I honestly need advice...asap!

[Vivian42]

Well…I should start by saying that I’m only 15 and English is not my first language. Therefore, pardon any mistake.
Although I’m young somehow I managed to create a huge amount of hatred inside myself. The source of this…? Well, almost everything around me. From the absurd expectations of society to the simplest reaction in everyday life. I realize it’s not alright as it’s seriously consuming me inside out. But in the same time I enjoy the state that I’m in. Somehow it gives me motivation (a honestly twisted one) to fight anything that is against what I stand for. It’s obviously not only hatred but in combination with rage and despair. I know, hard words for somebody so young, but you’d be surprised to know what impact everything has on me. And well, what could be so deranging for me?
First of all, I can’t fit in any social group that I find. I just started high school and I hoped it would be a little better… it is, but not in the way that I wanted it to be. I just realized that I’m just capable of morphing my personality into different ones just to have a few idiots around me at school. Yes, idiots, because I can’t talk with them about anything serious at all. Take world problems , religion, philosophy, art (any kind) , foreign languages, science… anything I’m interested in and excel in . All they do is create unnecessary drama about boys and then, when they finish all of that, act like nothing happened. Which is impossible…considering what chaos they’re capable of creating. I just can’t find anybody on the same level as me . Being female that’s even harder. It’s not like I don’t enjoy talking about common things now and then…but not so effing often!!

Secondly…almost every person around me is obsessed with female’s beauty and how they should look like. I am , personally, satisfied with my appearance and can say that I like it ,but I despise make-up and overly-girly clothes. I know how to apply make-up and I’m ok with it. I don’t need anyone to pluck my eyebrows because I am capable of doing that too (however I need to improve a little bit here). However…that’s not all that is expected of a young girl. Young girlsmust, apparently, have 0 hair on their bodies , which is impossible for me , have 100 tons of make-up on their faces, gradually destroy their hair by always straightening it or anything like that and OF COURSE … run around after the opposite sex! What the hell is wrong with people?
Well…that’s the thing. I strongly disagree with all of this. I don’t want to lose half of the summer with shaving my d-amned legs and swearing at men that catcall me or my friends (needless to say…that happens almost every time.) . And what p-sses me off the most is the fact that men don’t need to do anything with this. They’re so carefree, so indifferent to anything. In the same time they feel like everything is supposed to revolve around their lustful needs and male arrogance . I’m sorry if this offends anybody, but I’m talking from my scarce experience of 15 years. I haven’t found one single male that doesn’t adhere to that .I don’t like having such a bad impression of more than half of the human population…but what can I do? I feel trapped. If I do not submit myself to those ideas I’ll most likely never find a partner because things are getting tougher and tougher each year and almost always will be regarded as a weird person. Cuz I don’t like "normal " things.

Sometimes I feel like I should just leave Earth once and for all because I don’t think I can go on with my life normally with so much pressure on me. I can’t be as creative as I want to be. Everything is restricting and from my point of view, abnormal. It’s like you would cut off the wings of a butterfly. I know it’s a lot to read and I hope the mature people on here will answer because honestly I don’t know where to turn anymore. It’s a lot building up and I dread the moment I’ll finally grow up. Oh God, the “wonderful” world of vicious adults.

Please give me any advice that you have and feel free to debate those problems. There’s a lot to discuss.
(If this isn’t in the right forum, please move it ! None of the other options seemed suitable)

 

[Rhubarb]

Let me give you the best advice I was given when I was your age about 16 years ago.

I know when you’re in the thick of school, surrounded by peers, it all seems so important. And it is, to some extent. After all, that’s where you are in life right now. A teenager’s life is school and school peers. But it’s not going to be that way for long. You’ve got 3-4 more years left and then you graduate and it’s off to wherever you go after and all that social drama and stuff that seemed so important and overwhelming just disappears. You’ll be caught up in work, or university, or whatever you decide to do. And all the popular kids, and the dorks, and who did what in the halls won’t matter except as a memory in a yearbook. Nobody I went to school cares anymore that I was homecoming king, or was the lead in the school plays. Nobody cares that my friends were state champions in wrestling and football. Life can and does move on.

Be yourself. Be what you are comfortable being. Because in a few years anyone who might hassle you about leg hair or make-up will be long gone from your life. And the people who become close to you will be better because you’ll be able to pick and choose who is in your life instead of the school that forces everyone together.

 

[TimothyH]

Your post is full of “I” and “me”.

My advice is to volunteer at a hospice. You will forget about yourself.

That’s the problem. You are too focused on yourself.

-Tim-

 

[Vivian42]

Your post is full of “I” and “me”.

My advice is to volunteer at a hospice. You will forget about yourself.

That’s the problem. You are too focused on yourself.

-Tim-

How can I not be focused on myself in this situation? It’s true, I can avoid some of that drama but it’s still annoying. However, on the other issues…how can I not be focused on myself? They’re directly targeting ME.

 

[Vivian42]

Let me give you the best advice I was given when I was your age about 16 years ago.

I know when you’re in the thick of school, surrounded by peers, it all seems so important. And it is, to some extent. After all, that’s where you are in life right now. A teenager’s life is school and school peers. But it’s not going to be that way for long. You’ve got 3-4 more years left and then you graduate and it’s off to wherever you go after and all that social drama and stuff that seemed so important and overwhelming just disappears. You’ll be caught up in work, or university, or whatever you decide to do. And all the popular kids, and the dorks, and who did what in the halls won’t matter except as a memory in a yearbook. Nobody I went to school cares anymore that I was homecoming king, or was the lead in the school plays. Nobody cares that my friends were state champions in wrestling and football. Life can and does move on.

Be yourself. Be what you are comfortable being. Because in a few years anyone who might hassle you about leg hair or make-up will be long gone from your life. And the people who become close to you will be better because you’ll be able to pick and choose who is in your life instead of the school that forces everyone together.

Yeah, that’s indeed true. But it’s so much potential wasted. I just find this situation very sad and angers me that I really can’t do anything about it. However…the adult life is even worse, especially when I don’t agree with those things related to femininity(mind you, socially constructed). What about that? It’s not like I’ll magically and radically change my opinions when I turn 18.

 

[SuperLuigi]

How can I not be focused on myself in this situation? It’s true, I can avoid some of that drama but it’s still annoying. However, on the other issues…how can I not be focused on myself? They’re directly targeting ME.

What do you mean by leave the Earth? Do you have a way to get to Sirius or Alpha Centauri?

I think you need professional counseling, not because I see something really wrong with you but to help you through this situation.

Also, beauty in many ways is an illusion and temporary. The lengths that some people go to for that kind of recognition and how it backfires. You can talk about anything from over-tanning to how models are treated.

But I agree with what others are saying. Trust me, once you turn 18 and get out of high school, the game changes. When you’re an adult, you generally don’t have the time or the luxury to worry about popularity contests and the like. People start seeing things differently.

As for teenage boys, well, I was one. We don’t usually mature as fast as girls and women, but that gap will close soon.

Think about it: you’re probably surrounded by 14-18 yo right now. Soon, it will be almost exclusively 18+.

 

[Vertical807]

I’m currently 18 right now, I went through the same thing. Everybody was always worried about something someone else did instead of discussing these topics, try going to online groups, school clubs, and even go around to different science facilities and see what you can do.

 

[Rhubarb]

Yeah, that’s indeed true. But it’s so much potential wasted. I just find this situation very sad and angers me that I really can’t do anything about it. However…the adult life is even worse, especially when I don’t agree with those things related to femininity(mind you, socially constructed). What about that? It’s not like I’ll magically and radically change my opinions when I turn 18.

When it comes to the adult life, it’s going to get better. Your sphere of people is going to grow, and you’ll be able to look for like minded people. They’re out there, trust me.

One thing I noticed, and it’s really striking. Who I am and how I think has changed A LOT between 25 and 32. And it did between 20 and 25. And from between 15 and 20. Some things won’t sure. But you’ll be able to explore your surroundings and your own thinking a lot in the coming years. What was once so important will feel silly. What once bored you to death will be exciting. And what stays the same you’ll find a who lot more people who think it’s pretty cool.

The best part is, you ARE able to do something about it. You’re laying the foundations for your future right now. Look into what you want to do after school. Where do you want to go? What do you want to learn and do? It’s never too early to prepare and plan so when the time comes you’re ready to take the steps you need to get there with confidence.

 

[Kurisu35712]

I’m a guy, but I’ll try to answer as best I can. I’m 22 now, and about to graduate from college in May. Once you get out of high school, literally none of that matters anymore. It’s pretty striking how very different college is from high school. I guarantee you, you will look back and realize how utterly pointless anything in high school was, regarding interpersonal drama. From where you are now, high school understandably feels like the most important thing in the WORLD, like if you aren’t successful and popular in high school, your life is going to be ruined forever! But once you’re out of that, you’ll realize how silly that is. Do your best in school, as that will basically determine how well and what you’ll do in college, but don’t worry about all the drama.

Focus on making good lifelong friends with good, kind, loyal, and trustworthy people, and then ignore everyone else’s drama. It’s not worth the energy. Best advice I can honestly give is to be confident in yourself and as happy as you can with how you look, but give most of your attention to how you act, and in particular how you treat others. That is the impact you have on the people around you, even if you aren’t the one who gets to see those results. My sister’s in the same position you are. She knows how to wear make up, but chooses not to. She takes care of herself, but doesn’t feel a need to be the most popular and trendy girl at school. Everyone gets all concerned about dresses and she’s concerned with her artwork and trying to get into veterinary school. But the people around her respect her, partly because she isn’t concerned with what they think. She knows what she’s good at and is honest with herself and others.

One thing I do notice in your post is an alarming degree of arrogance, and I don’t mean that in a judgmental way, just an observation based on some of the language you used. Don’t feel pressured to join some specific clique, but at the same time, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of believing that other people just aren’t as good as you. There are a lot of people in the world, and on optimistic days, I’d say the majority of them are not idiots. Everyone is unique and offers something of value to the people around them, and likewise, everyone has faults. I’m not offended by it, but you’re also leaning pretty heavily towards misandry for some reason. If you’re actually worried about not being able to find a guy later on in life, that’s definitely not the way to go about it. No one likes being generalized, even guys. I don’t need to tell you that not all guys are how you described, although as I don’t know where you are or what culture you live in, I can’t necessarily say that most guys are particularly respectful either.

Try to cultivate a good sense of self-respect, self-discipline, and self-awareness. Surround yourself with good people. If you aren’t the kind of person who wants to just chase after boys and look pretty, don’t do that. It’s high school. Make friends and have fun. Take your studies seriously, but don’t take the drama. It ends after 4 years and then you won’t even know why it happened in the first place.

 

[ClearWater]

You may be more mature than those your age. When you get into college, you will have a lot more possibilities of speaking to someone on your level. Volunteering was also mentioned, and that can be a good way to meet like-minded people who share something in common with you. They also might be a little older and more mature, which could be a good thing for you.

Oh, and your English is coming along very well!

You’ve probably had more things in your life that forced you to mature earlier than some others your age. Learning a new language and culture, I’d imagine moving from another country. This helps mature a person. Others your age mostly haven’t had the degree of maturing factors. I think many of them will eventually mature, more like college age.

You could try some religious events with others your age, and maybe someone in there might be your level.

If it’s any consolation, I think this is a stage you’re going through which will pass. If you can hang out with friends older than yourself, as well, that might also help.

 

[jeffrey_erwin]

I am a 71 year old man, so I am obviously not qualified to give advice to a young lady in your situation. All that I can tell you is that I recently found out that my Guardian Angel is a young woman just 24 years of age. Reading her biography, I notice that she, at the age of 15, was having some of the same issues that you mention, so perhaps you might benefit by reading about her life.

Her name is St. Therese of Lisieux.

 

[WJeffrey]

You may be more mature than those your age. When you get into college, you will have a lot more possibilities of speaking to someone on your level. Volunteering was also mentioned, and that can be a good way to meet like-minded people who share something in common with you. They also might be a little older and more mature, which could be a good thing for you.

Oh, and your English is coming along very well!

You’ve probably had more things in your life that forced you to mature earlier than some others your age. Learning a new language and culture, I’d imagine moving from another country. This helps mature a person. Others your age mostly haven’t had the degree of maturing factors. I think many of them will eventually mature, more like college age.

You could try some religious events with others your age, and maybe someone in there might be your level.

If it’s any consolation, I think this is a stage you’re going through which will pass. If you can hang out with friends older than yourself, as well, that might also help.

You are a lot more mature than people your age. You are also very bright. (Especially if English isn’t your first language.) You think about things that a lot of people your age don’t think about. That is a good thing. You are going to love college. You will be around women and people in general who are interested in the things that are important to you.

Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Your current problems are very temporary. You have a lot to offer the world. It won’t be long before you find your niche. You will look back on today and wonder why you were so upset. Keep the faith:thumbsup:

 

[ynotzap]

Well…I should start by saying that I’m only 15 and English is not my first language. Therefore, pardon any mistake.
Although I’m young somehow I managed to create a huge amount of hatred inside myself. The source of this…? Well, almost everything around me. From the absurd expectations of society to the simplest reaction in everyday life. I realize it’s not alright as it’s seriously consuming me inside out. But in the same time I enjoy the state that I’m in. Somehow it gives me motivation (a honestly twisted one) to fight anything that is against what I stand for. It’s obviously not only hatred but in combination with rage and despair. I know, hard words for somebody so young, but you’d be surprised to know what impact everything has on me. And well, what could be so deranging for me?
First of all, I can’t fit in any social group that I find. I just started high school and I hoped it would be a little better… it is, but not in the way that I wanted it to be. I just realized that I’m just capable of morphing my personality into different ones just to have a few idiots around me at school. Yes, idiots, because I can’t talk with them about anything serious at all. Take world problems , religion, philosophy, art (any kind) , foreign languages, science… anything I’m interested in and excel in . All they do is create unnecessary drama about boys and then, when they finish all of that, act like nothing happened. Which is impossible…considering what chaos they’re capable of creating. I just can’t find anybody on the same level as me . Being female that’s even harder. It’s not like I don’t enjoy talking about common things now and then…but not so effing often!!

Secondly…almost every person around me is obsessed with female’s beauty and how they should look like. I am , personally, satisfied with my appearance and can say that I like it ,but I despise make-up and overly-girly clothes. I know how to apply make-up and I’m ok with it. I don’t need anyone to pluck my eyebrows because I am capable of doing that too (however I need to improve a little bit here). However…that’s not all that is expected of a young girl. Young girlsmust, apparently, have 0 hair on their bodies , which is impossible for me , have 100 tons of make-up on their faces, gradually destroy their hair by always straightening it or anything like that and OF COURSE … run around after the opposite sex! What the hell is wrong with people?
Well…that’s the thing. I strongly disagree with all of this. I don’t want to lose half of the summer with shaving my d-amned legs and swearing at men that catcall me or my friends (needless to say…that happens almost every time.) . And what p-sses me off the most is the fact that men don’t need to do anything with this. They’re so carefree, so indifferent to anything. In the same time they feel like everything is supposed to revolve around their lustful needs and male arrogance . I’m sorry if this offends anybody, but I’m talking from my scarce experience of 15 years. I haven’t found one single male that doesn’t adhere to that .I don’t like having such a bad impression of more than half of the human population…but what can I do? I feel trapped. If I do not submit myself to those ideas I’ll most likely never find a partner because things are getting tougher and tougher each year and almost always will be regarded as a weird person. Cuz I don’t like "normal " things.

Sometimes I feel like I should just leave Earth once and for all because I don’t think I can go on with my life normally with so much pressure on me. I can’t be as creative as I want to be. Everything is restricting and from my point of view, abnormal. It’s like you would cut off the wings of a butterfly. I know it’s a lot to read and I hope the mature people on here will answer because honestly I don’t know where to turn anymore. It’s a lot building up and I dread the moment I’ll finally grow up. Oh God, the “wonderful” world of vicious adults.

Please give me any advice that you have and feel free to debate those problems. There’s a lot to discuss.
(If this isn’t in the right forum, please move it ! None of the other options seemed suitable)

The one thing that really helped me, without my knowing it at the time of my youth, was my Faith, even though I wasn’t convinced of it entirely, as I didn’t think of it as important in my life. I experienced anger, out of the social circle, bullied, rejected, missed out on most social functions. But in retrospect, I look back, and I can honestly say, that I was being protected from moral and physical harm. The world and society needs conversion, we all do and we are caught in the middle of confusion, and anger, and sadness and loneliness. I believe God protected me, not from pain, but being able to pass through it, more mature and wiser. Turn to Jesus Christ in you trials, He will see you through, let Him show you His love.

 

[Allegra]

You’re 15. Just study/do/wear whatever you want. You can be friends with your school mates even if they don’t all like the same exact things you like. You can talk about music with Francine, history with Emily, and sports with Janet. People get along with others better when they can respect one another’s differences. Just because someone doesn’t like all the same things you do doesn’t make them an “idiot”.

 

[Vico]

…I managed to create a huge amount of hatred inside myself. The source of this…? Well, almost everything around me. …

What is hate?

(Collins Dictionary, American) hate, noun 4. a strong feeling of dislike or ill will; hatred. (hate implies a feeling of great dislike or aversion, and, with persons as the object, connotes the bearing of malice)

So we all have likes and dislikes that arise from desires. When the object of our desire is blocked it leads to anger. The desire can be jealousy or envy, which, combined with vengeance, is malice. Therefore desire itself leads to many possible sins (such as harming, stealing, adultery, backbiting, slander, calumny, etc.) However, some righteous anger is justified when aligned with truth (example: Jesus driving the merchants from the temple.)

Ultimately, by detachment from objects of desire, we can be free from these sins. This will require the help of God, through actual grace.

The Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 2, Verse 62-63) has a good description of this:

While contemplating on the objects of the senses, one develops attachment to them. Attachment leads to desire, and from desire arises anger. Anger leads to clouding of judgment, which results in bewilderment of the memory. When the memory is bewildered, the intellect gets destroyed; and when the intellect is destroyed, one is ruined.

 

[angell1]

hi Vivian,

I graduated from high school about 7 years ago and I completely understand

I never understood why the other girls spent their lunch hours fixing their makeup constantly and that sort of thing

the thing is, you dn’t need to change your opinions about any of that. if you don’t like makeup, don’t wear it. wear the clothes that make you comfortable, you don’t have to pluck your eyebrows or shave your legs or do any of those things just to fit in. or drink and go to parties, try drugs, avoid all of that

just be yourself, stay away from people who create excessive drama for no reason, find people who have similar interests as you.

I noticed from your profile you say not religious, can you find a catholic parish near you, do they have a youth group you could join? sometimes it makes a difference to spend with people who have faith,

and there is a big difference between what God thinks is important and what the world thinks is important. ultimately, who’s opinion do you think matters more?

 

[GEddie]

Just hold on.

High school goes away faster than you think and so do its “priorities.”

ICXC NIKA

 

[Vivian42]

I’m currently 18 right now, I went through the same thing. Everybody was always worried about something someone else did instead of discussing these topics, try going to online groups, school clubs, and even go around to different science facilities and see what you can do.

We don’t have school clubs, neither science facilities. Our town is very poor in anything like that . To put it in perspective, we have only 2 hospitals. And also, my family doesn’t have the money to allow to visit bigger and more developed cities. I have to work my way to that through Olympiads (the final and national stage is in a big city) .

 

[Vivian42]

One thing I do notice in your post is an alarming degree of arrogance, and I don’t mean that in a judgmental way, just an observation based on some of the language you used. Don’t feel pressured to join some specific clique, but at the same time, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of believing that other people just aren’t as good as you. There are a lot of people in the world, and on optimistic days, I’d say the majority of them are not idiots. Everyone is unique and offers something of value to the people around them, and likewise, everyone has faults. I’m not offended by it, but you’re also leaning pretty heavily towards misandry for some reason. If you’re actually worried about not being able to find a guy later on in life, that’s definitely not the way to go about it. No one likes being generalized, even guys. I don’t need to tell you that not all guys are how you described, although as I don’t know where you are or what culture you live in, I can’t necessarily say that most guys are particularly respectful either.

Try to cultivate a good sense of self-respect, self-discipline, and self-awareness. Surround yourself with good people. If you aren’t the kind of person who wants to just chase after boys and look pretty, don’t do that. It’s high school. Make friends and have fun. Take your studies seriously, but don’t take the drama. It ends after 4 years and then you won’t even know why it happened in the first place.

That’s great about your sister and I do agree with you on everything you said. I am arrogant and very self-centered. And this is amplified , again, by what I’m seeing around me. I’ve replied to somebody that I live in a very small and underdeveloped town. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about when I say idiots. Not everyone, true, but too many of them. I can’t relate to them and I can’t have meaningful conversations with them. I guess I’ll have to deal with them until I leave this town and go to university in a bigger city. Hopefully I’ll find better people there and maybe I’ll be able to get rid of those traits.

About misandry…I think I made it clear that I don’t want to have this outlook on men. But…I’m not sure where you’re all from but it’s certainly much more civilized. Here I hear24/24 about women getting beat, raped and disregarded. I saw what my father was capable of doing to my mother. Recently a friend (15 also) was forced to do certain things by a dude (I think he’s in the same grade, god) . On the news too many of the victims are female. Not sure how it’s in your country, but here’s pretty bad. I think I have pretty good reasons to react like this . I don’t know what’s causing them to behave like that. For example in our little town a few years ago a woman was raped by a group of men and of course they got away with it. 2 days ago I went for a walk with a friend and a group of men followed us into a supermarket and shouted s–t at us. Yeah. Not sure who’s sexist here…
Anyways, thank you and everyone for the kind advice.

 

[Vivian42]

You may be more mature than those your age. When you get into college, you will have a lot more possibilities of speaking to someone on your level. Volunteering was also mentioned, and that can be a good way to meet like-minded people who share something in common with you. They also might be a little older and more mature, which could be a good thing for you.

Oh, and your English is coming along very well!

You’ve probably had more things in your life that forced you to mature earlier than some others your age. Learning a new language and culture, I’d imagine moving from another country. This helps mature a person. Others your age mostly haven’t had the degree of maturing factors. I think many of them will eventually mature, more like college age.

You could try some religious events with others your age, and maybe someone in there might be your level.

If it’s any consolation, I think this is a stage you’re going through which will pass. If you can hang out with friends older than yourself, as well, that might also help.

I’d gladly volunteer but there’s only one organization that does that and it rarely does…something .There’s somebody I know involved but I haven’t heard anything from her lately about this. It seems that they’re quite inactive. But I’ll look more into it. However, donating I think is good too.
I have a friend that invited me to their religious youth group. I wanted to meet those people last summer but sadly didn’t have the time (whenever I could they couldn’t and so on…) . Maybe this summer will be different.
Thank you for your kind words