I know I will get blasted for this thread

[Anglewannabe]

I know everyone will probably post about how all I do is complain about work. Nonetheless, I will post in the hope that some charitable person will offer a comforting response.

I recently had a phone interview for a position I will call ‘job’ at a place called ‘Company’.

Last night, I volunteered to supervise some exams. I bumped into a lady I have seen at a few times before at professional volunteering events. And I know she works at ‘Company’. I usually don’t network because frankly, the only thing it gives me is pain, but I decided to give it a try. I told her that I had a phone interview and asked if she knew who the supervisor was. She waived her hand as if she was tossing something worthless aside and said ‘Why would you want job’. Well that lead to an hour discussion of her trying to talk me out of doing job and to do something else. It really hurt me. Several frustrating parts of the conversation

1-) Her: that job only pays $$$$

Me: that is OK, I really want this job and it would be worth it (secretly thinking act cool and don’t let her know that is more than what I am making now. But it hurt for someone to assume I had a better income than what I have)

2-) Her: That is an entry level job. Recently we had a supervisor position come up in a different part of the company, you should have applied for that

Me: Well, first, I don’t have experience in that department so I could not supervise that type of work and secondly, that is not the field I want

3-) All the CFOs and CEOs work in Toronto. If you want to move up the latter working in Toronto is better because the top people see the good work you do.

Me: But the department I want to work in is not in Toronto it is in this town

4-) Her: If you want to do job, you need to think of a lot of detail

Me: That is the type of detail I love

5-) Her: it is an entry position, start a bit higher

Me: That is the position they have available, if I start there, when a more advance position becomes available, I will have the experience and a good chance of being promoted

6-) Her: Not a good job. Less money than someone with your education can earn

Me: I don’t want money I want job. Besides, with my education after a few years I could move up to manager

7-) Her: I think with your education you can go for something better paying

Me: I don’t want something better paying, I want job. (Secretly I was so hurt. She just rubbed salt in my wounds that I could not get a better job.)

Finally, she gave me her cards and said ‘I will tell the supervisor you are interested’

I felt like I needed to humor her since I was the one who brought it up. Also, since I was petrified she might say something bad to the hiring manager, I was polite when I secretly wanted to snap “sorry for asking”

It just really hurt that yet again, I was hoping for something better and someone not only rubbed salt in my wounds for not being able to get a good job, they totally disrespected my personal opinion.

Ok, so I would love some compassion even though I know a lot of people on this forum will just blame me again

 

[ack]

There’s such a thing as being “overqualified”, meaning that a company will not hire you for a specific position because they think you have too much experience for the position. I think this is what she was trying to communicate to you.

They don’t like making overqualified hires because they assume that you will become dissatisfied with the job (due to the pay or the boredom of the low-level work) and quit too quickly.

It is important neither to aim too low nor to aim too high in your job search, as companies will typically hire someone who is at the typical level of qualification and skill for people working that job.

 

[St_Francis]

At best, she could have handled that conversation better. It’s such a shame people don’t understand how difficult things are in this economy. I hope all goes well in the interciew and they hire you right away!

 

[AKDee]

Why not look at it as this woman was repeatedly complimenting you by thinking you are better than the job you are applying for? I’m not trying to talk you out of it- I commend you for going for the job and career path you want. But generally when people say they think you can do better, it’s because they think you CAN do better. It’s a compliment. She should have dropped it after saying it once but still- I don’t think she meant to hurt you.

Good luck on getting this job!

 

[Lookingforjoy]

Perhaps she was trying to dissuade you from taking the job if it were offered because she has a friend who’s applying. That seems likely to me. Don’t put too much stock into what she said.

Good luck with your job hunt!

 

[Isca]

Why not look at it as this woman was repeatedly complimenting you by thinking you are better than the job you are applying for? I’m not trying to talk you out of it- I commend you for going for the job and career path you want. But generally when people say they think you can do better, it’s because they think you CAN do better. It’s a compliment. She should have dropped it after saying it once but still- I don’t think she meant to hurt you.

Good luck on getting this job!

I agree with your take on this. Good luck to the OP, I hope you get the position!

 

[oldgraymare2]

Anglewannabe,

I guess that I have missed reading some of your threads lately about your work situation, so I will just answer the thread that you are posting about here.

It sounds to me that she needed to just take time to actually hear and listen to what you were saying to her, too. It seems to me that she needed to be doing a better job of that.

Personally, sometimes I do think that we do know best where our own strengths and weaknesses are, and where we are at when it comes to job-related skills, so in my opinion, you would probably know best what position to apply for in that company, at this time.

It appears to me that you were trying to explain your experience to her, and why you wanted the available position with her company, but instead of listening to your explanations, she kept negating what you were saying to her.

That would have made me feel frustrated, as well.

I get frustrated too in certain circumstances, and you just have to look at it as people have good intentions and they mean well, and they are trying to help you out and are trying to look out for you, too.

This to me is one of those situations like that, where it is like, “Oh, what do you want this for, there is something else better for you,” when she is not really listening to what your heart really wants.

So, all that I can tell you is that I would just go for the job that you want to go for, and know that these kinds of things are going to happen with the people that you know and come across while you are looking. You know yourself the best, and where your job skills are, so you know what types of jobs you should be applying for, in my opinion.

I wish you all of the best, while looking for another job. Hang in there! May God bless you during this stressful time for you.

 

[BartholomewB]

But it hurt for someone to assume I had a better income than what I have)

I don’t see why that should hurt. The other way around would hurt more, wouldn’t it? If you’re in the middle of a conversation about jobs and the other person’s assessment of you is that you’re only worth x, which is much less than the y you are actually being paid in your present job?

 

[GLam8833]

Anglewannabe,

I guess that I have missed reading some of your threads lately about your work situation, so I will just answer the thread that you are posting about here.

It sounds to me that she needed to just take time to actually hear and listen to what you were saying to her, too. It seems to me that she needed to be doing a better job of that.

Personally, sometimes I do think that we do know best where our own strengths and weaknesses are, and where we are at when it comes to job-related skills, so in my opinion, you would probably know best what position to apply for in that company, at this time.

It appears to me that you were trying to explain your experience to her, and why you wanted the available position with her company, but instead of listening to your explanations, she kept negating what you were saying to her.

That would have made me feel frustrated, as well.

I get frustrated too in certain circumstances, and you just have to look at it as people have good intentions and they mean well, and they are trying to help you out and are trying to look out for you, too.

This to me is one of those situations like that, where it is like, “Oh, what do you want this for, there is something else better for you,” when she is not really listening to what your heart really wants.

So, all that I can tell you is that I would just go for the job that you want to go for, and know that these kinds of things are going to happen with the people that you know and come across while you are looking. You know yourself the best, and where your job skills are, so you know what types of jobs you should be applying for, in my opinion.

I wish you all of the best, while looking for another job. Hang in there! May God bless you during this stressful time for you.

I’ll say Amen to that!

 

[Anglewannabe]

There’s such a thing as being “overqualified”, meaning that a company will not hire you for a specific position because they think you have too much experience for the position. I think this is what she was trying to communicate to you…

No she was communicating to me it is not a good field to go into and disregarding it is what I want

They don’t like making overqualified hires because they assume that you will become dissatisfied with the job (due to the pay or the boredom of the low-level work) and quit too quickly…

Perhaps but it still discounts my feelings. This job would be a step up from what I am doing. Just because I have education does not mean people are giving me a job and it hurts. Where is the compassion for my plight

It is important neither to aim too low nor to aim too high in your job search, as companies will typically hire someone who is at the typical level of qualification and skill for people working that job.

But if there are no jobs at my current level, I have to apply at a different level

 

[Anglewannabe]

Why not look at it as this woman was repeatedly complimenting you by thinking you are better than the job you are applying for?

And THAT is what hurts me SO much. People think I can land a good job anytime. It hurts that they have no sympathy for the reality of what I am living. If I really could land a better job, I would have done it by now. I think she is just one of those people who never struggled and consequently has no sympathy for someone who does

 

[Anglewannabe]

I don’t see why that should hurt.

Well, you have a narrow minded view. I never owned a car until I inherited one. People use to think that with my education I had a lot of money so when I would say that I can not afford a car they would call me a lying penny pincher. People would guilt trip me constantly for not keeping up with the Jones when I just could not afford it

The other way around would hurt more, wouldn’t it?

No , the other way around is a bi compliment. There was a guy I was friends with for over a year. Once I mentioned something in passing about my education. He was shocked to find out I was educated. That was concrete proof to me that during the whole time we were friends he was my friend for my good heart not my credentials

 

[Anglewannabe]

At best, she could have handled that conversation better. It’s such a shame people don’t understand how difficult things are in this economy. I hope all goes well in the interciew and they hire you right away!

Thank you for your kind words

 

[captainrick]

When I have had similar conversations, my responses are always"oh," “ah!” And “okay,” followed by “well, gotta go now, thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.” Then I forget the whole thing and remember that it it is useless to get into it with annoying people.

 

[Anglewannabe]

When I have had similar conversations, my responses are always"oh," “ah!” And “okay,” followed by “well, gotta go now, thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.” Then I forget the whole thing and remember that it it is useless to get into it with annoying people.

I am 100% with you on that. I am the person at a party who is know for ‘don’t ask me about work’. However, this situation was different. First, I started it (and yet again I was reminded that all those employment councellors who tell you to network and full of it) and secondly, I didn’t want to rudely end it because I don’t want her to have a bad impression of me to tell the hiring manager.

 

[ack]

Perhaps but it still discounts my feelings. This job would be a step up from what I am doing. Just because I have education does not mean people are giving me a job and it hurts. Where is the compassion for my plight

Yes, it is horrible to be in a situation where you aren’t eligible for the kinds of jobs you want to get (either being underqualified, overqualified, or having the wrong kinds of qualifications). Many people are in this situation and it is agonizing.

However, is this really the situation you’re in? If you are applying for many, many jobs that you want, and if you are finding that all of your applications get rejected, then it is eventually worth trying to figure out what the reason for that is. But it might be too soon to conclude this if you haven’t applied for a lot of jobs yet.

The conversation sounds sort of weird, and I cannot tell for sure if she thought you were actually overqualified for the position, if she thought you lacked some skill for the job, if she knew the position was already filled, if she has a personal disagreement with another part of the company, or if there was some other reason for her comments. People often don’t give the real reasons why they are encouraging or discouraging someone to do something.

 

[captainrick]

I am 100% with you on that. I am the person at a party who is know for ‘don’t ask me about work’. However, this situation was different. First, I started it (and yet again I was reminded that all those employment councellors who tell you to network and full of it) and secondly, I didn’t want to rudely end it because I don’t want her to have a bad impression of me to tell the hiring manager.

I understand; I’m always polite, but get out of such conversations quickly. I hope everything works out for you - sometimes it takes time. You’ll be okay - stick with it, and have faith!

 

[AKDee]

I can understand why you’re frustrated that someone doesn’t understand your struggles, but I do suggest you try harder to view other people’s comments with charity. While this person clearly doesn’t understand your struggles, I also didn’t get the impression she’s a close friend who should understand your struggles. She seems to hold your professional abilities in high esteem. Few people would choose to be offended that someone thinks they are more qualified, rather than less qualified. Personally where I would choose to get offended is if someone treated me like I wasn’t good enough for the job I applied for. She sounds like she thinks you are more than qualified for the job you applied for.

 

[Allegra]

The person you were talking to was very pessimistic about the job, but I wouldn’t let that that ruin my day. I once told a coworker of mine that I was seeing a man I had met online and that he was coming to visit me for the weekend. Another coworker overheard me and told me that I was wasting my time, that online relationships never worked out, that no man in his right mind would consider moving to a new state for a woman, and that the guy was probably just trying to get lucky.

At first I was like, “What is her problem?” but then I realized that she was complaining about her own life. She was almost 40 and still single and had a history of bad dating and relationships and she was projecting her own disappointment in life onto me.

That’s probably what this other lady was doing with you. She didn’t want the job. She didn’t think it was worth the low pay. She thought she was better than that. (and probably whatever job she has as well) There’s no reason to project those feelings onto you and there’s no reason you have to take them personally. Why should you be frustrated just because she is?

PS- The online date did work out. We’ve been married three years and have one beautiful girl and another on the way.

 

[Anglewannabe]

This woman may not be capable of being a good listener,

I didn’t expect compassion or even help from her. Had she said ‘Sorry Angie, I will not be talking to the hiring manager for you’, I would have respect her honesty and boundary.

What irked me is she was trying to change my opinion and it is a pretty well known fact different people have different preferences. After I told her clearly, it is the field I want, she just would NOT leave it alone. And regardless of the topic, mature people know that is wrong.

It just hurts. This is another example of why I think networking is stupid