I have an incredibly hard time believing I'm worth anything

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Bill_Martin

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Lately it’s become crippling all of a sudden. I’ve been like this since early childhood but I don’t know why. I never had friends. I got along with everyone, but was ignored. I have been to 1 party in my life. Last time I was with a friend on my birthday was in 4th grade. I suppose this all contributes because I grew up thinking that there must be something wrong with me that causes it. My self esteem is totally gone. I don’t know what it’s like to have it.

This continued into adulthood. I’m not shy, but I’m very quiet. It isn’t that I’m afraid to talk, but I assume nobody could possibly be interested in what I have to say. I have only 1 friend right now and if she hadn’t talked to me repeatedly, given me her number, and pushed to hang out, I wouldn’t know her either. It’s kind of funny because she got annoyed that I didn’t tell her when my birthday was. I simply didn’t think of it. I have a very hard time believing that someone other than my immediate family actually cares about me.

Physically I’ve always felt inferior to everyone. I’m ridiculously skinny and weak and have nearly died on more than one occasion from a serious medical condition I can’t seem to get rid of. I feel like I’m not even good enough to be alive anymore. It’s hard to shake that feeling.

It’s to the point where I avoid doing normal things like applying for jobs, scholarships, etc because I assume I’m not good enough to get them or, in the case of jobs, I assume I can’t do them. I don’t do things for fun. I don’t even know what people do for fun. I have plenty of motivation to do stuff I need to do, but that’s it.

I’ve tried all kinds of stuff to help mitigate this like making lists of my accomplishments, etc. Ialwaysh ave a hard time coming up with anything and when I do, I just don’t care about them enough. Professional help is not an option right now. I’ve already looked at it pretty hard.

Don’t know why I’m posting this, but I could really use some prayers or advice from anyone who has felt this way. I have to call to set up a job interview tomorrow and the thought of it is killing me. I’m afraid of getting rejected, but perversely, I’m also afraid of getting the job and having to risk not doing it well.
 
You are a child of God; you are worth everything. Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
Bill_Martin said:
Lately it’s become crippling all of a sudden. I’ve been like this since early childhood but I don’t know why. I never had friends. I got along with everyone, but was ignored. I have been to 1 party in my life. Last time I was with a friend on my birthday was in 4th grade. I suppose this all contributes because I grew up thinking that there must be something wrong with me that causes it. My self esteem is totally gone. I don’t know what it’s like to have it.

This continued into adulthood. I’m not shy, but I’m very quiet. It isn’t that I’m afraid to talk, but I assume nobody could possibly be interested in what I have to say. I have only 1 friend right now and if she hadn’t talked to me repeatedly, given me her number, and pushed to hang out, I wouldn’t know her either. It’s kind of funny because she got annoyed that I didn’t tell her when my birthday was. I simply didn’t think of it. I have a very hard time believing that someone other than my immediate family actually cares about me.

Physically I’ve always felt inferior to everyone. I’m ridiculously skinny and weak and have nearly died on more than one occasion from a serious medical condition I can’t seem to get rid of. I feel like I’m not even good enough to be alive anymore. It’s hard to shake that feeling.

It’s to the point where I avoid doing normal things like applying for jobs, scholarships, etc because I assume I’m not good enough to get them or, in the case of jobs, I assume I can’t do them. I don’t do things for fun. I don’t even know what people do for fun. I have plenty of motivation to do stuff I need to do, but that’s it.

I’ve tried all kinds of stuff to help mitigate this like making lists of my accomplishments, etc. Ialwaysh ave a hard time coming up with anything and when I do, I just don’t care about them enough. Professional help is not an option right now. I’ve already looked at it pretty hard.

Don’t know why I’m posting this, but I could really use some prayers or advice from anyone who has felt this way. I have to call to set up a job interview tomorrow and the thought of it is killing me. I’m afraid of getting rejected, but perversely, I’m also afraid of getting the job and having to risk not doing it well.
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There are few who don’t identify with a lot of what you said. If they don’t, they are shallow. You are introspective and deep. Two things:
  1. Recognize that you think more deeply than most people around you and give yourself some credit for that. You understand others far better than they understand you. You should focus on what a leg up you have in dealing with people.
  2. For what its worth, id hang out with you. I would enjoy the conversation.
    Focus on your psoitive attributes and get out there. Always ask yourself what’s the worst that could happenin any situation. Hint, none of us is getting out alive. Go for it and make yourself heard.
 
I’m praying for you. I will pray a Rosary for you right now.
 
You might want to see a doctor on the possibility of depression, and possibly other stuff as well. I, too, struggle with lack of friends and feeling inferior to almost anyone. I have been bullied, put down and just plain ignored during my life. I often wonder if God even thinks about me. But my heart knows better. God loves us as we are, and sees in us what we can/will become. Oh, and if necessary, get a pet (a dog or cat works best). My cat is my “bestest bud.” Taking care of a pet is often a boost up. They can bring joy to one’s life, and someone to come home to after a long day of work or whatever.
 
Bill_Martin said:
Lately it’s become crippling all of a sudden. I’ve been like this since early childhood but I don’t know why. I never had friends. I got along with everyone, but was ignored. I have been to 1 party in my life. Last time I was with a friend on my birthday was in 4th grade. I suppose this all contributes because I grew up thinking that there must be something wrong with me that causes it. My self esteem is totally gone. I don’t know what it’s like to have it.

This continued into adulthood. I’m not shy, but I’m very quiet. It isn’t that I’m afraid to talk, but I assume nobody could possibly be interested in what I have to say. I have only 1 friend right now and if she hadn’t talked to me repeatedly, given me her number, and pushed to hang out, I wouldn’t know her either. It’s kind of funny because she got annoyed that I didn’t tell her when my birthday was. I simply didn’t think of it. I have a very hard time believing that someone other than my immediate family actually cares about me.

Physically I’ve always felt inferior to everyone. I’m ridiculously skinny and weak and have nearly died on more than one occasion from a serious medical condition I can’t seem to get rid of. I feel like I’m not even good enough to be alive anymore. It’s hard to shake that feeling.

It’s to the point where I avoid doing normal things like applying for jobs, scholarships, etc because I assume I’m not good enough to get them or, in the case of jobs, I assume I can’t do them. I don’t do things for fun. I don’t even know what people do for fun. I have plenty of motivation to do stuff I need to do, but that’s it.

I’ve tried all kinds of stuff to help mitigate this like making lists of my accomplishments, etc. Ialwaysh ave a hard time coming up with anything and when I do, I just don’t care about them enough. Professional help is not an option right now. I’ve already looked at it pretty hard.

Don’t know why I’m posting this, but I could really use some prayers or advice from anyone who has felt this way. I have to call to set up a job interview tomorrow and the thought of it is killing me. I’m afraid of getting rejected, but perversely, I’m also afraid of getting the job and having to risk not doing it well.
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This may sound corny and lame, but ask God to know His love for you. God’s love heals this sort of thing. His cup overflows, and when He shares that with you, so does yours- in all the right ways. **Seek **that!

Do meditate also on God’s love for us. Sometimes we 'know-know" but we don’t really see it, understand it- and so it doesn’t get applied to our beliefs. You say you have a hard time believing “I’m worth anything”- does not mean it is true! Just consider that for a while. Consider that it is true… how do you feel about it then?
 
What helped me was reminding myself that I do not get to decide who is “worthwhile” and who is not. That includes myself. Think about it as you read this passage of Holy Scriptures:

*"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’ And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’

Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.’ Then they will answer and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs?’ He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.’ And these will go off to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." *Matt. 25:31-46

Do you see that in the eyes of God what makes a person worthy of eternal life is their automatic treatment of other human beings as worthy of love and care? The righteous were confused when they were commended for seeing the needs of others and meeting those needs. They had not done it with the idea that they would get a reward. They had done it because it needed to be done. Those who were poor were not less worthy than they, but only in need. The righteous, meanwhile, had a need to see their fellow man and support him.

You do not have the option of deciding that you or anyone else is not worthwhile. You are worthwhile, whether you agree or not. Others are worthwhile, whether you agree or not.

OK…so the job interview is worrying you. You are worried you will not sell yourself and get the job and you are worried that you will sell yourself, get the job, and the “buyer” will be disappointed. How about you go to the interview, describe yourself doing your best, if you get the job you do your best, and if the employer chose you mistakenly, then you worry about parting ways and finding a new job. Just do your best today. Tomorrow has evil sufficient for itself. 👍
 
There are a lot of things to be said to your post, but I want to mention just one of them.

Remember always that you must not see your worth as the world sees it, and must not allow the world to tell you how valuable you are. It is a worldly perspective to think that you have little worth because you don’t a lot of friends, aren’t physically strong, or don’t get out as much as other people.

Base your sense of worth and value on God. Focus your life on growing in virtue. Learn to not care what the world thinks so that you are not attached to the world’s affection.
 
dshix said:
There are a lot of things to be said to your post, but I want to mention just one of them.

Remember always that you must not see your worth as the world sees it, and must not allow the world to tell you how valuable you are. It is a worldly perspective to think that you have little worth because you don’t a lot of friends, aren’t physically strong, or don’t get out as much as other people.

Base your sense of worth and value on God. Focus your life on growing in virtue. Learn to not care what the world thinks so that you are not attached to the world’s affection.
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Listen to this.
Yes.
I will pray for you.
 
I will most certainly include you in my prayers. I have suffered during many times in my life, especially when I was a kid with poor self esteem. Many of us go through that. I hope you have carefully read some of the responses people have left you so far, because their comments have really been good.

I hope you don’t mind me asking, but have you told God that you need a friend? God knows us better than we know ourselves as the Priests of ten say, but have you formally shared this with him? You sound like an intelligent person to me, and God gives us all unique gifts to help him in his work, the big challenge is to find out what those gifts are. There are NO exceptions to this, even though you might not believe it right now.

Don’t give up trying. Please believe in the power of prayer, please give it a try! You will be, as they say in the Bible, amazed! Don’t Give Up!!!
 
I don’t know exactly why you’ve been having such horrible problems for your whole life, but please remember that Jesus suffered and died for you that you might have eternal life–that even if it had ONLY been for YOUR salvation, He still would have done it. This proves that NO ONE is worthless. Also, the very fact that God created you in the first place says that you are PRICELESS. Everyone that God creates is made in the IMAGE and LIKENESS of HE HIMSELF.

Also, you may want to have a priest and or prayer warrior group pray over you plus you should try and pray a Rosary a day, or at least a decade a day plus the St. Michael prayer.

Also, you will now be getting a friend request from me. I pray for all my friends on here every day. Try and remember that people do and can care about you. Your friend would not have been annoyed that you did not tell her your birthday if she did not care about you.
 
The feelings described in the OP are all *concomitant *with a pornography/masturbation addiction (or another addiction). I say “concomitant” because while they may be associated with such an addiction, it is not necessarily so.

So, if you are confident that this diagnosis doesn’t apply to you, then please ignore my suggestions, otherwise I hope I can help.

My own experience as a porn addict, and of others I have encountered (but not all), is that isolation and loneliness precede the addiction, and may even be the root cause of it, but once the addiction is active it takes a life of its own and drives the addict much further into themselves, and a whole lot of other feelings (resentment, shame, isolation, fear, etc.) become the normal way of thinking, without being aware that the addiction is triggering them. We are usually aware of the direct consequences of the addiction, but not the indirect.

I am now 2 1/2 years sexually sober through a 12 step program, and am finding that my fear of others and my tendency to isolation have quietly disappeared, and, moreover, I can look back over my whole life, as far as my teens, and see where my addiction was the unseen cause of many of my problems.
*Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others.
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Early on, we came to feel disconnected—from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with fantasy and masturbation. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted and wanted to be lusted after.*
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[Sexaholics Anonymous - The Problem]

Please take this as a general answer, rather than a specific diagnosis for yourself. Once again, if it doesn’t apply, then discard it, but I hope this can possibly help someone else.
 
AnneElizabeth said:
This may sound corny and lame, but ask God to know His love for you. God’s love heals this sort of thing. His cup overflows, and when He shares that with you, so does yours- in all the right ways. **Seek **that!

Do meditate also on God’s love for us. Sometimes we 'know-know" but we don’t really see it, understand it- and so it doesn’t get applied to our beliefs. You say you have a hard time believing “I’m worth anything”- does not mean it is true! Just consider that for a while. Consider that it is true… how do you feel about it then?
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Funny you should say this because I nearly posted this same thing almost word for word. It describes me perfectly and is partially what is driving me nuts. I know in my head that what I’m thinking is false, but I don’t really believe it is. I’ve even given much of the same advice I’m receiving to other people, but I find it very hard to accept it if it comes from myself. There’s something pretty torturous about knowing the truth and yet simultaneously not believing it.

Thanks to all for the responses, I’ll get to them one at a time when I get a chance.
 
Jesus died on the Cross for you. Think of how much you are worth to Him!

That usually brings me around whenever I imagine planet Earth spinning around in huge galaxy and wonder…who cares about such a little thing as me?
 
Bill_Martin said:
Funny you should say this because I nearly posted this same thing almost word for word. It describes me perfectly and is partially what is driving me nuts. I know in my head that what I’m thinking is false, but I don’t really believe it is. I’ve even given much of the same advice I’m receiving to other people, but I find it very hard to accept it if it comes from myself. There’s something pretty torturous about knowing the truth and yet simultaneously not believing it.

Thanks to all for the responses, I’ll get to them one at a time when I get a chance.
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Yeah, I hear you… believing in the Gospels is not easy! In fact, Jesus says in Scripture “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” -John 6:29 That means actually believing takes work. Its not “oh hey, this is easy to believe so I believe it”… no, its actual work to submit one’s self to God’s Will, to trust in it, to not just be a hearer, but a doer. It doesn’t come naturally. Its difficult. At times downright insane making heart wrenching stuff.

If anything, just suspend those thoughts that tell you that you couldn’t be worth or aren’t worth anything… Just let them be, but don’t adopt them or let them grow inside of you. (Scripture also tells us to ‘hold every thought captive’… and this is why.) And does it really matter whether we think we are worth something or not, when God is the one who ultimately decides? You were bought with a price! I never saw anyone buy something at a store that they didn’t intend to take home!!!

If you are Christian, you live for Christ now, not what the world wants, expects… what it says is worthy. There are so quotes from St. Paul on that too… about not living for man but for Jesus. That doesn’t make the pain go away, but it does help one keep focus on what is really important. There is joy in doing God’s Will… albeit, not worldly joy. The cross!

OH I was also thinking a bit later… if you have a physical malady in which keeps you from doing things for others, its easy to start thinking one is worthless. Especially if no one ever asks you to help or do anything or even expects you to because of the illness. So, keep that in mind that sometimes that is so because people are trying to be kind, or they don’t want to trouble you any more with difficulties that you might have with your illness. Sometimes all of that can lead to beliefs such as what you posted here. Do try and find ways to help out though…no matter how small… don’t let it all get you down and start judging your worth. Be the best you can be- I think St. Therese the little flower was a proponent of just doing small little things saying it matters most. Sadly “the world” thinks less of people who are chronically sick. In God’s eyes, it does not matter what ‘the world’ thinks.
 
And yet you have 1,908 posts…you must have something to say!

I only have one suggestion: help other people in some way. You figure out how.
 
If therapy is not an option, maybe work with a priest to understand the situations that lead to your shyness and low self-esteem. At least for me, forgiveness and learning to be grateful was somewhat healing. Wishing you the best of luck with the job search! 🙂
 
I think most people of any intelligence go through some form of self doubt when they’re young. We feel like we have to justify our existence.
You’re here, God put you here, and he has work for you to do. That alone justifies your existence.
You can make a big difference in someone’s life: smile and engage an elderly person in conversation. There are days, on my days off, when the only person I speak to is the drugstore clerk. He doesn’t know what a big impact his greeting has on my life.
I second the suggestion to get a pet. There are so many dogs and cats in need of a home and affection.
God bless.

.
 
Bill_Martin said:
Funny you should say this because I nearly posted this same thing almost word for word. It describes me perfectly and is partially what is driving me nuts. I know in my head that what I’m thinking is false, but I don’t really believe it is. I’ve even given much of the same advice I’m receiving to other people, but I find it very hard to accept it if it comes from myself. There’s something pretty torturous about knowing the truth and yet simultaneously not believing it.

Thanks to all for the responses, I’ll get to them one at a time when I get a chance.
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I call this aspect of going through depression or a blue phase or a perplexing crossroad as “flying on instruments.” It is when you are being kept on course purely by the training you received and the external indicators you have been given to carry you through just such a time, a time when listening to your body and your emotions would lead you into a tailspin and a crash.

Flying on instruments, whether real or metaphorical, is tiring. It puts you through a constant battle of self-doubt, because your animal inclinations are fighting those lessons you have been taught to keep your animal inclinations from ruining you instead of helping you (which is what they do a good amount of the time, such as prompting you to eat, sleep, avoid unnecessary danger, and so on).

Take good care of yourself as if you were in an extended competition, such as the Tour de France. Get as much outside support as you can. Give yourself credit for doing something hard and being in a situation where you are vulnerable to accidents, self-doubt, and injury. Hang in there, and when it becomes possible find a “coach” to guide you.
 
Bill_Martin said:
Lately it’s become crippling all of a sudden. I’ve been like this since early childhood but I don’t know why. I never had friends. I got along with everyone, but was ignored. I have been to 1 party in my life. Last time I was with a friend on my birthday was in 4th grade. I suppose this all contributes because I grew up thinking that there must be something wrong with me that causes it. My self esteem is totally gone. I don’t know what it’s like to have it.

This continued into adulthood. I’m not shy, but I’m very quiet. It isn’t that I’m afraid to talk, but I assume nobody could possibly be interested in what I have to say. I have only 1 friend right now and if she hadn’t talked to me repeatedly, given me her number, and pushed to hang out, I wouldn’t know her either. It’s kind of funny because she got annoyed that I didn’t tell her when my birthday was. I simply didn’t think of it. I have a very hard time believing that someone other than my immediate family actually cares about me.

Physically I’ve always felt inferior to everyone. I’m ridiculously skinny and weak and have nearly died on more than one occasion from a serious medical condition I can’t seem to get rid of. I feel like I’m not even good enough to be alive anymore. It’s hard to shake that feeling.

It’s to the point where I avoid doing normal things like applying for jobs, scholarships, etc because I assume I’m not good enough to get them or, in the case of jobs, I assume I can’t do them. I don’t do things for fun. I don’t even know what people do for fun. I have plenty of motivation to do stuff I need to do, but that’s it.

I’ve tried all kinds of stuff to help mitigate this like making lists of my accomplishments, etc. Ialwaysh ave a hard time coming up with anything and when I do, I just don’t care about them enough. Professional help is not an option right now. I’ve already looked at it pretty hard.

Don’t know why I’m posting this, but I could really use some prayers or advice from anyone who has felt this way. I have to call to set up a job interview tomorrow and the thought of it is killing me. I’m afraid of getting rejected, but perversely, I’m also afraid of getting the job and having to risk not doing it well.
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I think you left out “brave” to be willing to face this and ask for help.

You might want to ask your physician for a work up that includes being assessed for clinical depression.

After that, would you please try this? every morning pray:

God, I offer myself to thee
to build with me and do with me as You will.
Relieve me of the bondage of SELF that I may better do Thy Will.
Take away my difficulties so that my victory over them may bear witness to those I can serve of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of Life.
May I do Thy Will always.
Amen.

Try it for just two weeks - every morning, on your knees. Go to Confession twice during this period. Watch for selfishness, self centeredness, sulkiness, self pity, and if they come up say the prayer again.

Tell us how you feel in 14 days.

On your mark…get set…GO!!!
 
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