I have had enough!

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the_man

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I am scrupulous person and i have been having a hard time over confession of sins ect as some of you may already know. Well today i just found out that if you deliberately hold back a grave sin in confession then NONE of your previously confessed sins and sins from the past commited after this are forgiven. I have had enough of this. When i began going to confessions again in confessed a few mortal sins to my priests but yes i did intentially hold back my main sin which i wasn’t ready to confess at that time because i was afraid to tell the priest. I had KNOW idea that if i did this that that my previous sins are still unforgiven which i think is a joke and it now means that again i have been taking the eucharist in mortal sin. WHY can’t we just accept that Jesus has forgiven when we make the effort to go to confession and are truly repentant. How can i remember all my sins which i have already confessed before; AND what will my preist think if i re-confess again. All this is really weighing me down, BIG time.
 
It’ll be okay, Man, just calm down. Yes, you must return to Confession if you have withheld mortal sin, but it doesn’t mean necessarily that you are guilty of sacrilege, because you didn’t know that it was a sin. Don’t worry about what the priest will think, if anything he’ll be inspired by your humility. He wants to help you, not judge you. Just return, confess that you withheld a mortal sin, and confess that sin. I know, easier said than done, but it is imperative that you **do **do it. Please don’t be afraid, you’re going to be fine. If you have to, go to a different priest and confess behind the screen.

The Sacrament of Penance is a sacrament of love, not of fear; so I send this to you with all the love in my sinful soul. Don’t give up!
 
Thank you Jude child. Sorry for the threatening post but im really angry. Thing is i have confessed that sin already and confessed that i witheld a sin; but that was only recently and it seems to me that the sins i confessed before this confession are unforgiven and invalid. How come if i never knew that untill now. I knew it was a sin to hold back a sin but not that it renders all previous confessions invalid.
 
😦 Dear “TM”… Take some time, step back… and draw a deep breath. And then… get back to Confession as soon as you can. Tell Father everything. Please believe… that there is nothing we could say to our priests in the confessional, that they have not heard before. They are “unshockable”! 👍

There is nothing which should compel us to “hold back” from confessing a grave sin. I’m speaking from experience, dear soul. Pray for the grace to make that one, really good… “all out in the open” confession. You will be so glad that you did. :console:

If it helps… make a list. I do this all the time (still)… because I’m a nervous person, by nature and the Sacrament of Confession doesn’t come easy to me (although I do LOVE the Sacrament). It’s an effort. It may also help you to make a special appointment with Father; explain to him, that you feel the extra time… would help you to make a better confession. If you expect your confession to be a long one, by all means… tell Father in advance. He will then be able to schedule you accordingly, so that you have his undivided attention.

Tell him… if you fear the difficulty of confession. Our priests are wonderful men! They know how to hear “difficult” confessions. Father will help you, all he can. My mother is 87, and has Alzheimers Disease. I still take her to Confession now and then. Both of our priests are well aware of her condition, and they are SO good with her!

God bless you, “TM” I will keep you in my prayers.
 
the_man said:
Thanks. It’s just such a mess. Absolute mess
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Aww. :console: But it’s not such a mess… that Jesus can’t help you to clean it up. 😉 Step back, breathe… and try again, soon. God bless you and give you courage.

(Another hint: Try going to another priest, at another parish. It’s often easier to make difficult confessions to priests who don’t know us).
 
Thanks, but what about my already confessed sins before i confessed the bad confession. Are they not meant to be invalid due to me holding back a sin. Are they really invalid.
 
Well look at it this way: if you could go back, would you have Confessed the sin the first time instead of witholding it?
 
:console:

Try to calm down. It’s not as bad as you think 🙂 remember, there’s nothing that would shock a priest 😉 they’re probably heard everything under the sun! In my first Confession, I was soo nervous, cause one of my sins was really bad. Well I said it and the priest gave me absolution and that was it. So don’t be afraid.

Now what you can do in this situation… just go to Confession, and tell the priest that sin you were keeping back, and any other ones you can remember. Then, tell him that you were keeping it back all this time, and explain everything. Say that you were confessing other sins and receiving Communion. Then, ask what you can do in this situation. I think all that would happen is the priest would absolve you and you’d be forgiven of EVERYTHING, even the things you forgot.

Then, TRUST IN GOD’S MERCY 🙂

remember, when you are in Confession, you are speaking to Christ. He’s just hidden in the person of the priest. Go there with humility and trust, and open yourself up to God’s grace. Try not to be scrupulous about it.

God bless.
 
the_man said:
Thanks, but what about my already confessed sins before i confessed the bad confession. Are they not meant to be invalid due to me holding back a sin. Are they really invalid.
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Ok, here is my understanding… based on what my priest told me.

It only becomes an issue, if we purposely hold back confessing a grave sin. So… here is what I would do. I would sit down, and make a list. Put that 'ole GRAVE SIN on the very top of the list… 😉 and do not be afraid to confess it. 👍 Then, do your best… to list whatever else you feel that needs to be confessed. Whatever you can remember. If there is anything that you don’t remember during the confession… it will also be forgiven. However, you can save something remembered later… for a future confession (provided it isn’t a grave sin; but that shouldn’t be a problem; because we tend NOT to forget “grave” sins). That’s the way that my priest explained it to me.

It is that simple, my friend. You can do it! God bless.

(p.s., if the “grave sin” was committed AFTER your old confessions… those sins are still forgiven; what you need to think about is the “grave sin”… and anything after that). I hope I’m not confusing you, “TM”. This is really why you should make an appointment with your priest, and talk it out with him. He will be able to get it all straightened out for you.
 
“When you go to Confession, know this, that I Myself am waiting for you in the confessional; I am only hidden by the priest, but I Myself act in the soul.
Here the misery of the soul meets the God of Mercy.
Tell souls that from this fount of mercy souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great there is no limit to My generosity.”

(Our Lord to Saint Faustina)
 
the_man said:
Thank you Jude child. Sorry for the threatening post but im really angry. Thing is i have confessed that sin already and confessed that i witheld a sin; but that was only recently and it seems to me that the sins i confessed before this confession are unforgiven and invalid. How come if i never knew that untill now. I knew it was a sin to hold back a sin but not that it renders all previous confessions invalid.
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God knows your heart and knows you are trying to please Him. Don’t give in to frustration and despair. Perhaps He led you here to ask your question so that you would get the information you needed.

I didn’t make the first valid confession of my life until age 31 due to deliberately holding back things I didn’t want to tell. Growing up, I had never been told not to do that in religious ed or by anyone else. If no one ever teaches us otherwise, we simply don’t know! Don’t beat yourself up about this; I doubt that in your ignorance you committed a mortal sin by trying to spread your confessions out over multiple sessions. (Just don’t do that again.)

All you need to do is go to confession again, and mention everything all at once. You might want to make an appointment and meet your priest in the confessional. Once you’ve dealt with all these sins of your past, in the future, all you have to be concerned about are new sins since your last confession. The relief and freedom of doing this is SO worth it! I’ve been going monthly for a year now after having gone twice in my life prior to my return. Reconciliation will become a sacrament you look forward to once you clear this hurdle of a general confession. You’ll find that the difficulty of doing a general confession is nothing compared to the peace that comes with Sanctifying Grace.

The examination of conscience I linked in your other thread is a really good tool for those making a good Confession after a long time. I know someone who printed it, used it as a checklist and took it into the confessional with them. Make sure with the grave sins that you tell the number of times you committed them (or if you don’t know, tell the priest you can’t recall the exact number of times and give an approximate number).

You have my prayers.
Becky
 
the_man said:
Thank you Jude child. Sorry for the threatening post but im really angry. Thing is i have confessed that sin already and confessed that i witheld a sin; but that was only recently and it seems to me that the sins i confessed before this confession are unforgiven and invalid. How come if i never knew that untill now. I knew it was a sin to hold back a sin but not that it renders all previous confessions invalid.
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you don’t have to go to your own parish priest… If you don’t feel comfortable confessing to him becazuse he will know who you are… go elsewhere… have you tried that?

i haven’t gone to confession in quite awhile… because of geographical issues…

fortunately, i don’t sin so its not a problem… 😃
 
the man, if you are scrupulous, you should have only one confessor, someone whom you trust and who is experienced in dealing with scruples. Maybe you could strike up a conversation about scrupulosity with your parish priest and see if he seems to be a helpful type. If he is, go to him with this problem, explain it all, and he will help you. If your parish priest isn’t helpful, maybe you could ask for a recommendation for a spiritual director experienced with scruples. This may be easier to fix than you think.

Betsy
 
Remember, God gave the Church authority to forgive sins but that doesn’t mean He gave up HIS authority to forgive sins. There are some things that can be difficult to tell to another human being–even a priest. The seal of confession should be a tremendous assurance to us, but if you still can’t tell a priest then just tell God Himself. If God can’t forgive us, who can? 🙂
 
GoodwellOK said:
Remember, God gave the Church authority to forgive sins but that doesn’t mean He gave up HIS authority to forgive sins. There are some things that can be difficult to tell to another human being–even a priest. The seal of confession should be a tremendous assurance to us, but if you still can’t tell a priest then just tell God Himself. If God can’t forgive us, who can? 🙂
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Are you suggesting that he can skip confession and just “go straight to God” instead? If so, what you are saying is not in line with Church teaching.
 
Hmm … this may be the lawyer in me coming out, but if you didn’t KNOW at the time that it was a sin to withold mortal sins in the confessional, then you actually haven’t committed a mortal sin by doing so.

So what is the effect of this (venial at most) sin of leaving out sins in your previous confessions? I don’t know that it necessarily makes them invalid. Can we get some (name removed by moderator)ut here from someone who’s more expert than I am?
 
the_man said:
Thank you Jude child. Sorry for the threatening post but im really angry. Thing is i have confessed that sin already and confessed that i witheld a sin; but that was only recently and it seems to me that the sins i confessed before this confession are unforgiven and invalid. How come if i never knew that untill now. I knew it was a sin to hold back a sin but not that it renders all previous confessions invalid.
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If you confessed your sins, and the priest absolved you of your sins, you’ve been forgiven. For those sins you can’t remember, just tell the priest there are those things you can’ remember, but ask for forgiveness anyway.

I have one abiding sin which irritates me (no doubt there are others), so every time I go to confession, I find I’m almost like a parrot - it’s always the same thing. The only advantage is that so far there’s been nothing more serious, but my concern is that this particular sin could lead to something more serious if not brought under control.

SIns are specific. The only sin held against you is the one you’re hiding. The rest have been forgiven.
 
Bob_Crowley said:
If you confessed your sins, and the priest absolved you of your sins, you’ve been forgiven. For those sins you can’t remember, just tell the priest there are those things you can’ remember, but ask for forgiveness anyway.

I have one abiding sin which irritates me (no doubt there are others), so every time I go to confession, I find I’m almost like a parrot - it’s always the same thing. The only advantage is that so far there’s been nothing more serious, but my concern is that this particular sin could lead to something more serious if not brought under control.

SIns are specific. The only sin held against you is the one you’re hiding. The rest have been forgiven.
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That’s not Church teaching, Bob.

If you deliberately withhold a mortal sin in the confessional, then you aren’t absolved for ANY of the sins you confessed in that confession. Absolution is all or nothing, you can’t be forgiven merely of some sins and not others.

The sacraments don’t work that way. It’s like saying you can be partially baptised or confirmed or partially married or something.
 
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