I have two EXTREMELY embarrassing sins to confess but have been putting it off for literally years. Please help!

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hatchets

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Let me start by saying that I am being completely serious. I am not “trolling” or joking or whatever.

Way back in my past I committed this very bad sin. Mind you, I wasn’t even a teenager yet. but I had a relationship that was both homosexual AND incestual. Later in life I was sexually inappropriate with a seminarian who also is a sex addict. I knew all along that he was in the seminary and in therapy for a sexual addiction.

I don’t know if I’m capable of admitting these sins to a priest. Some words of advice or encouragement would be helpful.
 
You could always print out what you just posted here
and take it in with you to the confessional …
maybe give it to the priest to read
or read it yourself?

:blessyou:
 
Hatchet, these sins aren’t “silly”, of themselves. All sin is ridiculous, needless silliness, so we’re in the same boat. Do not be afraid. 🙂

As to the sex addiction - it’s very common. I was once told by a priest friend that he’d like to hear sins in the confessional that aren’t related to male or female genitals, because that’s all he ever hears! In all seriousness, You cannot put off these serious sins for years at a time. As embarrassing as they are, all sins are an embarrassment to God. It’s really quite appalling what His poor creatures have gotten up to. We’re all very much in this together.

If you are afraid of scandalizing the priest or being humiliated, go to an older priest. I guarantee you won’t be telling him anything he hasn’t heard several times over the years. If you are afraid of being laughed at or thought of badly… well, who cares? Honestly, read the Psalms: human beings are like grass, flourishing in the morning and gone by the evening. Whatever some priest thinks of you, personally, doesn’t change what the Lord thinks of you. Even if you get a mean old priest who mocks you, so what? It’ll be over fast. One day he will pass away - and your embarrassment with him - and you, too, will eventually pass away to death. Do you want your dying in the Lord to be sorrowful merely because of some sins you were too scared to confess? God forbid! After all, they’re only sins - nothing compared to the Precious Blood of Christ and His Resurrection. Focus on the Lord Jesus and His opinion of you, and not the opinions of mankind. You can do it.

Fear of man and respect of the opinions of man are really the most trivial sorts of fear. Laugh at yourself, and don’t worry so much. 🙂

Just go, and be cleansed by the love of God - stronger than the condemnation of man!
 
It took me many years to overcome my fear of confessing embarrassing sins. Whenever I gathered the courage finally to confess them, I felt SO relieved. The priest has heard the same things over and over time and time again. You need not be afraid.
 
Basilian - Wow!!! What an awesome reply. To the OP, please take his advice!
 
There might have been some influence that was introduced you that was beyond your control that helped “cultivate” the ground for this sin. Including this in your confession should help ease your anxiety over your confession. You were very young, there had to be something that opened the door for this. The Priest will understand, and if he is worth is salt at all, will not make you feel uncomfortable.

As far as the seminary sin, well, it is still college / post graduate. If it was experimentation, mention that. That does happen. Get this stuff off of your chest, even if it is with another Priest.

This will help your spiritual life in so many ways. Remember this is about your soul and your relationship with God, and our Lord, not the Priest. There is a reason why they have tissues. They HAVE heard it all.
 
Priests have heard everything…and then some.

Set aside your fear.

Now if you have been going to confession and concealing a mortal sin - that needs to be dealt with in confession (along with any mortal sins confessed then).
 
hatchets said:
Let me start by saying that I am being completely serious. I am not “trolling” or joking or whatever.

Way back in my past I committed this very bad sin. Mind you, I wasn’t even a teenager yet. but I had a relationship that was both homosexual AND incestual. Later in life I was sexually inappropriate with a seminarian who also is a sex addict. I knew all along that he was in the seminary and in therapy for a sexual addiction.

I don’t know if I’m capable of admitting these sins to a priest. Some words of advice or encouragement would be helpful.
Click to expand...
The species as given by St. Thomas Aquinas, which are given in the Summa Theologica Part 2, 2 follow below. Basic catagories are natural and unnatural. The unnatural vice includes uncleanness (effeminacy, i.e. masturbation), sodomy, bestiality, artificial birth control, etc. So this would be the species of lust that you have to confess for your two sins. Based on the comments on this forum, there are many such sins of this species of lust occurring and confessed by people. You can do this. “These species are differentiated on the part of the woman rather than of the man, because in the venereal act the woman is passive and is by way of matter, whereas the man is by way of agent; and it has been stated above (Objection 1) that the aforesaid species are assigned with regard to a difference of matter.”
newadvent.org/summa/3154.htm#article1
Code: 
Rephrased summary:

153. Lust

Lust is the vice of indulging in unlawful sexual pleasures, which is not always lustful or sinful. There is a good and virtuous use of sex in marriage, when husband and wife perform their normal and natural function of sex without any inordinateness (that is, without anything that is in conflict with reason) and, therefore, without employing any unnatural or artificial means of thwarting the natural effect of their action. The only lawful and chaste use of sex is its lawful use in marriage.

154. The Parts of Lust

The parts of lust are the species or types of lustful sins which are six:

  1. *]simple fornication,
    *]adultery,
    *]incest,
    *]seduction,
    *]rape, and
    *]unnatural vice.

    [1] Fornication is the normal, but unlawful, use of sex by an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. …
    Code: 
    [2] Adultery is the normal, but unlawful, use of sex by a married and a single person, or by two married persons, who, however, are not married to each other.

[3] Incest is the use of sex by man and woman who are related by ties of blood, or by affinity, that is, by relationship arising out of a marriage

[4] Seduction is the violation of a virgin.

[5] Rape is a species of lust - and gravely sinful - in which force is employed in committing a lustful action.

[6] Unnatural vice is any lustful perversion of normal and natural processes for procuring sex pleasures.

"Lust, by being directed to another vice as its end, becomes a species of that vice: and so a species of lust may be also a species of irreligion, as of a higher genus."
 
Bookcat said:
Priests have heard everything…and then some.

Set aside your fear.

Now if you have been going to confession and concealing a mortal sin - that needs to be dealt with in confession (along with any mortal sins confessed then).
Click to expand...
I converted from a protestant denomination years ago and before my confirmation I made a general confession. I do not remember confessing the first sin of these (the second had not happened yet) and I feel like this is definitely something I’d remember admitting to another soul. I excused myself from confessing it because I was too young to really understand what I was doing. I was definitely no older than 12. Also I was not well formed in my protestant faith and so didn’t really understand how bad it was. And my home life was… well it wasn’t a bucket of roses, let’s just say that. But this sin has been on my heart.

Does this mean I will have to redo my general confession, but this time include every mortal sin I’ve committed since my conversion? What have I done?
Vico said:
The species as given by St. Thomas Aquinas, which are given in the Summa Theologica Part 2, 2 follow below. Basic catagories are natural and unnatural. The unnatural vice includes uncleanness (effeminacy, i.e. masturbation), sodomy, bestiality, artificial birth control, etc. So this would be the species of lust that you have to confess for your two sins. Based on the comments on this forum, there are many such sins of this species of lust occurring and confessed by people. You can do this. “These species are differentiated on the part of the woman rather than of the man, because in the venereal act the woman is passive and is by way of matter, whereas the man is by way of agent; and it has been stated above (Objection 1) that the aforesaid species are assigned with regard to a difference of matter.”
newadvent.org/summa/3154.htm#article1
Code: 
Rephrased summary:

153. Lust

Lust is the vice of indulging in unlawful sexual pleasures, which is not always lustful or sinful. There is a good and virtuous use of sex in marriage, when husband and wife perform their normal and natural function of sex without any inordinateness (that is, without anything that is in conflict with reason) and, therefore, without employing any unnatural or artificial means of thwarting the natural effect of their action. The only lawful and chaste use of sex is its lawful use in marriage.

154. The Parts of Lust

The parts of lust are the species or types of lustful sins which are six:

  1. *]simple fornication,
    *]adultery,
    *]incest,
    *]seduction,
    *]rape, and
    *]unnatural vice.

    [1] Fornication is the normal, but unlawful, use of sex by an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. …
    Code: 
    [2] Adultery is the normal, but unlawful, use of sex by a married and a single person, or by two married persons, who, however, are not married to each other.

[3] Incest is the use of sex by man and woman who are related by ties of blood, or by affinity, that is, by relationship arising out of a marriage

[4] Seduction is the violation of a virgin.

[5] Rape is a species of lust - and gravely sinful - in which force is employed in committing a lustful action.

[6] Unnatural vice is any lustful perversion of normal and natural processes for procuring sex pleasures.

"Lust, by being directed to another vice as its end, becomes a species of that vice: and so a species of lust may be also a species of irreligion, as of a higher genus."
Click to expand...

  1. Thank you, Vico, for all this information! 🙂 But I’m not really sure what to do with it and why/how it should help me. I’m sorry, I’m just not following.
 
Maybe ask your friends who live close by if they know of a gentle confessor they can recommend? I know this is very tough, but you will feel better after.

Maybe go to a major local city shrine where they have confessions frequently. You can be
anonymous and behind the screen. Tell the confessor how difficult this is for you. He’ll understand.:gopray2::highprayer::signofcross:
 
hatchets said:
Let me start by saying that I am being completely serious. I am not “trolling” or joking or whatever.

Way back in my past I committed this very bad sin. Mind you, I wasn’t even a teenager yet. but I had a relationship that was both homosexual AND incestual. Later in life I was sexually inappropriate with a seminarian who also is a sex addict. I knew all along that he was in the seminary and in therapy for a sexual addiction.

I don’t know if I’m capable of admitting these sins to a priest. Some words of advice or encouragement would be helpful.
Click to expand...
Just confess it, the priest has heard far worse. You will feel so much weight lifted off you when you do.

In the meantime, I hope you have been and continue to abstain from the Eucharist so you do not bring further sin and judgement on you.
 
hatchets said:
I converted from a protestant denomination years ago and before my confirmation I made a general confession. I do not remember confessing the first sin of these (the second had not happened yet) and I feel like this is definitely something I’d remember admitting to another soul. I excused myself from confessing it because I was too young to really understand what I was doing. I was definitely no older than 12. Also I was not well formed in my protestant faith and so didn’t really understand how bad it was. And my home life was… well it wasn’t a bucket of roses, let’s just say that. But this sin has been on my heart.

Does this mean I will have to redo my general confession, but this time include every mortal sin I’ve committed since my conversion? What have I done?

Thank you, Vico, for all this information! 🙂 But I’m not really sure what to do with it and why/how it should help me. I’m sorry, I’m just not following.
Click to expand...
We confess in minimum of detail for sin by number and kind (species) and only any some other specifics needed for the species of the sin. This information helps with identifying the species of sin: unnatural vice.
 
hatchets said:
Thank you, Vico, for all this information! 🙂 But I’m not really sure what to do with it and why/how it should help me. I’m sorry, I’m just not following.
Click to expand...
Do not worry about trying to parse what Vico offered from St. Thomas’s work from the middle ages (as good as St. Thomas -such is not something you need to try to understand here and now).

This will help you in terms of species:

jimmyakin.com/2007/03/specific_confes.html
 
So let me see if I understand the first part.
  1. You made a good general confession upon coming into full Communion with the Church -intending to confess all mortal sins in number and kind. You meant to confess all that you needed to and believed you did.
  2. Since then you have received the Sacrament of Confession - again not thinking you were hiding anything needful.
  3. Now since your last confession you have thought and realized you never confessed Y and Z and are wondering how to confess them (not that you hid them but you just recalled them lately since the last confession).
So if you did not knowing hide a mortal sin but have recalled something that is mortal (or that you doubt that it is and want to mention it “as it is before God - which may not have been mortal likely due to this or that”) - and are seeking how to confess it.

If that is the case no it would not seem that one would need to “repeat” the general confession -but if there was a forgotten mortal sin(s) one simply confess them in the next confession as that you forgot them etc. But you can mention all this to the Priest who can guide you.

Jimmy Akin senior Apologist at CA jimmyakin.com/2006/09/a_reader_writes_1.html
If something that was mortal was hidden -one would confess that sin, and that one hid it and any other mortal sins from that confession and since your last good confession. Thst seems to be where the problem comes in.

(or perhaps if others since then have been “in good faith” then just those that were part of that “bad confession”…but talk with the Priest if this was the case and ask him to guide you)

(and one does what one can in remembering – we are not Vulcans and may not remember everything…)
 
hatchets said:
I excused myself from confessing it because I was too young to really understand what I was doing. I was definitely no older than 12.
Click to expand...
No. If you didn’t understand what you were doing, then the conditions for mortal sin were not met and needn’t be confessed (though no harm is done by confessing).

Three conditions for mortal sin:
  1. Grave matter (I assume it was in your case)
  2. Full knowledge (lacking in your case)
  3. Full consent (cannot determine from what you said).
Therefore if you are telling us the whole story, condition 2 was not met.
 
OraLabora said:
No. If you didn’t understand what you were doing, then the conditions for mortal sin were not met and needn’t be confessed (though no harm is done by confessing).

Three conditions for mortal sin:
  1. Grave matter (I assume it was in your case)
  2. Full knowledge (lacking in your case)
  3. Full consent (cannot determine from what you said).
Therefore if you are telling us the whole story, condition 2 was not met.
Click to expand...
With grave matters I would still mention them -noting of course that one is not sure it was mortal sin that was committed. Much can be known via natural moral law -even if not articulated.
 
hatchets said:
(the second had not happened yet)
Click to expand...
If something that was mortal was hidden -one would confess that sin, and that one hid it and any other mortal sins from that confession and since your last good confession. Thst seems to be where the problem comes in.

(or perhaps if others since then have been “in good faith” then just those that were part of that “bad confession”…but talk with the Priest if this was the case and ask him to guide you)

(and one does what one can in remembering – we are not Vulcans and may not remember everything…)
 
Bookcat said:
So let me see if I understand.
  1. You made a good general confession upon coming into full Communion with the Church -intending to confess all mortal sins in number and kind. You meant to confess all that you needed to and believed you did.
  2. Since then you have received the Sacrament of Confession - again not thinking you were hiding anything needful.
  3. Now *since your last confession *you have thought and realized you never confessed Y and Z and are wondering how to confess them (not that you hid them but you just recalled them lately since the last confession).
So if you did not knowing hide a mortal sin but have recalled something that is mortal (or that you doubt that it is and want to mention it “as it is before God - which may not have been mortal likely due to this or that”) - and are seeking how to confess it.

If that is the case no it would not seem that one would need to “repeat” a confession -but if there was a forgotten mortal sin(s) one simply confess them in the next confession as that you forgot them etc. But you can mention all this to the Priest who can guide you.

If one something that was mortal was hidden -one would confess that sin, and that one hid it and any other mortal sins since your last good confession (or perhaps if others since then have been “in good faith” then just those that were part of that “bad confession”…but talk with the Priest if this was the case and ask him to guide you.
Click to expand...
Sort of. I’m saying I do not remember confessing, but feel like this is something I would remember confessing because it is kinda humiliating. I’m honestly unsure if I’ve already confessed it or not. I’m also not sure if Y is a mortal sin because of age, lack of understanding, etc etc, but I suppose that is for a priest to decide. I can’t remember!

However I do remember that I tried to be thorough in my general confession. If I knew that that sin was definitely a mortal sin and absolutely had to be confessed I think I would have just confessed it but I may have been so embarrassed that I let myself off the hook as far as it being mortal because of my age when I did it.
 
hatchets said:
Sort of. I’m saying I do not remember confessing, but feel like this is something I would remember confessing because it is kinda humiliating. I’m honestly unsure if I’ve already confessed it or not. I’m also not sure if Y is a mortal sin because of age, lack of understanding, etc etc, but I suppose that is for a priest to decide. I can’t remember!

However I do remember that I tried to be thorough in my general confession. If I knew that that sin was definitely a mortal sin and absolutely had to be confessed I think I would have just confessed it but I may have been so embarrassed that I let myself off the hook as far as it being mortal because of my age when I did it.
Click to expand...
Regarding the general confession - if you meant * at the time to confess everything needful with contrition etc would mean that one would NOT repeat that general confession*. You just maybe forgot something that may have not even been needful to confess.

To quote Jimmy Akin from an above link:

“You therefore were not deliberately holding anything back that you knew you needed to confess. As long as that’s the case, your confession is formally integral (to use a bit of technical jargon that means you intended to make a complete confession, or one complete enough for validity) and the absolution will be valid.”

Mention this the last part to the Priest -but it may also been that you are just wondering now if that was the case.
 
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