I have a question on sharing a house

[nothingclever]

I am planing on moving in with my brother, his girlfriend and my friend who is a female. Is this cool with the church? I just recived all my sacraments this easter and don’t want to be unable to take comunion. I don’t plan on sleeping with my female friend, we have known each other for 9 years and are good friends.

 

[1ke]

It is perfectly fine for you to move in with your sibling.

It is not prudent for you and he (I presume you are also a male) to move in with girls you are not related to or married to, particular if he is dating one of them.

 

[nothingclever]

Even if I’m the only catholic? I won’t be sleeping with anybody but they are all athiest and have been real great to me during my conversion. I lost some friends entering the church and really don’t want to risk loseing the only friends I have left. I made plans to move in when I was still athiest, does that have any bearing on the situation.

 

[Richard320]

It’s probably not the wisest thing to do.

There’s nothing wrong with a bunch of college kids sharing a house. Even mixed sexes. The brother shacking up with his GF and you living there implies that you approve of it, which, as a Catholic, you should not. That part is wrong.

I shared a house with a female friend for a few months. She needed some extra money, but didn’t really want a long-term roommate. I needed a place to stay until I bought my own house, and I didn’t want to get too comfy in a new apartment to where i wouldn’t hunt for a house. So that part worked. But then she ended up pregnant by some guy she had been dating. Very few people had met him, it was a long-distance relationship. Guess who everyone was looking at? I’d tell them, “It ain’t mine!” “Are you sure?” “Positive. It’s physically impossible that that kid is mine!” Many people didn’t believe me, even though she said it wasn’t mine, too!

You don’t want that happening, either. Trust me.

 

[nothingclever]

Well I guess what I’m asking is would I still be able to take comunion, hopefully I can buy my own house after I’m done with school but for the next four years ill be working and going to school full time and it would be cool if I could live with people I know and trust. My brother is going to be with his girlfriend regardless of what I do, I told him to marry her but as an athiest he really has no reason to. I know the situation is less than ideal but untill I’m done with school I’m just a line worker and really can’t rent a decent place on my own. I’m sorry for any spelling errors I’m not good with spelling and only have a phone with no spellcheck for my internet.

 

[Viki63]

Dear brother,
Congratulations on coming into the church! I’m sure you’re having a great Easter.

There are some problems with your plan. The main one, as Richard pointed out, is the problem of scandal. People will assume that you’re sleeping with your friend, and that it’s okay to do that because, hey, you’re a Catholic so it must be cool. Even though you’re not, you don’t want to be explaining it all the time to people, especially since they may not believe you.
The other problem is that your friends are all atheists, and it would be easy to let their beliefs rub off on you. Hopefully it would be the other way around, but there’s a risk. Satan is hanging around, trying to get us to lose our confidence.
I would hope you could find some people your age in the church to share a house with.

I have to comment on something you said: “I told him to marry her but as an athiest he really has no reason to.” So when I see a guy living with a girl he’s not married to, my first impression is that he doesn’t really care about her, he’s just using her until somebody prettier or more interesting comes along. He doesn’t respect her enough to marry her.
Marriage is for the protection of women and children, so that women don’t end up getting dumped later in life, and children don’t form attachments to a series of men who come in and out of their mother’s lives, which can really mess them up.
Your brother and his GF have no children, sounds like. Good bet they’re using birth control. So he’s saying to her, I like you enough to sleep with you but not to have kids with you. That, after awhile, can damage a relationship; Catholics believe birth control is responsible for much of the divorce in the world, because it puts such a barrier between spouses.
I hope you can find a better place to live, and that your brother will see your good example of a holy life and be inspired to copy you.

I think you can still receive the Eucharist, though it might be best to check with your priest. Have you tried praying for another place to live? God may have a plan for you – He is interested in your life, you know.
God bless.

 

[1ke]

Even if I’m the only catholic?

yes.

I won’t be sleeping with anybody but they are all athiest and have been real great to me during my conversion. I lost some friends entering the church and really don’t want to risk loseing the only friends I have left. I made plans to move in when I was still athiest, does that have any bearing on the situation.

Then the best thing you can do is be a good example to them.

I suggest you talk to your priest about the matter as he knows you and your situation personally.

 

[nothingclever]

Yea I guess ill set up a meeting with father, I just hate to bother the priests in my parish as they are very busy.

 

[cmscms]

There’s nothing wrong with a bunch of college kids sharing a house. Even mixed sexes. The brother shacking up with his GF and you living there implies that you approve of it, which, as a Catholic, you should not. That part is wrong.

I totally agreed if there is nothing wrong with co-ed houses as long as no one is boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

[AthenaC]

Begging y’all’s pardon, but I have a slightly different view -

I wouldn’t worry about how it looks to others to be living in a house with a couple and a female friend. If they want to, people are always going to gossip. You can either worry about what everyone else thinks, or you can do what’s best for you and just ignore the whispers (if there are any). One advantage you have here is that with literally everybody in some sort of roommate situation, it doesn’t generally appear scandalous to have roommates of either sex.

That said, you need to be honest with yourself about whether or not your friend will be a source of temptation. I know you said she won’t be, but just double check before you move in. If you can look at her and see the possibility of chemistry, set some boundaries. If you two really and truly would never be attracted to each other, you’ll probably be fine. Just watch the alchohol, if applicable.

I don’t think there is a moral issue with living with your brother and his girlfriend. You spoke your piece with him already, which took courage I’m sure, and at the end of the day you can’t control what other people do. You’re not saying you approve (and the two people in question - your brother and his girlfriend - know that), but the logistics work out best. Your obligation to each other as roommates is to stay current on rent and be respectful of common areas; you do not have an obligation to police your roommates.

Overall, it sounds like you are / will be pretty busy so you are basically just looking for a reliable place to sleep and store your stuff. So my vote is to go for it, with the caveats I noted above.

 

[nothingclever]

I’m not concerned with what people think, I was just makeing shure I can still take comunion. And I have absolutly no intrest in the other female I’ve known her since I was 15 I’m now 24 and I never tried to sleep with her when I had no religion so I don’t see why I would now that I’m going to church half the week. I just need people I trust to live with while I’m in school.

 

[AthenaC]

Respectfully, if there is no sin, then there is no reason to abstain from Communion. It appears many people are worried about the situation being an occasion of sin (and I can certainly see the potential), but only you know whether or not it will be an occasion of sin (i.e. risk of sin waiting to happen) for you.

 

[nothingclever]

Well thank you for the advice, I’m glad I don’t have to back out of living there to take comunion. I would if I had to because its the most important thing in my life but I’m absolutly not going to be sleeping with anyone unless its my weding night.

 

[Emily2009]

In my opinion, the problem would lie with who is sharing a room with whom. If you share a room with your brother and the two girls together, and you do this FAITHFULLY…then, I think you’re probably fine. Or, if all four of you have your own rooms, it isn’t a big deal. I currently live in a house with three men and one other women, and it is NOT a big deal. I would NEVER sleep with any of the men in this house and neither would the other women, we just live together to save money… (we each have our own room–there is one bathroom for the boys and the other girl and I each have our own–this isn’t a huge deal, but does make it nice). Just make sure there are rules about attire, so as to not make things awkward at times.

 

[twoangels]

I am planing on moving in with my brother, his girlfriend and my friend who is a female. Is this cool with the church? I just recived all my sacraments this easter and don’t want to be unable to take comunion. I don’t plan on sleeping with my female friend, we have known each other for 9 years and are good friends.

The issue is about putting yourself in a near occassion of skin and possibly causing scandal. By scandal, I mean failing to be a good role model for others. Is your choice being a bad role model for others?

Overall though I’d just say its unwise and imprudent. I don’t believe this is anything that you should deny yourself communion over.

 

[nothingclever]

I don’t see how living with friends is seting a bad example. Most of my friends and family have had roomates of the other sex before, As far as I know no sex was involved. I don’t think its weird to have female friends and not sleep with them. I am a recent convert so maby this is just some cradle catholic thing. If I refused to live with anyone who is in a sexual relashonship i don’t think I could live with any of my family or friends. What I got out of RCIA was to do what I know is right and pray for people that are doing imoral things. If I told my brother I won’t move in because he sleeps with his girlfriend I’m pretty shure that would turn him even more off to church. If I told my female friend I can’t live with her because people would think we are haveing sex she would probably have the same reaction.