I have successfully stopped spanking for good

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Serap

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Many of you have read about my many many conflicted days and nights about the whole spanking thing. I finally spanked for the last time last August. It has now been 3 months since I spanked my son, who is turning 6 Dec 6th.

These are the changes that I’ve noticed:

My son is no longer hitting at home and at daycare.

My son is no longer angry and defiant.

My son is now acting more sweet and cooperative.

My son no longer fears me when I’m angry…no more flinches when I jerk my body in anger.

My son seems to trust me more over-all and is more open to following rules.

My son seems happier and more comfortable at home.

Instead of spanking:

Name calling = 5 min in room

Hitting = 10 min in room

Sibling fighting = 15 min cooling down period apart

Refuse to turn down TV = TV shut off

Refuse to wear coat, etc. = we go out without coat, etc. (I carry it bc he changes his mind)

Won’t brush teeth = no sweets for the day

Refuses to do homework = no android tablet or toys until done

Refuses to clean up toys = toys taken away until weekend

These are now my discipline tools and I have my “go to” toolbox. Parenting is not so filled with guilt anymore and I have a more respectful little man at home 🙂
 
Isn’t it lovely to see the change in our families when we make a change in our parenting? Congratulations on your dedication to stop spanking and congrats on the lovely results.
 
Stern love works very well.
They must know you love them
But you mean what you say

You get out of children
What you put in…

God bless you
 
Serap said:
Many of you have read about my many many conflicted days and nights about the whole spanking thing. I finally spanked for the last time last August. It has now been 3 months since I spanked my son, who is turning 6 Dec 6th.

These are the changes that I’ve noticed:

My son is no longer hitting at home and at daycare.

My son is no longer angry and defiant.

My son is now acting more sweet and cooperative.

My son no longer fears me when I’m angry…no more flinches when I jerk my body in anger.

My son seems to trust me more over-all and is more open to following rules.

My son seems happier and more comfortable at home.

Instead of spanking:

Name calling = 5 min in room

Hitting = 10 min in room

Sibling fighting = 15 min cooling down period apart

Refuse to turn down TV = TV shut off

Refuse to wear coat, etc. = we go out without coat, etc. (I carry it bc he changes his mind)

Won’t brush teeth = no sweets for the day

Refuses to do homework = no android tablet or toys until done

Refuses to clean up toys = toys taken away until weekend

These are now my discipline tools and I have my “go to” toolbox. Parenting is not so filled with guilt anymore and I have a more respectful little man at home 🙂
Click to expand...
I’m VERY happy for you!

Congratulations!
 
I have objection to spanking, but do object to rigid parenting methods that do not work for or are not tailored to a particular child, so congrats on your change and success!
 
Thanks guys!!!

When he’s losing it, I just get down for eye to eye contact and kiss him. It doesn’t always work, but it does sometimes. If we get the meltdown…usually bc he has to go to school…off we go with his coat, scarf, etc in a bag and me dragging him by the arm. No yelling, no nonsense…off we go.

He notices people watching him (and me :eek:) and eventually stops and asks for his coat. He then tells me hates me and trails behind me to school. I say nothing. Then he acts like he doesn’t want a good bye hug, but I know he does, so I take him out into the hallway and give him a big close 3 minute hug before I leave.

He usually then has a good cry.

This is as bad as it gets now…which IMO is not that bad really…it happens maybe once a month now.
 
this is wonderful

this is the key, which you state here:
Instead of spanking:

Name calling = 5 min in room

Hitting = 10 min in room

Sibling fighting = 15 min cooling down period apart

Refuse to turn down TV = TV shut off

Refuse to wear coat, etc. = we go out without coat, etc. (I carry it bc he changes his mind)

Won’t brush teeth = no sweets for the day

Refuses to do homework = no android tablet or toys until done

Refuses to clean up toys = toys taken away until weekend
 
Glad you found punishments he responds to and motivate changes in behavior.
 
Maximilan_Kolbe said:
I have objection to spanking, but do object to rigid parenting methods that do not work for or are not tailored to a particular child, so congrats on your change and success!
Click to expand...
I should have said “no objection”… Point remains.
 
God bless you for DISCIPLINING your child,
my mom NEVER disciplined me, since she
said I was so well behaved, except for a couple
of times I remember offending her, but she used
the SILENT treatment, very damaging!!
 
Serap said:
Many of you have read about my many many conflicted days and nights about the whole spanking thing. I finally spanked for the last time last August. It has now been 3 months since I spanked my son, who is turning 6 Dec 6th.

These are the changes that I’ve noticed:

My son is no longer hitting at home and at daycare.

My son is no longer angry and defiant.

My son is now acting more sweet and cooperative.

My son no longer fears me when I’m angry…no more flinches when I jerk my body in anger.

My son seems to trust me more over-all and is more open to following rules.

My son seems happier and more comfortable at home.

Instead of spanking:

Name calling = 5 min in room

Hitting = 10 min in room

Sibling fighting = 15 min cooling down period apart

Refuse to turn down TV = TV shut off

Refuse to wear coat, etc. = we go out without coat, etc. (I carry it bc he changes his mind)

Won’t brush teeth = no sweets for the day

Refuses to do homework = no android tablet or toys until done

Refuses to clean up toys = toys taken away until weekend

These are now my discipline tools and I have my “go to” toolbox. Parenting is not so filled with guilt anymore and I have a more respectful little man at home 🙂
Click to expand...
Wow. That’s a long list. So kids do all those things at 5? Interesting.
 
GLam8833 said:
God bless you for DISCIPLINING your child,
my mom NEVER disciplined me, since she
said I was so well behaved, except for a couple
of times I remember offending her, but she used
the SILENT treatment, very damaging!!
Click to expand...
Silent treatment is very damaging. I’m sure you mom didn’t know any better or that was how she coped.

Sorry you went thru that!
 
Thank you so much for sharing this, and for your past threads on parenting. 🙂 I’ve gotten a lot out of them, as well as some good ideas from various posts Xantippe’s made over the years.

My DD (20 months) sounds bit like your DS: sweet, but quite stubborn, and if I start to get angry, it just escalates between us…not good. If I yell, she screams and stomps her feet and sometimes hits; if I show anger or irritation, she pushes back. If I stay calm, though, and remember to keep things light and upbeat even when I’m rushed or stressed, she reacts much better and more cooperatively. If she does misbehave, and rather than yelling at her I pick her up calmly, put her in time-out, explain briefly why she’s in timeout and that she can leave when the timer goes off, she’s not happy, but there’s nowhere near the pushback, and at the end she’s happy to give me a hug and go play. Plus, I don’t even have to use time-out very often at this point.

I started working particularly hard on not escalating/yelling about a month ago. DD had been going through a hitting phase, but in thinking about it right now, I honestly can’t remember the last time she hit me.

It can be hard rewriting the book on parenting when your own examples were only of stuff you don’t want to do! I seem to remember your mentioning (pardon me if I’m wrong) that your parents were like mine in that regard. Good on you for figuring out what works for your kid and turning things around! 👍
 
UbiCaritas said:
Thank you so much for sharing this, and for your past threads on parenting. 🙂 I’ve gotten a lot out of them, as well as some good ideas from various posts Xantippe’s made over the years.

My DD (20 months) sounds bit like your DS: sweet, but quite stubborn, and if I start to get angry, it just escalates between us…not good. If I yell, she screams and stomps her feet and sometimes hits; if I show anger or irritation, she pushes back. If I stay calm, though, and remember to keep things light and upbeat even when I’m rushed or stressed, she reacts much better and more cooperatively. If she does misbehave, and rather than yelling at her I pick her up calmly, put her in time-out, explain briefly why she’s in timeout and that she can leave when the timer goes off, she’s not happy, but there’s nowhere near the pushback, and at the end she’s happy to give me a hug and go play. Plus, I don’t even have to use time-out very often at this point.

I started working particularly hard on not escalating/yelling about a month ago. DD had been going through a hitting phase, but in thinking about it right now, I honestly can’t remember the last time she hit me.

It can be hard rewriting the book on parenting when your own examples were only of stuff you don’t want to do! I seem to remember your mentioning (pardon me if I’m wrong) that your parents were like mine in that regard. Good on you for figuring out what works for your kid and turning things around! 👍
Click to expand...
Yes I had bad parents.

My son hit me this morning…10 min time out while sister watched TV
 
Serap said:
Silent treatment is very damaging. I’m sure you mom didn’t know any better or that was how she coped.

Sorry you went thru that!
Click to expand...
Ooh. I know that too. I rarely got in trouble, but when I did it was raging, then she’d lock herself in her room for days on end, then silent treatment.
 
1990Domer said:
Ooh. I know that too. I rarely got in trouble, but when I did it was raging, then she’d lock herself in her room for days on end, then silent treatment.
Click to expand...
She had terrible coping skills!!! You deserved better!
 
Congratulations on your successes!
6 years old is too old for spanking anyway, even if I believed in it, I was an inconsistent, poor disciplinarian, but I only spanked when something serious occurred, such as running into the street.

.
 
Great! I am against spanking, since I was spanked and hit growing up.
 
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