I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

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walkerjay147

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There’s a girl that I like that has a boyfriend. I began to have feelings for her recently and I can’t shut them out. I feel guilty for liking her when she already likes someone else… Is this a sin? I don’t do or say anything to cross the line of being just friends. Should I tell her how I feel? If she likes me after my confession then is it a sin? Am I tearing them apart by letting her know my feelings?
 
What are you expecting her to do once you tell her? Leave her boyfriend and choose you…thats unfair to both of them, how would you feel if you had a girlfriend and a guy told her he had feelings for her? keep your feelings to yourself and find a girl thats free to date
 
Tell her what your feelings towards is. Everything is not a sin. But don’t think that she will split up and become your girl, however, you will feel better when you know she knows. And if she leave her present love that mean that she loves you more, and you don’t need to feel guilty about that. She would have done that anyway soon if her feelings are not strong enough.

Look, loving someone, even secretly, is not a sin as long it does not contain lust, but I think it always do. When I was still married there was a summer when I did fall in love with my wifes sister, she did have a boyfriend who turned become her husband a few years later. No words was ever spoken, but we both did know, and we also knew that it was wrong, but I miss that feeling. We still are friends, and meet on weddings and so on, and once in a while those feelings still return. I don’t consider it to be a sin. I am not trying to get her, she is happily married as I am happily divorced, and I can live with that. So don’t worry, things do work out for the best if we really want them to.
 
Sounds to me you are a perfectly normal healthy young man,
Most of us go through these mixed up emotions concerning the opposite gender,
Trust me when I say she has no feelings for you, just try to be friends because you may only embarrass yourself, ask her as a joke does she have any available friends,
 
walkerjay147 said:
There’s a girl that I like that has a boyfriend. I began to have feelings for her recently and I can’t shut them out. I feel guilty for liking her when she already likes someone else… Is this a sin? I don’t do or say anything to cross the line of being just friends. Should I tell her how I feel? If she likes me after my confession then is it a sin? Am I tearing them apart by letting her know my feelings?
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It is not a sin to be attracted to someone; that is a body function as much as anything else.

However, this is a classic example of the golden rule, ITASM. If you were in a relationship, I am sure you would not want to be moved in on by someone else. Therefore, IMNAAHO it behooveth you to treat the current boyfriend as you would wish to be treated.

ICXC NIKA
 
It is not a sin to like someone who is dating another. She is not married. She is free to date other people. Dating is a process. You are both involved the process. There is absolutely no reason that she shouldn’t go on a date with another guy.

I would treat her just like any other girl who you wish to date. If you think she is interested, ask her out.
 
MtnDwellar said:
She is free to date other people. Dating is a process. You are both involved the process. There is absolutely no reason that she shouldn’t go on a date with another guy.
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I’m not sure about this. Yes, dating is a process but it sets the tone of what is to come. I don’t believe that a relationship is magically transformed after the wedding - the marriage is built on what the dating was like. If my boyfriend decided he was free to date other girls I would dump him immediately.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I’m not sure about this. Yes, dating is a process but it sets the tone of what is to come. I don’t believe that a relationship is magically transformed after the wedding - the marriage is built on what the dating was like. If my boyfriend decided he was free to date other girls I would dump him immediately.
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Yes. That is part of the process. The question was not whether or not the girl should date another guy, it was whether or not the OP should be interested.
 
walkerjay147 said:
There’s a girl that I like that has a boyfriend. I began to have feelings for her recently and I can’t shut them out. I feel guilty for liking her when she already likes someone else… Is this a sin? I don’t do or say anything to cross the line of being just friends. Should I tell her how I feel? If she likes me after my confession then is it a sin? Am I tearing them apart by letting her know my feelings?
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I like a guy who likes a girl who has a boyfriend. These situations annoy me. :rolleyes:

Anyways, you’re not sinning by liking someone, as long as you don’t fall into lust. I wouldn’t recommend that you tell the girl how you feel; it will only make her upset. Even if she did leave her current boyfriend to be with you, that would just end up sowing ill will between you and her current boyfriend. Either way, you will only make the situation messier. 🤷

But no, as of now you have done nothing wrong.
 
MtnDwellar said:
Yes. That is part of the process. The question was not whether or not the girl should date another guy, it was whether or not the OP should be interested.
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Which is true…but recommending that the OP ask this girl out is not very helpful. Like contra…if a guy asked me out while I was with my boyfriend, now my husband, he would have received a crystal clear “no.” Relationships are exclusive…that is where the foundation of trust is formed and where marriage discernment starts.
It’s tough to discern marriage when the person you’re dating is off going on dates with other people.

Also, the OP shouldn’t try to be interested. It’s not a sin to feel the way he feels but it’s incredibly disrespectful of her to try and pursue her when he knows she is already in a relationship.

Best advice? Drop these feelings and move on. If this couple breaks up…okay, then he can ask her out.
 
MtnDwellar said:
It is not a sin to like someone who is dating another. She is not married. She is free to date other people. Dating is a process. You are both involved the process. There is absolutely no reason that she shouldn’t go on a date with another guy.

I would treat her just like any other girl who you wish to date. If you think she is interested, ask her out.
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Doesn’t “boyfriend” imply that the relationship is currently exclusive? :ehh:

It seems like asking out someone who is in an exclusive relationship would do more harm than good.

If I were the girl in question, I would probably respond with “I have a boyfriend”, meaning, “No, I’m not available.” 🤷
 
OP, if she already has a boyfriend, you should just wait for if and when they break up to reveal your feelings. If she does not feel the same toward you, you will damage any friendship you already may have because she may feel awkward around you now that she knows you like her.

And even if she ends up liking you, would you ever be able to trust her to not do the same thing to you?

Be a gentleman and wait until she is free, or find someone else.
 
MtnDwellar said:
Yes. That is part of the process. The question was not whether or not the girl should date another guy, it was whether or not the OP should be interested.
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Agreed. The post I referred to seemed to be shifting the focus on another question. And I think the issue is not whether he should be interested in terms of having feelings for her, but whether he should do something about it. The way I see it, he is free to *tell *her, and then it is up to her to respond in whichever way she sees fit. Perhaps the answer will be: “Sorry, I have a boyfriend and am not interested.”
 
This is merely a crush. You’ll just have to work on focusing your attention elsewhere. If she breaks up with her current boyfriend, then you are free to pursue her.

But wanting to tell her tells me that you are interested in your own wants. To better prepare you for life, and a future spouse, you need to seek her best interests and her wants. And if she wants to date this guy, unless you have evidence that he is doing something that will hurt her (cheating, or something similar), then you just have to let them be and try to be happy for her.

She isn’t the only girl in the world. And if you are young, you have plenty of time to find another girl to date. I have been in your shoes before. No worries.
 
I think you should let her know. Either she will say, “No thanks, I’m not interested” or she will not. Who knows until you try? What is wrong with asking an unmarried woman on a date? My husband never gave up while I dated others, and eventually he snagged me:D. I admire persistence! May the better man be chosen.
 
JackieMom said:

“May the better man be chosen.”

Yes! Boyfriend is not the same as husband. Unless the OP is best friends with the boyfriend, tell her.

I would add the caveat, though, that hankering after people that are attached is somewhat suspicious. There is the possibility that what the OP finds attractive is her inaccessibility and the drama, more than her personal qualities.
 
Kamaduck said:
Doesn’t “boyfriend” imply that the relationship is currently exclusive? :ehh:

It seems like asking out someone who is in an exclusive relationship would do more harm than good.

If I were the girl in question, I would probably respond with “I have a boyfriend”, meaning, “No, I’m not available.” 🤷
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Boyfriend/girlfriend means that two people date each other.

The terms began to get an exclusive connotation when they also began to mean that the couple were having a sexual relationship.
 
MtnDwellar said:
Boyfriend/girlfriend means that two people date each other.

The terms began to get an exclusive connotation when they also began to mean that the couple were having a sexual relationship.
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Which is fine, that is what the terms actually mean…but in the real world…boyfriend and girlfriend means and exclusive relationship. Telling the OP this won’t help the situation. Telling the OP…“hey, they aren’t really exclusive, based on some antiquated definition of the word, so go ahead and embarrass yourself by asking this girl out!”

We can debate all day about the actual meaning of what a boyfriend/girlfriend actually means or what is should mean. But this, in no way, will help the OP.
Best to be realistic and leave it well alone.
He won’t get anywhere by trying to ask this girl out and then trying to explain that these terms aren’t mutually exclusive since they now imply a sexual relationship since the girl politely informs him she has a boyfriend. Try getting away with a comment like that without earning a slap in the face.

Besides…a boyfriend and girlfriend could still be exclusive and be chaste.
 
There is no way for the OP to pursue this attraction without earning a lot of grief; even without the golden rule as I said before, this is a good situation to stay out of. There is no percentage in it.

This is one time when following your head, not your heart, is the way to go. There are many other chicks out there and one of them with be there for you if it be God’s will.

ICXC NIKA
 
The OP has stated that he is friends with her.

This means she is aware that he knows she has a boyfriend.

How would it not be weird and, frankly, disrespectful to her if he decides to ask her out anyway?

“Why are you asking me out? You know I have a boyfriend.”

How would he respond to that? How would their friendship survive without any awkward feelings existing.

If any of my guy friends decided to ask me out when they knew I was with my boyfriend, now husband, they would be weird and I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable around them anymore.
 
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