I have seriously bad feelings toward my mother

[Marybeloved]

I have fought her so many times over my dad. She takes risks giving him things that we’ve been warned not to give him, she even insulted me horribly and accused me of “wanting” my father and because I threw the stuff out when I found it and discovered from an employee that she was secretly giving it to him, and I was taking care of him- she called me Satan. Granted, I was also yelling, but I just thought I saw “the real” hidden self that is inside her that day. Now I discover that she’s been giving him this drug he takes wurfurin- really risky blood thinners that have caused my father to bleed dangerously before from the inside- That she upped his dosage in secret all by herself, without talking to the Doctor, or my brother who is a doctor.

I’m so frustrated by her- sometimes I feel like I hate her. I know it’s close to blasphemy to hate your own mother, so I try to push the feelings away. But so many things have happened since my dad fell ill and relatives went back (out of the country) after he came out of the Hospital in January. So many things that have ended up hurting my father and making him sicker. She seems like she’s just so proud in her heart. She’s an SDA who prays and watches TBN- believes she’s a christian- I see her as a pharisee, who else would just take that risk with the life of her husband after all the warning? I asked her to reconsider her Christianity, because it does not exist in her heart. She lies and manipulates, I believe I once told the story about her attempts to even force me/push me towards a man I found too close to a stalker and even continued communications with him behind my back.

I guess I’m just venting because I just found out this latest outrage (the secretly upping his dosage of a dangerous drug) and I’m still deeply hurt.

 

[grandfather]

You need to speak with your brother and your father’s doctor immediately. Your father’s life is at risk if your mother is doubling his medication. This has nothing to do with being a narcissist.

 

[mab23]

I pray that God guides you with his love and mercy

Amen

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I have fought her so many times over my dad. She takes risks giving him things that we’ve been warned not to give him, she even insulted me horribly and accused me of “wanting” my father and because I threw the stuff out when I found it and discovered from an employee that she was secretly giving it to him, and I was taking care of him- she called me Satan. Granted, I was also yelling, but I just thought I saw “the real” hidden self that is inside her that day. Now I discover that she’s been giving him this drug he takes wurfurin- really risky blood thinners that have caused my father to bleed dangerously before from the inside- That she upped his dosage in secret all by herself, without talking to the Doctor, or my brother who is a doctor.

I’m so frustrated by her- sometimes I feel like I hate her. I know it’s close to blasphemy to hate your own mother, so I try to push the feelings away. But so many things have happened since my dad fell ill and relatives went back (out of the country) after he came out of the Hospital in January. So many things that have ended up hurting my father and making him sicker. She seems like she’s just so proud in her heart. She’s an SDA who prays and watches TBN- believes she’s a christian- I see her as a pharisee, who else would just take that risk with the life of her husband after all the warning? I asked her to reconsider her Christianity, because it does not exist in her heart. She lies and manipulates, I believe I once told the story about her attempts to even force me/push me towards a man I found too close to a stalker and even continued communications with him behind my back.

I guess I’m just venting because I just found out this latest outrage (the secretly upping his dosage of a dangerous drug) and I’m still deeply hurt.

Feelings are feelings. No problem in feeling hate, horror for your mother. They are just feelings. As a mother who hates his son from falling into drugs still helps him despite the horror, so do us. Feelings are feelings. Acts are acts.

You may act in a way totally contrary to your feelings, for instance, loving your enemies. attention, love is not feeling. Love is will.

 

[WoundedIcon]

My advice is twofold - one, accept the fact that you’re angry but do not feed it, instead (two) channel it into justice and report her. It needs to be done.

 

[heart4home]

I have fought her so many times over my dad. She takes risks giving him things that we’ve been warned not to give him, she even insulted me horribly and accused me of “wanting” my father and because I threw the stuff out when I found it and discovered from an employee that she was secretly giving it to him, and I was taking care of him- she called me Satan. Granted, I was also yelling, but I just thought I saw “the real” hidden self that is inside her that day. Now I discover that she’s been giving him this drug he takes wurfurin- really risky blood thinners that have caused my father to bleed dangerously before from the inside- That she upped his dosage in secret all by herself, without talking to the Doctor, or my brother who is a doctor.

I’m so frustrated by her- sometimes I feel like I hate her. I know it’s close to blasphemy to hate your own mother, so I try to push the feelings away. But so many things have happened since my dad fell ill and relatives went back (out of the country) after he came out of the Hospital in January. So many things that have ended up hurting my father and making him sicker. She seems like she’s just so proud in her heart. She’s an SDA who prays and watches TBN- believes she’s a christian- I see her as a pharisee, who else would just take that risk with the life of her husband after all the warning? I asked her to reconsider her Christianity, because it does not exist in her heart. She lies and manipulates, I believe I once told the story about her attempts to even force me/push me towards a man I found too close to a stalker and even continued communications with him behind my back.

I guess I’m just venting because I just found out this latest outrage (the secretly upping his dosage of a dangerous drug) and I’m still deeply hurt.

As others have said, feelings are feelings, and at times they are appropriate.

I’m not sure how your mother is getting hold of warfarin to give it to your father if she shouldn’t be. I do know that in my father’s case he was being told two different things by two different doctors in regards to that drug. My father had to make the decision on which to listen to, looked up all the side effects of bleeding too easily etc. which he did have some minor nose bleeds(had them his whole life though on and off) and a bit of blood in his urine at times and discontinued taking it. Sadly, this eventually contributed to him having a massive heart attack and he has since passed away.

I think you or mostly certainly your MD brother, should be contacting your father’s doctor and expressing concern and be sure you are understanding the truth and that your mother is actually going against doctors orders. Even if the doctor can not discuss your father’s condition with you due to privacy laws, you can at least make them aware of what you believe is going on.

 

[Marybeloved]

As others have said, feelings are feelings, and at times they are appropriate.

I’m not sure how your mother is getting hold of warfarin to give it to your father if she shouldn’t be. I do know that in my father’s case he was being told two different things by two different doctors in regards to that drug. My father had to make the decision on which to listen to, looked up all the side effects of bleeding too easily etc. which he did have some minor nose bleeds(had them his whole life though on and off) and a bit of blood in his urine at times and discontinued taking it. Sadly, this eventually contributed to him having a massive heart attack and he has since passed away.

I think you or mostly certainly your MD brother, should be contacting your father’s doctor and expressing concern and be sure you are understanding the truth and that your mother is actually going against doctors orders. Even if the doctor can not discuss your father’s condition with you due to privacy laws, you can at least make them aware of what you believe is going on.

That really scares me, what you said about your dad suffering a heart attack from this drug. It truly scares me- my father cannot take care of himself, he has had Alzheimer’s/dementia for seven/eight years now. He has had huge complications this year, pneumonia, massive thrombosis, a blood clot that broke off from the thrombosis and went into one of his lungs and it collapsed, they suspected he may have had meningitis- Has had bad flus, lost ability to eat (on a tube right now), a series of infections and is almost not talking at all nowadays. It caused me the worst suffering of my entire life these past months from the first week of January to a little after Easter when (I believe) he began to get better after prayers and novena to Blessed John Paul II, the Great. At least now, as he’s feeding through the tube, he has began to regain his weight, and his former looks (his appearance had totally changed). I just don’t want to go back to the stomach ulcers I felt I was developing only a few months/weeks ago. We talk to the Doctor directly- I’m 100% certain what his dosage is.

I’ve cooled a bit, I prayed and gave it up to God. Have spoken to the Doctor and my brother (he’s in a different country). We’ll see what to do. He’s only supposed to be on the warfarin for 2/3 more months before stopping it completely. But remembering the disaster it caused us once (he was bleeding through everywhere!)- I really wish it had been anything else we were fighting over than this.

 

[heart4home]

That really scares me, hat you said about your dad suffering a heart attack from this drug. It truly scares me- my father cannot take care of himself, he has had Alzheimer’s/dementia for seven/eight years now. He has had huge complications this year, pneumonia, massive thrombosis, a blod clot broke off and went into a lung and it collapsed, they suspected he may have had menengitis- bad flus, lost ability to eat (on a tube right now), a series of infections and is almost not talking at all nowadays. It caused me the worst suffering of my entire life these past months from the first week of January to a little after Easter when (I believe) he began to get better after prayers and novena to Blessed John Paul II, the Great. At least now, as he’s feeding through the tube, he has began to regain his weight, and his former looks (his appearance had totally changed). I just don’t want to go back to the stomach ulcers I felt I was developing only a few months/weeks ago. We talk to the Doctor directly- I’m 100% certain what his dosage is.

I’ve cooled a bit, I prayed and gave it up to God. Have spoken to the Doctor and my brother (he’s in a different country). We’ll see what to do. He’s only suppose to be on the warfarin for 2/3 more months before stopping it completely. But remembering the disaster it caused us once (he was bleeding through everywhere!)- I really wish it had been anything else we were fighting over than this.

You may not be understanding what I wrote. In my father’s case, it was the discontinuation(stopping) of the drug that lead to the heart attack. Warfarin, like any drug, can have serious complications or side effects, BUT it also serves a good purpose for people who have suffered blood clots in the past, or are at high risk for developing them.

You need to speak to his doctor, or have your doctor brother do so. The drug is likely needed if the doctor ordered it, but of course your mother should NOT up the dosage without doctor’s consent.

If you are talking to the doctor, I assume they are monitoring his blood levels, as they have to with warfarin and he should be adjusting the dosage accordingly.

I would like to add one thing here. Your mother probably loves your father very much. As hard as this is on you, it is very hard on her as well. She may be acting this way out of her own duress over your father’s condition. Don’t look at it so much as pride, as maybe the unwillingness to want to see your father like this or accept that perhaps his time is coming to an end.

Have compassion for her as well. I’m sure this is very very hard for her too. Even if she is acting proud. Seek medical help whenever in doubt.

 

[Serap]

I have fought her so many times over my dad. She takes risks giving him things that we’ve been warned not to give him, she even insulted me horribly and accused me of “wanting” my father and because I threw the stuff out when I found it and discovered from an employee that she was secretly giving it to him, and I was taking care of him- she called me Satan. Granted, I was also yelling, but I just thought I saw “the real” hidden self that is inside her that day. Now I discover that she’s been giving him this drug he takes wurfurin- really risky blood thinners that have caused my father to bleed dangerously before from the inside- That she upped his dosage in secret all by herself, without talking to the Doctor, or my brother who is a doctor.

I’m so frustrated by her- sometimes I feel like I hate her. I know it’s close to blasphemy to hate your own mother, so I try to push the feelings away. But so many things have happened since my dad fell ill and relatives went back (out of the country) after he came out of the Hospital in January. So many things that have ended up hurting my father and making him sicker. She seems like she’s just so proud in her heart. She’s an SDA who prays and watches TBN- believes she’s a christian- I see her as a pharisee, who else would just take that risk with the life of her husband after all the warning? I asked her to reconsider her Christianity, because it does not exist in her heart. She lies and manipulates, I believe I once told the story about her attempts to even force me/push me towards a man I found too close to a stalker and even continued communications with him behind my back.

I guess I’m just venting because I just found out this latest outrage (the secretly upping his dosage of a dangerous drug) and I’m still deeply hurt.

tell your brother and the doctors. your mom could be charged with murder if he dies.

 

[maryjk]

You may not be understanding what I wrote. In my father’s case, it was the discontinuation(stopping) of the drug that lead to the heart attack. Warfarin, like any drug, can have serious complications or side effects, BUT it also serves a good purpose for people who have suffered blood clots in the past, or are at high risk for developing them.

You need to speak to his doctor, or have your doctor brother do so. The drug is likely needed if the doctor ordered it, but of course your mother should NOT up the dosage without doctor’s consent.

Something I found, with a parent taking Warfarin was that the dose can change often. What is written on the bottle may not be what the patient is suppose to take.

If you are talking to the doctor, I assume they are monitoring his blood levels, as they have to with warfarin and he should be adjusting the dosage accordingly.

I would like to add one thing here. Your mother probably loves your father very much. As hard as this is on you, it is very hard on her as well. She may be acting this way out of her own duress over your father’s condition. Don’t look at it so much as pride, as maybe the unwillingness to want to see your father like this or accept that perhaps his time is coming to an end.

Have compassion for her as well. I’m sure this is very very hard for her too. Even if she is acting proud. Seek medical help whenever in doubt.

Since the OP has a brother that is a doctor, this seems to be the route to go. Call your brother, talk to him about what your mother is giving your father. Tell him the latest protime/INR results. He should be able to tell you if it is inline with your father’s diagnosis.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

If this is really what your mother is doing, she needs to be reported to the police. That is attempted murder. You CANNOT ignore this or pray it away. I repeat, if your mother is doubling your father’s blood thinner dosage, she could kill him and if he dies, she could be guilty of murder. This is SERIOUS stuff. Please tell your brother that if he does not respond, you will call the police and tell them what you know. Your father is helpless, you must advocate for his life!

 

[maryjk]

If this is really what your mother is doing, she needs to be reported to the police. That is attempted murder. You CANNOT ignore this or pray it away. I repeat, if your mother is doubling your father’s blood thinner dosage, she could kill him and if he dies, she could be guilty of murder. This is SERIOUS stuff. Please tell your brother that if he does not respond, you will call the police and tell them what you know. Your father is helpless, you must advocate for his life!

I agree, but I again emphasize that if YOU aren’t the one talking to the doctor, you may not know what your father should have. If someone came by to see what medications I was giving my mother and checked what I was giving her against the bottle, they would have been very upset. But if they checked it with that I had been told based on her latest Protime/INR, it would have made sense.

 

[bonvivantHermit]

What do you mean by “wanting father?”

Call physician- double check dose warranted.

 

[timotheos]

If this is really what your mother is doing, she needs to be reported to the police. That is attempted murder. You CANNOT ignore this or pray it away. I repeat, if your mother is doubling your father’s blood thinner dosage, she could kill him and if he dies, she could be guilty of murder. This is SERIOUS stuff. Please tell your brother that if he does not respond, you will call the police and tell them what you know. Your father is helpless, you must advocate for his life!

Completely agree. This is a very serious situation that should be reported to the hospital and his doctor, and if coagulation tests support your claim, charges should probably be filed and at very least, restraining orders issued.