I know masturbation is wrong but I need help

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LaurelR

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I’m feeling terrible about myself right now. I am a 14 year old girl and I started masturbating and watching pornography when I was probably around 12 or 13. I don’t even know why I started I am so sad that I lost my innocence at such an early age. Being raised in a Catholic family, I did love God and would do anything for Him. But lately I’m not so sure. I feel depressed and angry all the time. Right when I turned 14 I wanted to stop masturbating completely but found that I couldn’t. I reached an all time low and spent my nights crying in my bed wondering if I was going to hell. I want to stop so bad but I just can’t. I dont know why. It seems like I do it to get rid of all the stress and worry in my life. It came down to the point where I thought about ending my life just to make it all go away. I look in the mirror every day and am disgusted by what I see. I used to lay in bed every night and pray to God that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. I hate myself after I masturbate and the pornography I watch is getting even more disgusting. I wish I could go back to when I was 12 and tell myself to never even start. I feel so ashamed. My youth group is going on a mission trip but I didn’t want to go because I don’t think I am even near the amount of devotion they have towards God. I feel like I will never fit in with them or any of the people in my Catholic church. I don’t even know what I believe anymore. I don’t know if I like praying that much or reading the Bible. But I want to love God and I want him to love me but I don’t think he even could anymore. I want to go to heaven so bad but does this all mean I’m going to hell? Please help me to stop. I know I need to confess but I’m so so so shy and could never Talk about this to anyone.Do you have any idea what I should do?? I need help or tips or something to help me quit this. It’s a horrible thing to do and I just want to stop. I could never tell anyone these things cause I am so shy but I have been praying about it asking God for forgiveness. But I’ve never told a living soul about it and I probably never will. I just couldn’t. Please please help me or at least pray for me :confused:
 
Do not despair.Do not be sad as your heart in the right place.It’s a good start to feel sorrow for the acts of impurity,but don’t let it taint your belief and joy in the knowledge of God.

God is indeed merciful and is ever-ready to forgive those who ask pardon of their offences. Sometimes growing in sanctity requires falling quite a bit and it reminds people of their lowliness and dependence on God.

Even though the sacraments are there to aid us,there is no easy way out.We must determine never to sin again.God does grant us the graces,but we must respond to it.And if we fall,get up and go again.After all,we are but human and most times give a false impression of ourselves being greater than what we are.

Unfortunately,one serious sin will lead to more in future.Impurities usually gives birth to a whole litany of sins.Read about serial killers,most were addicted to pornography.I understand,not all people can approach a priest with certain situations and issues,but it does help great deal to find one that you can confide in and confess to and keep the same one as he can monitor your progress and so on.

All the best.

JMJ
 
I don’t know how helpful I can be on this issue, but one thing I would suggest is calming down a bit. Everyone has their weaknesses. Most people do what they can to hide them. You aren’t going to know what other peoples problems are and you shouldn’t worry about comparing yourself to others. Also, don’t assume you are beyond forgiveness.

I have not had issues like yours, but I was a very angry person for a long time. I didn’t really take things out on other people, but I used drugs and had disturbingly violent dreams. Reading the bible and going to church helped me the most. I would reccomend getting a pocket sized New Testament. You’ll probably read it more than a large awkward bible and you can take it anywhere. Also maybe you should look into relaxation techniques.

Good Luck.
 
CHAPTER 13 – On Resisting Temptations [The Imitation of Christ]

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation.

Although temptations are so troublesome and grievous, yet they are often profitable to us, for by them we are humbled, cleansed, and instructed. All the Saints endured manly trials and temptations, and profited by them; but those who could not resist temptations became reprobate, and fell away. There is no Order so holy, nor place so secluded, where there are no troubles and temptations.

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him.

Some people undergo their heaviest temptations at the beginning of their conversion; some towards the end of their course; others are greatly troubled all their lives; while there are some whose temptations are but light. This is in accordance with the wisdom and justice of God’s ordinance, who weighs the condition and merits of every man, and disposes all things for the salvation of those whom He chooses.

We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear bear it.” So, let us humble ourselves under the hand of God, in every trial and trouble, for He will save and raise up the humble in Spirit. In all these trials, our progress is tested; in them great merit may be secured, and our virtue become evident. It is no great matter if we are devout and fervent when we have no troubles; but if we show patience in adversity, we can make great progress in virtue. Some are spared severe temptations, but are overcome in the lesser ones of every day, in order that they may be humble, and learn not to trust in themselves, but to recognize their frailty.
 
Why don’t you pray to the Blessed Mother? She is the perfect role model for us to be pure! When feeling tempted, just say a Hail Mary or pray the rosary. Many of us struggle with this sin at this age, boys and girls.
Remember that prayer is vital if you want to get stronger in this fight and so is the Sacrament of Confession. You can also go to the Moral Theology section of this forum and right at the top you will find a thread called ‘List of Catholic Websites for Battling Impurity’. Remember that you’re not alone!
Just my :twocents:
 
LaurelR said:
I’m feeling terrible about myself right now. I am a 14 year old girl and I started masturbating and watching pornography when I was probably around 12 or 13. I don’t even know why I started I am so sad that I lost my innocence at such an early age. Being raised in a Catholic family, I did love God and would do anything for Him. But lately I’m not so sure. I feel depressed and angry all the time. Right when I turned 14 I wanted to stop masturbating completely but found that I couldn’t. I reached an all time low and spent my nights crying in my bed wondering if I was going to hell. I want to stop so bad but I just can’t. I dont know why. It seems like I do it to get rid of all the stress and worry in my life. It came down to the point where I thought about ending my life just to make it all go away. I look in the mirror every day and am disgusted by what I see. I used to lay in bed every night and pray to God that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. I hate myself after I masturbate and the pornography I watch is getting even more disgusting. I wish I could go back to when I was 12 and tell myself to never even start. I feel so ashamed. My youth group is going on a mission trip but I didn’t want to go because I don’t think I am even near the amount of devotion they have towards God. I feel like I will never fit in with them or any of the people in my Catholic church. I don’t even know what I believe anymore. I don’t know if I like praying that much or reading the Bible. But I want to love God and I want him to love me but I don’t think he even could anymore. I want to go to heaven so bad but does this all mean I’m going to hell? Please help me to stop. I know I need to confess but I’m so so so shy and could never Talk about this to anyone.Do you have any idea what I should do?? I need help or tips or something to help me quit this. It’s a horrible thing to do and I just want to stop. I could never tell anyone these things cause I am so shy but I have been praying about it asking God for forgiveness. But I’ve never told a living soul about it and I probably never will. I just couldn’t. Please please help me or at least pray for me :confused:
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I know exactly what you are feeling because I have been in the same place you are. I was introduced to the disgusting world of pornography when I was 19 years old and it excited my interest so much that I began to watch it on a regular basis.

I have been living with depression for 13 years and had often felt lonely so I resorted to watching the porn for a quick fix. It would make me feel good at that moment but I quickly slipped into guilt about what I had done. It became an endless cycle and I was trapped. No matter what I did, I could not end the problem. I was worried it had become an addiction because I became obsessed. I knew exactly when the new videos were uploaded on the website so I would stay up all night watching filth.

About 3 years ago, I knew I couldn’t hide the secret any longer. I told my mom what the problem was and said I needed help. From the moment she knew and understood, the addiction changed. It was no longer my secret – it was out in the open. She often asked me about when I had watched it and became my accountability partner. I signed up for a service that emailed her the webpages I visited so she could see exactly what my online activity was. Now, it didn’t end there. It was still a problem that needed time to be unraveled. I sought psychological therapy from a Catholic therapist employed by my diocese (I’m still with her). She helped me get to the root of the problem and helped me understand that it would not solve anything – it only made it worse. Each time I would go to Confession, I would make an Act of Contrition with the resolve to stop watching it, but Confession cannot always end the cycle. That is what therapy is for.

Once you find the root cause and treat it, you will be on the road to recovery. I am 6 months “sober” though I still suffer from temptations. Only with the help of prayer and custody of the senses am I able to beat this problem. I found out that my underlying cause was hypothyroidism which was causing mood swings. Anytime I would swing into depression, I’d inevitably self-medicate with pornography. It never helped, though.

I want you to know my story because I don’t want you to feel as if there is no hope. There IS hope! Do not despair! Just because you have a difficult time believing in God, it doesn’t mean He has given up on you. Your problem has become and addiction and you cannot recover on your own. If you feel comfortable enough, I urge you to tell an adult you trust about your problem. Pornography is a sin of the darkness. Once you bring it out into the light, the devil can’t weigh you down anymore. Find an accountability partner you can trust and limit your use of the internet. There is no shame in getting help.

Most important, you need to get yourself some therapy. It is obvious to me that you are suffering from the same thing I had a problem with – loneliness. You don’t interact with people enough as evidenced by your withdrawal from the mission trip. The devil preys on the lonely and weak, so you have to make an effort to be more social. It isn’t easy, I know. But psychologists are trained to help you right where you are. If you have access to a Catholic therapist, that would be the best solution. It is my experience that some secular therapists hold the idea that pornography and masturbation are “healthy” outlets but they are not. It is immoral according to the Church and goes against God’s law. A previous therapist of mine even encouraged me to continue, and he was oblivious to the fact that it was not helping me but hurting me.

You are loved. Don’t feel that you need to end your life to get away from this problem. You are not in control of it therefore you are not at fault for the addiction. If you don’t have full culpability, it is not a mortal sin. It is still necessary that you receive Confession before the Eucharist as only a priest has power to absolve you, but hold your head up high and know that God is on your side. He is a MERCIFUL Father who wants your return. Read the parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32.

If you want to PM me, feel free to. You are in my prayers! God bless you.
 
Click on the CHASTITY tab at the top of the page. It will take you to www.chastity.com. In their Q&A section, there is a Pornography etc. section where you will find some suggestions about how to stop these bad habits.
 
LaurelR said:
I’m feeling terrible about myself right now. I am a 14 year old girl and I started masturbating and watching pornography when I was probably around 12 or 13. I don’t even know why I started I am so sad that I lost my innocence at such an early age. Being raised in a Catholic family, I did love God and would do anything for Him. But lately I’m not so sure. I feel depressed and angry all the time. Right when I turned 14 I wanted to stop masturbating completely but found that I couldn’t. I reached an all time low and spent my nights crying in my bed wondering if I was going to hell. I want to stop so bad but I just can’t. I dont know why. It seems like I do it to get rid of all the stress and worry in my life. It came down to the point where I thought about ending my life just to make it all go away. I look in the mirror every day and am disgusted by what I see. I used to lay in bed every night and pray to God that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. I hate myself after I masturbate and the pornography I watch is getting even more disgusting. I wish I could go back to when I was 12 and tell myself to never even start. I feel so ashamed. My youth group is going on a mission trip but I didn’t want to go because I don’t think I am even near the amount of devotion they have towards God. I feel like I will never fit in with them or any of the people in my Catholic church. I don’t even know what I believe anymore. I don’t know if I like praying that much or reading the Bible. But I want to love God and I want him to love me but I don’t think he even could anymore. I want to go to heaven so bad but does this all mean I’m going to hell? Please help me to stop. I know I need to confess but I’m so so so shy and could never Talk about this to anyone.Do you have any idea what I should do?? I need help or tips or something to help me quit this. It’s a horrible thing to do and I just want to stop. I could never tell anyone these things cause I am so shy but I have been praying about it asking God for forgiveness. But I’ve never told a living soul about it and I probably never will. I just couldn’t. Please please help me or at least pray for me :confused:
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Do not worry. It will stop when it has to stop.
 
I cannot offer a great deal of advice except that which helped me.

I developed a “visual prayer”…After all, if we can “visualize” toward lust - why not “visualize” away from it…
So I prayed, “Father, take me to the foot of the cross”, and then began thinking, visualizing myself there. Gazing on the scene of teh one who died for my sins.
Hot, dry, dusty day.
The foot of the cross buried in the ground.
The wood of the cross stained black from blood and sweat.
The feet of our Lord.
Filthy and stained and dripping blood and sweat.
I did this - I put Him there - Not alone - but I helped.
Every time I sin, it is increases His pain.
If I refrain, it eases His pain.
Feel the heat of that day, the dryness of the air.
How thirsty He is…
…and so on…

How could I possibly sin while standing at the foot of the cross.

Peace
James
 
My 2 cents:

First of all, go to confession. That’s what is nice about confession; you can do it anonymously. If it makes you nervous and you are afraid the priest might recognize your voice, go confess at a different church that your regular one.

It is true that masturbation is a sin, but remember that sin requires full consent of the will. If your masturbating is truly compulsive and “beyond your control”, I think the argument could be made that there is no consent of the will in this case. This, of course, does not mean it is OK. You should seek counseling and/or professional therapy. Even alcoholics, once they decide they need help, will relapse occasionally until they are clean.

You recognize that you have a problem. It is good that you recognize it; that is the first step. Don’t worry about the going to Hell thing so much. I, for one, believe that God does cut some people slack and if you are earnest about dealing with your problem and are making sincere efforts to deal with it, you’ll probably be OK.

Also (and this may be the hardest part) you need to tell someone. I’d suggest you discuss it with an adult female friend you can trust such as your mother, an aunt, or a school guidance counselor. Remember: They too were once your age and may also have had the same urges and feelings.

In the short run, a self-help tip might be to immediately go do something else when you feel the urge coming on. If you feel the “need” to masturbate coming on, get up, walk away from the computer, or the video, or the magazines or whatever. You’ll be surprised how good it will make you feel just to do that much! Go for a walk around the block or ride a bicycle. Play with your dog or cat. Call up your BFF and talk about that teacher you both don’t like (but be charitable!). Say the rosary or at least a decade or two.

The simple fact that you posted your concern here shows that you want to do something about. That is the first step. Hang in there, and don’t worry yourself so much. Things will get better. You just have to make the earnest effort which you seem to want to do. Good luck! :signofcross:
 
I will pray for you! I know that this is something that so many people struggle with. Whenever you feel the urge to do or watch something impure, pull out those rosary beads and pray, pray, pray. The feeling will pass, I promise. Since you have been doing this for a while, it’s not going to be easy, but it can definitely be done. And as someone else said, if you fall, get back up and try again. God knows our weaknesses but we need to be truly sorry when we sin and try to never do it again. We need to take every chance we can to overcome temptation (lots of prayer, reading Scripture, finding something else to occupy our time, etc.). I have every faith in you that you can and will overcome this!! :hug3:
 
LaurelR said:
I want to go to heaven so bad but does this all mean I’m going to hell?
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Pray the Rosary daily; the Blessed Virgin Mary has promised, in multiple private revelations, to take to Heaven those who make such a devotion.
 
I had a similar problem as well, so you are NOT alone! Here are a few things that helped me: Pray the rosary every day, go to confession (I am shy too and was embarassed, but trust in the Lord and know that it is not the first time the priest will have heard this sin), keep a finger rosary in your pocket at all times, and whenever the temptation arose I said at least one Hail Mary (usually only took one to really make a great affect).

Hope this helps! You will be in my prayers!
 
You state the masturbation is wrong but nowhere do you identify why you hold that belief. Is it because someone or some institution told you that it was wrong and that you feel guilt and shame? Doing anything obsessively can cause physical and/or psychological trauma. Are you suffering from trauma or are you suffering from self-imposed or externallly generated guilt. There are many destructive acts (mutilation, murder, etc.) that may be emotionally challenging and in a civilized society lead to guilt but the act of masturbation is benign. Peace.
 
Rob_has_lapsed said:
You state the masturbation is wrong but nowhere do you identify why you hold that belief. Is it because someone or some institution told you that it was wrong and that you feel guilt and shame? Doing anything obsessively can cause physical and/or psychological trauma. Are you suffering from trauma or are you suffering from self-imposed or externallly generated guilt. There are many destructive acts (mutilation, murder, etc.) that may be emotionally challenging and in a civilized society lead to guilt but the act of masturbation is benign. Peace.
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Rob,
Welcome to the boards.
If I may - Since the OP seeks to stop the behavior - not determine it’s acceptability - You answer here is not really helpful.
That said - If you would like to discuss this perspective in a new thread I’m sure that many good people would gladly engage you in spirited and charitable conversation. 👍

Peace
James
 
JRKH said:
Rob,
Welcome to the boards.
If I may - Since the OP seeks to stop the behavior - not determine it’s acceptability - You answer here is not really helpful.
That said - If you would like to discuss this perspective in a new thread I’m sure that many good people would gladly engage you in spirited and charitable conversation. 👍

Peace
James
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I will certainly exit this discussion as I consider myself a guest of this board and hopefully a tolerated guest. However, I am still questioning whether LaurelR is truly troubled with the act itself or more specificically the guilt surrounding the act. In my humble opinion the problems of LaurelR are much deeper than masturbation and I hope that she seeks answers also from secular sources such a gogreen18. Peace.
 
2nd time:

Forget about it and go your way. Confess, go to communion and one day it will disappear, tell you, if not earlier, in the … coffin … Everyone is a sinner …
Do not worry and do good … to your fellow man…
 
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