I have this grave matter sin bugging my conscience

[Kima]

Good day, peoples on CAF.

I currently have this sin bugging my conscience. The sin crossed my mind sometime before going to bed last night. I´m a full-blood pro-life girl, which more or less actively promotes pro-life on my Facebook account.
The sin was that I bought some food at my former school, I was 15 years at the time (and now I´m going on 17), that was sold to collect money for the organization “Doctors without borders” which provides for medical care but also so-called “secure abortions”, which I believe I maybe was aware of at the time (I was pretty pragmatic at the time and thought that the 1$ probably wouldn´t have to be spent on that). I remember that I was going to buy food at the cafeteria where it was sold, but they didn´t want to sell any other than the food that was specifically for collecting the money.

My conscience tells me very well that supporting abortion in an indirectly way still counts as grave matter. Although, I have discerned that it´s probably not a mortal sin, due to me not considering its gravity and moral consequences in such a way at the time it was committed.

Either way, it bugs my conscience so much and I feel like I need to make things right with God. I will be leaving for a youth easter camp at Sunday and plan to go to Confession whenever it´ll be scheduled there through the coming week while staying there.

What I wanted to know is whether or not this is an issue I should, rightly, be concerned about? At times I feel like the devil is bringing up old sins in my mind to make me feel bad about myself… So I feel like I need to find out whether it´s him trying to make me feel so hopeless, or if it´s a reasonable concern to have?

I will be going to Confession at an occasion somewhere through the two upcoming weeks, but I would want to feel more secure about not rushing it any sooner than that.

Also, I feel so embarrassed about this and feel like it´s an unforgivable thing even though I trust God´s mercy and know that it´s not.

Edit: I have gone to Confession many times since then but haven´t mentioned the sin in particular due to me not being aware of it until recently. But I have plenty of times also included “I also want to Confess the sins I have forgotten about”, is that sufficient?

I hope to hear your thoughts.

 

[Annie]

At times I feel like the devil is bringing up old sins in my mind to make me feel bad about myself… So I feel like I need to find out whether it´s him trying to make me feel so hopeless, or if it´s a reasonable concern to have?

The devil bringing up old sins…

When this happens, pray for God’s help.

 

[Kima]

My issue is that I haven´t confessed it in particular, and I feel like I should.

 

[Anrakyr]

We don’t have many things in life we can count on, what we can however is our ability to learn. You will make mistakes and feel responsible. Sometimes you’ll go out of your way to fix them long after you may have paid the price. Other times you’ll flee out of fear of causing more harm.

Ultimately you should try to look back and learn from the experience. Talk through your feelings with yourself or some you trust but a accept what’s done is done. You can’t undo it and ultimately you meant well. You have to accept when things are out of your hands and trust those whose hands it’s now in do the same as you did.

 

[Irishmom2]

No one hear can tell you if it was a sin or not because we do not know what your thinking was, or whether you knew something was a sin or not. But you cannot be held accountable if you did not know it was a sin. Confess it if you would feel better, but do not dwell on it. Be at peace.

 

[Camehome4john6]

It doesn’t sound like you were working with a fully informed conscience at the time and the nagging doubts are coming up as 20/20 hindsight.

Any doubts should be dealt with by asking a priest.

IF, perchance, this is a result of some scrupulous tendencies, it should ONLY be dealt with by asking a priest. (Seeking counsel/ affirmation online tends to work against the scrupulous… relief tends to be temporary and the tendency tends to perpetuate).

 

[Annie]

You can confess it if you want, but you made a fair exchange of goods for money, so I do not see where you sinned. And even if I am wrong you did not sin gravely. It’s not like you said, oh, here are some people who perform abortions, let me donate money to them so they can perform more.

 

[Kima]

Thank you all!

I have taken your thoughts into consideration. They were wise thoughts. Sometimes when discerning about a sin, I struggle to see other perspectives of it rather than my own. That´s a part of the reasoning behind my questions. It might be very well that I´m that being too hard on myself. Although, I think I will mention it next time I´ll be in Confession to feel better about it.

 

[Vico]

…

Was it done intentionally after reflection or with an attitude of indifference?

Gaudius et Spes
16 … Conscience frequently errs from invincible ignorance without losing its dignity. The same cannot be said for a man who cares but little for truth and goodness, or for a conscience which by degrees grows practically sightless as a result of habitual sin. …

 

[Kima]

I thought that it was a sin but not a sin which could leave as grave consequences as a mortal sin. And I think that reduces it to a venial sin.