S
Sanctifiable
Guest
I am pretty sure she was never married. I know for a fact that the child was an accidental pregnancy a few years ago and the guy left her as soon as he found out.
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J
jenlovesyu
Guest
Hi
I noticed you mentioned that you are afraid of pursuing a non-Catholic due to the fact that your previous marriage with a non-Catholic resulted in you falling from the faith.
I don’t know if this will help, but I just wanted to share with you what a priest said a few days ago at daily Mass. The Gospel reading was about the Mustard seed…
He said that sometimes the problem we are facing (whatever that “problem” may be) worries us not so much because we don’t trust in God, but it is because we don’t trust in ourselves. If you place trust in yourself that you will constantly do your best to immerse yourself in God, no one will be able to pull you away from Him.
I also read a scripture today which may help…
Proverbs 23: 7
I noticed you mentioned that you are afraid of pursuing a non-Catholic due to the fact that your previous marriage with a non-Catholic resulted in you falling from the faith.
I don’t know if this will help, but I just wanted to share with you what a priest said a few days ago at daily Mass. The Gospel reading was about the Mustard seed…
He said that sometimes the problem we are facing (whatever that “problem” may be) worries us not so much because we don’t trust in God, but it is because we don’t trust in ourselves. If you place trust in yourself that you will constantly do your best to immerse yourself in God, no one will be able to pull you away from Him.
I also read a scripture today which may help…
Proverbs 23: 7
God bless you on your journey in Christ
S
Sanctifiable
Guest
Thank you to all my brothers and sisters for your (name removed by moderator)ut on this…I’m not sure how I’ll handle this situation but your (name removed by moderator)ut is much appreciated
S
Sierrah
Guest
This is exactly what frustrates me about men. Just go for it. Your not getting any younger and neither is she. Keep it low key and causal since you work together…the ice cream idea sounded good to me. Best of luck. Remember God helps those who help themselves.
T
tsaphah
Guest
If your nervous about a date then have a group of friends go out to dinner and invite her. This way you can start with just being friends out side the work place. As friends you’ll feel more open about expressing your heart about your love for Christ.
Even if she has disagreements with the Faith continue to be patient and compassionate. People only talk down about the church because they don’t know about it. Drop seeds about the great things the church does and those seeds will grow to fruitful questions and admiration. Trust me. I know =)
Just do your best and let God do the rest!
Even if she has disagreements with the Faith continue to be patient and compassionate. People only talk down about the church because they don’t know about it. Drop seeds about the great things the church does and those seeds will grow to fruitful questions and admiration. Trust me. I know =)
Just do your best and let God do the rest!
P
PhilosopherKing
Guest
Sanctifiable,
I’m a regular visitor to Catholic.com but I just now became a registered user so I could give you a response and some practical advice for your situation. The women here will agree with what I’m about to say.
First, be confident in who you are. If she is turned off because you’re “too religious”, then she’s not what you need (or what you should want). Period. You mentioned she’s a single mom, so your faith ought to be a plus for you since the well-being of her child should be one of her top priorities, especially in regards to teaching her child morals.
Second, DO NOT let her looks or beauty be a controlling factor in how you act or be your primary interest. Looks are nice, but not everything, that’s for sure. Read the story of Samson and Delilah in the Old Testament.
Third, as is often the case and a general rule, when a woman has made clear through a number of hints that she is interested in a man, that man has a limited window of opportunity to make a move. If the man doesn’t make his move, that window of opportunity may be shut forever. Some men think that the woman will always remain interested, and these men will sometimes date other women and think they can come back to the first woman and exercise their “option” only to find out she moved on a year ago. I’ve seen it happen time and again. Respect her and don’t leave her hanging. A woman may always remain nice and polite, but she still could have moved on. But, there are always exceptions. The last thing you want is to do is ruin an opportunity because you failed to act.
The best thing is to ask her out sooner rather than later. When you do ask her out, it doesn’t have to be anything big, even a trip to Starbucks is nice and cheap. If the initial one-on-one thing is a bit much for you, then ask her to accompany you for a social evening with some of your friends.
Since she knows you and you talk with her at work (even though it’s only work-related), she probably has a general sense of your personality, so I wouldn’t advise trying to change anything dramatically (she’ll notice).
For me, I can always do the dinner or Starbucks thing. As for another activity, I love to go watch live music. I also love to shoot firearms, and a trip to the gun range to target shoot is not expensive. Some women are afraid of guns if they’ve never shot them, but once they are shown how they operate, that fear goes away and they really enjoy it. It’s like throwing darts with a dose of gun powder. You would be surprised how many women have licenses to carry handguns.
But whenever you do ask her, don’t be concerned whether your voice is in the key of A or B or other such nonsense. Confidence always counteracts an appearance of desperateness or the impression you’ve already decided you want to get serious before the first date. A desperate-like impression isn’t helpful and is a turn off for a lot of women. But she’ll get the message pretty quick that you’re interested when you ask. Women are very good at reading men’s emotions and personal attitudes. I would bet she already knows.
If she declines, tell her you just had to know because you had an interest, but now you can move on. She’ll respect that. If she is a mature adult there should be no problem at work.
Lastly, think from a theory of abundance. Communicate to her the unspoken message that you know there are a lot of fish in the sea, and you’re not putting all of your eggs in one basket, but this is where you are right here and now, and that she is the one who has the opportunity to be a part of your amazing life.
And, keep in mind your conversations have only been work related. Beyond that you don’t know too much about her (from what I’ve gathered). NEVER try to create an image in your mind of her that isn’t there or real. You’ll find all that out as you get to know her, which is the point of the initial “get togethers”. It should not be as much about you trying to figure out whether she’s into you, but you need to find out more about her, too.
Remember, it is your confidence in who you are that takes care of most of these things I mentioned.
Good luck.
I’m a regular visitor to Catholic.com but I just now became a registered user so I could give you a response and some practical advice for your situation. The women here will agree with what I’m about to say.
First, be confident in who you are. If she is turned off because you’re “too religious”, then she’s not what you need (or what you should want). Period. You mentioned she’s a single mom, so your faith ought to be a plus for you since the well-being of her child should be one of her top priorities, especially in regards to teaching her child morals.
Second, DO NOT let her looks or beauty be a controlling factor in how you act or be your primary interest. Looks are nice, but not everything, that’s for sure. Read the story of Samson and Delilah in the Old Testament.
Third, as is often the case and a general rule, when a woman has made clear through a number of hints that she is interested in a man, that man has a limited window of opportunity to make a move. If the man doesn’t make his move, that window of opportunity may be shut forever. Some men think that the woman will always remain interested, and these men will sometimes date other women and think they can come back to the first woman and exercise their “option” only to find out she moved on a year ago. I’ve seen it happen time and again. Respect her and don’t leave her hanging. A woman may always remain nice and polite, but she still could have moved on. But, there are always exceptions. The last thing you want is to do is ruin an opportunity because you failed to act.
The best thing is to ask her out sooner rather than later. When you do ask her out, it doesn’t have to be anything big, even a trip to Starbucks is nice and cheap. If the initial one-on-one thing is a bit much for you, then ask her to accompany you for a social evening with some of your friends.
Since she knows you and you talk with her at work (even though it’s only work-related), she probably has a general sense of your personality, so I wouldn’t advise trying to change anything dramatically (she’ll notice).
For me, I can always do the dinner or Starbucks thing. As for another activity, I love to go watch live music. I also love to shoot firearms, and a trip to the gun range to target shoot is not expensive. Some women are afraid of guns if they’ve never shot them, but once they are shown how they operate, that fear goes away and they really enjoy it. It’s like throwing darts with a dose of gun powder. You would be surprised how many women have licenses to carry handguns.
But whenever you do ask her, don’t be concerned whether your voice is in the key of A or B or other such nonsense. Confidence always counteracts an appearance of desperateness or the impression you’ve already decided you want to get serious before the first date. A desperate-like impression isn’t helpful and is a turn off for a lot of women. But she’ll get the message pretty quick that you’re interested when you ask. Women are very good at reading men’s emotions and personal attitudes. I would bet she already knows.
If she declines, tell her you just had to know because you had an interest, but now you can move on. She’ll respect that. If she is a mature adult there should be no problem at work.
Lastly, think from a theory of abundance. Communicate to her the unspoken message that you know there are a lot of fish in the sea, and you’re not putting all of your eggs in one basket, but this is where you are right here and now, and that she is the one who has the opportunity to be a part of your amazing life.
And, keep in mind your conversations have only been work related. Beyond that you don’t know too much about her (from what I’ve gathered). NEVER try to create an image in your mind of her that isn’t there or real. You’ll find all that out as you get to know her, which is the point of the initial “get togethers”. It should not be as much about you trying to figure out whether she’s into you, but you need to find out more about her, too.
Remember, it is your confidence in who you are that takes care of most of these things I mentioned.
Good luck.
S
Sanctifiable
Guest
I’ve thought about it and all of your advice is really great but I just can’t get past how much younger she is than me, I have 15 years on her give or take and maybe I just don’t have the confidence to even try this out. I don’t date much at all since my divorce 10 + years ago and I guess its too intimidating to me…I’m just not ready for this.She is young enough to have a lot of friends in their 20’s and here is me 46…lol…I’ve been praying about it. I’ve really geared my life around my faith and not towards looking for someone. I have a lot of fear of falling away from my faith just to be with someone attractive ( it happened once already) and I would really prefer someone who is already a Catholic, I don’t want to date someone in hopes someday they’ll convert if things got more serious. My marriage was a disaster as far as our faith was concerned. I know some of you won’t like this but I’m just going to pass on this. There are a lot of other factors that get in the way for me too. It would be awkward for me if I had to see her all the time at work if things went badly… I’m just trying to use my head on this. If I get the desire to look around for someone to be with I would probably get on Catholic match or something like that. I have a lot of things I like about being single. Thank you all for your replies…it was great to get some perspective on this because I didn’t want to ask anyone close to me( they probably wouldn’t believe me…LOL) God Bless all of you.
P
PhilosopherKing
Guest
There are many examples of younger women with older men. But you’ll never know anything at all unless you try. If you try and it doesn’t work, at least you have certainty–at least you’ll know and not be hypothesizing about it all at night. As far as the scenario of the workplace goes, if the two people are mature and considerate, there shouldn’t be a problem there.
It is understandable you wanting to marry a Catholic. But whoever you would be dating, the topic of religion and faith should come up long before marriage talk. There are a lot of converts out there–I’m one of them. All some people need is to have the faith accurately explained to them. You could be that person who brings her to the Church. And most converts are very passionate. I know I am.
In any case, whenever you are ready to date, remember the points I made. Copy and paste them. I’ll say some prayers for you.
It is understandable you wanting to marry a Catholic. But whoever you would be dating, the topic of religion and faith should come up long before marriage talk. There are a lot of converts out there–I’m one of them. All some people need is to have the faith accurately explained to them. You could be that person who brings her to the Church. And most converts are very passionate. I know I am.
In any case, whenever you are ready to date, remember the points I made. Copy and paste them. I’ll say some prayers for you.
S
Sanctifiable
Guest
Thank you king…you do make some good points…I am just afraid that Ill be the one who compromises and not her…I’m a very weak person in that regard. I’m a sucker for a pretty girl
J
joandarc2008
Guest
I admire your honesty and self awareness and wish you the best of luck - just make sure you do the kind thing and don’t lead her on. Not that you have been but just be aware.Thank you king…you do make some good points…I am just afraid that Ill be the one who compromises and not her…I’m a very weak person in that regard. I’m a sucker for a pretty girl
P
PhilosopherKing
Guest
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanctifiable
Thank you king…you do make some good points…I am just afraid that Ill be the one who compromises and not her…I’m a very weak person in that regard. I’m a sucker for a pretty girl
Just remember you are talking about a hypothetical scenario that hasn’t come into fruition yet. Don’t cross the bridge until you get to it (there may not even be one)! You do not know what the future holds!
Don’t be guided by fear! Trust in Him. Spend some time reading the Gospels and pray for strength and fearlessness. The Gospel of John is great.
If you ask her out just think of it as getting to know her a bit better and just have a good time. It’s WAY too early to be thinking about how things would be if you two got serious. If things lead further naturally then analyze and discuss things as they go along. But for now, just have a good sociable time. That’s it–don’t go further than that yet. No sweat. No worries. And I’m sure you remember what our Lord said about worrying.
(Oh, and “Philosopher King” comes from the writings of the ancient Greek philosopher Plato.)
Originally Posted by Sanctifiable
Thank you king…you do make some good points…I am just afraid that Ill be the one who compromises and not her…I’m a very weak person in that regard. I’m a sucker for a pretty girl
Just remember you are talking about a hypothetical scenario that hasn’t come into fruition yet. Don’t cross the bridge until you get to it (there may not even be one)! You do not know what the future holds!
Don’t be guided by fear! Trust in Him. Spend some time reading the Gospels and pray for strength and fearlessness. The Gospel of John is great.
If you ask her out just think of it as getting to know her a bit better and just have a good time. It’s WAY too early to be thinking about how things would be if you two got serious. If things lead further naturally then analyze and discuss things as they go along. But for now, just have a good sociable time. That’s it–don’t go further than that yet. No sweat. No worries. And I’m sure you remember what our Lord said about worrying.
(Oh, and “Philosopher King” comes from the writings of the ancient Greek philosopher Plato.)
S
Sanctifiable
Guest
Thank you…I have gone out of my way not to lead her on at all and I’m very aware of that
S
Sanctifiable
Guest
Thank you king.What your saying is very true, I’m just not good at handling relationships and I would hate to start something with her and just hurt her by not liking the situation( there is already a lot I don’t like) which my gut tells me could very well happen, we get along good now and I’d hate to ruin that…by the way I’m honored that your first three posts have come on my topic…you must relate to what I’m going through somehow.
J
jamessteffy
Guest
hi i agree with your opinion, what i am saying is where ever you are what every you do u must be grate, think always like that, and make them have who like you and loves you a lot.
wedding presents
wedding presents
P
PhilosopherKing
Guest
Sanctifiable,
Every man has to decide what he can and can’t live with when it comes to relationships. Only you can decide that. I saw your first post and felt I needed to respond. I’ve had my experience with women, as well as a lot of good female friends. If you’re concerned about her worrying that you already want to get serious or something and thus ruin a friendship, you can always say in a lighthearted or jovial manner, “Just so you know, I don’t want you to think I want to get serious or anything. I’m not the type who likes to move that fast. I just wanted you to know in case you were wondering.” It works. It will take any awkwardness off of her if you’re a little blunt like that. It takes the edge off if she has that concern.
If it’s a good friendship it could not work out and you can still have the same friendly relationship you have now.
Every man has to decide what he can and can’t live with when it comes to relationships. Only you can decide that. I saw your first post and felt I needed to respond. I’ve had my experience with women, as well as a lot of good female friends. If you’re concerned about her worrying that you already want to get serious or something and thus ruin a friendship, you can always say in a lighthearted or jovial manner, “Just so you know, I don’t want you to think I want to get serious or anything. I’m not the type who likes to move that fast. I just wanted you to know in case you were wondering.” It works. It will take any awkwardness off of her if you’re a little blunt like that. It takes the edge off if she has that concern.
If it’s a good friendship it could not work out and you can still have the same friendly relationship you have now.
S
Sanctifiable
Guest
Just a follow up to this post, I have anguished lately over this situation and my best solution was to let it go and die on the vine but it was in the back of my head and bothering me. So I thought what would it hurt to call her and ask her out for coffee so I called her a few times on Friday and she wasn’t home and I didn’t leave any message. On Saturday I called her and left her a message to call me back which she did, my plan was to just ask her outright if she wanted to go out with me and take it from there, The reason I called her is that I wanted to just bring the situation to an end so I could have peace of mind and I was totally ok with any kind of rejection because I trust her as a person not to kiss and tell. Well when she called I just said I have a question for you and asked her if I asked you out would you be interested, She hesitated for a little and said “probably not” because she was afraid of one of my issues of dating someone you work with.
I told her that I just wanted to clear the air and that I’m a social misfit( jokingly) who can’t read people well and I just wanted to clarify things. I felt overwhelming relief and told her I had the same concern. She then told me to please don’t act uncomfortable or weird ed out at work and that she had tremendous respect for me and really liked me as a person and then she told me that she was extremely flattered that I called her and asked. I told her what I thought of her and how much I liked her as a person as well. Every time I thought OK end of conversation, we started small talk about different things going on in our lives and had a great conversation. The funniest thing I found out about her was she is as socially awkward as I am. We ended up talking for a half an hour.
I don’t have any idea where this will go but I feel great for having the courage to call her and I may be wrong but I still think she’d love to go out sometime and wouldn’t be surprised if it happened. So all went well and I’m happy because
I think me and her could become good friends…I also think this might help my confidence greatly
I want to tell my spiritual part of the story, I implored the Blessed Mother and Jesus to take the situation from me and do as they will. I offered up all the anguish and anxiety I felt from it in reparation for souls in purgatory and non repentant sinners and prayed about it a lot. Thank you philosopher king you kind gave a good nudge when I was going to walk from it.
I told her that I just wanted to clear the air and that I’m a social misfit( jokingly) who can’t read people well and I just wanted to clarify things. I felt overwhelming relief and told her I had the same concern. She then told me to please don’t act uncomfortable or weird ed out at work and that she had tremendous respect for me and really liked me as a person and then she told me that she was extremely flattered that I called her and asked. I told her what I thought of her and how much I liked her as a person as well. Every time I thought OK end of conversation, we started small talk about different things going on in our lives and had a great conversation. The funniest thing I found out about her was she is as socially awkward as I am. We ended up talking for a half an hour.
I don’t have any idea where this will go but I feel great for having the courage to call her and I may be wrong but I still think she’d love to go out sometime and wouldn’t be surprised if it happened. So all went well and I’m happy because
I think me and her could become good friends…I also think this might help my confidence greatly
I want to tell my spiritual part of the story, I implored the Blessed Mother and Jesus to take the situation from me and do as they will. I offered up all the anguish and anxiety I felt from it in reparation for souls in purgatory and non repentant sinners and prayed about it a lot. Thank you philosopher king you kind gave a good nudge when I was going to walk from it.
J
joandarc2008
Guest
Friends are wonderful - you can never have too many - and you know what - even if she wasn’t “the one” - when it comes time to meet “the one” she can help you with some of that akwardness.
S
Sanctifiable
Guest
Exactly…I really felt good I confronted this. Its better than sitting around wondering plus I found out more about her in one call than in ten years of working in the same environment.
K
Katrina5
Guest
This is great…just two people sharing and you are feeling better. It sounds like Our Lady was right there with you. She understands, you know.
Thanks for the update.
Thanks for the update.
P
PhilosopherKing
Guest
Sanctifiable,
That is absolutely great. I’m very happy for you. Your conversation could not have gone any better. It looks like no matter what happens you’ll have a good friend plus this is also a great experience for you (as you already know!).
I was praying you would not abruptly walk away.
I also agree with joandarc2008: it’s always good for a single man to have a good female friend to talk to.
Sometimes it is easy to let fear guide us (that’s what Satan wants), but we can’t live our lives that way. We can either let God guide us, or our fear. Always, always let faith be the guide—never your fear. When we let our fear take control Satan then destroys the confidence we should have in ourselves. Just take things one step at a time.
I also appreciate your thank you. I’m very glad that I could help you. I think you discovered something about yourself that was already there, you just needed a little nudge in the right direction to see it. And, thank God, too. I believe He put it on my heart to respond and give you that nudge. So be sure and thank Him, too.
I’ll pray that you develop a great friendship with her. And, whether you develop only a friendship or if it does turn into something more, I wish you the very best of luck in the future.
That is absolutely great. I’m very happy for you. Your conversation could not have gone any better. It looks like no matter what happens you’ll have a good friend plus this is also a great experience for you (as you already know!).
I was praying you would not abruptly walk away.
I also agree with joandarc2008: it’s always good for a single man to have a good female friend to talk to.
Sometimes it is easy to let fear guide us (that’s what Satan wants), but we can’t live our lives that way. We can either let God guide us, or our fear. Always, always let faith be the guide—never your fear. When we let our fear take control Satan then destroys the confidence we should have in ourselves. Just take things one step at a time.
I also appreciate your thank you. I’m very glad that I could help you. I think you discovered something about yourself that was already there, you just needed a little nudge in the right direction to see it. And, thank God, too. I believe He put it on my heart to respond and give you that nudge. So be sure and thank Him, too.
I’ll pray that you develop a great friendship with her. And, whether you develop only a friendship or if it does turn into something more, I wish you the very best of luck in the future.
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