I have developed a fear of the Eucharist

[fred_conty]

Seems like it has all been said.

Oh…one more thing…look into the eyes of the babe laying in the manger.

 

[RGCheek]

Last Sunday I was unable to take the Eucharist due to failure to get to confession. But I am watching the new confession schedule I got from my church and God Willing I will go to the next mass and take the Eucharist then.

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement.

 

[RGCheek]

I finally took communion today.

After many weeks of one fail or another (mortal sin, fear, or skipping mass in frustration, etc) Today I was without mortal sin, in mass and managed to put my fear aside and take communion.

In the past when I took communion I felt such triumph, but now I feel a kind of belayed wrath, as if I was dealing with someone who dislikes me and I have managed to placate them for a while.

I think much of this is due to sexual immorality. I have a deep inability to control my thoughts as I should. I feel tempted all the time by women; not that they do anything, but I simply find the vast majority of women to be sexually attractive, and sometimes I let myself dwell on these temptations mentally and commit the sin of adultery in my heart as a result. With said mortal sin, I could not take communion with a clear conscience, and I suspect that my inclination to such thinking has displeased God to permanently dislike me as a corrupted person.

But I managed to avoid this today and I do feel better having met my obligation, but I feel no love from God or anyone else.

 

[loozcannon]

I finally took communion today.

After many weeks of one fail or another (mortal sin, fear, or skipping mass in frustration, etc) Today I was without mortal sin, in mass and managed to put my fear aside and take communion.

In the past when I took communion I felt such triumph, but now I feel a kind of belayed wrath, as if I was dealing with someone who dislikes me and I have managed to placate them for a while.

I think much of this is due to sexual immorality. I have a deep inability to control my thoughts as I should. I feel tempted all the time by women; not that they do anything, but I simply find the vast majority of women to be sexually attractive, and sometimes I let myself dwell on these temptations mentally and commit the sin of adultery in my heart as a result. With said mortal sin, I could not take communion with a clear conscience, and I suspect that my inclination to such thinking has displeased God to permanently dislike me as a corrupted person.

But I managed to avoid this today and I do feel better having met my obligation, but I feel no love from God or anyone else.

RG,

Congratulations on understanding your short comings and realizing your own status and giving your best to stay faithful to the teachings of our Mother Church.

I often commit the same sins repeatedly. After I’d had my first confession, I was feeling the same way you are. That perhaps because I do the same ones over and over again, that somehow I was unworthy of God’s love or even somehow he’d be angry with me. Something that was told to me during RCIA and I’ve heard from priests a few times is you absolutely cannot out sin God’s love. Something along the lines of “where sin abounds, grace abounds even more.”

Do you have kids? Or have you ever cared for an infant? If so, do you get angry at the little tyke for soiling a diaper? Absolutely not, for the child cannot help it. So, you change the diaper and keep on loving the baby. Same goes for us. The sin needs to be remedied, and that is done by way of confession. Christ never leaves our side, yes, even during the embarrassing moments He is there. He will continue to love us because we are His children. We can’t change that. Our goal in life should be uniting ourselves with Christ’s heart.

The take away here, I think, is the heart. Your heart seems to be right, but try not to beat yourself up over sin. EVERYONE ON EARTH DOES IT. No exceptions. Now, this is the hard part, this is where we have to lean on Christ’s mercy and forgiveness in order to reconcile our inequities. We are taught that when we go to confession with a contrite heart, forgiveness will be given. Period. In this case, I think, we have to “trust the system” and let it work.

So, I congratulate you for your fidelity and I want to encourage you to allow yourself some of the mercy that overflows from Christ’s heart that He desires everyone to know. Catholicism is not a religion of feelings, it is a religion of fidelity.

I hope my post can afford you some amount of comfort, and I’m certainly no priest, so I will defer my own advice to that which you may receive from your spiritual adviser/confessor.

God bless you, and hang in there!

 

[RGCheek]

RG,

Congratulations on understanding your short comings and realizing your own status and giving your best to stay faithful to the teachings of our Mother Church.

I often commit the same sins repeatedly. After I’d had my first confession, I was feeling the same way you are. That perhaps because I do the same ones over and over again, that somehow I was unworthy of God’s love or even somehow he’d be angry with me. Something that was told to me during RCIA and I’ve heard from priests a few times is you absolutely cannot out sin God’s love. Something along the lines of “where sin abounds, grace abounds even more.”

Do you have kids? Or have you ever cared for an infant? If so, do you get angry at the little tyke for soiling a diaper? Absolutely not, for the child cannot help it. So, you change the diaper and keep on loving the baby. Same goes for us. The sin needs to be remedied, and that is done by way of confession. Christ never leaves our side, yes, even during the embarrassing moments He is there. He will continue to love us because we are His children. We can’t change that. Our goal in life should be uniting ourselves with Christ’s heart.

The take away here, I think, is the heart. Your heart seems to be right, but try not to beat yourself up over sin. EVERYONE ON EARTH DOES IT. No exceptions. Now, this is the hard part, this is where we have to lean on Christ’s mercy and forgiveness in order to reconcile our inequities. We are taught that when we go to confession with a contrite heart, forgiveness will be given. Period. In this case, I think, we have to “trust the system” and let it work.

So, I congratulate you for your fidelity and I want to encourage you to allow yourself some of the mercy that overflows from Christ’s heart that He desires everyone to know. Catholicism is not a religion of feelings, it is a religion of fidelity.

I hope my post can afford you some amount of comfort, and I’m certainly no priest, so I will defer my own advice to that which you may receive from your spiritual adviser/confessor.

God bless you, and hang in there!

Thank you canon for that.

I understand these things in my mind but I don’t feel forgiven in my heart, and that is the crux of the problem.

Just hoping that continuing to take communion and time will change this.

 

[powerofk]

Thank you canon for that.

I understand these things in my mind but I don’t feel forgiven in my heart, and that is the crux of the problem.

Just hoping that continuing to take communion and time will change this.

Then you are focused too much on God’s judgment, and not enough on His mercy. On the other hand, you might not feel like you were actually contrite (and only you and God know whether you were or not). Regardless, the proper forum for this is not the Internet, but with a regular confessor and/or spiritual advisor - and frequent reception of the Eucharist (unless you are sure you have committed a mortal sin). Honestly, it seems like you might be thinking that your temptations are venial sins, your venial sins are mortal, and that your mortal sins are unforgivable.

 

[Thomas_White]

Regardless, the proper forum for this is not the Internet, but with a regular confessor and/or spiritual advisor…

I have to agree. There are psychological issues as well. I would suggest seeking professional help, perhaps beginning with a spiritual advisor.

 

[RGCheek]

I have to agree. There are psychological issues as well. I would suggest seeking professional help, perhaps beginning with a spiritual advisor.

Dude, we all need professional help.

But living in a land of 55 million abortions, I don’t think I am among the most in need, not at all.