I just can't find happiness

[Donkeykong]

I’m not sure how much detail to go into…

I’m a new(ish) convert. (I’m 33, converted in 2013)
I love the blessed virgin but never think to pray the rosary.
A year prior to my conversion I believe I was a rock bottom with my life & marriage (well about as far as my wife could take)
I have 3 kids with my wife & a 4th who lives with her mom.
My mom left my dad & it was a long arduas messy process.
I’ve been receiving counciling through catholic charities for 2+ years.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression & ADHD… I’m getting help for both, but again not sure if it’s helping.
I have too many hobbies.
I can’t help but feel that mass is becoming less sacred

There isn’t a specific instance I can point to, but I’m afraid that my marriage is falling apart. I feel like however much I try to be a good husband, either it’s not enough or I sabotage myself. I get overwhelmed with feelings of guilt if I’m not doing something to help the family, and I feel incredible anxiety if I don’t do things that help me unwind/blow off steam/relax. I am at the point in my life where I really do wonder if my wife & kids will manage better without me & my bag of issues. I adore my kids, especially my youngest daughter because I feel like I am doing “double duty” with her in part because of all the lost time & opportunities with my oldest daughter. (The two middle kids are brilliant boys). I am at the point that I just feel tapped out like I have nothing left to help propel me along, and I just feel like I’m tapping into those around me & consuming what positivity they have to keep myself afloat. I go to reconciliation & feel like I am able to receive grace there (selfishness seems to be a constant theme) but I just don’t seem to be able to find a way out of my misery. I could go on to tell about today & what happened & etc etc but it’s not relevant. It’s another knock against me, even if I was right in this instance I still screwed up & was wrong with how I dealt with it.

I know that I can read my bible (I do but not enough) but as soon as I close it, I’m back to my “normal” self. Maybe im being selfish in “feeling sorry” for myself. I don’t know if that is the case. All I know is that I don’t feel like I have it in me to keep on keeping on. My wife is brilliant and smart and everything I had ever hoped for, but there are issues. It can’t be 100% me (it’s not) but I seem to be the one expected to change. My kids are who keep me together and I’m afraid I’m gonna mess them up by being this way.

I just don’t know where else to turn to try and sort through the stuff that I need to deal with.

I hope this is coherent.
Thank you

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I’m not sure how much detail to go into…

I’m a new(ish) convert. (I’m 33, converted in 2013)
I love the blessed virgin but never think to pray the rosary.
A year prior to my conversion I believe I was a rock bottom with my life & marriage (well about as far as my wife could take)
I have 3 kids with my wife & a 4th who lives with her mom.
My mom left my dad & it was a long arduas messy process.
I’ve been receiving counciling through catholic charities for 2+ years.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression & ADHD… I’m getting help for both, but again not sure if it’s helping.
I have too many hobbies.
I can’t help but feel that mass is becoming less sacred

There isn’t a specific instance I can point to, but I’m afraid that my marriage is falling apart. I feel like however much I try to be a good husband, either it’s not enough or I sabotage myself. I get overwhelmed with feelings of guilt if I’m not doing something to help the family, and I feel incredible anxiety if I don’t do things that help me unwind/blow off steam/relax. I am at the point in my life where I really do wonder if my wife & kids will manage better without me & my bag of issues. I adore my kids, especially my youngest daughter because I feel like I am doing “double duty” with her in part because of all the lost time & opportunities with my oldest daughter. (The two middle kids are brilliant boys). I am at the point that I just feel tapped out like I have nothing left to help propel me along, and I just feel like I’m tapping into those around me & consuming what positivity they have to keep myself afloat. I go to reconciliation & feel like I am able to receive grace there (selfishness seems to be a constant theme) but I just don’t seem to be able to find a way out of my misery. I could go on to tell about today & what happened & etc etc but it’s not relevant. It’s another knock against me, even if I was right in this instance I still screwed up & was wrong with how I dealt with it.

I know that I can read my bible (I do but not enough) but as soon as I close it, I’m back to my “normal” self. Maybe im being selfish in “feeling sorry” for myself. I don’t know if that is the case. All I know is that I don’t feel like I have it in me to keep on keeping on. My wife is brilliant and smart and everything I had ever hoped for, but there are issues. It can’t be 100% me (it’s not) but I seem to be the one expected to change. My kids are who keep me together and I’m afraid I’m gonna mess them up by being this way.

I just don’t know where else to turn to try and sort through the stuff that I need to deal with.

I hope this is coherent.
Thank you

I am a convert too. Baptized in 2013 and I am 30

The Rosary is Christ centered. It is considered a Marian devotion because it was our blessed Mother Mary who gave us the rosary, but it is Christ centered. I pray it every once in awhile but not as often as I should. But it does bring me great peace when I do. Maybe you should try it

Sorry that you are going through so much distress. You know, I battle problems with scrupulosity and though I am not clinically diagnosed, I know that depression runs in my family and I can see myself falling into depression sometimes. This has been big time recently since I lost my job almost 2 months ago and I really loved my job. I liked it because it was so physically intense that I was too tired to think of stupid things half the time.

The hardest part about my struggles are that I go through them alone. I do not have a wife and I did not even start dating until my late 20s. My last girlfriend and I broke up 7 months ago and I have not had a single date since (well, it is debatable if I had one 5 months ago) My point is that you have a wife and a family. I would trade anything to have that. And there are many others who feel the same way. I know people in their 30s who have never even had a girlfriend. That is painful. You have a wife. Do what you must so that you do not lose your family. Sorry about your parents but we are adults. My Mother did not raise me, I have not seen my biological father since I was 3 years old (I have only 2 memories of him and one was visiting him in jail) and the man who did raise me, my Grandfather, died 3 years ago. My upbringing was dysfunctional but I do not let the mistakes of my parents affect me because I am a adult. I learned this when I was about 18 and I recommend you do the same. Don’t lose faith. You must cling to Our Lord now. It is good that you are seeking help. Just know, others are suffering too in similar ways, you are not alone.

When you cannot help your sufferings, offer them up to Christ in union with his sufferings on the cross. I will say a prayer for you. Take care and God bless.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m not sure how much detail to go into…

I’m a new(ish) convert. (I’m 33, converted in 2013)
I love the blessed virgin but never think to pray the rosary.
A year prior to my conversion I believe I was a rock bottom with my life & marriage (well about as far as my wife could take)
I have 3 kids with my wife & a 4th who lives with her mom.
My mom left my dad & it was a long arduas messy process.
I’ve been receiving counciling through catholic charities for 2+ years.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression & ADHD… I’m getting help for both, but again not sure if it’s helping.
I have too many hobbies.
I can’t help but feel that mass is becoming less sacred

There isn’t a specific instance I can point to, but I’m afraid that my marriage is falling apart. I feel like however much I try to be a good husband, either it’s not enough or I sabotage myself. I get overwhelmed with feelings of guilt if I’m not doing something to help the family, and I feel incredible anxiety if I don’t do things that help me unwind/blow off steam/relax. I am at the point in my life where I really do wonder if my wife & kids will manage better without me & my bag of issues. I adore my kids, especially my youngest daughter because I feel like I am doing “double duty” with her in part because of all the lost time & opportunities with my oldest daughter. (The two middle kids are brilliant boys). I am at the point that I just feel tapped out like I have nothing left to help propel me along, and I just feel like I’m tapping into those around me & consuming what positivity they have to keep myself afloat. I go to reconciliation & feel like I am able to receive grace there (selfishness seems to be a constant theme) but I just don’t seem to be able to find a way out of my misery. I could go on to tell about today & what happened & etc etc but it’s not relevant. It’s another knock against me, even if I was right in this instance I still screwed up & was wrong with how I dealt with it.

I know that I can read my bible (I do but not enough) but as soon as I close it, I’m back to my “normal” self. Maybe im being selfish in “feeling sorry” for myself. I don’t know if that is the case. All I know is that I don’t feel like I have it in me to keep on keeping on. My wife is brilliant and smart and everything I had ever hoped for, but there are issues. It can’t be 100% me (it’s not) but I seem to be the one expected to change. My kids are who keep me together and I’m afraid I’m gonna mess them up by being this way.

I just don’t know where else to turn to try and sort through the stuff that I need to deal with.

I hope this is coherent.
Thank you

How much of your time and your money do your hobbies consume? Is it a reasonable percentage of your off-work time and money? Does your wife get roughly equivalent spending money and free time?

Also, is there one of your hobbies that is less relaxing? You could drop that one.

What are your wife’s stated concerns?

And lastly, which of your hobbies and interests can you share with your children? I would prioritize those. That way you can have even more time with your hobby, while at the same time not letting your wife and kids down and having a clear conscience about it. (My husband has a number of hobbies, and he’s been able to share woodworking, amateur astronomy, board games and fencing with our kids. The last two lend themselves especially well to companionship.)

 

[tawny]

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.

 

[josh987654321]

.

Jesus to St. Faustina

"It is in My Passion that you must seek light and strength." (Diary, 654)
Jesus to Catalina:

I Have Given My Life for You - loveandmercy.org/Eng-IHG-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**4) I wish to speak to you again about My Passion because when I do so, I want to spread in your hearts feelings of union with Me, of compassion… to show you My Love…

1. How I wish that mankind would cultivate greater devotion to My Passion!..
2. I assure you that those who meditate on My sorrowful Passion will derive many Graces, because it is a treasure chest of infinitely enormous benefits. By the same token, those who have paid no attention or have forgotten My sufferings will always find emptiness and spiritual poverty.
3. My sufferings will always be the Glory of My Father and My Glory, as well as the greatest demonstration of the Spirit of Love for you on earth… **

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**"Contemplate My wounds and see if there is anyone who has suffered as much as I, to show their love…

"Contemplate for a moment these bloodstained hands and feet… This naked body, covered with wounds, with urine, and blood. Dirty… This head punctured by sharp thorns, soaked in sweat, full of dust, and covered in Blood…

"Contemplate your Jesus, hanging on the Cross, without being able to make the slightest movement… naked, without fame, without honor, without liberty…

"Contemplate Me in the image of the Christ that weeps and bleeds. There and in this way the world has Me**

http://s15.postimg.org/s9fu5lkbv/Crucifixion.jpg
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**1) …Look at Me, My beloved ones. Letting Myself be led with the meekness of a lamb to the terrible torture of the scourging. On My Body, already covered with blows and overwhelmed with fatigue, the executioners cruelly discharge terrible lashes with braided rope, with rods. They punish Me so violently that there was no part of Me which was not prey to the most terrible pain… The blows and the kicks caused Me countless wounds… The rods tore away pieces of My skin and flesh. Blood flowed from all My limbs. Time after time I fell because of the pain caused by the blows to My manliness. My Body was in such a state that I resembled a monster more than a man. The features of My face had lost their shape; it was all swollen.

1. The thought of so many souls, who would later be inspired to follow My footsteps, consumed Me with Love. **

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**5) The fatigue that I feel is so great and the Cross so heavy that halfway along the path, I fall from weakness. See how those inhuman men lift Me up in the most brutal manner. One grabs My arm, another pulls My clothes that are stuck to My wounds, tearing them open again… This one grabs Me by the neck, another by the hair; others discharge dreadful blows to My whole Body, with their fists, and even with their feet. The Cross falls upon Me and with its weight causes new wounds. My face is scraped by the stones in the road and the blood which runs down My face sticks to My eyes that are almost closed because of the blows they have received. The dust and the mud mingle with the blood and I am turned into the most repugnant of objects.

1. My Father sends Angels to help support Me so that My Body does not lose consciousness when it falls, so that the battle may not be won before its time and all My souls are lost.
2. I walk over the stones that destroy My feet. I stumble and fall time and time again. I look at both sides of the road, searching for the slightest look of love, of surrender, of union with My pain, but… I do not see anyone.
3. My children, you who follow in My footsteps, do not let go of your cross no matter how heavy it seems to you. Do it for Me because by carrying your cross, you will help Me carry Mine, and on the difficult path, you will find My Mother and the holy souls who will give you encouragement and comfort.**

Jesus to Catalina:

I Have Given My Life for You - loveandmercy.org/Eng-IHG-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**To redeem all of mankind, a child’s cry, a moan, a single tear of Mine would have been enough… Would you have understood My Love in the same way? If with so many great proofs you still take so long to accept it, what would have caused you to believe in My Love, if I had limited Myself to what seemed paltry? …

It is because of all this that you must believe in Love, principally, in My Love …

Only by going beyond the limit of “what is necessary” would many eyes be opened to My Love.**

Please continue to next post -

 

[josh987654321]

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**6) On the other hand, there are souls, and not few, who, moved by their desire for salvation but above all, by the love inspired in them by the vision of what I have suffered for them, decide to follow Me on the path to Calvary. They embrace the perfect life and give themselves to My service, not to help Me carry just a part of the Cross but all of it. Their only desire is to give Me rest and to console Me. For that purpose, they volunteer for everything that My Will asks of them, searching for how they can please Me. They do not think about the merits or the reward that awaits them, or the tiredness or the suffering that will result for them. The only thing that they have in mind is the love that they can show Me, and the comfort they give Me…

1. If My Cross is presented as an illness, if it is hidden under a job contrary to their inclinations and of little agreement with their abilities, if it comes accompanied by the thoughtlessness of people surround them, they accept it with total submission.
2. Oh! These are the souls that truly carry My Cross; they adore it. They make use of it for obtaining My Glory with no interest or payment other than My love. They are the ones that consider Me and glorify Me.
3. If you do not see the result of your sufferings, of your self-denial, or if you see it later, be certain that they have not been in vain and fruitless but, on the contrary, the fruit will be abundant.
4. The soul who truly loves, does not keep count of how much it has suffered or labored, nor does it expect this or that reward, but it seeks only that which it believes glorifies its God… For Him it spares neither labors nor weariness. It does not become agitated or restless, far from it, for it does not lose its peace if it finds itself thwarted or humiliated, because the only motive for its actions is love, and love abandons the consequences and the results. Therein lies the purpose of souls who do not seek rewards. The only thing that they hope for is My Glory, My comfort, My rest, and, for that reason they have taken My Cross and all the weight that My Will desires to place upon them.
5. My children, call Me by My name, for Jesus means everything. I will wash your feet, those feet that have trodden a slippery path and are now wounded by the blows against the rocks. I will wipe away your tears, cure you, kiss you, and you will remain healthy and know no other path but the one that leads you to Me.
6. We are now at Calvary! The mob is excited because the dreadful moment is near… Exhausted by fatigue, I can hardly walk. My feet bleed because of the stones on the way… Three times I have fallen along the way: once to give sinners used to sinning the strength to convert; another to give encouragement to souls who fall because of being frail and to souls who are blinded by sadness and restlessness, encouraging them to rise and embark with courage upon the path of virtue; and the third time, to help souls depart from sin at the hour of their death.**

http://s28.postimg.org/6bvy5pai5/Prodigal_Son.jpg
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

I want to teach sinners that because they have sinned, they should not distance themselves from Me thinking that they no longer have recourse and that they will never be loved as before they sinned. Poor souls! These are not the feelings of a God who has shed all His Blood for you. Come to Me all of you and fear not, because I love you. I will cleanse you with My Blood and you will be as white as snow. I will drown your sins in the water of My Mercy and nothing will be able to snatch from My Heart the Love that I have for you.

Divine Mercy Image - St. Faustina

http://s28.postimg.org/746uzccbx/Divine_Mercy.jpg

Jesus to St Faustina

"My daughter, know that My Heart is mercy itself. From this sea of mercy, graces flow out upon the whole world. No soul that has approached Me has ever gone away unconsoled. All misery gets buried in the depths of My mercy, and every saving and sanctifying grace flows from this fountain…" (Diary, 1777).

"My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy." (Diary, 367).

"Tell sinful souls not to be afraid to approach Me; speak to them of My great mercy" (Diary, 1396).

**“I never reject a contrite heart.” **(Diary, 1485).

How to Pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy

http://s15.postimg.org/uc0cy5a0r/st_margaretmary2.jpg

Jesus to St Margaret-Mary Alacoque

**"Behold this Heart which has loved men so much that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting **(Crucifixion) and consuming itself (Last Supper, Eucharist) in order to testify to them it’s love."
Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

13) My children, poor sinners! Do not distance yourselves from Me. I wait for you night and day at the Tabernacle. I will not reproach you for your crimes; I will not throw your sins in your face. What I will do is to wash you with the Blood of My wounds. Do not be afraid; come to Me. You do not know how much I love you.

Please continue ot next post -

 

[josh987654321]

Jesus to Catalina:

The Passion - loveandmercy.org/Eng-TP-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**1) Nobody really believes that I sweat blood that night at Gethsemane, and few believe that I suffered much more in those hours than in the Crucifixion. It was more sorrowful because it was clearly revealed to Me that the sins of everyone were made Mine and that I should answer for each one. Thus I, being innocent, answered to the Father as if I were really guilty of dishonesty and I, being pure, answered to the Father as if I were stained of all the impurities committed by you, My brothers and sisters. You dishonor God who created you to be instruments of the greatness of Creation and not to stray from the nature given you with the purpose of having it gradually behold the sight of the purity of Me, your Creator.

1. Therefore, I was made a thief, a murderer, an adulterer, a liar, a sacrilegious person, a blasphemer, slanderer and a rebel to the Father whom I have always loved
2. It was precisely this contrast between My Love for the Father and His Will that caused My sweating blood. But I obeyed until the end and for love of everyone, I covered Myself with the stain so that I could do My Father’s Will and save you from eternal damnation.
3. Consider how many agonies more than human I had that night and, believe Me, nobody could alleviate such anguish because, on the contrary, I was seeing how each one of you devoted yourself to making cruel at every moment the death given to Me because of the offenses whose ransom I have paid in full. I want it to be known once again how I loved all mankind at that hour of abandonment and indescribable sadness**…

http://s9.postimg.org/66ompoefj/Jesus_in_the_Garden.jpg
Blessed Anne Catherine Emmerich:

Chapter 1 - Jesus in the Garden of Olives - jesus-passion.com/THE_PASSION.htm#CHAPTER

He fell on his face, overwhelmed with unspeakable sorrow, and all the sins of the world displayed themselves before him, under countless forms and in all their real deformity. He took them all upon himself, and in his prayer offered his own adorable Person to the justice of his Heavenly Father, in payment for so awful a debt. But Satan, who was enthroned amid all these horrors, and even filled with diabolical joy at the sight of them, let loose his fury against Jesus, and displayed before the eyes of his soul increasingly awful visions, at the same time addressing his adorable humanity in words such as these: ‘Takest thou even this sin upon thyself? Art thou willing to bear its penalty? Art thou prepared to satisfy for all these sins?’

Jesus to Catalina:

The Great Crusade of Mercy - loveandmercy.org/Eng-CM-Reg.pdf
(Roman Catholic Imprimatur)

**1) My child, I have prayed for you and for all at Gethsemane; I have not forgotten anyone because all were united to Me in a mysterious but real embrace. I have desired and needed to pray, since I had firmly in mind the fact that, notwithstanding My invitation repeated several times, you would not have prayed as much as I wish. Therefore, I lovingly humbled Myself and I prayed for you as much as the Son of God made man could possibly do.

1. It is example that counts. It is hard for you to follow Me because you do not love Me enough or because [you think] I am indifferent to you, as if I were not your Redeemer, as if your salvation depended not on Me, but on others.
2. If I have said “Pray”, I have also specified to Peter and the other Apostles that they should pray with Me. I knew, and I know what it meant to ask them to pray, and I have offered Myself to keep them company so that praying would be less difficult, more accepted and more attractive.
3. Remember and think about the fact that it was at Gethsemane that I have asked them to pray with Me. I did not ask them to do so Tabor but at Gethsemane, and you should understand why. But if you are not awake, attentive and watching, how can you possibly pray with Me? You are overcome by sleep, and you also will sleep and be assailed by temptation, because you have not accepted My invitation to pray with Me.
4. Ah, Peter, Peter! What an example of human frailty you have left to the world that does not yet understand the great misery you suffered then at that time! You were ready to die for Me and [yet] you put yourself before all, demonstrating the pride you were filled with then. “The others, yes,” you said, “but I will not betray you.” And instead, the others did not fall as low as you fell. They were fainthearted but they did not deny Me as openly, as you have done, My Peter. And why was that?
5. Because you did not remain with Me praying, so My enemy made you fall by making use of some poor people, but above all because of your failure to be united with Me.
6. Peter! Peter of My Heart! Oh, My little and most beloved Peter! Throughout the entire world until the end of time your weakness and My Mercy will be alluded to. But all those who wish to follow Me: reflect on the fact that the triple fall of Peter arose from the vanity that separated him from Me, and which prevented him from praying, because those who believe they need help, do pray, and not those who are vain enough to think themselves strong.
7. What do you want Me to add for you? I have given you an example; I have made clear to you why people fall into the temptation of the flesh and the spirit.
8. Remain with Me. Let us pray together, that is, I will pray in you and for you, since that is really the meaning of My request. I assure you that you will be heard and at the same time, you will be protected.**

Please continue to next post -

 

[josh987654321]

Jesus to St. Faustina -

"The cause of your falls is that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot exhaust." (Diary, 1488)

"…when you go to confession, to this fountain of My mercy, the Blood and Water which came forth from My Heart always flows down upon your soul and ennobles it. Every time you go to confession, immerse yourself entirely in My mercy, with great trust, so that I may pour the bounty of My grace upon your soul. When you approach the confessional, know this, that I myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden by the priest, but I myself act in your soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of mercy. Souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity. The torrents of grace inundate humble souls." (Diary, 1603).

**"Let the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls. Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Write: before I come as a just Judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice…… **(Diary, 1146).

I hope this has helped

God Bless You

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[hazcompat]

Venerable Fulton J. Sheen

Joy is not the same as pleasure or happiness. A wicked and evil man may have pleasure, while any ordinary mortal is capable of being happy. Pleasure generally comes from things, and always through the senses; happiness comes from humans through fellowship. Joy comes from loving God and neighbor. Pleasure is quick and violent, like a flash of lightning. Joy is steady and abiding, like a fixed star. Pleasure depends on external circumstances, such as money, food, travel, etc. Joy is independent of them, for it comes from a good conscience and love of God

Read “Finding True Happiness” by Fulton J. Sheen

Peace

 

[Ophelia23]

Friend, when I read your post I honestly wondered if you were my husband. What made it clear that you aren’t is the number of children you have… we only have two.

I write this to you as the wife. My husband also has been in counseling with Catholic Charities for 2+ years for depression and anger. His “coping” mechanisms are to either take out his anger and frustrations on me, or to go hide away with friends playing D&D. Or Car Wars. Or Magic. Or Axis and Allies. Anything fantasy, really.

I will admit to you as a wife in this situation that it is so tiring, so disheartening and difficult. My aim is to be supportive and loving, but sometimes I am there on the surface when deep in my heart, I want to recoil and run and hide. We are struggling to find a balance between illness and responsibility, love and boundaries, and meeting my basic needs of respect and dignity.

I don’t write to throw out my sob story at you–I am just trying to offer you my heartfelt understanding of the situation you are in, albeit from a slightly different perspective.

My advice to you is the following. Cling to the sacraments, brother. Grace is undeniable, and you need it in your heart. You need it in your marriage. Sometimes when I feel everything unraveling around me and like it would be easier to just take the kids and go, I hear it in my heart: “I’ve got you. Stay, let me handle this.” I don’t think I could have this reasoning were it not for the graces received through regular confession, adoration and the Eucharist.

Your wife is struggling, too. While you yourself are in the midst of a terrible, forceful storm, the people around you feel the strong winds and get hit with the debris. I don’t say this to cause guilt!! Have compassion for yourself and your own struggles, and have compassion for your family who is standing by your side. I can’t tell you to stop being anxious, or to stop being depressed, or to just change yourself. You and I both know it isn’t possible. But what you CAN change is how you view and interact with those around you. Don’t let your depression and anxieties win by ending your marriage. It is not the answer.

I pray for you. Please, pray for me too.

Yours in Christ,

Ophelia.

 

[Samwise1]

Now 34, converted around my 20th. And I recognize your feelings, especially those when you experience less faith than you had.
Don’t worry, it will go away. But also, we all (with known exceptions)
Know that God loves you regardless of the state of your own faith.

In regards to depression, it’s also something I struggle with. I decided not to look for clinical solutions, but to force myself to enjoy life. Strange thing, but this is working for me.
For me, enjoying life is a duty that God gives us. (For example read Philippians 4,4).

Maybe your situation is worse and it’s difficult to make this step, but know that we all are praying for you.

You are not alone, and even if you don’t feel that way, God is especially with the suffering.

You are doing your best to seek Him and follow His Will - the fact that you feel guilty about not doing that, exactly means that: You are doing that.

God loves you.

One advice for your marriage: I don’t know a lot about this, but one thing could be that love is also in receiving love. You are worried about not doing enough. I notice my brand-new wife is more often disappointed if I don’t let her love me, or if I am worried too much about her, rather than she’d be disappointed if I’d forget this or that.

So just a simple straightforward advice: Relax and let Gods love and your wife’s love sink in.

Sorry if this all sounds too ‘lecturing’, but it just is what comes to mind and what helped me a lot.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

May almighty God bestow upon you the gift of obedience.

“Jesus, Almighty King of kings, You Who obeyed Your Father to the end, Teach me the meaning of obedience. My soul burns to comply to Your Will, Striving to charm Your Divinity. While my worldly nature seeks one way, My spiritual nature seeks another. Bless me with the strength to obey, That my soul may subdue both natures, Blending them as a fair aromatic bloom. I always seek favour in Your eyes, To always obey You until my last breath! Amen”

Seek His gifts in His presence: the Holy Eucharist: Mass & Adoration. Are you signed up to keep perpetual adoration at a near by church for an hour a week? Highly recommend it !