I have not one person to talk to!

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LaughingBoy1503

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This is kind of just a rant. Sorry if that offends anyone. If you don’t like it, do not read it.

I just spend hours fighting intense temptation to sin mortally. It finally passed, Thanks be to God. Why was I going through temptation for so long? Because I am here alone bored out of my mind. I am lonely. I never use to get lonely, but now I do.

I cannot get help it seems. I also suffer from Scrupulosity. It is torture. I have not had more than a day or two’s peace in a row for the past 4 months. Nobody to talk to about it either. I think I might be OCD but I am not sure. I told my mother and all she did was dismiss it. Reminds me of the time that I was using drugs heavily for about 5 years and all my mother said about it was “Are you almost done with what you are doing?” LOL. No help. Just those words. No attempt to help. Why? Because she knew I would be okay eventually… I am almost 7 years clean so she was right… but still. Thanks for the support… I had NO SUPPORT!!! I did alright without it. But I need it now. Not from my Mom . I am 30. What I want is a wife to support and be supported by. But I am single and have no prospects of getting married any time soon.

8 days ago in confession a priest told me that to receive communion while in doubt about the status of a sin we may have committed IS a mortal sin. In other words… I have to confess every single doubtful sin. That is what I heard. How else can his words be taken? The problem is I am always unsure if I am in a state of grace. How can I be 100% sure that something I judge as venial is not in fact mortal? I cannot. I can have a rough Idea but How can I be 100% certain? If I have even a slight doubt about something, my mind grabs onto it and I can spend all day thinking about it. That is just how my mind works. How can I be expected to never be in any doubt at all when I receive communion? So now I have not taken communion for 2 weeks. I emailed my priest 6 days ago to get his opinion on all this but I am yet to get a answer. I have emailed a religious order today asking if any of their priests that might be competent in dealing with scrupulosity can give me spiritual direction. I hope I get a answer.

I lost over 100lbs By myself with my grandparents always telling me that I could cheat on my diet and start tomorrow. Thanks a lot!! Though I forgive them, it was their fault I got so fat. When A kid is fat, you do not blame the kid. I Tried to go on a diet about every week in elementary school. I did not have the will power to stick with a diet until I was 16. I also prayed every night while on that diet. I got over my drug problem with The help of God. It was a tough habit to kick. Nobody held my hand. I did not need help. I did not need to talk about my feelings. I just stopped.

But I need someone to talk to now. I cannot solve this scrupulosity problem on my own. I have come to accept that I will not have support from family in pretty much anything significant when it comes to emotional stuff. I hope I get a response from my priest and The religious order. I need help. Receiving communion was a great joy that I now am terrified to do. Other than my job, I have no other joy in my life anymore. Religious things are starting to only cause me stress. I know that is not how God intends it to be. This is something I really need help with and I admit for the fist time in my life that I need to talk to someone about it. Pray for me please.
 
You need to talk to your pastor and a counselor. Your priest can help you with scrupulosity, you need a counselor to help you with OCD.
 
1ke said:
You need to talk to your pastor and a counselor. Your priest can help you with scrupulosity, you need a counselor to help you with OCD.
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That’s what I am trying to do. I hope I get a answer from my email to my priest and that religious order. Not all priest can help with scrupulosity though. One priest simple told me to “Try to not be so scrupulous” and another priest told me that scrupulosity is when someone try’s very hard to please God. I do not know if I really have OCD or not. I definitely have some symptom’s. I am trying to get help finally. It sounds like nothing but it was EXTREMELY hard to work up the courage to finally email my pastor about my problem. I am trying.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
8 days ago in confession a priest told me that to receive communion while in doubt about the status of a sin we may have committed IS a mortal sin. In other words… I have to confess every single doubtful sin. That is what I heard. How else can his words be taken? The problem is I am always unsure if I am in a state of grace. How can I be 100% sure that something I judge as venial is not in fact mortal? I cannot. I can have a rough Idea but How can I be 100% certain? If I have even a slight doubt about something, my mind grabs onto it and I can spend all day thinking about it. That is just how my mind works. How can I be expected to never be in any doubt at all when I receive communion? So now I have not taken communion for 2 weeks. I emailed my priest 6 days ago to get his opinion on all this but I am yet to get a answer. I have emailed a religious order today asking if any of their priests that might be competent in dealing with scrupulosity can give me spiritual direction. I hope I get a answer.

**Wow, that was really terrible advice you got from the confessor 8 days ago, given your issues with scruples.

I would definitely encourage going to a different confessor, and specifically someone with more expertise with scruples.**

But I need someone to talk to now. I cannot solve this scrupulosity problem on my own. I have come to accept that I will not have support from family in pretty much anything significant when it comes to emotional stuff. I hope I get a response from my priest and The religious order. I need help. Receiving communion was a great joy that I now am terrified to do. Other than my job, I have no other joy in my life anymore. Religious things are starting to only cause me stress. I know that is not how God intends it to be. This is something I really need help with and I admit for the fist time in my life that I need to talk to someone about it. Pray for me please.
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You will get help–it’s just a matter of time.

Best wishes!
 
First, take a deep breath. In and out slowly five times.
Now, do you own a Rosary.If so pull it out and pray a the Glorious mysteries for today.
Tomorrow, get the OCD in check
Pray another Rosary
Talk to priest and ask for a spiritual director if your priest is busy.
Pray another Rosary.
See a pattern? PRAYER!

I would like you to know you are not alone.
Many people suffer when they begin to discern a calling to religious life or a call in Christ’s direction. Do not be afraid.

The answer is prayer and a spiritual director after a visit with your physician.

I suffer periodically with terrible evil terrors over the course of my entire life.

When I went to school for Lay Ecclesial Ministry I was in a class when the topic of “terrors” came up.
The priest who taught the class threw out the question of does or has anyone ever suffer from battles with evil? I chimed in who hasn’t?
Which caused the entire class to turn and look at me and the priest then asked," Really, what kind of evil do you battle and when? I was to embarrassed to answer, until that moment I thought everyone suffered what I called “terrors”, apparently I was the only one.
Now I really was shocked, no one not even my husband who was in the class had experienced these battles. My husband sleeping next to me was never awakened when these things were happening to me.

Without going into detail, after class the priest spoke with me and asked me again what I experienced. I told him. He asked how I was combating these terrors. I explained that as a child I would hide from them in various ways that I told him in detail. After awhile they went away and came back periodically, but as an adult I better understood what was happening. I had resorted to the prayer of St.Michael and a Rosary, both kept under my pillow every night, to this day. The priest was pleased I had found a way to deal with the evil one as I had.

I will say this, since my husband died suddenly almost one year ago,I have had no battles with the evil one. I believe because of my grief our Blessed Mother has been by my side protecting me. Dealing with the lose of my best friend and life partner has not been easy but I have much recourse through my faith and love for Jesus. I also believe my husband is praying for me as I a for him.I ask his intercession everyday.

When I feel grief trying to crept into my thoughts, I stop take a deep breath and quietly (sometimes out loud), pray…Jesus, I trust in you!

I hope you seek guidance through your physician, first. Getting healthy is the first battle that gives you the strength to conquer the evil one in the second battle.

I will keep you in my prayers.
 
gypsyscholz said:
First, take a deep breath. In and out slowly five times.
Now, do you own a Rosary.If so pull it out and pray a the Glorious mysteries for today.
Tomorrow, get the OCD in check
Pray another Rosary
Talk to priest and ask for a spiritual director if your priest is busy.
Pray another Rosary.
See a pattern? PRAYER!

I would like you to know you are not alone.
Many people suffer when they begin to discern a calling to religious life or a call in Christ’s direction. Do not be afraid.

The answer is prayer and a spiritual director after a visit with your physician.

I suffer periodically with terrible evil terrors over the course of my entire life.

When I went to school for Lay Ecclesial Ministry I was in a class when the topic of “terrors” came up.
The priest who taught the class threw out the question of does or has anyone ever suffer from battles with evil? I chimed in who hasn’t?
Which caused the entire class to turn and look at me and the priest then asked," Really, what kind of evil do you battle and when? I was to embarrassed to answer, until that moment I thought everyone suffered what I called “terrors”, apparently I was the only one.
Now I really was shocked, no one not even my husband who was in the class had experienced these battles. My husband sleeping next to me was never awakened when these things were happening to me.

Without going into detail, after class the priest spoke with me and asked me again what I experienced. I told him. He asked how I was combating these terrors. I explained that as a child I would hide from them in various ways that I told him in detail. After awhile they went away and came back periodically, but as an adult I better understood what was happening. I had resorted to the prayer of St.Michael and a Rosary, both kept under my pillow every night, to this day. The priest was pleased I had found a way to deal with the evil one as I had.

I will say this, since my husband died suddenly almost one year ago,I have had no battles with the evil one. I believe because of my grief our Blessed Mother has been by my side protecting me. Dealing with the lose of my best friend and life partner has not been easy but I have much recourse through my faith and love for Jesus. I also believe my husband is praying for me as I a for him.I ask his intercession everyday.

When I feel grief trying to crept into my thoughts, I stop take a deep breath and quietly (sometimes out loud), pray…Jesus, I trust in you!

I hope you seek guidance through your physician, first. Getting healthy is the first battle that gives you the strength to conquer the evil one in the second battle.

I will keep you in my prayers.
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I pray everyday. Have been for years. Though it helps, prayer does not help me make up my mind if I am in a state of grace or not. It does not resolve my doubts. It does not send a voice to my head that says “You can receive communion.” I need spiritual direction. I do not know how I would “get my ocd in check” tomorrow. If I knew how to do that, I would have done it already frankly. I need spiritual direction. Thank you for your prayers. Prayers said for you too
 
Does your parish have a Stephen’s Ministry? That would be a good place to start. If not, you can contact the diocese to find out if any other parishes close by do have one.
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I do not think it does. What is Stephens ministry?
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They are lay caregivers, one-to-one. Their mission is to help bear the burdens of others, to help those who are hurting - from loneliness, from an abortion, from divorce, from job loss, from feelings of not belonging, anything.

They come to you and talk one-to-one. They don’t try to push you into anything, but they listen, really listen, and they actually CARE or they would not be practicing that ministry. They may make suggestions, of course. They function as a totally trusted friend.

If you don’t know if your parish is a Stephen’s Ministry Parish, just call the parish office and ask. Or if you don’t want to call, email, or call the diocese.

If you do, indeed, have OCD there is no need to suffer so. See a physician. There is medication that can take all that away and allow you to relax. No, it’s not magic, but it does help. (I do not speak from experience because I don’t have OCD, but I know people who do.) You need to relax, to take good care of yourself, eat well and sleep well. That demands a trip to a physician. Then you can take care of your spiritual life. But do find out if your parish is a Stephen’s Ministry Parish. Most are, I think.
 
Lily_Bernans said:
They are lay caregivers, one-to-one. Their mission is to help bear the burdens of others, to help those who are hurting - from loneliness, from an abortion, from divorce, from job loss, from feelings of not belonging, anything.

They come to you and talk one-to-one. They don’t try to push you into anything, but they listen, really listen, and they actually CARE or they would not be practicing that ministry. They may make suggestions, of course. They function as a totally trusted friend.

If you don’t know if your parish is a Stephen’s Ministry Parish, just call the parish office and ask. Or if you don’t want to call, email, or call the diocese.

If you do, indeed, have OCD there is no need to suffer so. See a physician. There is medication that can take all that away and allow you to relax. No, it’s not magic, but it does help. (I do not speak from experience because I don’t have OCD, but I know people who do.) You need to relax, to take good care of yourself, eat well and sleep well. That demands a trip to a physician. Then you can take care of your spiritual life. But do find out if your parish is a Stephen’s Ministry Parish. Most are, I think.
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I do not think so because I think I would have heard of it by now. Also it makes no mention of it on our parish bulletin. That is okay though. That is something else that I maybe can reach out to that I did not know about before. I know I should probably see a doctor to see if I have ocd or not. I hate the thought. I did not even see any doctor for about 11 years. Barely got a physical done last year and I was health as a horse. I know myself. It is going to be awhile before I go see a doctor. I probably will eventually but it will not be this week or even next week. Maybe not even this year. I can hear a lot of people probably thinking “You have to” Well, I WILL. Just not tomorrow or the day after.
 
You may want to read the book: Padre Pio: The True Story by C. Bernard Ruffin

I am only on chapter 11 of 35 chapters and it talks about Padre Pio’s work as a spiritual director and his advice to different people.
He told his spiritual children about his five rules for spiritual growth:
  • weekly confession
  • daily Communion
  • spiritual reading
  • meditation
  • examination of conscience
You would be interested in what he has to say about all of this but I will just quote one part that I feel applies to your current problem.

One of his spiritual children’s father’s questioned her about making her confession with such frequency. (weekly)
When she questioned Padre Pio about this he replied, “A room needs to be dusted once a week, even if nobody Is there.”
Some of his Spiritual Children were afraid they were unworthy of receiving Communion so often.
“Unless you are positive that you are in mortal sin,” Padre Pio told them, " you ought to take Communion every day."

Anyway, it struck me that I read this today and then saw your post as Divine Providence and had to write. Hope this helps, I will pray for you.
 
ELDEN_S_WIFE said:
You may want to read the book: Padre Pio: The True Story by C. Bernard Ruffin

I am only on chapter 11 of 35 chapters and it talks about Padre Pio’s work as a spiritual director and his advice to different people.
He told his spiritual children about his five rules for spiritual growth:
  • weekly confession
  • daily Communion
  • spiritual reading
  • meditation
  • examination of conscience
You would be interested in what he has to say about all of this but I will just quote one part that I feel applies to your current problem.

One of his spiritual children’s father’s questioned her about making her confession with such frequency. (weekly)
When she questioned Padre Pio about this he replied, “A room needs to be dusted once a week, even if nobody Is there.”
Some of his Spiritual Children were afraid they were unworthy of receiving Communion so often.
“Unless you are positive that you are in mortal sin,” Padre Pio told them, " you ought to take Communion every day."

Anyway, it struck me that I read this today and then saw your post as Divine Providence and had to write. Hope this helps, I will pray for you.
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Thank you. I am familiar with a lot of priests and saints writing that say that “when in doubt, it does not count” but that confessor has planted the seed of doubt in my head about that advice. I have 4 books about scrupulosity. They all say that unless I am certain I committed a mortal sin, I can receive communion. All those words mean nothing now. I tried solving this on my own with reading and research. It helped for awhile but when you go to confession to tell about 10 doubtful sins, the priest does not show up for confession and you have to wait over 3 hours for another priest to hear your confession and then he tells you something that contradicts everything I have read on the subject for scrupulous people, a lot of things begin to not make sense anymore. I began to feel like God was trying to ban me from receiving communion. I know that is not true, but that is how I felt after the whole ordeal. I was so sad.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Thank you. I am familiar with a lot of priests and saints writing that say that “when in doubt, it does not count” but that confessor has planted the seed of doubt in my head about that advice. I have 4 books about scrupulosity. They all say that unless I am certain I committed a mortal sin, I can receive communion. All those words mean nothing now. I tried solving this on my own with reading and research. It helped for awhile but when you go to confession to tell about 10 doubtful sins, the priest does not show up for confession and you have to wait over 3 hours for another priest to hear your confession and then he tells you something that contradicts everything I have read on the subject for scrupulous people, a lot of things begin to not make sense anymore.
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I suspect that getting a regular confessor is a must-have for you so that you aren’t getting a variety of different answers.

And if that isn’t possible, this site recommends starting each confession by explaining that you suffer from scruples.

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/pdf_archive/june2005sa_web.pdf

I think you’re on the right track and with a little fine-tuning and a good spiritual director and probably a good therapist or psychiatrist, you’ll find your way. You know what the right answers are–you just need people to walk with you as you implement them. (I mention a psychiatrist just in case it turns out that you need medication of some kind. For cognitive behavioral stuff, you may actually find a psychologist more helpful.)
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
This is kind of just a rant. Sorry if that offends anyone. If you don’t like it, do not read it.

I just spend hours fighting intense temptation to sin mortally. It finally passed, Thanks be to God. Why was I going through temptation for so long? Because I am here alone bored out of my mind. I am lonely. I never use to get lonely, but now I do.

I cannot get help it seems. I also suffer from Scrupulosity. It is torture. I have not had more than a day or two’s peace in a row for the past 4 months. Nobody to talk to about it either. I think I might be OCD but I am not sure. I told my mother and all she did was dismiss it. Reminds me of the time that I was using drugs heavily for about 5 years and all my mother said about it was “Are you almost done with what you are doing?” LOL. No help. Just those words. No attempt to help. Why? Because she knew I would be okay eventually… I am almost 7 years clean so she was right… but still. Thanks for the support… I had NO SUPPORT!!! I did alright without it. But I need it now. Not from my Mom . I am 30. What I want is a wife to support and be supported by. But I am single and have no prospects of getting married any time soon.

8 days ago in confession a priest told me that to receive communion while in doubt about the status of a sin we may have committed IS a mortal sin. In other words… I have to confess every single doubtful sin. That is what I heard. How else can his words be taken? The problem is I am always unsure if I am in a state of grace. How can I be 100% sure that something I judge as venial is not in fact mortal? I cannot. I can have a rough Idea but How can I be 100% certain? If I have even a slight doubt about something, my mind grabs onto it and I can spend all day thinking about it. That is just how my mind works. How can I be expected to never be in any doubt at all when I receive communion? So now I have not taken communion for 2 weeks. I emailed my priest 6 days ago to get his opinion on all this but I am yet to get a answer. I have emailed a religious order today asking if any of their priests that might be competent in dealing with scrupulosity can give me spiritual direction. I hope I get a answer.

I lost over 100lbs By myself with my grandparents always telling me that I could cheat on my diet and start tomorrow. Thanks a lot!! Though I forgive them, it was their fault I got so fat. When A kid is fat, you do not blame the kid. I Tried to go on a diet about every week in elementary school. I did not have the will power to stick with a diet until I was 16. I also prayed every night while on that diet. I got over my drug problem with The help of God. It was a tough habit to kick. Nobody held my hand. I did not need help. I did not need to talk about my feelings. I just stopped.

But I need someone to talk to now. I cannot solve this scrupulosity problem on my own. I have come to accept that I will not have support from family in pretty much anything significant when it comes to emotional stuff. I hope I get a response from my priest and The religious order. I need help. Receiving communion was a great joy that I now am terrified to do. Other than my job, I have no other joy in my life anymore. Religious things are starting to only cause me stress. I know that is not how God intends it to be. This is something I really need help with and I admit for the fist time in my life that I need to talk to someone about it. Pray for me please.
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Hi Friend!
Find another few priests and talk to them about all this too.
Not every single priest is able to see our soul as the Lord sees it. St Faustina had to pray for the right priest, and she had many that did not understand her and gave her bad advice, the same with St Terese of Avila, her priests initially told her she was mad and that the devil was appearing to her, and that she was lost. How wrong they were. She was led to the Jesuits for spiritual direction (who are trained in this) and recognised she was receiving visions from God.

I would advise being as social as possible; get out of the house and join sports, classes, prayer groups, clubs, art, drama, musicals, crafts, anything that appeals to you. Find a hobby like learning a music instrument, DIY, reading, writing, buy a good Catholic boxset dvd to watch, etc… If your relatives are bad company, you do not have to force yourself to be with them 24/7, you can spend alone time, or visit other relatives or friends in the evenings that are good for you.

Pray and think outside the box.

Email a few priests about this outside your area.
Approach a few priests about this.
It may be okay to go to communion if you are not 100% a mortal sin was committed.
Mortal sin is straightforward sometimes, generally it’s whether you sinned a mortal sin in your thoughts that should be the only issue.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Thank you. I am familiar with a lot of priests and saints writing that say that “when in doubt, it does not count” but that confessor has planted the seed of doubt in my head about that advice. I have 4 books about scrupulosity. They all say that unless I am certain I committed a mortal sin, I can receive communion. All those words mean nothing now. I tried solving this on my own with reading and research. It helped for awhile but when you go to confession to tell about 10 doubtful sins, the priest does not show up for confession and you have to wait over 3 hours for another priest to hear your confession and then he tells you something that contradicts everything I have read on the subject for scrupulous people, a lot of things begin to not make sense anymore. I began to feel like God was trying to ban me from receiving communion. I know that is not true, but that is how I felt after the whole ordeal. I was so sad.
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That is an ordeal. Can you change your church? Or at least go to confession at another church?

I hate to go to doctors, too. I’ve been needing an MRI of my knee for a month now, and keep putting it off. The longer you put off getting medication, the longer you will suffer, though. Some people are cured after a year or so. It doesn’t have to be a lifetime of pill taking.

God is not trying to ban you from communion in any way. Just KNOW that he is not even if you can’t feel it.

Call St. Meinrad’s Archabbey and ask the monks to pray for you. They will. Here is their address and phone number:

200 Hill Drive, St Meinrad, IN 47577
(812) 357-6611

I will pray for you.
 
Also from the book he was reported as saying that if the mercy of God were what many Christians believe it to be, then “all men would be in hell”.

Do not let one poorly catechized priest turn your world upside down. Also, from this book:

Padre Pio taught that all goodness is in God and comes from God and that men and women have no righteousness of their own, or any reason for pride. Because of this, a soul who puts his trust in Christ has nothing to fear. To Gargani, terrified at the thought that there was nothing that she could do to earn her salvation, Pio wrote: “No pilgrim soul can worthily love his God, but when this soul does everything possible on his part and trusts in divine mercy, why would Jesus reject this spirit? Has He not commanded us to love God according to our strength? If you have given and consecrated everything to God, why fear?”

Like I said, I think this book would be helpful. Admit you are a poor sinner and trust in God’s mercy.

One of the requirements of a mortal sin is:

The intellect must perceive and judge of the morality of the act, and the will must freely elect. For a deliberate mortal sin there must be full advertence on the part of the intellect and full consent on the part of the will in a grave matter. An involuntary transgression of the law even in a grave matter is not a formal but a material sin. (taken from Catholic Answers Encyclopedia on Mortal Sin)

Therefore your doubt alone shows you did not perceive and judge the morality of the act
nor then could you give the full consent of your will in performing a mortal sin.
 
Hope this helps, I am heading off to bed. Will pray for you.
 
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I do not blame the priest. Perhaps he deals with people with a lax conscience most the time. This was not at my parish either. I do not know about seeking therapy in the form of a psychologist or psychologist or whatever they are called. I need spiritual direction. I do admit I need to see if I am OCD or not though. I do not “wash my hands 50 times a day” or think that if I do not act out a ritual my mother is going to die. All my sufferings happen in my mind. Though I do get compulsions to re-check things sometimes, they do not really interfere with my life a lot. I do not think it is on the level where I need medication. Just spiritual direction.
 
I hope you find the help you need.

Just to reinforce what others have said, and what you have read, unless you know that you have committed a mortal sin, you have not. There has to be full knowledge and deliberate consent, as well as grave matter.

Of course you know that receiving the Eucharist takes away all venial sins, and gives us strength to avoid future sins. Please return to the Eucharist ASAP.
God bless.

.
 
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