I just don't know if it's lust

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scapularkid8

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Okay I since these forums are pretty much anonymous I’m going to spill the beans here since I just don’t know if this is mortal sin or not (or at least a “serious” sin that would mean I can’t take Communion):

I have same-sex attraction at times and since I’m just arriving at college I’m emotionally and mentally maturing (you know all that stuff: new state, new schedule, new diet, ect.) and that could be part of this, but I was thinking “hey I want to see me some cute baseball players” so I searched online for pics of “hot baseball guys”, ect.

NOW…here’s the thing. I didn’t gander at anything pornographic, but I still did this to be sexually “gratified” I guess you could say. I did think to myself “isn’t this lustful?” and went along anyway…that was a bad idea. That’s lust right? Even if there were no impure thoughts involved? Since I wanted to misuse God’s Creations as an object of self-gratification? And it was also a serious sin since I knew the idea behind what I did? I’m just not sure because one of the requirements for serious sin is that you need to understand the full gravity of the situation (which I’m not sure if I did or not) and do it regardless. I just want to make sure and completely clear this up since it’s been a recurring problem for me lately.

Also:
I have received Communion with this on my conscience since I just thought “well I didn’t have any impure thoughts, I just wanted some eye candy”…and then I questioned that but received Communion anyway and now I feel bad…help?********
 
As we develop there can be times we may be attracted to the other sex. We should not automatically assume it is SSA. It can be fleeting and go away never to surface again.

Self mastery is the key here.
 
But did I commit a serious sin is what I’m wondering, I don’t really want to get into a discussion about SSA. Thanks for your tip though, that does relieve a little stress!
 
No it was not a mortal sin , but it is unnecessarily tempting yourself and I guarantee you that putting yourself in situations like that are a sure road to falling in mortal sin (slippery slope).

What you did could have reached the level of venial, but again, venial sins in areas like that weaken you and make you more susceptible to falling into mortal. This has long been shown as true and I myself have come to realize how true it is in my own life.

You should invest some time in listening to these shows by Christopher West and get a hold of his other talks when you get the chance:
christopherwest.com/hearnow.asp

ALSO, if you are on a college campus look for a Catholic group to meet up with called a “Newman Club” which are on many secular campuses.

Hang in there.
 
we are not qualified to give you specific spiritual advice here, as has been advised to you many times, now you are at school go to the Newman center or chapel and find a good priest for confessor and spiritual director. coming here is not going to help you, and may even hurt you, because it will delay you getting the spiritual guidance you need. this is the last time I am going to respond to OP’s threads for this reason.
 
Thanks for the tough love PuzzleAnnie!! You’re right. I just need to let go of my pride and start opening up to a priest that I trust who can guide me on the way.

I’m actually on a Catholic campus which helps because there are many good priests here and lots of campus ministry resources.

I just ask that you pray for me. Thanks for the reality check.
 
You’ll be in my prayers. Keep trying, and might I advise that you entrust this situation to St. Michael. Keep the Faith.
 
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