I Know Why I Hate Everything

[AlanFromWichita]

Alan, that response was directed towards an earlier poster who specifically asked that question. Periodic threads have revealed that Flavius_Aetius is usually very explicit and direct, and usually of a similar subject so that the question may have seemed odd to Flavius_Aetius.
I don’t know that any of our words can help. Flavius_Aetius may need in due course to take positive action towards healing of outlook and restoration of faith, and much prayer may be needed.

Thanks. I thought I must have missed something, but it sounds like I can let it go.

Alan

 

[Flavius_Aetius]

Trishie is correct, that was directed towards lisahiku. I honestly didn’t know what was being implied by the question and probably won’t know until tomorrow.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Trishie is correct, that was directed towards lisahiku. I honestly didn’t know what was being implied by the question and probably won’t know until tomorrow.

Ok, I saw that, but offered an “unsolicited” answer that may or may not be what we find out.

Alan

 

[Monica4316]

do you pray for faith with trust?
try praying the Divine Mercy for this, at 3 pm when Jesus died… or before the Blessed Sacrament… but you need to pray with trust. I think that might be why you don’t have a stronger faith. Ask Our Lady for help too. I think we need to sometimes seek faith, and God wants to give you this gift, - but you won’t be able to accept it without at least wanting to surrender to God with trust.
Read some of these quotes from Divine Mercy in My Soul… catholic-forum.com/churches/cathteach/divinemercy1.htm

Here are some things that Jesus told St Faustina about His mercy:

I desire that priests proclaim this great mercy of Mine towards souls of sinners. Let the sinner not be afraid to approach Me. The flames of mercy are burning Me - clamouring to be spent; I want to pour them out upon these souls…Distrust on the part of souls is tearing at My insides. The distrust of a chosen soul causes Me even greater pain; despite My inexhaustible love for them they do not trust Me. Even my death is not enough for them. Woe to the soul that abuses these [gifts]. (50)

And even if the sins of soul are as dark as night, when the sinner turns to My mercy he gives Me the greatest praise and is the glory of My Passion. (378)

My daughter, do you think you have written enough about My mercy? What you have written is but a drop compared to the ocean. I am Love and Mercy itself. There is no misery that could be a match for My mercy, neither will misery exhaust it, because as it is being granted - it increases. The soul that trusts in My mercy is most fortunate, because I myself take care of it. (1273)

Write, speak of My mercy. Tell souls where they are to look for solace; that is, in the Tribunal of Mercy. There the greatest miracles take place [and] are incessantly repeated. To avail oneself of this miracle, it is not necessary to go on a great pilgrimage or to carry out some external ceremony; it suffices to come with faith to the feet of My representative and to reveal to him one’s misery, and the miracle of Divine Mercy will be fully demonstrated. Were a soul like a decaying corpse so that from a human standpoint, there would be no [hope of ] restoration and everything would already be lost, it is not so with God. The miracle of Divine Mercy restores that soul in full. Oh, how miserable are those who do not take advantage of the miracle of God’s mercy! You will call out in vain, but it will be too late. (1448)

My daughter, do not tire of proclaiming My mercy. In this way you will refresh this Heart of Mine, which burns with a flame of pity for sinners. Tell My priests that hardened sinners will repent on hearing their words when they speak about My unfathomable mercy, about the compassion I have for them in My Heart. To priests who proclaim and extol My mercy, I will give wondrous power; I will anoint their words and touch the hearts of those to whom they speak. (1521)

Tell them that no soul that has called upon My mercy has been disappointed or brought to shame. I delight particularly in a soul which has placed its trust in My goodness. (1541)

Today I heard the words: In the Old Covenant I sent prophets wielding thunderbolts to My people. Today I am sending you with My mercy to the people of the whole world. I do not want to punish aching mankind, but I desire to heal it, pressing it to My merciful Heart. I use punishment when they themselves force Me to do so; My hand is reluctant to take hold of the sword of justice. Before the Day of Justice I am sending the Day of Mercy. (1588)

 

[Monica4316]

If you think that God just wants to keep you lukewarm and does not want to give you greater faith, that is not true… He wants to give you this gift but you need to really seek for it through prayer, with your heart, really wanting that gift. This might take time, or it might not. Sometimes God offers us His graces but we block them because we don’t accept them, don’t believe that He can/wants to, don’t believe His mercy, and don’t trust Him.

The Goodness of God.

1485 The mercy of God, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament, the voice of the Lord who speaks to us from the throne of mercy: Come to Me, all of you.

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Sinful Soul.

Jesus: Be not afraid of your Savior, O sinful soul. I make the first move to come to you, for I know that by yourself you are unable to lift yourself to me. Child, do not run away from your Father; be willing to talk openly with your God of mercy who wants to speak words of pardon and lavish his graces on you. How dear your soul is to Me! I have inscribed your name upon My hand; you are engraved as a deep wound in My Heart.

Soul: Lord, I hear your voice calling me to turn back from the path of sin, but I have neither the strength nor the courage to do so.

Jesus: I am your strength, I will help you in the struggle. Soul: Lord, I recognize your holiness, and I fear You.

Jesus: My child, do you fear the God of mercy? My holiness does not prevent Me front being merciful. Behold, for you I have established a throne of mercy on earth—the tabernacle—and from this throne I desire to enter into your heart. I am not surrounded by a retinue or guards. You can come to me at any moment, at any time; I want to speak to you and desire to grant you grace.

Soul: Lord, I doubt that You will pardon my numerous sins; my misery fills me with fright.

Jesus: My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For **you **I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let my Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy. Do not argue with Me about your wretchedness. You will give me pleasure if you hand over to me all your troubles and griefs. I shall heap upon you the treasures of My grace.

(81) Soul: You have conquered, O Lord, my stony heart with Your goodness. In trust and humility I approach the tribunal of Your mercy, where You yourself absolve me by the hand of your representative. O Lord, I feel Your grace and Your peace filling my poor soul. I feel overwhelmed by Your mercy, O Lord. You forgive me, which is more than I dared to hope for or could imagine. Your goodness surpasses all my desires. And now, filled with gratitude for so many graces, I invite You to my heart. I wandered, like a prodigal child gone astray; but you did not cease to be my Father. Increase Your mercy toward me, for You see how weak I am.

Jesus: Child, speak no more of your misery; it is already forgotten. Listen, My child, to what I desire to tell you. Come close to My wounds and draw from the Fountain of Life whatever your heart desires. Drink copiously from the Fountain of Life and you will not weary on your journey. Look at the splendors of My mercy and do not fear the enemies of your salvation. Glorify My mercy.

 

[Monica4316]

(82) Conversation of the Merciful God with a Despairing Soul.

1486 Jesus: O soul steeped in darkness, do not despair. All is not yet lost. Come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy.

— But the soul, deaf even to this appeal, wraps itself in darkness.

Jesus calls out again: My child, listen to the voice of your merciful Father.

— In the soul arises this reply: “For me there is no mercy,” and it falls into greater darkness, a despair which is a foretaste of hell and makes it unable to draw near to God.

Jesus calls to the soul a third time, but the soul remains deaf and blind, hardened and despairing. Then the mercy of God begins to exert itself, and, without any co-operation from the soul, God grants it final grace. If this too is spurned, God will leave the soul in this self-chosen disposition for eternity. This grace emerges from the merciful Heart of Jesus and gives the soul a special light by means of which the soul begins to understand (83) God’s effort; but conversion depends on its own will. The soul knows that this, for her, is final grace and, should it show even a flicker of good will, the mercy of God will accomplish the rest.

My omnipotent mercy is active here. Happy the soul that takes advantage of this grace. Jesus: What joy fills My Heart when you return to me. Because you are weak, I take you in My arms and carry you to the home of My Father.

Soul (as if awaking, asks fearfully): Is it possible that there yet is mercy for me?

Jesus: There is, My child. You have a special claim on My mercy. Let it act in your poor soul; let the rays of grace enter your soul; they bring with them light, warmth, and life.

Soul: But fear fills me at the thought of my sins, and this terrible fear moves me to doubt Your goodness.

Jesus: My child, all your sins have not wounded My Heart as painfully as your present lack of trust does— that after so many efforts of My (84) love and mercy, you should still doubt My goodness.

Soul: O Lord, save me yourself, for I perish. Be my Savior. O Lord, I am unable to say anything more; my pitiful heart is torn asunder; but You, O Lord…

Jesus does not let the soul finish but, raising it from the ground, from the depths of its misery, he leads it into the recesses of His Heart where all its sins disappear instantly, consumed by the flames of love.

Jesus: Here, soul, are all the treasures of My Heart. Take everything you need from it.

Soul: O Lord, I am inundated with Your grace. I sense that a new life has entered into me and, above all, I feel Your love in my heart. That is enough for me. O Lord, I will glorify the omnipotence of Your mercy for all eternity. Encouraged by Your goodness, I will confide to You all the sorrows of my heart.

Jesus: Tell me all, My child, hide nothing from Me, because My loving Heart, the Heart of your Best Friend, is listening to you.

Soul: O Lord, now I see all my ingratitude and Your goodness. You were pursuing me with Your grace, while I was frustrating Your benevolence. I see that I deserve (85) the depths of hell for spurning Your graces.

Jesus (interrupting): Do not be absorbed in your misery—you are still too weak to speak of it—but, rather, gaze on My Heart filled with goodness, and be imbued with My sentiments. Strive for meekness and humility; be merciful to others, as I am to you; and, when you feel your strength failing, if you come to the fountain of mercy to fortify your soul, you will not grow weary on your journey.

Soul: Now I understand Your mercy, which protects me, and like a brilliant star, leads me into the home of my Father, protecting me from the horrors of hell that I have deserved, not once, but a thousand times. O Lord, eternity will hardly suffice for me to give due praise to Your unfathomable mercy and Your compassion for me.

 

[RosaryFan]

I know now why I hate everything with all my soul!

For the evil and the faithless I hate them for the obvious reasons. There views also have corrupted all of the world so that now nowhere is safe from atheistic secularism. I put those two together not because I see all atheists as evil, but because they in their own relative morality provide just as bad of a corruption in society as any evil person.

As for the Good and those with faith, I hate them nearly equally because I don’t belong…

I don’t have the gift of faith, yet I can’t tear away the thought of God being an existing force. Even trying to live like an atheist would be a joke, like trying to not notice your arm is missing if you’ve had it amputated.

It drives me crazy that I’ll never fit in all Black or White; that I’m the Lukewarm that God spits out. For those reasons I hate God, for being good yet spitting out my damned soul; it doesn’t matter that I deserve it - I just hate the Creator for placing me in a sea of people I can’t relate too and then when it all ends just leaving me to rot in Hell with evil and the faithless.

There is no rule that says you can’t have the gift of faith. As long as you are alive on this earth, you have time, chance, opportunity and hope. It’s never too late to turn to God and ask for help. Without God’s grace, we’re all in your boat. “There, but for the grace of God, go I”.

 

[erine]

I see you have faith or you could not have the clarity to see what is evil. I see you believe God is a force, but He is more than that He is a living being who is seeking you. Jesus died for you personally on the cross. He thought of you during His passion and knew this was for you and that helped give Him the strength to go through it. Pray, pray, pray, even if you don’t feel anything. Go to adoration, pray to the Hoky Spirit and St. Thomas. Don’t give up.

 

[Monica4316]

Erine, that is a good point God is not an impersonal force, He is Someone, a Person, who loves us individually and cares for us. If there was only one person on earth, He would still have died for that person. He loves us individually and not “in general”. I think it helps to know this, to approach God with more trust.

God bless

 

[Monica4316]

No it’s been at least 5 years since I’ve attended Mass/gone to Confession/or spoken to a Priest about spiritual matters. It has been blend of doubting faith in God, my own excessive sinfulness, a lackluster faith within my family, and the sinfulness of the rest of humanity (including Clergy within the Church) that lead to a total collapse of even trying to remain in good standing. Before that I had been a quite faithful as a Catholic; being a self-starter in fact-asking for a Bible for Christmas when I was 13, having to request to my parents to take me to Mass instead of it being a expected issue.

This is how I really feel; what are you implying?

I think it might help you to go to Mass again, (but only receive Communion after going to Confession), and speak with a priest. Tell him you haven’t been to Mass. We obtain many graces through the Mass… it could help you to come closer to God, it’s very important in fact. God bless

 

[erine]

Erine, that is a good point God is not an impersonal force, He is Someone, a Person, who loves us individually and cares for us. If there was only one person on earth, He would still have died for that person. He loves us individually and not “in general”. I think it helps to know this, to approach God with more trust.

God bless

God loves each of us passionately, as if we were the only one. Jesus is God and therefore knows all, and therefore knew everything about each of us during His passion and did it for each of us.

Think about this next time you pray the sorrowful mysteries.

 

[Trishie]

Under the circumstances that you describe in another recent post, it is probably rather difficult for you to be positive. You are under frequent personal attack and criticism and don’t see any other option for the present that you can/are open to considering, therefore you are being confirmed regularly in negativity and self-dislike by the lack of love and support in your living and study environment. While you remain in an atmosphere where love doesn’t surround you and your self esteem is under attack, you aren’t likely to find healing and a more positive atmosphere and attitude…and that appears to chronically affect your entire outlook.

I don’t know if it is possible for you to pro-actively influence those two people directly in your life by acts of kindness and a more cheerful face, but I hope you don’t allow others’ unkindness and lack of support to define you and your entire life. I hope you can keep the coals of hope safe so they can flame into life when you do finish your studies and begin to create you own future.

 

[Flavius_Aetius]

I think it might help you to go to Mass again, (but only receive Communion after going to Confession), and speak with a priest. Tell him you haven’t been to Mass. We obtain many graces through the Mass… it could help you to come closer to God, it’s very important in fact. God bless

Going to Mass in my state always seems to backfire spiritually though. First from the feeling of being an outcast when nearly the entire congregation goes up to receive the Communion and I’m still sitting at my bench; which also leads into malicious thoughts about the fact that some of these people are probably accepting Communion in a state of Sin. Adding to that is going to Mass without having done Confession feels almost pointless; I just remember the fact that after Mass if I were to die in a car crash or some other incident then I’d go directly to Hell for the mortal sins I know I have and still struggle with.

Sometimes I don’t even know if I deserve to feel this badly. Despite my parents divorcing I got through it a hundred times better than many people I knew in High School. I mean I still have the total love of both my parents, and they are both on completely friendly terms with each other. I don’t have any major problems with their new significant others.

Then when I hear about others with parents who hate them or that hate one another and constantly fight it makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the eye and told to shut up about my little problems.

 

[Monica4316]

Going to Mass in my state always seems to backfire spiritually though. First from the feeling of being an outcast when nearly the entire congregation goes up to receive the Communion and I’m still sitting at my bench; which also leads into malicious thoughts about the fact that some of these people are probably accepting Communion in a state of Sin.

I know this is frustrating and I’ve been in this position many times, - but it’s still better to be there to receive the graces from Mass, and because the Eucharist is there, and you get a blessing from a priest… you can make a spiritual communion… it’s much better than being at home or at another church.

Adding to that is going to Mass without having done Confession feels almost pointless; I just remember the fact that after Mass if I were to die in a car crash or some other incident then I’d go directly to Hell for the mortal sins I know I have and still struggle with.

It’s not really that simple. If you are:

• repentant for all your mortal sins
• that means: not only being sorry, but are TRYING to stop doing them
• INTEND going to Confession as soon as you are able to

if the person happens to die then, - we leave that to God’s mercy and they can still be saved.

If they are not repentant and have no intention of going to Confession and turning away from the sins, - if they have no will to stop sinning and don’t try, - now that is dangerous.

But avoiding Mass would make things only worse for you. Not only is it a mortal sin to miss Mass - so you’re adding a mortal sin each time you skip it… (that is very serious!!) - you also lose a lot of graces that come simply from BEING at Mass. People often forget that we receive graces just from being there and participating, if we participate fully and pray and make a spiritual communion if we can’t receive Communion that day.

But the way to remedy all this is to simply go to Confession the priest can help you to make a good full confession. Just be totally honest, because lying in Confession or intentially leaving out a mortal sin, - makes the whole thing invalid, and in fact a sacrilege.

God bless

 

[Julia_Mae]

Please do not think I’ve stopped reading this thread, I have read every post-I’m just having trouble right now finding stability in myself. I acknowledge that the center of all this anger is really hating myself; with the reasons being mostly not meeting the standards my faith needs, a long history of just being the 5th wheel friend for everyone save for some occasions that in the end I feel I personally ruined, and finally for never proving to have any natural talent in any field of life.

I don’t know, you seem to write pretty well. You are having a lot of deep feelings and still are expressing them very well and concisely. I think you’ve reached everyone here in a very effective way. You feel like you don’t have faith, but you express that you do. If you can be in this mental/emotional quandry and still pretty much know there is God, that’s the gift of faith. That’s a pretty special gift.

I think there are a lot of great suggestions in this thread. Here is mine. Do something to make stuff better. Try this: there is a great problem with our plastics, little stuff discarded, like lids and cups and old lighters, all ending up being washed out to sea and forming this huge “plastic continent.” If these things were disposed of properly, it would be much better.

Get your own plastic bag and wherever you go, when you see other’s trash, pick it up. When your bag is full, dispose of it in a trash container and start filling another bag. Don’t get mad at the people who threw the stuff on the ground, just help make the world a little bit better. People will see you. Some of them will stop throwing their stuff away on the ground. Some might start picking up stuff, too, more often. You make the world a little bit better, become an inspiration. You don’t have to talk about it or explain it. Just do it.

You can do this any time. When you are feeling bad about yourself at home, go for a walk. Take your bag. Keep an extra bag with you, in your car, stuck in your pocket.

 

[Flavius_Aetius]

think there are a lot of great suggestions in this thread. Here is mine.

That was an excellent suggestion, it’s small gestures that tend to speak strongly for me.

I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their patience and advice. I know this has been a constant problem for me, but everything you all said and the real concern you share does feel like a candle in this dark night for my soul.

just be totally honest, because lying in Confession or intentially leaving out a mortal sin

If I can ask, does that mean covering every detail about a sin? I know Priests have heard it all before but in terms of Lust and specifically pornography I would not want to go into detail stating “this kind of porn, and that kind, ect.”

 

[Monica4316]

you should add detail if it changes the nature of the sin… for example with porn, there might be some important difference, ie: ‘homosexual’ porn, child porn, etc. I don’t know though, with this example, better to just ask the priest.

Some detail is useless… for example if you say you lied, you don’t have to say what you lied about unless again it affects the seriousness or nature of the sin.

And really, it’s true that priests have heard it all, and even if the priest hasn’t heard something, - he’s there to give God’s mercy and not to judge. I’ve never had a priest act judgementally towards me, or treat me any different after a confession, though I’ve said some really horrible things.

 

[Julia_Mae]

If I can ask, does that mean covering every detail about a sin? I know Priests have heard it all before but in terms of Lust and specifically pornography I would not want to go into detail stating “this kind of porn, and that kind, ect.”

I agree with Monica. But make a lust. I forgot something really important about my worst ever sin, and even though I know that the forgiveness is absolute, it bothered me for a long time.

But just saying the nature of the sin is enough, unless the priest asks for more detail or you feel that the extra element really clarifies it.

One step at a time and never give up.

 

[SteveGC]

I agree with Monica. But make a lust.

Freudian slip?

jk

 

[Julia_Mae]

Freudian slip?

jk

Oh dear. I’d say so if the “U” and “I” weren’t next to each other! LOL!

LIST!!! Make a list!