that we face daily. Thanks for sharing
 
Hi Jen,

Much good advice above. Will keep you in my prayers to follow our Lord and to do what is right…

God Bless and take care…
 
Sweetheart, you are wounded. And as a wounded young woman, you are going to attract a predator who circles the herd looking for the one they can seize with the least trouble.

You found one.

He sounds like a narcissist. He will only get worse.

Understand that many of them were abandoned by a parent at an early age and spend their lives victimizing people to get even.

He was attracted to your woundedness so he could exploit it. Every time you show strength, it angers him to the point he has to crush you.

Others have pointed out that when you say no, if he doesn’t stop, it is rape.

Never “fall in love” with someone’s potential. You’ll be left with a whole lot of nothing.

You are giving him the benefit of the doubt in everything and he is giving you nothing. Not respect, not love, not kindness. Degrading someone for trying to love God is typical of a narcissist. He wants HIMSELF to be your god.

Please break it off with him. But don’t do it alone. Seek help from an adult. Call a battered women’s shelter and ask advice. This man is NOT good for you. He’s only nice when he gets his way. I see a future of nothing but pain for you, when you are trying to show love. You may think you are giving him, love, but that’s not what you are getting in return.

Whatever bait you put out, that’s the kind of man you’ll catch. You need to heal, become strong and vibrant and happy and at peace with God. Then you will attract someone who deserves you.

Please keep in touch with us and let us know you have broken away safely.
 
Break up with him. As you put it, you get zero respect. Zero respect is not a way for you to live. Another common theme is “he makes me”, coupled with “he doesn’t stop”. That’s not even controlling, that verges on rape. And yes, get help. Preferably go to a priest and he will be able to recommend a Catholic counsellor or find one.

Find a man who respects you - when the time comes.
 
don’t feel so pressured…just pray…everything’s gonna be alright…nothing will go wrong when you believe that God will help you to surpass all the trials

noodles
 
I agree with the other posters, I really think that you need to break up with this boy as soon as possible. You also say you need help with determining whether you’re meant for marriage… what I think is that it will be near impossible for you to determine anything like that while you’re still involved with this guy. Once you’re out of the situation, a little way down the line, things will become clearer but while you’re in an unchaste relationship with a boy who is mistreating you like this, things are bound to be cloudy.
I also agree with getting help - talk to a good priest about these issues you have. See a counsellor. You really can heal, it will take a bit of time but that’s ok. In the meantime I would agree with Liberanosamalo, everything she said was so true. This time in your life is meant for focusing on you and learning to be strong and happy and grow in your relationship with God - enter the Church, receive Sacraments. Then a little way down the line you’ll be ready for a relationship and able to see things more clearly, make good decisions. Don’t worry sweetie, things will be fine 🙂
 
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